Just need to vent a little frustration

peregrinefalconx

EDIT: Maybe this should have gone under PGAL check in. oops.

Hopefully this is appropriate here. I am again pregnant after my first 3 loss pregnancies. I had my daughter 10 months ago through use of a donor egg (she's wonderful) and here I am again spontaneously pregnant. I knew very quickly and felt pretty crummy very quickly. I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow. I have NO idea what will happen with this pregnancy. My RE seemed positive towards me and feels like after a 1st baby, there is so much more blood flow to the uterus. 

Tomorrow I stop the progesterone and all of this so familiar. Obviously, my daughter was fine, but as my excitement grows, so does my worry. I think my stomach is already popping out and it certainly never went back to flat after DD. I'm just frustrated bc I have to be secretitive and if I act confident, I either get reminded that I still need to be cautious or have to preface everything based on my last MCs. I have all of my important 12 week appts the week of my bday which just reminds me of the higher risk I'm at at 42 and how my last MCs coincided with multiple holidays.

I'm just jealous of people who can just be happily pregnant and not worry about a very checkered fertility history. I want to talk about names and be open with everyone. I've told a good number of people but I feel like even as things are becoming more obvious, I still don't get to be. Anybody else in this same boat? Sorry if this is negative.  

byrneme

@peregrinefalconx, first off - congrats on your BFP and I'm sorry about your previous losses. I think all of us here can relate to how you are feeling. The 'it's not fair' of PGAL brain is insanely real and, honestly, just sucks. I wish I could offer advice that WORKS but I never found anything that kept my crazy brain silent but time and the progression of my pregnancy. I wish you nothing but the best and will keep fingers crossed for you and send positive vibes your way. We are all here to listen to you vent and share in your progress. Please keep us posted!

Uhlease13

Hey there, totally normal feelings and I'm sorry! I am 13 1/2 weeks right now and have told more people but still don't feel confident like other people might at this stage. It just is what it is...I am sending you positive vibes for the rest of your pregnancy!! 

peregrinefalconx

Thank you. I know all of this is normal. I've tried to help others and tell them it's all normal. Maybe it's the hormones but every day is Festivus right now! I gotta lot of problems with people. I know there is no magic wand to make it all go away. I appreciate your support!

Maksim's Mom

I'm 15 weeks along and still have major anxiety over previous losses. I don't think it's possible to be a PGAL and not feel this way. You're not alone. Every new person I share the happy news with I get a sinking feeling in my gut like something will go wrong now that I'm telling people. It sucks and I wish I could be in happy bliss like I was as a first time expectant mom. But I can never unknow what I know could happen. I'm so glad to have my heartbeat monitor and be able to hear the heart beat anytime I feel scared about baby's health. It's not as good as seeing the baby but at least gives me hope that things will work out. Otherwise I will be a big depressed mess and would not have the strength to care for my toddler. 

Take care and wishing you well

Maksim's Mom

peregrinefalconx said:

Thank you. I know all of this is normal. I've tried to help others and tell them it's all normal. Maybe it's the hormones but every day is Festivus right now! I gotta lot of problems with people. I know there is no magic wand to make it all go away. I appreciate your support!

Ha! Festivus! Love it  

KyCade3013

First congrats!! And you're not alone. I think being PGAL some days are good, and some are worry days. I'm 23 weeks and I still worry and feel guilt if I buy any clothes for the baby or maternity and save all my receipts. My best advice is try not to google and say to yourself to stay positive. I just hammer this into my own head, "be happy, enjoy this time they are here." 

Sarahlovesrob

Ugh! I feel the same way you do. I feel like I am almost jinxing it every time I tell someone new. I am excited to tell them initially, but almost instantly regret it. I am glad I am not alone in feeling like that. My DH tells me to live in the moment and enjoy what I can along the way. I agree, but so hard!