Mental Health Check-In 4/4

bluejeanbabi05

From some comments I've read, and my own experience, I thought this might be a nice thread for those of us who are struggling in any way. This doesn't need to be a weekly check-in, or super regimented, unless you want it to be. 

Depression, anxiety and all mental health disorders are real issues that impact our health and that of our babies, not to mention our careers and relationships. This is a safe place to share how we're feeling and offer support and advice.

bluejeanbabi05

Anxiety is my cross. I used to be able to control it well with very occasional Xanax. Being without it has been very difficult this pregnancy. It's impacting my BP and making me want to nap all the time.

Relaxing music, regular exercise and breathing exercises all help. But tbh I still miss the quick medication fix.

melarowan

I have anxiety too.  I usually can control it without meds, with exception of dentist visits.  So, naturally I had to have a root canal about a week ago.  I was a sobbing, hyperventilating mess before they started, ended up calling my midwife.  She should have saint status, I'm certain.  She was able to help me get calm enough for the procedure, but it still left me so wrung out that I went to bed right after I got home (5pm).

bluejeanbabi05

@melarowan ugh, I would have a panic attack in that situation too, I'm so sorry you had to go through that. You're so strong, and your midwife sounds wonderful. 

carries2018

I've always had anxiety. But I've been in denial about it. The past 2 years it really spiked. We knew we would be ttc soon so I decided to hold off getting help. In January I really snapped. Like crying straight for 2 days anxiety attacks. I decided then that was it I needed help. So I searched for a therapist. I got side tracked. Then a bfp. So I never did. Surprisingly my anxiety has been in check since. Prob bc drinking is gone haha. I'm feeling good but I know it won't last. My goal is to get through this pregnancy then look into options. But ppd scares me. I was in denial about that too. So I am going to be more proactive this time. 

ac1259

I've had some depression/anxiety issues for awhile but they came to a head after delivering DD2, I was hypervigilent, scared to death that something was going to happen to my kids to the point where I would visualize whatever I was scared of happening happening in all the gory details (and I'm a nurse so I think of especially random and horrible things that can happen). So I got on medication, I started exercising and lost 40 lbs and thought I was invincible, so I stopped taking the meds, put back on all the weight and started having anxiety with chest pain...and a huge cardiac workup later we find out that I'm just really anxious and kinda need the meds. 

This pregnancy was unexpected and I had just hit a good place on medication, but I really didn't want to risk it to take them while pregnant, especially the specific medication I was taking. So I weaned off of it and I've been OK but my energy is crap and my anxiety has been creeping up off and on. I've been able to keep it mostly under control but I'm definitely worrying more about the kids and in general. My "failure" to breastfeed successfully with both of my girls was really hard on my mental health before and I'm trying to either talk myself into just formula feeding from the start or giving myself an opportunity to try but to try and be nicer to myself if it doesn't work out. But depending on how things go, I might need to just formula feed to go back on my meds. I guess we'll see what happens but so far I'm getting by. 

cooaladolly

@carries2018 oh denial! I've a history of both anxiety and depression and I've always self medicated with drinking and smoking. Now I don't have either crutch and I feel like this snuck up on me. I want to be happy and somewhere inside me I know I am, but right now the being sick brought me down so hard. And it wasn't until the last week or so that I've realized I can't crawl out of bed without being forced to. I'm napping even when I'm not tired. I think it's just to avoid doing anything. I know from my past though to hole up and away is the worst thing I can do so I've been doing my best to keep in touch with my girlfriends and trying to bump more often. If I still can't get out of the funk I'll prob ask at my next appt for a therapist referral. @bluejeanbabi05 xanax sounds so good right now! But I've never done very well on scripts anyway. *sigh* the exercise is my next logical, and probably very smart, choice for self help. @melarowan I hate dentists to the core of my being. Kudos to you for making it through. I might have just let my tooth rot away.

bluejeanbabi05

@carries2018 @cooaladolll +1 to the anxiety denial. I've also never been to a therapist a day in my life. My GP gave me the xanax rx. My family was always somewhat anti-therapist, "just use your willpower" growing up, and I still have those thoughts in the back of my mind. For some weird reason, I feel less "weak" fixing myself with medicine than talking to someone. Makes zero sense, I know that logically. 

The best I've ever felt was when I was taking a daily super low dose of Paxil, which is a common anxiety remedy, but I had zero sex drive and lost my ability to have an orgasm. I like orgasms more than I like to be anxiety-free, so that didn't last, unfortunately.

@cooaladolll lol @ just letting your tooth rot away. Valid option, imo

acnd08

What a good idea!

I've only suffered with depression. I never had any problems until my Father passed away and my Mom had a breakdown that I was dealing with. It eventually caught up to me. I found myself just irrationally angry, poor DH lived in hell when I finally hit that wall as he was the one I lashed out at, and I cried ALL of the time. I finally admitted something was not right and saw the doctor. I went on Prozac and to counseling. Helped me immensely. I am no longer on medication, but I do have times (usually triggered by dates) where I can feel myself starting to slip back into a funk and I have to work to not let that happen. I worry about PPD, but hopefully it doesn't happen. I have told DH if he sees any signs of anything he better speak up. We've known one another too long for him to worry about hurting my feelings now! 

@bluejeanbabi05 I felt the same way as you when it came to medication OR to talking to someone. My family was also always anti medication/counseling. You should just be able to "get over it". It was hard for me to finally agree to see someone, but it really did help me a lot. 

@melarowan I don't even have anxiety and the thought of a root canal sends me into a panic! Hugs to you! 

canonmom413

I'm so happy I'm not alone. Reading you ladies' posts gives me a certain sense of community even more so. 

My anxiety stems from growing up. I grew up very non traditionally. I lived with my dad and grandmother and visited my mom every other weekend. My mom and I have the best relationship. I think it's because we always made the best of the time we had together. My dad was an alcoholic. It wasn't like he went out all the time. It was worse. He was drunk 24/7. I have some scary stories about that but that's for another day. Thank the good Lord he is 11 years sober and the best grandfather to the girls. I aim to try to please people. But growing up I also had a lot to hide. I didn't want my friends to know what it was like at home. I stayed home a lot until I was old enough to sneak out and get into trouble. That's when I met my husband ( 16). We've been together ever since. He saved me from a life, or death, I didn't want.
So my anxiety now appears most when I feel the need to please or handle it all. I'm a great multitasker. I always feel and think I can handle everything. I grew up being the "adult" anyway. But me trying to take it all on sends me into panic mode. Social anxiety hits me out of where. I am ok in less crowded malls and atmospheres. But holiday time I need to make sure I go right as doors open. Places like playgrounds and amusement parks , I am ok as long as I have something to focus on like a drink in my hand or getting my kids on rides. But sitting down to eat and taking things in , gives me the trembles.  

If you made it this far, thank you guys. Sorry it was a bit dear diary. 

Lately I've been ok. The closest I've gotten to an anxiety attack was at work last week. I hadn't even gotten in the door and the phone was ringing off the hook, 10 people wanted to make payments, my kids hair needed to be put up , and my boss had a list of things needing to get done. I am never late. Always early so I can gather my thoughts. But that particular day was traffic hell. 

buttercream_frosting

Sorry to hear so many are having a rough time with anxiety and stress. Be kind with yourselves. This shit is hard! 

jessafishy

I have also always dealt with anxiety and intrusive thoughts. It was worse during the newborn stage and then got better for awhile. Early last year I started slowly weaning DS and my anxiety got really high. I put it off as hormone changes from weaning but it just kept getting worse.

Finally I made an appointment last September to get on meds when it was basically like 85% of the time I was operating on super high anxiety. I never had panic attacks (which is part of why I didn't go get help for so long) but it was just like constant fight or flight mode.

I was originally prescribed Klonopin (which worked splendidly) but since I wanted to TTC soon we tried a few different things and ended up on Zoloft which is doing fine at managing.

Once I am done with pregnancy and nursing I'll probably get back on the Klonopin.

cooaladolly

@ac1259 that kinda sucks knowing all the things that can go wrong at the hospital. I know a lot of women though who were not able to breastfeed and they and their children have turned out just fine. Definitely try to not blame yourself, it's no one's fault and your kiddo will turn out perfectly ok even if it doesn't work out. @bluejeanbabi05 that actually makes complete sense to me about it being easier to take medicine. I feel like I have to admit to my weaknesses when I talk to a therapist, and I HATE admitting my weaknesses. @acnd08 one of the main reasons I fell in love with my SO was when he recognized my depressive spells and knew how to help me through them. He's usually the first to tell me I'm headed there again, and 100% supportive when I need to reach out for help. He sees me as a blubbering crying mess for no reason and makes me feel less crazy, needy and broken, and like there's actually just a little something that needs tweaking and then I'll be fine. @canonmom413 that's a really hard life to have to grow up in. I'm sorry you had to go through all that! I feel ya on being the multitasker that takes on everything. I do it up until I break down overwhelmed with the load I've given myself and then can't do any of it. @jessafishy that constant fight or flight mode is me all the time. I even got the comment this morning that I get all the time, "I want what you're on!" My multi tasking gets me into such a whirlwind spin that I seem like I'm constantly on red bull. It's only in the last year or two that I haven't just laughed it off to people and have tried to explain that no, this isn't healthy. I don't want to be this way, but my adrenaline kicks in without me wanting or needing it to and then won't let go. On my busiest work days (I'm a dispatcher so it's a go go go kind of job) it can take an hour or two for me to get out of that mode once I'm home, and it tires me the heck out!
@buttercream_frosting awwww thank you!

mrs_fogue

ac1259 said:

I've had some depression/anxiety issues for awhile but they came to a head after delivering DD2, I was hypervigilent, scared to death that something was going to happen to my kids to the point where I would visualize whatever I was scared of happening happening in all the gory details (and I'm a nurse so I think of especially random and horrible things that can happen). So I got on medication, I started exercising and lost 40 lbs and thought I was invincible, so I stopped taking the meds, put back on all the weight and started having anxiety with chest pain...and a huge cardiac workup later we find out that I'm just really anxious and kinda need the meds.  

^^This is exactly what happened to me.  I had always associated anxiety with panic attacks.  I didn't realize the gruesome and horrific incidents that I would visualize in great detail was a sign of anxiety.  This and the need to sleep.  I remember driving home from work one day just beyond exhausted, DH was working off so I was home alone with my 2 month old.  I had the thought that I just wanted to close my eyes and I didn't care that I was driving 60 mph down a windy road, I just wanted it to all end (in a non suicidal way if that makes sense, I never once thought of doing that.)  That freaked me out to the point that I sought help and then all the other dots started connecting to anxiety.  I was put on meds but stopped them when we were TTC.  I get spurts of anxiety.  I'm pretty positive it will rear it's ugly head once 2.0 gets here but hopefully DH and I know what to watch for this time.

JNAthanassious

This is an excellent thread! Thank you so much for starting!! 

I had PPD with DD and struggled for 7 months before I realized I needed help. I refused medication since the research on the effect of the baby wasn't studied well. (Some meds can pass through the breastmilk). So for me, and my outrageous anxiety at the time, I decided to turn to therapy. By the time DD was one, I started feeling more normal. I dedicated myself to health & fitness (lost 14 pounds in 6 months & looked & felt even better then before getting pregnant), went to therapy and found a village of mama's I felt safe and comfortable with. I was back to my normal self.

Fast forward to this pregnancy, I have been insanely anxious and I've been isolating myself from my friends. I had to go to the ER at 6ws and was told no exercising. I'm so worried that the hormones are making me feel depressed again. It's my worst nightmare. I was worried about PPD with this this pregnancy but not before delivering. I have guilt for thinking I might be depressed and anxious during this pregnancy when I know that there are so many people who would love to be pregnant. 

It's such a tough position to be in. I am extremely grateful to read that others are having similar experiences. I feel like for the first time I am not alone. We have a tough job ladies. Growing a tiny human isn't just tough on our bodies...it can be tough on our mind too. We should make this a more common thread. We should talk about this more frequently!

carries2018

@canonmom413 i am sorry, my parents are functioning alcoholics. because of that i think it took me a long time to accept/know how they acted wasn't normal. but that plays a huge role in my anxiety. and like @bluejeanbabi05 they don't believe in mental illness, which is ironic bc all sorts of mental illness is in my family. it is all hush hush. don't get me wrong, i love my parents. and i had a good life. but like every family there is "something" and that is our thing. and i have to be really conscious of that so i don't repeat the cycle. bc it would be really easy for me to slip into that.

flyingfall

@bluejeanbabi05 thank you so much for starting this thread! And thank you to everyone else for sharing! Mental health problems always makes you feel so alone when you are struggling and it's nice to have a group to remind you that you are not alone.

I've been battling depression and anxiety since I was eleven years old with a few bouts of very severe depression. After years of way too many prescription drugs and therapy I finally found a happy place in life. I decided the side effects and the pills prescribed to balance the other pills were taking a toll and weaned myself off of them (with my doctors help of course!). I went to CBT therapy and begun acupuncture (I was totally skeptic at first) which lead me to the most stable I've been in over a decade. With this pregnancy and hormones, I can feel the ups and downs. PPD is a huge fear of mine. My doctor has recommended in the 3rd trimester I see a therapist who is familiar with depression and PPD so I can form a relationship with her pre-delivery and have a plan in place incase I find myself in a rut. That idea really helped lessen the anxiety about PPD for me. 

PizzaMonster3

I posted in the symptoms thread but I think this one is more appropriate for what I'm feeling. 

I have no reason to be anxious, our NT appointment showed a heathy, advanced baby and we've updated my due date to sept. 27. I'm eating more regularly. 

But I have no interest in practically anything and getting ready in the morning is the struggle of a lifetime. Last week DH was out of town for work and I did not move from my bed all day. I can't seem to shake this funk and don't want to be around people. And the anxiety. We don't have the "nursery" room cleared out or the space in the master for a bassinet and I don't know how I'm going to get to it all or even birth this kid let alone keep it happy. I feel like this is normal for a day or afternoon of overwhelm-ness but it's been almost two weeks straight for me...

i think I've been in denial for a while about anxiety or depression - especially hearing you all describe your experiences. I've had intrusive thoughts for a long time but the bouts of lethargy stand out the most in my mind. Very much from a anti-therapy anti-medicating culture and have never spoke about my intrusive thoughts or bouts of lethargy to anyone...

flyingfall

@PizzaMonster3 while everyone's experience is different, I feel where you are coming from and the anxiety can definitely be overwhelming with everything we have to prepare for and start planning for. Getting out of the funk is the hardest part! Just remember to be kind to yourself. It's okay to be anxious. And it's definitely okay to have lazy days.

 My therapist always compared breaking the habits (of giving in to lethargy and reacting poorly to anxiety) to training a puppy. It takes time to retrain yourself and when you train a puppy you want to be positive and reinforce the good behavior. When you have a bad day, don't berate yourself because that just makes you feel worse and anxious. I think what sucks about the blues is they don't just immediately go away and it's hard to see progress when you only feel a little better here and there. 

canonmom413

@PizzaMonster3 I love tit for support reasons. Know that how you're feeling may feel like a burden on yourself but also know you're not alone. First tri is so so hard. Hell, 2nd and 3rd sometimes is no picnic either. But the fact you Know something is off is a huge step.  Talk to your OB because it could definitely be hormones causing this. Hugs friend. 

GenTK

I am so so so thankful to you for starting this thread. I'm only 10 weeks but I'm struggling so much and I feel so alone and isolated. 
I have bipolar depression, anxiety, and ptsd... so basically I'm just a huge mess. My hubby and I have wanted this baby for so long but now that it's happening I just can't find a way to be happy. Just when I found out my hubs took a job in another city so I'm in a place I hate with just my DD and his oldest son on a regular basis. I also have his youngest every other week because we haven't been able to redo the custody agreement yet until we know how our move is going to work. 
I did a several month therapy program to address the PTSD a year ago but I don't really feel like I got over it. I'm without meds at all at the moment because I don't feel safe taking them all during the first tri, I was on Zoloft part of my last pregnancy and I might do that again this time but not for another month. 
I don't know. I could ramble on here forever and ever. I just feel so alone. I'm not happy to see others are struggling but I am glad to see I'm not as alone as I feel. 

Boobopgirl

I've struggled so much with depression and anxiety my entire adult life. Well, really I remember my anxiety being out of control by the time I was in 2nd grade and I wanted to stop living by the time I was 9.  Because of the way my family was, I wasn't able yo get help until college and I started counseling but was resistant to meds.  But I would occasionally have bouts of severe anxiety and/or depression.  Finally this November I ended up having a very serious bout of depression and ended up in a behavioral hospital for 10 days.  BUT I finally got on meds (zoloft) and the difference is phenomenal.  I was also diagnosed with PTSD while I was in the hospital, which I had suspected but it had never been confirmed before.

@GenTK. PTSD can take a long time to work through.  I've been in and out of therapy for 13 years now and I still have things to work through.  Don't give up.

@bluejeanbabi05 IF anxiety is affecting your BP, you probably want to consider talking to your doc anout med options. I had that with my first and it caused issues (mostly because my doc didn't believe me and put me on BP meds instead of anxiety meds, but its still not something I would mess around with).  It probably won't be a quick fix med while you're pregnant, but a daily something like zoloft.  Even a very low dose might be enough to take the edge off some.  I also took and continue to take a Bcomplex vitamin that helps somewhat to keep it under control and making sure I get enough dietary magnesium and potassium helps a lot.  Another thing that works for me is epsom salt baths, or even just soaking my feet in it.  But seriously, talk to your doc.

ac1259

@mrs_fogue I'm surrounded by people with major anxiety (like family members) and I had no idea that was such a huge anxiety thing. My doctor was like "no wonder you're not sleeping and you're so miserable, your body is never letting you relax, you're always on edge." I think it took hearing that for me to really get how unhealthy it was for me. I'm hoping I can keep it under control during this pregnancy..

WRWrunnergirl

Ugh... I was on Zoloft for social anxiety, but it helped calm anxiety in general.  I'm not really enjoying being off it.  I feel more on edge and easily aggravated / less patient.  

bluejeanbabi05

Well, I have to say that some of my favorite mommas here are in this thread, so there are silver linings all over the place! 

@acnd08 It takes so much strength to admit something is wrong, fight through a lifetime of anti-therapist mindframes and seek help, major kudos to you. I'm glad you have such a supportive DH, that's seriously SO important. Mine is the same way, although he doesn't really get generalized anxiety. He always asks me what I'm anxious about because he wants to soothe me, and sometimes I just can't give him a good answer. 

@canonmom413 I can definitely tell you pile a million things on yourself and expect the best from yourself on all of them. Trying to please everyone is so stressful! It makes you the successful and wonderful person you are, though- I bet the ppl around you know they can 100% count on you for anything.

@mrs_fogue that's so scary! I'm glad you know what to watch for this time.

@jnathanassious you're definitely not alone. I agree, talking about the topic makes it seem much more normal and less scary.

@pizzamonster3 I'm thinking of you! This is rich coming from me, but maybe you should do like @flyingfall and find a therapist to lead you through the last part of pregnancy and beginning of parenting? (It's always easier to give good advice than take it)

@gentk wow you are juggling so much, and alone with young kids, too. That would be isolating for anyone. This will pass! So you moved with your DH to a new city? One thing I'm doing starting in May is enrolling in prenatal yoga. I want the exercise of course, but I also really want to connect with local mommas. Maybe try something like that?

@boobopgirl that's great advice, thank you. My SIL actually just texted me about alkaline water being helpful, and I'm making sure to get at least 30 mins of exercise every day. Exercising makes a HUGE difference in my frame of mind. I hope in the four weeks until my next ob appt it makes a difference! If not, I will definitely talk to her. I'm nervous about starting a new medication in the middle of pregnancy, though.

Boobopgirl

@bluejeanbabi05. Exercise is a must for me as well.  I started doing yoga with my kids after I got out of the hospital and it actually has some good benefits for pregnancy and birth too (helps stretch the muscles that need to be flexible for birth, helps release tension in your back and hips)  As a bonus, my kids sleep better if we do yoga in the evenings.  TOTAL WIN!!

GenTK

@bluejeanbabi05 thanks for giving us all a place to say these things. Just having the outlet really helps. As for new city, no not yet. DH moved ahead of me, thing is I have friends where we are going so once I can get there it will be much better but that's not happening for 2 months. The city we are in I have never liked, never wanted to move here, and thanks to DH's EX and her lies I have pretty much no social life here anymore. So basically I'm counting down to June. 

canonmom413

@bluejeanbabi05 you know just what to say and makes me lerve you even more.  

JNAthanassious

Have any of you ladies heads of Fit 4 Mom? They are privately owned franchises that focus on fitness for moms during & after pregnancy. They have excellent Fit4baby programs that are focused on just pregnant mama's and also fit4mom which is for moms of all stages of motherhood with kiddos! This franchise has changed my life! It has provided me a sense of community and has given me a village where I feel safe. I get to exercise and my kiddo gets entertained! If you haven't checked it out, I highly suggest it. It's amazing how much information and support you can receive from these amazing villages of mama's! It's also a great way to get yourself out and socialize with other mama's ans feel connected to motherhood! 

bluejeanbabi05

I'm bumping this for anyone who wants to continue the convo.

bluejeanbabi05

@buttercream_frosting I was actually debating saying something about this here today. I need to stop myself from getting on the scale every day. It's not healthy. I get sucked into the dark hole of eating issues way too quickly. Tagged you here in case you want to keep chatting about it, since I don't want anyone getting triggered by a long convo on FFFC, and it is something I've been struggling with as well.

melarowan

So I got my gestational diabetes (3 hour) test done yesterday and found out today that I am officially diagnosed.  Trying really hard to not feel like a fat failure.  Losing that battle currently.

ShreyaR

Mental health, I think I deal with the same thing as many of you, anxiety and stress, always anxious, always stressed and sad thing is I can't talk to my DH about it, I mean I do tell him everything but he doesn't really get it! He's supportive in many ways but I think he forgets I am pregnant and doesn't believe in hormonal changes, mood swings and all that! I think too much and he thinks too less and I get depressed because I don't get the emotional support I so require! He's a good husband though just not a very understanding one! 
I hope all of us get through this and I guess in some level this is quite normal! 

ShreyaR

melarowan said:

So I got my gestational diabetes (3 hour) test done yesterday and found out today that I am officially diagnosed.  Trying really hard to not feel like a fat failure.  Losing that battle currently.

Sorry to hear that, I am getting my done next month! And you are not a failure, it's not something you can control! And it's not such a bad thing, just take good care of yourself

natleilynn

@bluejeanbabi05 I had some eating disorder struggles in high school/college and was really nervous they would come through when I was pregnant with DD. My solution was - I closed my eyes when I stepped on the scale each visit and asked the nurse to not say the number out loud. If they questioned it, I explained I had issues in the past and just didn't want anything to trigger it or to affect my efforts to have the healthiest pregnancy possible - if I was gaining too much or too little, to just let me know that and I would adjust accordingly - but I just really didn't want to know the number on the scale.

It worked perfectly for me. At no point did I have a weight number in my head (the only time I saw the scale was in triage after my water broke and it was in kg or something so I couldn't even do that math), doctors were happy because I was willing to adjust my habits as needed and I was happy never seeing a number I didn't want to see. To this day I have absolutely no idea how much weight I gained with my first pregnancy and am perfectly content with that.

I know I've lost weight with this one so far, but I also feel like I'm in a stronger place than I was with DD. I still plan on keeping that same strategy of not knowing whenever possible.

migdala

I'm glad this thread exists.  I have a history of ED and depression and I'm very worried about PPD, but that's a ways off.  The ED stuff is already coming up though, and it's hard.  I don't have a bump but I've gained 5 pounds and that's really tough for me.  I've weighed myself every morning for the past ten years (barring travel) and even after I got to a good place with food, I still found my moods to be dictated by the number on the scale.  And we're talking a fluctuation of like a pound, not 5 pounds.  So add in food aversions and lack of exercise due to feeling like sh*t all the time and here we are 5 pounds later and I feel like a heifer.  I know I'm obsessive about my weight and that I shouldn't be, but I can't just turn it off.  So this is rough!  Hoping it gets better if/when I start to see a real bump, but I dunno.

ETA - I think what's hardest is that all of my (admittedly unhealthy) "coping mechanisms" are off the table during pregnancy.  *TW* Confession time:  back before I was KU, if I gained a couple of pounds I would just eat a lot less and/or take adderall to cut my appetite for a day or two - I know, unhealthy and terrible, but effective and it was only a once in a while thing.  But obviously I can't do that now, which means that back stop is gone.  And that's scary.

melarowan

Thank you @ShreyaR. I was still freaking out when I posted.  It's cool now.  I can handle this.

bluejeanbabi05

@melarowan you can totally handle this. Everyone I know who's had it is super active and eats healthy- it seems so random. I have to get the test at 20 weeks, so i might be joining you.

@natleilynn I keep telling myself to just put my scale away. It's stupidly hard.

@migdala one lb can mess with my mood as well. And I've had my own unhealthy coping strategies in the past. I don't want my daughter to have to deal with these issues! I'm going to focus so hard on never speaking negatively about myself or even obliquely mentioning dieting in front of her. 

jessafishy

This toddler bed transition has really been screwing with my sleep, time with Dh, and my anxiety is super high because of it. Add in stress over toddler picky eating and I don't know how I would deal with this if I wasn't taking my meds.

Luckily my OB recommended staying on them and said there was no reason to wean at all. It was such a relief to hear.

buttercream_frosting

@Bluejeanbabi05 Sorry it took me so long to come into this thread. I don't have a history of ED but I remember as a teenager romanticising the whole ED thing and being jealous of the girls that had it in movies/shows that I saw. I could never do it and I remember getting so angry at myself for not being able to throw up after eating. I guess that in itself was a form of ED if not a physical one. I think now being an adult I have a better sense of what is good for me. The whole MS thing and me not putting any weight did mess around with my mind a little but it won't get out of control into something unhealthy. I am too important in my son's life and my unborn child's life to become unhealthy. <-- That gives me strength.

buttercream_frosting

@jessafishy Any type of transition here with DS has been hell. The weaning gave me a lot of stress but we pulled through. I hope your toddler gives you a break soon. Hang in there mama.