April 2017 Moms

Jordan's birth story

WARNING: This is EXTREMELY LONG AND DETAILED and was written this way for myself as a way to process everything. I feel like I needed to recount everything, not only to accept, but understand, move past, and have as a way to remember this time in my life.  Absolutely no offense taken if you choose not to read, I totally get it!!

It's in an attachment because it's 17,115 characters too long  :D .

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KirstinH88visualcircuscafediscoLovable Bumprachelmiller03M&Maxsmoochie041719ConstanceGoodspeedsilvergreen

Re: Jordan's birth story

  • I've read every word. You are an incredibly strong woman. Keep being an amazing mother and loving on that sweet boy. I am proud of you and your story! I cried a million tears when you remembered what song was playing when baby J was born. That song is PERFECT and you will never be able to listen to it again without the reminder of how precious your son is.  <3<3
    Me: 29 DH: 33
    Married: 5/30/2013
    DSS #1: 5/25/2007
    DSS #2: 1/22/2011
    DS #3: 7/8/2012
    BFP: 3/14/2016 ~ MC: 3/19/2016
    DS #4: 4/21/17
    MWoodsideLovable Bumpschef070911
  • Wow, you have been through so much. Huge hugs. I'm so glad you are both safe. Thank you for sharing your story here. 

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
    KirstinH88Nolegirl1185Lovable Bumpschef070911
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  • Lots of love to you!

    Me: 31
    DH: 36
    Married 5 years
    DD born 8/30/13
    #2 expected 4/25/17
    KirstinH88Nolegirl1185Lovable Bumpschef070911
  • I know I don't post very often but I couldn't stop reading your story. Wow. I'm so glad writing it has started to help you process. So much happened that was out of your control and I'm so grateful you and your baby are home and healthy. Thank goodness for your doctor that was looking out for you. I'm sure it's hard not to feel some kind of shame over how it happened since you wanted such different things but how you could have controlled any of it is beyond me. But I pray that you let go of any shame you have left over how it happened and just continue to be thankful for your boy. Thanks for sharing. 
    Lovable BumpKirstinH88Nolegirl1185schef070911
  • Thank you so much for sharing.  I am so sorry you dealt with so much uncertainty and  that you had to be separated from your husband so frequently.  You are incredibly strong and are a fantastic mother.  Nobody could ever be a better momma to Jordan than you are, remember that :)
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    Lovable BumpKirstinH88Nolegirl1185schef070911
  • Thank you so much for sharing this. I literally have tears streaming down my face.  I am so incredibly sorry you went through all that you went through.  I cannot begin to imagine what that must have been like and I truly admire your strength after every obstacle that has been thrown in your path.  I am so glad you are both okay!

    I know things most definitely did not go as you had planned and it must be devastating to miss out on experiences you initially wanted to have, but you truly need to know that you are no less of a mother for it and don't let anyone ever tell you or make you feel otherwise.  Baby Jordan is extremely blessed to have such a strong and amazing mother.

    I hope that by sharing this you are able to continue to heal from your experience. <3
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  • SKZWSKZW member
    edited April 2017
    (ETA, I'm a May mama)
    Thank you for sharing your story! At times I could barely read it through my tears. I can not even begin to imagine the depth of emotions that you felt, then and now. I'm so glad that you found writing it all down to be part of the healing proces; I hope that you find that re-reading it provides a balm for your soul. You went through this amazingly difficult, complex, trying situation (oftentimes alone) and have come out on the other side of it with a grace (for acknowledging it) and a determination (to understand it), which only proves what a loving, strong mother you already are!!! Hopefully the sharpness of your pain will soften over time, and no matter if it takes weeks, months, or years to fully absorb this course of events, you're absolutely allowed to feel however you feel. You have an amazing story and are so brave for sharing it with others!! Lots of hugs and good vibes are headed your way, and I wish you peace.
  • This is beautiful, I cried almost the whole time reading it. Thank you so much for sharing! I hope this helps with your healing process, and to help our other mama's who may not have the experience they hoped for. 
  • M&MaxM&Max member
    You are such a strong mama! I'm glad you decided to write the whole story out and that it helps with your healing process.  You have the sweetest little boy in your arms because of how incredibly strong you and your DH are.
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  • although obviously I wasn't, while reading this, I felt like I was there with you and my heart was breaking for you.  I am so sorry you didn't get the birth that you wanted but you are so freaking strong.  I'm so glad you guys are home and doing well and I hope that breastfeeding gets a bit easier for you and baby Jordan.  Thank you so much for sharing your birth story.

  • You have NOTHING to feel ashamed or sorry about. You did everything you could and went through a unbelievable ordeal. Please don't beat yourself up and let it go knowing that you are strong and corageous and did everything you could to bring a healty baby into this world and to ensure your well being as an incredible mom. Way to go. I'm just sorry you had to undergo wichba traumatic experience. 
  • Finally had the chance to read this tonight/this morning! I definitely cried by the end of it. I can't imagine the emotional, mental, and physical toll this had on you and I'm so impressed with your strength. Sounds like your husband did a great job too. I'm glad you were able to process and record it all in writing and I hope you continue to heal as you love on your sweet LO! You really did all you could for him and that's really something to be proud of! 
  • I just want to say thank you to everyone for your kind words and encouragement.  Writing this has really helped the healing process and acceptance of everything.  I can think about some things that used to make me cry several weeks ago without crying immediately sometimes and sometimes I do.  But that's a step in the right direction.  And I've also accepted that I may never fully get over parts of it and that's okay too.  It's amazing to have a group of women that understand the deep raw emotions pregnancy, birth, parenting, and the love of a child can bring.  
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