MIL moving in 1 month before baby is due!

nikmo711

Hi all! So my MIL is moving in with us at the end of this month and I am due with our second baby girl at the end of May (our other daughter turns 2 in may also). I have an ok relationship with her but she is someone whose personality I can take in small doses. She is someone who always "means well" but says things that come off as rude or offensive. Originally she was going to stay with us and be out by the time baby came but things changed. Personally I just want me, hubby and our girls here after the new baby is born to bond and get used to things. I am stressed just thinking about her being here during that time. Am I being an irrational pregnant lady? Anyone have a similar experience? 

meggyme

nikmo711 said:

Hi all! So my MIL is moving in with us at the end of this month and I am due with our second baby girl at the end of May (our other daughter turns 2 in may also). I have an ok relationship with her but she is someone whose personality I can take in small doses. She is someone who always "means well" but says things that come off as rude or offensive. Originally she was going to stay with us and be out by the time baby came but things changed. Personally I just want me, hubby and our girls here after the new baby is born to bond and get used to things. I am stressed just thinking about her being here during that time. Am I being an irrational pregnant lady? Anyone have a similar experience? 

I don't think that it's irrational to want your own space and family time. I would definitely suggest you talk to your husband. Depending on the reason for her moving in it might be worth it to try and make other living arrangements for her right before/after the baby comes now so that you're not trying to do that and take care of a newborn or allow it to build resentment in the relationship.

nikmo711

She's moving in because she was living with her mom who died several months ago and she and her siblings are selling that house. MIL is staying with us because she doesn't have a good alternative place to stay and she won't have the money to get her own place until after the sale of her mom's house is finalized. And her getting an apartment isn't really an option because she has a dog and a cat. She also has a pretty small area she's looking at because she "wants to be no more than 10 or 15 minutes" away from us. She has boundary issues in my opinion and this also worries me. She's divorced and doesn't have many social outlets especially since losing her mom. MIL was also the main care provider for her mom. I understand and empathize that she lost someone very close to her but knowing her personality I worry that she will want to become overly involved, possibly to the point I feel smothered. 

meggyme

nikmo711 said:

She's moving in because she was living with her mom who died several months ago and she and her siblings are selling that house. MIL is staying with us because she doesn't have a good alternative place to stay and she won't have the money to get her own place until after the sale of her mom's house is finalized. And her getting an apartment isn't really an option because she has a dog and a cat. She also has a pretty small area she's looking at because she "wants to be no more than 10 or 15 minutes" away from us. She has boundary issues in my opinion and this also worries me. She's divorced and doesn't have many social outlets especially since losing her mom. MIL was also the main care provider for her mom. I understand and empathize that she lost someone very close to her but knowing her personality I worry that she will want to become overly involved, possibly to the point I feel smothered. 

That's rough. I think you need to say all of this to your DH, and get on the same page about what boundaries you want to set. They'll be more likely to be maintained by both of you if you agree. And maybe start working all together on an alternative living arrangement, even if you won't enact it for a little while. That way when the money becomes available, she can start getting settled right away. Good luck.

lovesclimbing

meggyme said:

nikmo711 said:

She's moving in because she was living with her mom who died several months ago and she and her siblings are selling that house. MIL is staying with us because she doesn't have a good alternative place to stay and she won't have the money to get her own place until after the sale of her mom's house is finalized. And her getting an apartment isn't really an option because she has a dog and a cat. She also has a pretty small area she's looking at because she "wants to be no more than 10 or 15 minutes" away from us. She has boundary issues in my opinion and this also worries me. She's divorced and doesn't have many social outlets especially since losing her mom. MIL was also the main care provider for her mom. I understand and empathize that she lost someone very close to her but knowing her personality I worry that she will want to become overly involved, possibly to the point I feel smothered. 

That's rough. I think you need to say all of this to your DH, and get on the same page about what boundaries you want to set. They'll be more likely to be maintained by both of you if you agree. And maybe start working all together on an alternative living arrangement, even if you won't enact it for a little while. That way when the money becomes available, she can start getting settled right away. Good luck.

Ditto. You and your H absolutely HAVE to be on the same page about this. Why isn't she moving in with a sibling? You all didn't have to say yes. I love my MIL, and she's very good about being sensitive to us being our own people and making our own decisions, but I still don't want her living with us. 

nikmo711

I guess with us being her immediate family we must have been her first choice. She's closest with her 2 sisters but they both live too far away for her to make it to work. She has 3 brothers with whom she is not close enough with to even ask. True we didn't have to say yes but she was asking back in February and the assumption was that she'd be in and moved back out before the baby came. As far as talking to DH is concerned, I did try to voice some of my concerns at one point (regarding her wanting to find a place that is close to us). He got defensive and in short I got the same old rhetoric about me hating her. Truth is I DO NOT hate her but she says and does things that really irritate me. I get along with the vast majority of people but she has one of those personalities that I can take in small doses. I'm just not sure how to explain to him that I'm not thrilled to have her there at such a time as bringing a new baby home. He looks at it like having extra help (like an extra set of hands for our nearly 2 year old), I look at it like an added stress on an already tiring and stressful time. 

neludelu

I would talk to your hubs until he sees your point of view. I feel that this isn't a negotiable issue.

peregrinefalconx

(kind of lurking)
I understand your concerns but she could be helpful when you really need that nap in between a 2yo and a newborn. I totally get why you would be stressed out tho.