Monday Bitchfest

yenrec

No one started last week, so here it is bright and early!

What's ticking you off this Monday?

My DH is making me mad because I do everything in and around the house for me, him, DD, and these two dogs, but he still complains about how I'm tired and don't make time to have sex. Disclaimer: he gets home at midnight, and then I have to make or warm his dinner, wait for him to shower after work, and we usually wait for the furnace to kick on to sneak by DD room on our creaky wood floors. So by the time we get to bed it's at least 1AM. DD wakes up at 1 usually and again at 8, so come on! So sometimes I have to go to her first before bed. Not to mention I'm working on getting out of the first tri. Of course I'm tired! Ugh. Something we both need to work on making time for. I know I can't be the only one with a nagging DH.  

natleilynn

Me trying to catch up on everything that happened over the weekend on here:



I'm not itching about anyone in particular, but DD peed through everything on earth this morning so I was consoling her, trying to get laundry in the wash before leaving for work and trying to clean up the floor (because she sleeps on sleeping bags on the floor now. 3 year olds. What can you do?). Not how I wanted to start off my Monday.

jessafishy

yenrec said:

*snip*

My DH is making me mad because I do everything in and around the house for me, him, DD, and these two dogs, but he still complains about how I'm tired and don't make time to have sex. 

So. Much. This. We got in an argument about this exact thing this morning.

Granted he does his fair share of housework too, but he's not growing a human.

JessDG

I have HORRIBLE allergies and everything is blooming over here.  I can't take my hardcore allergy meds and I am losing it!  I could hardly get through my lessons this morning with my students because I kept sneezing after every other word. My eyes are all puffy and gross.  UGH.  Might be time for a call to the OB to see if there's anything else I can do.  

dumbledoredies

If my DH complained about me not wanting to have sex right now I would probably murder him... lol

I'm annoyed because we did our taxes this weekend and we freaking owe the government more money. HI HELLO WE HAVE A BABY ON THE WAY, kind of need that extra cash to get stuff done around the house. Gr. I mean we will make it work- might have to dip into our savings a little and just budget. But it's just irritating to all of a sudden get hit with a big unexpected bill.

Also, our insurance plan is really dumb and I've been trying to get that all taken care of since our medical bills are piling up and have made no progress.

jessafishy

@dumbledoredies Health Insurance has been a constant battle ever since DS was born. I loathe how our system operates. 

yenrec

@dumbledoredies and @jessafishy I totally agree. Nothing is more annoying that health insurance and their seemingly one-sidedness

mrs_fogue

I'm b*tching about these dang video pop-up ads that keep popping up on this site and my work computers attempt to block them which freezes up the bump.  Can the videos just go away so I can get back to bumping!!!!!!!!!!! 

dumbledoredies

It makes it so complicated because we have 2 insurance coverages. So it goes through one insurance company first and then they send the bill to the second company to cover whatever they will. The problem is that this second company provides us with no information. We logged onto the website and I wanted to look at our plan and all it said was "plan documents not available" ughh okay. Then they had a claims sections that listed all of our claims and what they paid but didnt reference our actual hospital bills or any information about what the procedures were.. Not helpful. Then they aren't telling us how much they are covering, or how much we actually owe the doctors office. So the doctors say I owe x amount of money but I literally don't know how much I owe them so I can't pay them!!! It's insane! It shouldn't be this hard. It makes me feel so incompetent that I can't figure it out.

natleilynn

Second time bitcher here. Open enrollment starts today. My company's short term disability got shortened this year.

Because of course it did. 

Of COURSE it did.

jessafishy

@natleilynn Ugh, I feel you there. I don't get STD through work but I have it through AFLAC and they reduced their payout from what it was when I had DS. 

They also brought out a new Hospitalization policy that pays out $500 more but I can't get it because it wouldn't be valid for payout by October. Grrrrr.

jessafishy

@dumbledoredies Trust me, it is not YOU that is incompetent. It's the insurance company.

natleilynn

@jessafishy I also realized that, after they take out deductions for insurance, my 60% of pay will turn into 25%.

Really didn't need this stress out on a Monday morning.

jessafishy

@natleilynn Ugh, I'm sorry.

jessafishy

Also, just a friendly piece of advice for everyone...

Call your insurance (maybe more than once to verify) and ask them WHAT exactly they cover for pregnancy. I did with DS and knew what to expect. When I showed up at the hospital for my anatomy scan the billing department tried to give me a figure of almost $1,000 even though my insurance had told me it was 100% covered. Had I not known I would have probably paid it because my hospital gives a 10% discount if paid in full within 10 days. I know it might have all been fine in the wash but they didn't even bother to CALL AND ASK at the hospital (which seems like it's their job working in medical billing?).

So yeah, be your own advocate!

mrs_fogue

@natleilynn I loathe our STD at work now.  I knew going into my last that our STD offers 12 weeks pay (6 weeks 100% than 6 weeks 60%.) Awesome!!!  I have the baby go home expecting 12 beautiful weeks with my newborn when I get the approval packet that states they only cover 6 weeks maternity leave.  I could take the full 12 weeks under FMLA but it wouldn't be paid leave.  WTF, we weren't planning that and had not means to cover my additional leave so I reluctantly went back at 8 weeks very bitter that this wasn't explained to me in advance. 

carries2018

this girl that works in the office. she needs to be fired. she has been here for 8 months and still doesnt understand the most basic workings of the business. she totally abuses time off, and she was partying all weekend and now doesnt have a voice. like the ONE thing you actually do, answer the phones...you can't.

dumbledoredies

@jessafishy I am see definitely going to be calling and asking because "prenatal care" is covered but what exactly do they consider prenatal care? Lol.

@mrs_fogue that's not cool! I don't qualify for any benefits because I'm part time but I'm hoping my boss offers me 12 weeks FMLA. I'm thinking she probably will because she just had her first baby a year ago and knows how hard it is to adjust! I don't know if I could have even gone back to work after what you went through though. I would have so much resentment.

natleilynn

@jessafishy @mrs_fogue I met with our HR rep last week just to start the conversation at least - she's newer and most of the people who work here are super young...I couldn't even tell you the last time they actually had someone use a maternity leave. So I knew we'd need some time to get all the paperwork in order. 

This insurance better at least give me a decent pump this time. It could not be any worse than the one I was provided last time. Ameda - for anyone looking at pumps - avoid Ameda. It was the pump of the devil. 

yenrec

@carries2018 omg how annoying, and embarrassing for her! Although I'm sure she thinks it's cool. 

shan24

I live in a small town and have to travel to the city to get my NT scan done. At my appointment today, I found out that the city hospital lost the request, and I still don't have an appointment, even though my doc's office faxed it over 3 times!!!  The receptionist there was like "well, we're booking for May now". Uh...May is too late!!!

bluejeanbabi05

UGH short term disability and health insurance. I could bitch all day about those, too! I get 6 weeks at 100%, then it's 70%, and I'm trying to clarify with human resources how the 70% works. They don't like to return emails or answer calls. I'll have around 2 weeks of vacation time to add in there somewhere, so I'm just praying I can get four weeks at that 70%. If not, I'm going to be "working" really hard during the last couple weeks of December *rolls eyes* At least December is a blow-off month in sales. 

How does health insurance work on STD? Is it the same cost as normal or do you have to go on COBRA? 

natleilynn

@bluejeanbabi05 my understanding is they'll still deduct my insurance out of my take home STD pay. Which sucks a big one. DH is self employed so I am the only source of insurance. 

I'm SO jealous of you getting 100% of your pay at any point. I still have 3 weeks of PTO left, but there's no way I'll still have the whole thing by October. Mental health days are crucial. 

mrs_fogue

bluejeanbabi05 said:

UGH short term disability and health insurance. I could bitch all day about those, too! I get 6 weeks at 100%, then it's 70%, and I'm trying to clarify with human resources how the 70% works. They don't like to return emails or answer calls. I'll have around 2 weeks of vacation time to add in there somewhere, so I'm just praying I can get four weeks at that 70%. If not, I'm going to be "working" really hard during the last couple weeks of December *rolls eyes* At least December is a blow-off month in sales. 

How does health insurance work on STD? Is it the same cost as normal or do you have to go on COBRA? 

It works the same as your regular pay, at least mine does.  Its all done through the company so I get a regular pay check wit all the deductible removed. 

dumbledoredies

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

purplestarz

@natleilynn oh gosh I had an Ameda pump last time too. I was never successful at pumping and would get so frustrated. I used to think it was me but maybe it was the pump....I have the same insurance so I wouldn't be surprised if it's the same one. Sigh.

natleilynn

@purplestars-2 I swear it was the pump. There were times that I felt so engorged and the amount that was coming out of the pump was just piddly. 

I'm just going to blame the pump and hope that this next one turns out better.

bluejeanbabi05

dumbledoredies said:

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

This. All of this. Also, I just looked up more details about my STD policy, and I actually could take an additional 4 months at 70% after that first two months. I would never do that, though, because my work and everyone I know would think I'm a lazy loafer. I even feel kind of bad that I'm going to take 3 months! I feel like I should stick to 2!
This is the culture here in the U.S. They make us feel bad for taking freaking maternity leave and getting paid during, like we're accepting handouts.

eta: I know I'm incredibly lucky to have the policy I have, and I don't want anyone to think I don't recognize that. I'm just pissed off that most women don't have even this.

jessafishy

All of my leave will be unpaid. I will get my piddly STD pay from AFLAC (60% pay for 4 weeks if I have a vaginal delivery - and this is based off of what I was making 2 pay raises ago). 

Likely I will take all of my remaining PTO to help cover and then will probably see if they will let me WAH part time for the rest of the year. I am trying to talk DH into being on board with me only working PT (with maybe some WFH hours) until June of next year. We'll see what happens.

Myelhsa

Grahhhhhhh! STD/Maternity Leave will be the death of me. I get STD for 6 weeks at 30% of my pay (super helpful, said no one ever). Then I'm completely on my own. I can expend my available vacation and sick time to get paid, but once it runs out I'm on my own good graces.

Also, my company will use my available FMLA time for any prenatal appointments I have leading up to the pregnancy. HR has been pressing me to apply for FMLA but I'm refusing until I get to like 30 weeks because if I'm not approved for it yet, they can't take it. Then once I apply I basically have to lie about my appointments and call them "dentist appointments" or "eye appointments" so that they don't cut into my FMLA. Is that even legal?! Cause it shouldn't be.

All the solidarity love-tits going out to you ladies struggling with Health Insurance, STD, FMLA, or any of that crap.

mrs_fogue

bluejeanbabi05 said:

dumbledoredies said:

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

This. All of this. Also, I just looked up more details about my STD policy, and I actually could take an additional 4 months at 70% after that first two months. I would never do that, though, because my work and everyone I know would think I'm a lazy loafer. I even feel kind of bad that I'm going to take 3 months! I feel like I should stick to 2!
This is the culture here in the U.S. They make us feel bad for taking freaking maternity leave and getting paid during, like we're accepting handouts.

eta: I know I'm incredibly lucky to have the policy I have, and I don't want anyone to think I don't recognize that. I'm just pissed off that most women don't have even this.

So much this...I don't even think its my work, they've always been great, but it's just in my head.

And yes, don't ever take my complaining as being ungrateful.  I'm so so lucky...but it just sucks that in the US we have to have these discussions.

Myelhsa

dumbledoredies said:

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

Ive been hoping and praying that since Trump is getting shot down left and right on everything he's trying to put in place that he'll go for the easy win and pass his FMLA plan. He wants to give mamas 6 weeks of paid leave. It's not anywhere near enough, but it's a hell of a lot better than what we get now.

natleilynn

jessafishy said:

All of my leave will be unpaid. I will get my piddly STD pay from AFLAC (60% pay for 4 weeks if I have a vaginal delivery - and this is based off of what I was making 2 pay raises ago). 

Likely I will take all of my remaining PTO to help cover and then will probably see if they will let me WAH part time for the rest of the year. I am trying to talk DH into being on board with me only working PT (with maybe some WFH hours) until June of next year. We'll see what happens.

I'm trying to negotiate some WFH time towards the end of my maternity, too. When I first told them I was pregnant it seemed to be fine, but now they're being wishy washy about it. I want to just be like - look, you don't want to do my job while I'm out, so you might as well let me WFH some while I'm out and take that headache off your hands. I manage all of the staff in our office and I'm the only one at my "level" so if I'm out, one of the execs will have to do it. Perhaps they just haven't thought this through quite enough yet...

Myelhsa

natleilynn said:

jessafishy said:

All of my leave will be unpaid. I will get my piddly STD pay from AFLAC (60% pay for 4 weeks if I have a vaginal delivery - and this is based off of what I was making 2 pay raises ago). 

Likely I will take all of my remaining PTO to help cover and then will probably see if they will let me WAH part time for the rest of the year. I am trying to talk DH into being on board with me only working PT (with maybe some WFH hours) until June of next year. We'll see what happens.

I'm trying to negotiate some WFH time towards the end of my maternity, too. When I first told them I was pregnant it seemed to be fine, but now they're being wishy washy about it. I want to just be like - look, you don't want to do my job while I'm out, so you might as well let me WFH some while I'm out and take that headache off your hands. I manage all of the staff in our office and I'm the only one at my "level" so if I'm out, one of the execs will have to do it. Perhaps they just haven't thought this through quite enough yet...

It's definitely worth asking, but sucks that we even have to

Id still plan to be on your own for the first 6-8 weeks, I don't think they can legally provide you with work until you get a "Fit for Duty" certificate from you OBGYN/Mid-Wife.

beezeee

@bluejeanbabi05 your insurance should continue at the same rate, you shouldn't need to go on COBRA.

I'm an employment law attorney and deal with a lot of FMLA, health insurance, and short/long term disability issues. The kicker is that because I work at a very small firm, we don't have STD benefits, we're not legally entitled to FMLA leave, and I have very limited vacation time. My boss is super flexible and will allow me to take whatever amount of leave I want, but I have to figure out how to cover my pay during that time (we've been budgeting and saving). Last time, he also let me return PT for 6 months, so that was cool too. But figuring out how to cover the loss of income is really stressful.

dumbledoredies

When my DH and I were talking about me working part time maternity leave was definitely taken into account. If I remember correctly I would have gotten 60% of my pay for 6 weeks and nothing after that and I only got 10 paid vacation days a year so that was next to nothing. Basically we decided it was not worth it for me to be miserable working full time just to get pennies in maternity leave.

I don't think any of you sound ungrateful or anything. We all have a right to complain about things! 

riverrainez

Another insurance bitch: I got a letter on Friday that my OBGYN/midwife clinic failed to reach a negotiation on rates with my insurance company and the in-network coverage expires March 31. It did say they will be able to keep current patients in network until March 31, 2018, so at least I don't have to switch doctors mid-pregnancy, but I'm still super pissed - I've been seeing my OBGYN here for 7 years and really don't want to find a new doctor. 

I hate our system. And don't even get me started on my completely unpaid maternity leave.

bluejeanbabi05

Myelhsa said:

dumbledoredies said:

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

Ive been hoping and praying that since Trump is getting shot down left and right on everything he's trying to put in place that he'll go for the easy win and pass his FMLA plan. He wants to give mamas 6 weeks of paid leave. It's not anywhere near enough, but it's a hell of a lot better than what we get now.

I would LOVE to see our Republican-controlled Congress pass this. I don't think it will happen, because omg another government "entitlement" but I really hope I eat my words. 

eta grammar

jessafishy

bluejeanbabi05 said:

Myelhsa said:

dumbledoredies said:

We really need better maternity care in the U.S.

Ive been hoping and praying that since Trump is getting shot down left and right on everything he's trying to put in place that he'll go for the easy win and pass his FMLA plan. He wants to give mamas 6 weeks of paid leave. It's not anywhere near enough, but it's a hell of a lot better than what we get now.

I would LOVE to see our Republican-controlled Congress pass this. I don't think it will happen, because omg another government "entitlement" but I really hope I eat my words. 

eta grammar

YES! If they really want to appeal to voters and keep their offices in mid-term elections, perhaps they should actually do something for the voters.

I don't know... just logic and stuff.

bluejeanbabi05

@jessafishy logic is difficult when you're sitting high in your ivory Congress tower, you're beholden to your donors, and you don't have a uterus.

I want to chat more with you ladies. I'm bored today. What's another thread we can start?

carries2018

+1 for maternity call for change. although fffc i told my mom (boss) it was illegal not to pay me for 8 weeks, which to be fair this was with DD1 and i didn't totally understand FMLA, and i had plenty of time saved up...plus it is my mom. what is she going to do? not feed her daughter/granddaughter? but i still feel a little guilty about that. but like not my fault she didnt research it lololzzz.