Family will not stop overspending — The Bump
2nd Trimester

Family will not stop overspending

My husbands mom and sister are seriously over spending on our baby and is making my husband and I uncomfortable. Neither of them can really afford to go over board- his sister is 18 and his mother is raising a 4 year old. They often complain about money and making ends meet. His sister often asks my husband for money and we often pick up the tab for his brother (birthday parties, gifts, out of town trips). We've asked them politely several times to cut back- "we have a small house" "we have a lot of 2nd hand stuff comting our way"- but they will not. His mom booked maternity photos for us and taken over the decorations for the baby shower. I'm afraid that at some point  they are going to over spend and ask us to pick up the tab and I'm starting to get frustrated that they do always count on us to do that. So much of what they are buying is unnecessary stuff that we don't want and I feel guilty taking it. I've asked my husband to say something- but he says there is no point- they will do what they want. I'm not sure what else to do to get them to slow down

Re: Family will not stop overspending

  • Part of me believes it is natural for a family to get excited and shop a whole lot for the new baby coming into the family. 

    However, I would also be concerned if they were to turn right around and ask for money. If they did ask for money I would politely suggest that they perhaps return some of those baby items that you do not really need instead of borrowing from you all. (After all, you have to save up for baby!) 


    Knottie1449203092SaphireSweetie88NYTino24
  • edited March 2017
    I agree the excitement plays a huge part, but at some point it gets out of hand. They haven't asked us for money for stuff they bought for the baby, but come to us complaining about other things they can't afford- like they rented a room at a pizza place for my husbands brothers birthday and the day of called and asked if we could pay the balance- after we had already paid for $200 of a $500 gift that they asked us to go in on. Also, it makes me feel guilty that they are stocking up for their house too for when the baby is there- which will not happen because my husband refuses to leave our child in a house with his stepdad without one of us there. Overall, my husband and I are much better off financially and much smarter with our money, and it eats at us that are spending all this unnecessary money, but at the same time we don't want to seem ungrateful and cause hurt feelings.
    SaphireSweetie88
  • Maybe provide a list or registry of things you do need/want? Tell them that the list is everything you want and they don't need to worry about getting anything that's not listed because it's not needed or it's already accounted for.
    DS1 born 2/28/16
    DS2 due 12/12/18

    Knottie1449203092SaphireSweetie88
  • No is not a four letter word. You do not have to keep picking up the tab for their poor financial decisions. As long as you keep doing so, they will continue to ask. If you stop doing it, they will learn they need to change what they are doing.  

    Perhaps keep the things you don't need in the boxes and give it back when they need money. Then they can return the things. 
    Knottie1449203092SnarkasaurusRex
  • No is not a four letter word. You do not have to keep picking up the tab for their poor financial decisions. As long as you keep doing so, they will continue to ask. If you stop doing it, they will learn they need to change what they are doing.  

    Perhaps keep the things you don't need in the boxes and give it back when they need money. Then they can return the things. 

    This.  If they know that they can spend whatever they want and then just count on you to pick up the difference, they will never stop doing that.  You have to stop bailing them out of their poor decisions.  If they ask you for money, give them a gift to return.  Eventually they'll get the hint.

     

    More importantly though, you need to convince your husband that he doesn't need to keep bailing them out - they're his family.  If he's not willing to say no to them, you have bigger problems than their overspending.

    Me: 36 DH: 36
    Married 5-31-14
    DD1 born 6-21-15
    DD2 born 6-11-17
    DS born 9-5-18

  • Yea, it sounds like it's time for you to put on your big girl panties and put your foot down. Learn how to say no now. Set boundaries with them now. You and your husband need to stop bailing them out at every opportunity. And seriously, your husband needs to man up and have that conversation with his mother.

    My mother was like this when I was pregnant with my first. They would constantly complain about money, but every time we saw them they had something new for the baby. For the first few weeks I passed it off as excitement, but when it started to get excessive I shut it down - I thanked her for her thoughtfulness, but didn't accept any more gifts. With this pregnancy she tried to start it up again, and I shut it straight back down. She still buys an excessive amount of crap, but at least she keeps it at her own house now, and I have pointed out to her that she could sell the majority of that stuff to get some extra money whenever she complains about that.
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