Funny Sh!t My Kid Says (or Does)...

Stankonia2014

Kids are a riot, what funny thing has your kid said or done recently?

Stankonia2014

DD3 (age 2): Mom, we don't lick buttholes. That's ga-rooossssss! (while making a disgusted face)

Me: (taken aback) Uh, yeah, that is gross. Who do you know that licks buttholes?

DD: ::points to cat who is licking his butthole:: Yeo! (Leo)

FSUNole31

My daughter (she is 3) has now started trying to guilt us when she gets scolded or put in time out.  She will say with tears running down her face full on crying "But I thought you liked me!!".  It is pathetic and hilarious all at the same time. 

mombod

DS(2) and I were at Target the other day and he kept confusing it with Home Depot. We are going pass the toys and he sees a Thomas the Train thing and is getting really excited so I say "yep, nice Thomas". He then starts yelling, "Nice Thomas" and then "Nice P***y at Ho Depot" (translation: Nice Percy at Home Depot). 
Mother of the year!

n0soup4u

Dd ( 2 next week) is OBSESSED with the movie ET. There is a part in the beginning where the middle child calls his brother 'penis breath'. She comes running into the kitchen yelling "penis breath penis breath" it took every once in me not to laugh. 

CurlyMommy416

Yesterday my 5 year old got some stickers in an Easter egg.  He walked up to me and said "Mommy, I wish if I said bologna 3 times your belly button would open up so I could give the baby a sticker, and then it would close back up."  Certainly seems like a better alternative to giving birth if that worked.

kahlan82

DS will be 4 in August and had gotten two stickers at daycare.
DS: These are my powers.
Me: What do your powers do?
DS: Make things smaller for Lucy. (Baby coming in June.)
DH: Can you use your powers to make my tummy smaller?
DS: No, I need more power.

MrsCaliRN

Love looking at what to expect as my LO gets older!

My DS (21 months)'s favorite phrase right now is "mi-mow di-puw" which means "Mickey Mouse diaper" as we use the Huggies brand Mickey Mouse diapers. What this means to DH and I is "I need to be changed, please." Also, my kid now refuses to use toddler safe utensils and dishes, which means he eats off of ceramic plates and stabs himself in the mouth with our adult-sized silverware during dinner, and of course, cries about it. Oy vey!

MrsLa3

DS (2.5 years old) looked at me serious in the bath tub and said "mamma my balls are wiggly." 

Ummm....cool.

kahlan82

@MrsLa3. Which is about the same as my son saying that the water from the shower was "tickling his peni" and then it started to get hard. Um, no. We are not starting all that yet.

virginiaunicorn11

DS is 22 months and has been saying something that sounds like "bossa beeyah." We canNOT figure out what it means, and DS has essentially started mocking us by saying it often but kind of randomly. It is the one thing he says that we can't understand

I told DH, "When I was younger, I always joked about confusing my kids by teaching them nonsense words for things. It never crossed my mind that my kid would be the one doing that to ME!"

Xath

DS1(5) recently learned to wink.  So he'll wink in the course of conversation and then lean in to say "I just winked at you.  I can wink now.  I'm such a big guy."

He was also telling me a random 5yo story a few weeks back and then out of the blue dropped to a whisper, leaned in really close and said "Mom I think they're onto us."

awoodruff27

DD (2years old): come on mommy shake you hair! 
Me: okay! 
DD: CoCo shake her tail! 
Me: can you shake your tail? 
DD: Me no tail! Me tushy!! I shake my tushy! 

Another one 
She threw an Oreo on the ground.. 

DD: Here birdie! Tweet tweet! An Oreo for you!! 

silliegirlie143

DD ( 2 1/2) asked if I could take the baby out of my belly so they could play.
Oh if only it were that easy...

huzzahuzza

My kiddo (4 in a month!) came home yesterday determined that his DC provider is pregnant. When I asked him how he knew this he said "Well mom, part of my brain is at Ms. Tami's all the time and there's a hose connected that tells me everything that happens at her house."
Uhhhh that's creepily creative kid...
And I'm still not really sure why he thinks Ms. Tami is pregnant.

wife-and-mommy

I'm a speech therapist. A 4yo boy I see every week looks at me at the end of our 30 minute session:
4yo: "what's wrong with your belly? Belly hurt."
Me: "my belly is okay. It doesn't hurt."
4yo: stares.... "your belly is big"
Me: "yes.  There is a baby in my belly"
4yo: "oh, baby in your pocket" as he reaches his hand in my pocket. 

delujm0

We tell DD that there's a baby in my belly and it's her sister, but she won't be 2 until June so we didn't think she really got it.  Yesterday she lifted up my shirt to see my belly and said "hi baby...bye baby." And put it back down.  Today she demanded to see the baby, and when I told her she couldn't see her until she came out, she started trying to look into my belly button as of it was a peephole, saying "baaaaby!  Baaaaby!"  Lol.

Stankonia2014

My 10 y/o is learning about puberty and such in school, so she and I were talking (in front of my 6 y/o) about changing bodies and I asked if she had learned about babies and 'where they came from' and my 6 y/o says so matter of factly, 'I know where they come from...you just wish for them.' We're going with it. If only it were that easy.

teacher mom-2

My 3 yo goes around telling everyone baby brother is in Mommy's uterus, but hers is empty

huzzahuzza

Oh goodness! Just now as I was putting DS1 to bed he made up a new song... 
"Moms are better than chocolate YEY!"

mamaraffe

My husband was brushing his teeth naked the other day and I walked in and pretended tickle his manhood and said "wee wee wee wee wee". Little did I know my 1.5 year old saw and now every time my husband or I get undressed Wyatt tries to tickle us and says "wee wee wee wee. " 

oops. 

lmc929

My two year old is hysterical but my post goes to my 4 year old nephew who has now asked me...

• Why the baby is so quiet?
• Can he see it?

And upon seeing me in a bikini --

• is the baby in your blood?

kahlan82

We went out to dinner tonight and DS has been really whiney lately. So in the parking lot on the way in, DH told him that there would no whining at dinner or Daddy would bring him outside for a time out. DS (3.5) looked around the parking lot and then stated, "I can't have time out. There aren't any benches."

ellie111227

My 18 month old wants to "feed" the baby like she does with her stuffed animals and dolls. She pokes a toy spoon in my belly button and says "yum, yum, yum, baby."