STM Check-In : April

kjd291

Hey STMs. How's everyone holding up? Here's our place to vent, share, encourage!

Remind us/-
-babies age (siblings?)??

-best moments of being s STM this week??

-challenges / challenging moments this week??

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions??

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids?

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ?

datalover13

-babies age (siblings?)?? Atticus is 5.5 weeks, T is 3 years

-best moments of being s STM this week?? Getting T to bed while also rangling Atti. And any time I get dinner cooked I feel like Superwoman.

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? T's dramatics. Threenagers are real, yall. Two was nothing compared to three.

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions?? I've said it many times... the days are long, the weeks/months are short. Trying to enjoy this newborn phase. (When do they lose that title and become infants??)

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? Babywearing! Deep breaths? lol. Netflix/youtube. The Boppy lounger.

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? The internet is my happy place. Target by myself. I'm really bad about going out by myself because I feel guilty (not that H makes me feel that way! Quite the opposite, he's always telling me to go hang out with friends.)

Robi1

-babies age (siblings?)?? 3yo, 2yo, 2 week old

-best moments of being s STM this week?? I've taken all three kids out of the house successfully several times! 

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? My first major challenge came yesterday when my 2yo spiked a 105.8 degree fever and I had to take her to the hospital and scramble to figure out how to deal with the other kids, especially the baby. We are so off kilter from that and still dealing with illness and our routine is so thrown off which is very tough. 

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Questions?? 

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? I've been trying really hard to give the older kids focused attention, which goes a long way. It's really tough though. 

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? This has not happened yet. I have barely gotten a shower or meal in. This is a crazy time of year for my husband and he has not been around and I have had very little help from other family members. I'm making it work but definitely looking forward to a time when things calm down just a bit. 

wintersong

@Robi1 I hope your toddlers okay!

Remind us/-
-babies age (siblings?)?? C is 26 months, Hildy is 1 month

-best moments of being s STM this week?? My son shows his little sister all his toys. He carries them over, holdsthem in her face, and names each one. 

-challenges / challenging moments this week??] So, my son knows that screaming wakes the baby. Unfortunately he likes it when the baby is awake. He will constantly ask me if it's time for her to wake up. And then stand bear her and screech "all done!"

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Questions?? Guys....my husband had a work trip to TX for 5 days in May. HOW AM IGOING TO HANDLE BEDTIME WITH TWO KIDS????

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? So....I let my newborn sleep on her tummy during the day when I'm awake to supervise her. So that I can spend time with Mr. 26 Months who is forever asking me to "play too." I am starting to try to develop routines, but it's hard when her sleep hasnt consolidated into true naps yet. My biggest mantra is to slow down and take my time. Going to the library? Slow down and take my time getting each baby situated. Cooking dinner? Slow down and take my time addressing each thing that needs my attention fully. Multitasking will happeneventually, but right now deliberation is my friend. 

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? I haven't yet. I mean, I'm not really craving it yet. I'm such a home body, and I really want to spend every moment with one or both kids. I am looking forward to sex though. That will be great. My husband and I talk about it nightly. 

IloveAlbert

-babies age (siblings?)?? Charlotte 4 tomorrow, Noah 5 on April 11

-best moments of being s STM this week??  Spending some time away with DS.  My mom kept LO and I took DS grocery shopping.  A small thing but it was nice.  Also looking forward to Friday because I am the "mystery reader" for his class and I know he will be excited!  

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? Still struggling with balancing spending time/paying attention to my DS while taking care of LO's needs (particularly boob, boob, and more boob).

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions??

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? My mom?! Ha! I am lucky to have a lot of help from her and I don't know how I would do it without her.  Props to all you moms who do it without extra help!

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? Haven't really figured this out yet.  Showering maybe?! lol This is something I definitely need to work on.  I remember feeling this way when my son was a newborn too.  I can't really remember who I am without being "Mommy" haha 

IloveAlbert

@datalover13 Yes!!! Three was so much harder with my son.  I always tell people that...terrible twos?! No way! It's three you need to worry about!  My son really did mellow then a little while after he turned 4.

shines721

Remind us/-
-babies age (siblings?)?? James just turned 2 and Luke is 4 weeks, 1 day. 

-best moments of being s STM this week?? I am loving seeing James go over and kiss his baby brother. Also.. as much as it's hard to be functioning on no sleep, being home with my two boys is amazing and I never want to go back!

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? I just want to sleep again! 

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Questions?? Rant: My mom and MIL have been really helpful with taking my older son out. The only problem is.. they take him and then it's time for the baby to nurse and by the time he's done and is ready for his nap then James comes home and I never get to nap. 

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? I bought special toys for James to play with when I am nursing, and scheduled Luke's feedings so that I am only nursing twice when James is around and I'm by myself during the day. The toys actually seem to work ... and the closed doors and gates

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? Right now, my showers are my "me time." I have some downtime when people take James and Luke is napping. I really would love to get a pedicure though!!! ... Also, I take every. single. opportunity. to get out of the house on my own. "Oh, we need stamps?! I'll go!" 

motherofdragons-2

-babies age (siblings?)? 
evelyn is 9 days, Jesse18mo and Marrin 3yo

-best moments of being a STM this week? any time my kids kiss and hug their sister or eachother. Also took all three kids to MoPS by myself in 39 degrees and rain which was a new personal best. Able to keep up with the housework better than I thought as well and just kinda dealing with all that missed sleep! 

-challenges / challenging moments this week? 
MOPs yesterday and dealing with my threenager every day, haha. 

Rants/Raves/Randoms/questions??
I ordered a t shirt off amazon last month and it still has not arrived despite amazon saying it shipped and should have arrived March 21st! Wtf!

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? Breathing deeply, praying hard, and powering through. The older kids make huge messes while playing as I feed the baby which makes me insane, but messes can be cleaned and their time together playing is priceless!

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" 
right now me time is shower time haha! And that's it

marshmallowfarts

@Robi1 - hope your baby is ok! They say going from 2-3 is the hardest. Hope you're getting some rest soon. 

@datalover13 - it's the terrible twos, trying threes, and the "f"ing fours. Our first one made two look angelic compared to three and four. Btw you seem sooo calm and at ease about returning to work - how do you do it? 

@longliveregina - homebody here too. The less I leave the house the happier I am. I feel like at home it's nice to focus on the kids and create fun memories with them. 

DS2 had his two month shots today. Poor little man won't let me put him down for anything - and I'm ok with that. I love baby cuddles. DS1 just got over pinkeye (thanks ball pit at chick fil a), and him being back in school makes day time much easier. Hallelujah! Also I love having the tv on adult shows while I pump and cuddle. That's my "me" time for now and I love it! 

Cbeanz

Middle daughter has had hand foot and mouth, random hives, and now strep throat in the last week. She's in daycare but gets kicked out for illness so I'm home with 2 while older sis is in preschool. I had mastitis and an ear infection last week. So far I've spent maternity leave driving kids to and from the pediatrician. There's no me time. There's no spouse time. We are majorly struggling and have very little help aside from a brief visit from my mom.

We'll get it together soon but right now we are really suffering, not sleeping, and just surviving.

datalover13

@marshmallowfarts don't get me wrong, it's going to be really hard, but I enjoy my job and coworkers. Plus A will be going to the same daycare as T. It's a group daycare, but it's not that large, and we're close to all of the teachers at this point (T's been there since he was 7 weeks). So I trust all of them implicitly, and they're all really excited for him to start there.

@Cbeanz that sounds absolutely horrible. Sending lots of healing thoughts your way! 

kjd291

-babies age (siblings?)?? Natalie is 5wks tomorrow - Nora 19mo

-best moments of being s STM this week?? First play date with local momsl.
The few moments DH is around to play with Nora is always fun/to hear lots of laughter from her instead of tears and temper tantrums. 

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? Constantly helping someone and it's rarely myself. I'm pooped. I just want to get a cup of coffee in the mornings and that takes an hour some days - to just change kids out of wet overnight diapers, and get us all downstairs is chore enough some mornings!  
Biggest challenge would have to be bedtime though. DH hasn't been around much and doing two at a time is no fun. Especially because we're smack dab in the middle of witching hour horrors. So poor DD1 has me trying to read her books or lay her in her crib looking all confused and upset while her baby sister screams. Gah. 


-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? Getting out of the house-even though it's my biggest fear. House is safe-outings are scary. Hah. But they make the days go by faster and keep the toddler in a much better mood ((homebodies unite ))
Toddler: netflix and more Netflix, freezepops, and lots of tub time! 
Baby: wrap time 
mama: deep breaths, mom friends, and wine




GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ?    Sorry y'all - I totally meant pre-baby there's no way I'm getting much "me time" right now. Hah.  I play guitar and sing, want to play co-Ed soccer again or do another local theater piece when babes are a bit bigger---and most of my "me time" now is usually spent going for a nice run on our local river walk. Can't wait for warm weather!! 

@datalover13  idk? 3mo? I guess the end of the "fourth trimester?" 

@longliveregina the slow down mantra is key! I'm sure as long as you keep that mindset with bedtime you'll be able to make it through!

@IloveAlbert  yay for supportive moms!! 

@shines721 teach me your scheduling ways! Hah.  I feel you on the help! It's helpful when I get it, but it's still never a true break. 

IloveAlbert

Count me in on bedtime being a challenge!  I have always been the one to put DS to bed and I lie down in his bed with him until he falls asleep.  When we were first home with LO this worked out fine because she was asleep when it was time to get him in bed and DH just held her.  Now she is awake and fighting sleep/fussy at his bedtime so I'm struggling to get her to sleep so I can go be with DS.  DH doesn't really know what to do with her then and she also wants me (well my boob).  DS doesn't want DH to lie with him and also I enjoy being able to still spend this time with him but it's hard and it makes him go to bed too late most nights.  Hopefully soon bedtime gets easier for us all!!!

vino831

babies age (siblings?)?? Harrison 18mo Emilynn 3weeks

-best moments of being s STM this week?? Having H ask to have Baby to be on the floor so he can lay next to her

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? Ohhhh toddler meltdowns...

 and took DD to her 2week appt. I didn't realize that we had to do the second part of the pku/ppu whatever it is. (Heel prick) so having the toddler during that and then the nurses not getting enough blood from one heel and having to do the second heel and EVERYONE is sweating... a bit of a mess.

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions?? Man I planned on baby wearing to be my go too since I wore DS all of the time but DD is a sparkplug and my hormones are wacko so if I wear her we are both - no lie - drenched in sweat and she hates to be put down. Sigh.... I have no back up plan. (Probably be one doesn't exist lol)

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? I've managed to do a new activity for DS almost every day. Painting with water and construction paper, black bean sensory bin, stringing rigatoni on linguini lol. Or outside time!!  It's been helpful bc for even a few minutes big baby has fun and I'm able to cuddle/feed little baby guilt free.

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? Since I saw @kjd291 comment about this being before kiddos... I had soo many hobbies. Gym, motorcycle, travel, massage, sleeeeeeeeeeep. Now.. hmm.. I like to clean. Odd I know. But it makes me happy.

kjd291

Well--pre-newborn haha.  More of a me asking a sorta deep how do you handle that hard "who am I aside from a mom" question in a lighter way.

so so many moms I've talked to or read writings from talk about that struggle and how it's so important to find a you outside of being a mom-but rarely anyone I talk to actually achieves it!!

@Vino831 maybe naked baby wrapping at home?? Great job on the activities!! What a fun mama

shines721

@kjd291 Ha.. my FIL is also a pediatrician. Amazing at times, yes! But sometimes the unsolicited advice and judgment isn't fun. But.. his claim to fame is scheduling and getting the baby to sleep so everyone is happier. 

Basically, the baby is on a 12 hour schedule of wake/sleep. He eats every 3 hours during the day and whenever he gets up at night. I nurse at the starting time no matter when he ate last within reason. 

So, I start our day at 7 then nurse at 10, 1, 4 and 7 for bedtime (give or take a half hour). I don't get James out of his crib until after the morning feed, and then he's napping at the 1PM feed. 

With my older, he was sleeping through the night at 2 months. I just keep hoping it's going to work that way again but I really have no idea. 

oh! Also... he suggests 15 minutes of wake time/how many weeks old they are for the first month. So, a 3 week baby should be up for 45 minutes after nursing then nap. The true awake time should be the time before the nighttime so they are nice and sleepy

kjd291

@shines721 oh man, my dad is a P.A. So I'm used to having someone to ask some health questions to which is nice But I imagine the infant advice can be super double edged sword!

I agree the schedule is awesome!!! I was able to get into a nice routine like that with my first - just haven't tried too hard to force it yet with this one. I figured the first month I'd be more lax and just wing it--esp with the toddler making exact schedule following hard. But it's the goal sooner or later. What do you do if your LO is fussing before a feed? Pacifier? My baby girl is closer to every 2-2.5hrs - I've just been nursing on demand cuz that's all she wants. 

shines721

He has been taking a pacifier.. typically he is sleeping before a feed. Apparently I make sleepy babies, so it hasn't been much of an issue. If it's 2.5 hours or when a growth spurt comes, I'll nurse him when he needs it though. 

wintersong

@vino831 Would a sling make you led sweaty?

kjd291

shines721 said:

He has been taking a pacifier.. typically he is sleeping before a feed. Apparently I make sleepy babies, so it hasn't been much of an issue. If it's 2.5 hours or when a growth spurt comes, I'll nurse him when he needs it though. 

Nice! Bonus for Sleepy baby making! hah.  This girl has refused the paci so far/so boob it is!

Gators&BoSox

vino831 yes to toddler tantrums! ugh!

@Cbeanz you've really had your hands full i hope everyone feels better soon

Remind us/-
-babies age (siblings?)?? CJ is 20 months, Scarlett is 5 wks tomorrow

-best moments of being s STM this week?? getting more confident getting out of the house with two kids and doing so efficiently (well not as bad as before at least haha)

-challenges / challenging moments this week?? I've accepted that DD will be a binky kid unlike her brother who wanted nothing to do with either a binky of his thumb. i was hoping to avoid it this time too just to avoid having to break her of it later but she really likes to soothe herself that way. its been helpful though bc now she doesn't need to eat to soothe and there are less spit up issues bc of that

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions?? my sister came home from CA and both sisters came up to visit. i loved seeing them with the kids

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids? i try to set one easily obtainable goal for myself every day. Load the dishwasher, vacuum, fold a load of laundry or something like that. This way i feel like I've accomplished something productive (besides raise 2 kids) at the end of the day even if it only took 5 min to do.

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ? i never really had solid hobbies. i worked a lot and DH and I would hang out with friends at our local cigar bar (where we met) when we were living in FL. I've always been an event kind of person. love sports and going to games, started going to concerts too. Monster jam is always fun! I also love fishing... so basically I'm a dude haha

catybug820

-babies age (siblings?)??
Asher- 1 month, Cate- 2.5yo

-best moments of being s STM this week??
Just watching my littles together. When i am having trouble settling Asher down, I just put him down snuggled up with his sister and he calms right down. He just gazes at her, and she kisses him and tells him, "It's OK buddy. Don't cry Asher. I'm right here. It's me, Cate."

-challenges / challenging moments this week??
My 2 year old daycare kid has a snotty, yucky nose, which she has shared with her brother. Luckily it's just a runny nose, without any other symptoms. She's a little tired and cranky, but I'm just thankful it's nothing worse.

Rants/Raves/Randoms/Wuestions??

-any tips for things that have been helpful for you handling two (Or more) kids?
Give your big kid a job! Cate is learning how to help with household chores, and she loves it. She's been helping load and unload the dishwasher for a while, last week she started helping make lunch and dinner every day, and this week she learned how to do laundry. Lol. She is a much easier kid when she is helping, and she absolutely loves it.
Also, I don't feel guilty about an occasional convenience that makes life easier. For us, it's that on Fridays, I don't cook. A local cafe & bakery makes take home meals to feed 4 for $20 on Fridays (main course, salad, and homemade rolls). DH picks it up on his way home, I pop it in the oven for 30+ minutes, and dinner is served. It usually feeds us for 2 days since DD doesn't eat much (usually we have it for lunch on Sunday).

GTKY: What are ways you enjoy "me time" / get to spend time identifying as someone other than "___'s mom" ?
I usually go on a "Dunkin run" a few times a week with my cousin. We go grab an iced coffee and cut with the old guys that hang out at our Dunkin, then go for a ride around town (and sometimes hit the dirt roads if I can sneak away a little longer). I'm hoping to start my little guy on a bottle of pumped milk in the next week or so, so that I can go to grab a coffee with out a toddler and newborn in tow. 

vino831

longliveregina said:

@vino831 Would a sling make you led sweaty?

Stuuuuhpid box


Idk yet I do have a sling so I'm actually watching videos now for the newborn carry now. I only used with DS after he was older. 


Gators&BoSox I love the set a daily goal plan! 

catybug820 sorry your little caught yuck from your big but her soothing him sounds sooo sweet!!

datalover13

@catybug820 My older one actually gets upset when we don't let him help! He's been obsessed with sweeping and vacuuming since he was about 15 months. I still put him to work.

Cbeanz

Guys it's amazing what a few hours of sleep and some coffee can do for a mom! DD3 let me have a few hours last night. And the pedi prescribed Benadryl for DD2's hives which I'm so thankful bc it meant we all slept a little more! (DD 2 doesn't sttn but it turns out, on Benadryl she does!)

Thanks for letting me vent and for the well wishes. It's one day at a time!

@datalover13 I'm curious, are you an engineer by chance?

datalover13

@Cbeanz Glad you were able to get some sleep!! I majored in chemical engineering, but my career doesn't fall under that spectrum. Thankfully.

Ivorytower2

Forgot how lonely maternity leave could be. We decided to keep DD1 (2.5 years old) in daycare during my mat leave as not to disrupt her routine and also so she can burn energy and socialize every day and not just sit home with the new baby. I'm 2 weeks post partum and have been glad so far since it's been a lot of laying around and recovering and then I got Mastitis which I am just getting over, but now I'm starting to feel guilty about not having her with me. I'm sure it would be hard and I mainly just feel like this when the baby is sleeping lol. Anyway, transition has been hard for me. I miss my first baby so much and it's hard to see her upset. I feel like my husband is her constant now when it's always been me. He held the baby for a few mins yesterday and she totally broke down in tears. It's like she expects me to leave her now or not be able to help her, but she is 100% reliant on him and can't handle it if he holds the baby.

I got to put her to bed last night just due to randomly good timing and baby had just fallen asleep, but I cry most nights while DH puts her to bed.