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1st Trimester
al1stmom
member
No modesty during delivery?
al1stmom
member
I am delivering soon, and I find some of the stories from moms who have already been through this, very hard to believe, especially from baby boomer aged women , in regards to the lack of privacy and modesty.
First of all, what are male custodians and food deliverers doing going in and out of the room without knocking while you are undressed? I am surprised so many of you claim you were okay with that.
Second of all, as far as medical staff goes, they should be getting your permission before letting students come in and watch. And in regards to the actual medical people who are already staff, why do extra people need to hang out in there if they aren't doing anything? Like the anesthesiologist for instance?
I am just alarmed by how so many of you claim that modesty isn't respected and that you don't care one bit during or after. What do you mean you don't care one bit? Are you ready to walk naked into Wal-Mart now that you have experienced birth?
A couple other people have said they were completely naked from the waste down during the entire c section operation? Really? Why is that necessary? Your private area doesn't need to be exposed during that operation. Other people have said they were rolled through hallways without being completely covered by their gowns.
I am very anxious about everything as a first time mom to be, and I am a little tired of the insensitive comments from older women about how anybody has a right to come in while I am delivering and that I won't care anyways. Seriously?
Most of the women who I know who have given birth don't come across to me as the types who are free spirited about their nudity all of a sudden, other than in women's locker rooms, so I find these stories hard to believe. If these stories are true, then the medical field is full of insensitive perverts and we should be speaking out about it more. Is there any sort of procedure men go through where their privacy is ignored? When did giving birth become a public spectacle? It wasn't for most of history.
First of all, what are male custodians and food deliverers doing going in and out of the room without knocking while you are undressed? I am surprised so many of you claim you were okay with that.
Second of all, as far as medical staff goes, they should be getting your permission before letting students come in and watch. And in regards to the actual medical people who are already staff, why do extra people need to hang out in there if they aren't doing anything? Like the anesthesiologist for instance?
I am just alarmed by how so many of you claim that modesty isn't respected and that you don't care one bit during or after. What do you mean you don't care one bit? Are you ready to walk naked into Wal-Mart now that you have experienced birth?
A couple other people have said they were completely naked from the waste down during the entire c section operation? Really? Why is that necessary? Your private area doesn't need to be exposed during that operation. Other people have said they were rolled through hallways without being completely covered by their gowns.
I am very anxious about everything as a first time mom to be, and I am a little tired of the insensitive comments from older women about how anybody has a right to come in while I am delivering and that I won't care anyways. Seriously?
Most of the women who I know who have given birth don't come across to me as the types who are free spirited about their nudity all of a sudden, other than in women's locker rooms, so I find these stories hard to believe. If these stories are true, then the medical field is full of insensitive perverts and we should be speaking out about it more. Is there any sort of procedure men go through where their privacy is ignored? When did giving birth become a public spectacle? It wasn't for most of history.
Re: No modesty during delivery?
If there is a reason for a custodian to come in, there must have been a major need. There was no reason for a custodian to come in during L&D. All clean up was done after I was moved into another room.
If you mean post delivery, there is no reason a male food delivered or custodian can't come in, as long as the knock and announce, which all staff did medical or non medical.
As for medical students, that is how they learn. I had one in my room, and my doctor made sure it was ok. I told her that is how med students learn, that is how they learn. If I wasn't ok with it, she would have had the med student leave. Sorry, but they have seen vaginas before, they have seen it all before - male or female.
There are many medical personnel that "need to hang out." There were some concerns with my first, they had a team in there ready for her as I was pushing. There were multiple nurses for me, and the room was instantly full once the head crowned. Each person had a job, not there to "just hang out." the anesthesiologist may need to check and adjust meds or ask about comfort, if you want meds.
They don't "just hang out" because they want to. They are busy, they aren't there just for fun.
Sorry hun, but when you are pushing a baby from your body, modesty is not your first priority. Safely delivering a baby is. It is not like walking into Wal-Mart naked. These are professionals that are there to ensure a safe delivery.
Guess what??? When I was pushing my first out, I POOPED and peed. I didn't know I did...guess what all modesty was out the door! My doctor still sat there and delivered the head and the nurse folded up the papers and wipped my bottom as it exited. I didn't know I did until post delivery, and my husband told me....i was embarrassed and apologized to the nurse, she said it happens all the time. It is part of delivery for some women. After delivery, I tore extremely bad, had a lot of stirches, my first trip to the bathroom, the nurses aid had to help me get in there, sit, and get up, that is not being perverted, but helping a new mom - doing her job.
C sections are surgery, yes your lower pelvic area needs to be exposed. They needs to have a workable area. Which my include (oh my gosh) your pubic area to belly button, depending on what is going on. They try to keep you as modest as possible. Each situation is different.
The medical field is not a bunch of "perverts" they are there to ensure a safe delivery (or keep you healthy). You are not a public spectical, as you refer to it.
Yes, men have surgeries where they are exposed (i.e prostrate surgery) also, females are exposed in the operating room too for various surgeries. It's not abnormal, as you make it our to be.
If you feel like you are being modest enough, or don't like something, you need to express your concern. Talk with your provider, of any concerns you may have. But, some of this us the reality of L&D.
Medical professional do their best to respect your wishes regarding modestly when it's medically possible, but they're not going to give two sh*ts about modesty when a mom or baby's life is on the line.
You answered all my questions (thank you) but you also assumed I was complaining about more than I really was. If custodians and food people knock before coming in after delivery then that is wonderful and I have no issue. I was obviously concerned about them NOT knocking during inappropriate times based on other accounts I have read. Maybe some of these moms exaggerate their experiences.
In regards to the students, I didn't say I was upset if the doctor asked you first about them being there. But I have heard stories from older women where they woke up to find 12 students lined up watching while they are laying there spread eagle and they were completely unaware of it and weren't asked permission. I found that alarming and absurd.
As for the medical staff in there, I have read accounts about how "20 different people filed in and out of the room while I was giving birth" and unless it was an extreme emergency, I found that number a bit over the top, especially if the mom wasn't warned in advance going into it, since the doctor usually knows if it is going to be a serious procedure. I was by no means complaining about a few nurses and the doctor being in there, and I also have no issue with a nurse helping a mom use the bathroom.
I said "if the stories I hear are true" then medical staff are uncaring perverts. I didn't say they were for sure. I wanted to get some answers first on the matter.
Even if the stories you hear are "true", it doesn't make them perverts. They are likely just extremely desensitized to modesty because of the environment they work in.
Also, I promise you, when you are in the middle of labor and pushing you don't really notice or care what is going on around you.
I heart YNAB
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“Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times,
if one only remembers to turn on the light."
- Albus Dumbledore
And it's not that modesty isn't respected. It's hard to stay modest in that situation. You can't give birth covered up. And as far as csections go, you cant be covered with anything from the waste down because they are required to keep the entire area sterile. They may use a drape but to be honest, where they cut you is pretty far down. It's not like you could wear underwear.
Even if some of the stories are true, I don't think it's fair to call medical staff uncaring perverts. They are doing their best to make sure mom and baby are safe during labor and delivery. Modesty is the least of their worries.
It really came across as medical field being perverts, and they don't care about your modesty, would You walk into Wal-Mart naked. You went as far to ask if men are exposed as much as women giving birth. So, you got responses in the tone you set.
I think if you wrote your post in a more positive aspect, you may have gotten answers that would have answered your questions/concerns more in the direction you may have wanted.
I answered your questions the best I could with my experience. I gave my answer. Why are you sorry you ever posted ? It is what it is.
As I said in my response: if you have questions and/or concerns ask your medical provider. They work in the hospital you will deliver in, they will better be able to answer questions specific to your place of delivery.
In terms of a question you maybe didn't know the answer to: You asked if men ever go through a procedure where their modesty is ignored. My husband has had a handful of medical students observe a colonoscopy and he's gotten multiple ultrasounds on his balls by techs in training. This is how we have medical professionals.
Re c-sections: If you were in the process of trying to delivery vaginally and your baby is stuck in your pelvis, you better believe that a doctor is going to need to see your "private parts" to successfully get your kid here. I'd assume that won't be your main concern.
I think the responses you're getting are because your tone (which you admit was "angry and confused") comes across as just a random rant on the medical profession and on the fact that women who've already had children have zero sense of modesty. You didn't ask clear questions. You didn't come in saying, "Hey, I'm typically really modest and I keep hearing stories that make me nervous about birth--what was your experience?" You just came in ranting and calling medical professionals perverts. That's why you're getting the responses you're getting.
Humans have been having babies for thousands of years, and "modesty" is a pretty modern concept. I wouldn't walk into Walmart naked, but I think its pretty different being naked while giving birth.
DS: February 2019
(Two CPs in 2020)
DS: October 2021
Baby #4 - EDD May 2023
During my entire hospital stay I never once once had someone come in without knocking, or a food delivery person come in or whatever. In fact, during my entire labor and delivery the only people to ever even enter the room were two nurses and my doctor.
I can 100% guarantee that none of the medical professionals I dealt with had ANY interest in perving on me though.
Personally I was naked from the waist down wearing a sports bra and an open back gown during labor. And while dealing with contractions I was bent over the head of the bed with my ass in the wind and you could not have paid me to care.
As a first time mom it can be hard to understand, but I'm sure they will allow you to be just as modest as you would like. But as PP said, it's hard to be modest and push a baby out of your vagina. Eventually someone is going to have to look and it's going to be in a professional, not a perverted manner.
Medical professionals are not perverted, they are doing their jobs. How can med students learn without hands-on experience? How can surgeons be expected to deliver a baby via c-section unless they have enough space to work with? If you have concerns, just talk to your OB about it or the hospital you plan to deliver at. And maybe stay away from reading those rare one-time occurance stories.
i had to do IVF this time and I had 5 people (dr, anesthesiologist, nurse, embryo doctor and med students) there for egg retrieval and then a few less to watch the embryo go in me. Again I'm normally modest but I'm grateful they all got me pregnant and that the students could learn to help future patients. I get it, I truly do, but everyone is so professional and they see it daily. My husband has had to jack off in a cup twice for the IVF process. Embarrassing for him but he said everyone was so professional and made him think it was no big deal (as it isn't). I get your concerns but I promise no one will be out of place or ogling, and you won't care anyway
This post. I just. Can't.
First of all "delivering soon"? It's the first tri board...
second "why is there medical staff there not doing anything like the anesthesiologist" this person you claim is in the room not doing anything (which no they only come if giving an epidural, I know I had to wait an hour and 45 min for them to get out of surgery before that angel from heaven entered my room) may become your very best friend. I asked mine to marry me. The reason we say we don't care is because when it feels like there's a cinder block grating against your cervix from the inside combined with contractions that make you want to escape your own body via an exorcism not unlike that of Emily rose , you do not give a single shit about anything except pain relief, murdering someone, or getting that baby OUT! The only thing I will say is that you do have the right to say no medical students, also there is no food during labor so that's not even a concern, and as far as non medical staff (aka family and friends) they do not have the right to come in as they please. You can tell the nurses no one comes in except xyz and they will be the bad guys for you.
Although I really question the validity of this post I just wanted to add my $0.02 as one of the 'insensitive perverts' in the medical field. Thankfully I don't attend deliveries anymore but when I did we barged into the room and then announced our presence (sorry but the peds team does not have time for modesty and knocking. When we are called to a delivery we are only concerned with what's going on with the baby and every second is valuable in some instances).
When we do get called early enough in the process to come in and prepare then I had to stand at the end of the bed and wait. Trust me unless your vagina is made of gold or sequins no one cares what it looks like. When I stand there I am thinking stuff like - Is the baby crowning? Is the head out? Is there meconium? Does the baby look limp? How much time do we have? Is everything ready? Etc. If someone asked me what your vaginia looked like 2 mins later I wouldn't be able to remember. I am sure all members of the medical team feel the same way. We are there to do our job and do it well. Do you really think the anesthesiologist cares what you look like down there? And you don't think they have reason to be in the room? What if you require a c-section; do you want to do that without an anestheologist in the room as well? Also I don't think you have ever seen where a c-section scar is located because your question is just ridiculous.
If this is real then OP honestly I think you have bigger things to worry about like having a safe delivery and a healthy baby.
1. All healthcare workers and ancillary staff should be knocking on the door prior to entering your room, whether it be labor and delivery or postpartum. I've never encountered a situation where this wasn't the case.
2. Permission is always asked before students are involved in your case. And as others have mentioned, the next generation of workers needs to learn how to do things. If students are never included in the situations, they will not become competent providers. Also, the anesthesiologist may be required to be in the room in case something goes terribly wrong and they need to save your life. They're in charge of the most important thing, which is your airway. If for some reason you are unable to protect your airway, they need to be able to place one for you. During surgery, the most important person in the room is your anesthesiologist, not your surgeon. Anesthesia makes sure that you get oxygen, does your baby will get oxygen as well. Without oxygen, you both die.
3. Birth involves people looking at your vagina, where the baby comes out. You shouldn't care if people are looking down there as long as theyre being respectful and professional. And honestly, in the pain of childbirth, you don't care what body parts are sticking out and who sees them. Maybe this is a concept that you won't fully understand until you give birth.
4. Your "private area "must be exposed during a c-section for a variety of reasons. First, they need to place a Foley catheter to drain your bladder while you are under spinal anesthesia or general anesthesia. Second, the surgical area needs to be cleaned and draped appropriately to prevent infection. The incision is very close to rather dirty areas of the body. Also, the only reason you would be wheeled down the hallway without being covered as if there is truly a medical emergency. Not sure where you got the impression that that's common.
5. As healthcare professionals are not perverts. We take care of the whole human body, "private parts" and all. If you're not comfortable with people looking at these areas for strictly medical reasons, then I suggest you never get a Pap smear, get pregnant, or plan to have no medical problems ever with your bowels or bladder. If someone is being truly unprofessional, which I highly doubt, then they should be dealt with on an individual basis. Trust me, nobody is getting their jollies off to you giving birth to your baby.
I apologize for any typographical errors above, as I am dictating this while nursing the baby that I pushed out of my vagina in front of a bunch of people, including medical students.
Pro tip: by the time you're in labor you will not care who is messing with or seeing your "private parts".
Right? During my cesarean the anesthesiologist just sat by my head. And I got billed a hefty amount for his time. They claim he was doing things like "making sure my spinal took" and "ensuring my airway stayed clear" but that guy was totally in it for the 15 minutes of sitting on a stool. I bet he kept sitting right there when things went south with my first and I had to go under general anesthesia. The NERVE.
And the NICU nurses who were there when my preemies were delivered? They just sat around and stared at me the whole time like it was their job to wait for the baby to come out or something. One of them even offered to take the camera and take some pictures so my husband could enjoy the experience. You could say that was a kindness, but maybe she had some sort of ulterior motive...
I'm so hyped up on nudity from my hospital experiences that it's the only way I can go to Wal-Mart nowadays. Thank you for your understanding; so many people just don't get it. You've heard of the website "People of WalMart"? Getting a trending pic on there is my new life goal. #liveyourdreams
Hoo-boy. I think there may be some confusion on anatomy here. Pretty much every aspect of delivery is going to have something to do with your "private area" which I put in quotes because there is nothing private about that area when you're delivering a baby. A common name for the normal cesarean incision is the "bikini line incision" so named because the cut is pretty much in the exact same place that the band of a bikini (or bikini underwear) would hit. It's right at the edge (or sometimes inside the line) of your pubic hair, which will need to be at least partially shaved for the procedure. You will also have a foley catheter inserted into your urethra. So...there's not a whole lot of option for a modesty cover that allows access to those regions and doesn't contaminate the surgical field. And just because the baby won't be coming out of your vagina doesn't mean that it's a sealed passage.
Re: hospital gowns. I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but at no point in history was anyone ever "completely covered" by a hospital gown.
I'm sorry you're suffering from anxiety. Pregnancy and delivery can be frightening. Just remember a little mantra to help you through: Every person in that room wants you and your baby to have a healthy delivery and recovery. And that includes you. The people coming into the room are there to help you.
I mean my insensitive perversion is the primary reason I want to go to med school. Screw helping others, am I right?
Ever heard the expression "turn your head and cough?"
That guy in the background is way too happy. Totally gives credence to your "insensitive perverts" theory.
In all seriousness if this is a huge concern to you and you're low risk, you can look into alternative delivery methods such as home-birth or a birthing center. These come with their own + and -. Good luck and happy/healthy delivery.
DS1 - 7/2011, DD 12/2012, DS2 - 4/2014, MMC - 12/2015
I hate being so negative, but the reality is, if you can't even fathom the IDEA of these things happening, maybe you should have waited to have a baby.
So, ignoring your various opinions that I highly disagree with, I will tell you that I fall on the pretty modest side of things in general. I wore a sports bra and had the usual hospital gown while I was in labor. The nurses and midwives were wonderful, and I wasn't exposed unless something needed to be checked. This was without me saying a word. But when my DS' heart rate dropped and he had to be out ASAP, I stopped caring about anything except him being safe. I had a nurse and my DH on either side holding my knees, people were suddenly everywhere... and I didn't care. I promise that you will be so inwardly focused in that time, it won't matter in the slightest. I know it's hard to understand as a FTM, but in the end, the health and safety of you and your baby far outweigh any modesty concerns.
DS2: EDD- 09.08.17
I get that you're basically saying you're scared for that part of the labor. And I get that. It's a lot of unknowns and a major medical procedure.
Most of my friends said they were topless and that part bothers me so I plan to wear a sports bra or some type of light top.
That being said, I did have a male nurse or something enter on my during labor which did upset me. He only came in to have me sign a paper and I can't think of why they couldn't send in a woman. In their defense I don't think I was particularly stern on the no males in the rim although I'm pretty sure it was mentioned at least once for religious reasons. I normally cover head to toe in front of men who aren't immediate family members so I had to choose between covering my hair or my lady parts which were spread eagle. I chose the later. I wasn't getting any procedures or medicine so I didn't see any waiver as urgent since I was already a pre-registered patient. He knocked and immediately entered without permission to enter. To me that's not much different than entering with no warning or permission whatsoever.
I was asked if I minded having students in the room and I believe I only allowed the one female student to stay who was there already. For some reason I can't remember if she actually stayed. I knew it was an important experience for students and I was already embarrassed by being exposed to my MIL, the nurses and the midwife. One more female student didn't make much of a difference. If there was more than one student i wouldn't have consented. Other than the one male that entered I had no other men see me while I was in labor or delivery.
I really only had lots of people coming in and out of my room after I delivered and was transferred to my own room. Once there they all knocked before entering (although still often without waiting for permission), but males would wait for permission. You would need to request this of this hospital though if you want male staff to request to enter.
I don't share your anxiety, but I've had my own issues with anxiety. I hope you find that things aren't as rough as you fear.
7 IUIs, 7 BFNs.
2 IVF attempts, both cancelled and converted to IUI, both BFNs.
Decided that my tired old ovaries are ready to retire.
Next step- reciprocal IVF, using my wife's eggs, my uterus!
fresh 5 day transfer (2 embryos) 4/17/17- BFP!
Identical twins "due" 1/2/17 (but anticipated arrival sometime December)
Your tone just really set people off, and I can see why, but some of the responses are heavy on the snark.
I feel like you're scared to death of delivery and you're choosing to make this what you obsess over. I did the same thing before Marine Corps bootcamp: I was so freaked out about shared showers. Guess what? I isn't give a crap about that in the end, and I wager neither will you.
Edited to make my comment actually make sense. Haha
In regards to the c section commen: the vagina cannot be covered because the incision is so low and the surrounding skin needs to remain sterile. Medical professionals are not doing this job to be perverted, nor do they ogle your goods or care what you look like.
When I was being induced it was only DH, my nurse and my OB until my son's cord became compressed, then it seemed like there were 100 people in the room. Did I mention I delivered in hospital where I worked? I knew literally every person in the room, my OB had her entire hand in my vagina up to her wrist and I was wheeled (ran) to the OR with my OB riding on the bed with her hand in my business to keep my son off his cord. In the moment I didn't give a flying eff.
Those strangers are medical professionals "intruding" and "obsessing over every reading" to ensure that both mother and baby are safe. If they weren't, they could miss an indicator of a serious problem. If they avoided intruding on you and something happened you would turn right around and blame them for missing it. If someone oversteps a boundary, just like in any other situation, you have to be an adult and speak up for yourself.
I had a wonderful birth, in a hospital, with an epidural, so please don't generalize all hospital experiences and medical staff as being public, impersonal experiences where you have no control over your body or the environment around you. Not every hospital experience is impersonal and not every birth center leaves you feeling in control and satisfied.
You did not address OP's concerns at all, but instead continued to demonized the hospital system, so please do not try to tell me you were just answering the original question. I have nothing against birth centers or the people who choose to use them. But some people choose hospitals for personal reasons too. Including OP. I am not being aggressive (maybe a bit sarcastic).
Have a nice day.