@lap018 I am so sorry, that is absolutely ridiculous, and very unfair to you and your DH. Apparently what she really wants for her birthday is for you guys to read her mind, which is impossible. And it seems like his sister feeds into her narcissism, which I'm sure doesn't take it any easier. My therapist always tells me (in regards to my mil's shenanigans), that we know not to expect better, and since she's very consistent. We can hope for better in the future, but when we don't get it, I can be upset for a moment, and then I just need to let it roll off of me and move on. I hope you guys can figure out how to let it roll off of you too! (Easier said than done, I know, that's why my therapist has told me this about a hundred times!)
Dementia is a twatwaffle. My parents are in their 70s (I was adopted by my grandparents) and my mother has absolutely no short term memory. So even though I have talked to her a couple days ago AND saw her last week, she is CONVINCED I have cut her out of my life and calls me crying daily sometimes multiple times a day to the point I had to block her number as I was getting in trouble at work. It doesn't matter if I see or call her daily, she is convinced she hasn't seen me in years.
The bad thing is my mother was a selfish narcissistic person when she was well. All attention had to be on her at all times, everything was about her and her feelings, including whether I went away to college, moved out of the house, how I raised DD, changed jobs, etc etc etc. And our relationship soured badly because of that and she never felt like a mother but instead this person who just had to make every big life event and decision I ever made about her so even though everyone is saying I need to spend time with her and make amends, it's very hard to do so.
****TW Signature****
DD born 04/28/2002 Married DH 03/25/2017 1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017 BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
@rainafire77 that is so hard I don't have any dementia-specific experience. The only thing I can share is this: my dad's dad was not a good guy. He raped my grandmother, and when she found out she was pregnant her parents made her marry him (hooray the 1950s). He was no better at being a husband. She did finally rid herself of him and married a wonderful man. When my dad's dad was near the end, my dad was able to make peace with him. He did it because it made him (my dad) feel better. I wanted nothing to do with him, that was the correct decision for me, that's what gave me peace.
So much back story just to say: do some soul searching and try to figure out what will bring you the least amount of pain. Dementia has stolen her peace, buts yours is still up for grabs. Would it cause you more pain to try to make amends now, of will it cause you more pain when she's gone if you didn't try?
@lap018 there's screaming, yelling, sass - so. much. sass -, not listening, independence, defiance. I love my DS so much, but he tests me so much each day. I cried almost everyday when we left the house each morning in the first trimester because he was such an armpit. But he's so good at preschool, so I'd rather him be good at school and an armpit for us.
I hear it gets better. At least that's what people tell me. Stay strong.
@kailapop Five is really nice. I don't know if that's encouraging or not... But five has been the golden year for us so far.
<><><><><>DD1- May 2011<><><><><> <><><><><>Angel Baby- June 2012<><><><><> <><><><><>DD2- March 2013<><><><><> <><><><><>DS1- ETA September 2017<><><><><>
@kailapop, I agree with @awildrose--5 is a nice age! 4 was good to us too. We're approaching 6 (on St. Patty's day) & I've seen the attitude come out...so I'll get back to you on if the 'nice' continues
Since its thurs and not Tues I have a TW thursday. We just had all of our family in over the weekend for our gender reveal and my best friend just told me that my MIL pulled her aside and told her she had to stop buying things for the baby because she isn't leaving anything for anyone else to buy! 1. she hurt my best friends feelings and 2. I'm an only child and my bestie is like my sister. If she wants to spoil her nephew, she can spoil her nephew all she wants! Not that I expect anyone to ( especially at this point) but my MIL hasnt given us a single thing for the baby why would you get upset that someone else has?! How dare she tell anyone not to give gifts to my baby!
Re: TW Tuesday 3/14
The bad thing is my mother was a selfish narcissistic person when she was well. All attention had to be on her at all times, everything was about her and her feelings, including whether I went away to college, moved out of the house, how I raised DD, changed jobs, etc etc etc. And our relationship soured badly because of that and she never felt like a mother but instead this person who just had to make every big life event and decision I ever made about her so even though everyone is saying I need to spend time with her and make amends, it's very hard to do so.
DD born 04/28/2002
Married DH 03/25/2017
1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018
Is that our first real dramazzz?
So much back story just to say: do some soul searching and try to figure out what will bring you the least amount of pain. Dementia has stolen her peace, buts yours is still up for grabs. Would it cause you more pain to try to make amends now, of will it cause you more pain when she's gone if you didn't try?
All the hugs. Dementia is so cruel.
I hear it gets better. At least that's what people tell me. Stay strong.
@rainafire77 I am so sorry, that's terrible. I have no experience with that, so no advice, unfortunately.
<><><><><>Angel Baby- June 2012<><><><><>
<><><><><>DD2- March 2013<><><><><>
<><><><><>DS1- ETA September 2017<><><><><>