@serenity13 I'm really sorry you're going through this. Honestly you're taking this soooo much better than I would. What did he think having a baby would be like? Did he think he could just go back to living his life like normal without changes? He has to give up his weekend? So do you! It's called parenting to be with your kid. Sorry but to me it sounds selfish. He's mad that he can't do whatever he wants anymore and has to be responsible for a baby. Hopefully seeing the baby will help him see what's really important in life. The baby being with a parent vs daycare would be most ideal for most parents.
@serenity13 - sorry that this is happening so close to baby's arrival! It sounds like it's becoming real for DH and he is getting freaked out. But it sounds like he's not doing a very good job of talking to you about his concerns and instead creating a fight about it, though. You are being the rational one trying to make a compromise and make the situation better! It seems unfair that he waited this long to bring it up, and definitely unfair to you to do it in this way. How long is your leave? When does LO start daycare? Hopefully once baby is born, he will change his mind and readjust his priorities.
My DH has gone through a few rounds of something similar. He seems to have these little freak outs that last a couple days about how he's never going to see his friends and he's going to have to give up this and that... and then he comes around, we talk through it and he realizes we both are going to have our lives changed, not just him!! It's almost like he just has to get it out of his system. It's definitely not a kind or even adult way to deal with it but he always comes around. I hope your DH also realizes how this is impacting you, and apologizes as he should. Hugs!
@serenity13 Pretty soon he's going to realize he loves that baby way more than he cares about his friends. Some dads take a few weeks or even a few months for that to happen but he'll come around.
Feeling a little irrational and petty, but yesterday was my birthday and my husband didn't get me anything. Well, I got a card and he went and got bagels, but I didn't get a gift. And I didn't get one for Valentine's Day either, I got him a massage since he'd been working really hard on our new house. It just kinda sucks, especially since DD was born exactly a week before my birthday.
@marshmallowfarts@jenny0228@Cbeanz thanks so much for the encouragement & advice!! I do agree that once LO is here he'll come around, it's just frustrating because I thought we were on the same page before but I think he's probably just realizing it's getting real for him & a lot of changes are about to happen. I'll be taking leave for about 12 weeks so hopefully we'll all get into a good routine by then. He did respond to my text in a much nicer way than I expected, so hopefully we'll be alright and able to compromise & talk things through. I want us to be a team and don't want either of us to feel overwhelmed or like we have to do everything on our own (although I think I'll likely be feeling that way the first several months anyway).
@serenity13 shitty timing? Yes! But I'm sure it's just him handling the--holy crap I'm going to have a kid soon!? And freaking out / trying to process it in his own way. not that it's a good way---you have every right to be like: what the heck!? Why not bring this up MONTHS ago. Probably because he didn't really comprehend what it meant. Keep communication open and honest with him-ask him how he's handling babies impending arrival-but stay positive and know once your little guy is actually here and H is adjusted/-it'll probably end up being a non-issue! only because it sounds exactly like a fight we would have here pre-baby days.
@serenity13 I'm really sorry you're going through this. Honestly you're taking this soooo much better than I would. What did he think having a baby would be like? Did he think he could just go back to living his life like normal without changes? He has to give up his weekend? So do you! It's called parenting to be with your kid. Sorry but to me it sounds selfish. He's mad that he can't do whatever he wants anymore and has to be responsible for a baby. Hopefully seeing the baby will help him see what's really important in life. The baby being with a parent vs daycare would be most ideal for most parents.
@Jilliants happy birthday! I wouldn't consider you feeling that way irrational, I would be upset too. Unless I specifically say "don't get me anything" - plan on at least getting me something small and thoughtful.
@Jilliants Happy Birthday!!! My husband had to work super late the night of my birthday our first year we were married. He didn't tell me what we were doing for my birthday so I honestly thought he was surprising me or something but no. Instead I got off work and spent the whole night by myself. My mom said she even wanted to come take me to dinner that night but assumed DH was doing something and didn't want to overstep. Let's just say .. he hasn't missed my birthday since. I'm sorry that that happened and honestly I don't think it's selfish or petty that you were upset! I agree with @CanadianintheSouth he should have at least gotten you something small and thoughtful if nothing else.
My mother is driving me crazy. My parents have been staying with us on/off for the past almost 2 weeks since DS was born. It's been so helpful because she basically cooks all day and helps with laundry, watching baby so I can nap or shower, etc. But she'll make comments about how I am going to spoil the baby by holding or wearing him all the time. And that I should put a pillow in his bassinet so it's more comfortable. And I tell her about research and what is currently recommended and she just goes on a rant about how it's so stupid. Well woman I didn't ever say how you did things with me and my brother were wrong or stupid. BUT things change and they update safety regulations and research all the time. I had to tell her repeatedly that I was not doing things her way and she just gets SO pouty when someone tells her something she believes is wrong. It's like a big cloud and no one else is allowed to be happy. So she and my dad drove 2 hours back home tonight after dinner. Ugh. I hope I don't judge and suffocate my little for his decisions in the future.
married 10.10.14 @ Turks & Caicos yorkie mama to Oscar FTM EDD 3.12.17
Re: Weekly Bitch Fest (3/20)
Baby #2 - March 2017
My DH has gone through a few rounds of something similar. He seems to have these little freak outs that last a couple days about how he's never going to see his friends and he's going to have to give up this and that... and then he comes around, we talk through it and he realizes we both are going to have our lives changed, not just him!! It's almost like he just has to get it out of his system. It's definitely not a kind or even adult way to deal with it but he always comes around. I hope your DH also realizes how this is impacting you, and apologizes as he should. Hugs!
not that it's a good way---you have every right to be like: what the heck!? Why not bring this up MONTHS ago. Probably because he didn't really comprehend what it meant.
Keep communication open and honest with him-ask him how he's handling babies impending arrival-but stay positive and know once your little guy is actually here and H is adjusted/-it'll probably end up being a non-issue!
only because it sounds exactly like a fight we would have here pre-baby days.
yorkie mama to Oscar
FTM EDD 3.12.17