How to announce a pregnancy to family who is struggling to conceive

kmorgan16

My husband and I are not currently TTC but we have been discussing family planning. My SIL is currently struggling to conceive and is very sensitive on the subject. What is a good way to announce our pregnancy when the time comes?

glitzandglitter

I have a friend that it will be a sensitive subject for. I plan on sending her a text when I am ready to tell her, which is how I told her last time. It sounds kind of impersonal but for me I think it would be the best way to tell her and allow her to process it privately so that she doesn't have to worry about her reaction in front of me. I know there have been posts in the past about this and others had suggested email as an option or pulling them aside and privately telling her. I thought about waiting and going to lunch just her and I and telling her, but again, I thought it would just be better if she had time to process it all without feeling like her response should meet a certain expectation.

notthefather

Hopefully it will be a non-issue when the time comes and she will be celebrating her own pregnancy/child. 

From lurking around on TTGP I've seen posters who are in your SIL's situation comment on this topic. It seems as if some prefer to be told in person and some prefer to be told by text. I'd say it has a lot to do with your relationship with your SIL and her SO. 

UterusesBeforeDuderuses

I have a close friend who struggled to conceive for years and I always worried about how I would handle telling her if I were ever in that situation. Thankfully after like 6 years she now has her own little one! I feel like the text/email suggestions make a lot of sense so people can react privately. I suppose a quick phone call would do the same.

livingthedream-3

Does she know you are TTC? I would maybe tell them before privately if you plan on having a big announcement, especially if they don't know you are TTC. As somebody who has been there I will tell you no matter how you tell her if they are still struggling it'll sting, but what makes the difference is in your sensitivity. The fact you are asking and worried about her feelings I'm not worried that will be an issue. They'll want you to celebrate your success w/o it being rubbed in their face kind of thing. Good Luck to you both.

ETA: Don't say things like "just relax" or "I understand". Because unless you truly have been through IF you can't understand. Only say things like "I'm here for you" or "I'm sorry you have to go through this". 

kmorgan16

Thank you everyone for the responses. When the time comes, I think DH and I will break the news to our parents first then siblings. It might be easier to ask my MIL the best way to approach SIL.

tumbleweed-1

Like what @LivingTheDream said, the fact that you are even asking this question shows your love and concern for your SIL's situation. 

I just went through a similar situation (which will mention TW's, FYI): My little sister has a 5 yr old DD and had been TTC for a while. I knew she wanted to have another kid, but I didn't know she was actively trying. I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant last September. (This gets to my TW part). We waited until I was 8 weeks to tell anyone, but sadly I was experiencing a "missed" m/c during that time. For those that don't know, my body didn't know "what was up" and continued acting pregnant for weeks before completely miscarrying. I don't mind talking about it, but I am still upset at times. During that time, I wasn't being too sympathetic towards my sister's desire for another child and I might have done things differently, in hindsight. A few short weeks after my m/c my sister finally became pregnant. Some of my family gave her a hard time because they thought she "did it on purpose" after my loss (since I'm older with no children, and she already has a child. Family drama *rolls eyes*).

I had suspicions when I noticed she was saving announcement related images on pinterest. I texted her and she dismissed them saying, "it's for eventually...". A week or so later she told me (I think in a text, maybe a phone call?) that she was expecting. We live hours away from each other and have a kind of relationship to be fine with big news over texts. She had been TTC for over a year. Sometimes I think of how my unplanned pregnancy must have broke her heart, even while it made her excited to finally be an aunt. The same way that while I experienced my loss, I'm going to have another niece/nephew and I am happy for her. There are not a finite number of babies in the world. What I'm getting at is that it really comes down to knowing the person you'll be sharing the news with. How they will take it and trying to see from their point of view. Think of ways that you already share "big news" with your SIL/brother. I echo others who commented before me that how you approach the topic depends the kind of relationship that you have. Again, I think the fact that you are already asking this question shows how much you care. 

I hope that my sharing my experience helps you (and anyone else reading) and doesn't come across as attention seeking (it's so hard to write & read tone and intention on social media). I think that asking your MIL and other family too is also a good way to approach this, but overall, try not to stress too much is my advice.

kmorgan16

@tumbleweed thank you for sharing your story. 

mill1020

This is a really tough situation.  I agree with what others have said about maybe just sending a text so that she/they can react privately and then respond the way that want to when they're ready.

I have definitely messed this up--I was 22 and expecting our second, and was super-insensitively complaining about being pregnant "again" and exhausted (our first was about 7-8 months old when we told people).  My neighbor was over and it hadn't even occurred to me that they'd been dealing with infertility and gone through a LOT to have their daughter.  She avoided me forever after that, and somehow I figured it out after the fact and felt horrible.