Newbie posted in ttc aswell

kinzielee11

Hi everyone! 

This is my first time writing on one of these but I have been going through a pretty rough patch the last couple of months and I am hopping that this will help. 

I am 24 years old and have been married for 3 years now to my high school sweetheart. 

My husband and I have been ttc now for 2 years and nothing has really been going out way. We kind of knew it was going to be a bumpy ride when year one of our marriage I had to have my right ovary and tube removed due to a huge cyst that had wrapped around my tube and cut off circulation to them. Prior to having this happen I had extremely regular periods that were extremely heavy and had awful cramps. I had been put on birth control when I was 14 because of this. It wasn't until another year later that we realised that I had PCOS and Endo which just started a never ending battle with cysts and killer camps. 

This brings us to present day. 

Like I said before we have been ttc for 2 years now. I have kept track of everything from bbt to cf. I have numerous ovulation calculators going and even test but some months I will ovulate and sometimes I will go 2 months w/o. I have been on 4 cycles of clomid or should I say Satan and nothing but the horrific cramps and mood swings later. 

Recently it has been pretty rough emotionally though because everyone in a 50 mile radius of me has become pregnant. And as hard as it is to believe I really am happy for them but it kills me a little bit everyday when I have to see them at work, church, fb or any other place just talking or even walking around. I also have a "pack" of in-laws after us to have a child and we have had numerous convos with them about the delicate topic much less the need to say "well of you would not have had surgery we might have had a grandbaby by now" is unnecessary

I guess I'm just trying to not be so bitter and have a nervous break down everyday. So if you have any tips or tricks about how to stay positive and deal with the hand we have been delt not to mention the in-laws and family that tend to pry that would be awesome. 



Also when did you ladies know it was time to start trying other methods such as IVF? 

Thank you all in advance!!!  
Much love❤

greenhillgirl

@kinzielee11 Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling so much right now. It is really difficult and I wish I had some magic advice for you to help. It's even harder when people around you aren't able to be supportive or don't understand what you're going through. I just don't think there's any way for people to understand how hard it is to want a child and not be able to have one. 

Do you like the doctor you are working with? What do they recommend as next steps for you? Has your husband been tested at all or done a sperm analysis so you can be sure of what your entire situation is? 

This is definitely the right place for you and I recommend it over the TTC board because there you will see a lot of easy quick pregnancy and symptom spotting. Good for people who get pregnant easily, but if I had a nickel for every month I felt queasy, had increased sense of smell, exhaustion, etc during the two week wait and it just turned out to be endo hormones being nutty- well then maybe I'd have enough to pay for IVF hang in there and read other people's posts too. It helps to known you aren't alone 

daisy222-2

@kinzielee11
Oh my, if someone said to me "well if you would not have had surgery we might have had a grandbaby by now", I would not be very nice in response. You must be very patient and polite.

I have similarly annoying family members. My mom was very nosy and was vocally wondering what our issues were and why we hadn't yet had a baby, and she was talking to her friends and extended family about the issues she thought we were having (she diagnosed me via the internet), and eventually I decided to "take a break" from her in order to not go insane. I'm not sure if you have this option (we live in a different states so it was easy). I only share details with family members I trust to keep quiet and not freak out about things (so, just my sister). A pack of nosy in-laws sounds like a nightmare. I am sorry you are dealing with that. The only real advice I have is to hang out with them all less and do other things with your time.

Also, although going to a fertility clinic has sucked in ways (financial, mainly, and also medical unpleasantness) it is nice to feel like we are making progress towards something and gives us something to look forward to. Does your RE have a series of next steps? Our doctor was very clear that we should try 3 IUIs and then move on to IVF. So that is what we did. Since you have been trying for 2 years and have a history of PCOS and endo, it seems very reasonable to move on to something with a higher success rate soon.

Good luck!!

[Deleted User]

Welcome!  I totally identify with feeling like you're on the edge of a breakdown like, all the time lol.  Like just yesterday actually, I pretty much just wailed and cried and sobbed.... and called a friend I could trust - which kind of forces you to pull it together long enoigh to explain what's wrong over the phone. Just a good listening ear to acknowledge how painful it is.  That has really helped me "let the lid off" so to speak, so I don't feel like Im constantly on the brink.  And I actually feel much better today, like I have some things I'm excited to think about besides IF.

I probably also would have flipped if someone said that - or at least <i>WANTED TO</i> - as if you chose that medical issue that required surgery! I'm so sorry.  People can say some of the freaking dumbest, wackiest things sometimes. :/ I'm sorry they tried to blame you for this.  It's SO not your fault, you know that, right?  I honestly don't talk to my in-laws about any of it, so like pps have said, maybe some space would help. ❤

kinzielee11

Thank you so much @greenhillgirl! 
As for right now goes I am currently working with my gyno. She is absolutely amazing and she knows exactly what has happened in the past. We have been on a break from anything dr oriented for about 6 months now since I could not take another round of clomid without going full blown psycho. I go for my next appt with her in May and that is when I am going to start asking a lot of questions as far as fertility treatments go. 

kinzielee11

Thank you @daisy222!
 I am by far not as polite and patient as I would like to be and my husband quickly stepped in and we left. We have strayed away from them since then only seeing them once a month which has helped with that stresser at least. 
I go back to my gyno in May and I plan on discussing what our next steps should be. 

mtele

@kinzielee11 - I'm sorry that you have been going through a rough patch and sorry that some family members have been giving you a hard time. It sounds like you had an ovarian torsion, which is a medical emergency! You had no choice but to have surgery! That must have been very painful and a difficult experience on it's own.

I also haven't told any family members about our troubles because I don't want to open the door to any unwelcome remarks. When I first started getting concerned about things, my gynecologist ordered some initial tests for me and my DH. It helped that by the time we went to see an RE we already had the results to discuss our options. Best of luck to you!

greenhillgirl

@kinzielee11 it's great you have a doctor you like working with and trust! I love my OBGYN too! It's good that you're taking some time to regroup and let your hormones settle. Have you ever tried Women's Best Friend supplements? That had helped relieve some of my endo symptoms in addition to stop eating dairy. But it's hard when you're dealing with medical conditions on top of IF. I also find these waiting periods the hardest! We see an RE tomorrow to make sure we don't have any other options than IVF which I wouldn't have coverage for until maybe January. I'm such an action oriented person it's hard to wait and process. I hope this time until May is good for your soul and if you have any tips on waiting without being insane pass them on!

kinzielee11

@greenhillgirl trust me if I had any tips for waiting I would be a millionaire! Unfortunately it's mostly stressful, just hoping that in May we finally get some answers and options for going forward. At this point I am really trying to come up with every question that I may have for them about treatments and such so if any of you have any questions that would be beneficial to ask mu RE about our next steps I  would love to here them and add to my list!

Irisheyes81

@kinzielee11 Welcome to the boards. I think you will feel accepted and supported here. This is a wonderful group that share a common and frustrating situation. I can't give you advice because I think you and your story is inspiring. Having pain since your teens and suffering so much is impossible for people to understand. It seems like your family could be more supportive and I think that's true for a lot of us. I don't think people know how much it hurts. That's what I've learned the most in this journey. Random comments are so unproductive. I used to see a friend turn down a glass of wine and ask if they were pregnant. I used to ask when someone was getting married or buying a house or any big life choice that is frankly none of my business. Pregnancy is everywhere and it seems as simple as a one night stand. I think we are all better people for this journey, as much as it hurts. Anyway, welcome!! 

kinzielee11

Thank you @Irisheyes81 that means a lot!  
I was so glad when I found this board! Sometimes all we need is to let it all out to some one and not feel judge by them. Here everyone is going through some of the same situations and trying the same things and it is just nixed to actually be able to talk to people who actually understand the situation you are going through.