Birthday party and divorced inlaws

loveymay

Dh's parents are divorced and both remarried. They divorced 26 years ago, and are not ever around each other. Other than our wedding and waiting in the hospital when LO was born, which they managed to be civil. Anyway, we are having a small party for LO's birthday, in our backyard with just the grandparents. I would love for ALL the grandparents to be there, all 6. But we aren't inviting my FIL and SMIL, I guess dh thinks it will be uncomfortable for them to be around each other. That's fine, but dh told his dad we would come visit them and celebrate LO'birthday another weekend. Also fine, but I don't want it to be another party. I have been adamant, even before LO was born, that I will not be having multiple parties every year for my LO because in laws got divorced. I understand it can be awkward, but at the same time, be civil for LO's sake, you know? 

I mean it's not a huge deal, I have no problem at all celebrating LO twice! It just bothers me, dh's family on his dad's side have never been involved in things like my bridal shower, my baby shower, dh's graduation party a few years ago....we can't invite SMIL or his grandmother or aunts and cousins to things because his mom is invited.  Holidays are a nightmare too! I guess I'm just sick of it! I dont want to vent to dh because I dont want to make him feel bad or feel like he is stuck in the middle. How do you guys handle situations like this? 

linzoirv

loveymay said:

 I would love for ALL the grandparents to be there, all 6. But we aren't inviting my FIL and SMIL, I guess dh thinks it will be uncomfortable for them to be around each other. That's fine, but dh told his dad we would come visit them and celebrate LO'birthday another weekend. Also fine, but I don't want it to be another party.

Maybe your H's definition of "celebrate" is just a small gathering or a family dinner with his father and MIL. I wouldn't want to "host" another birthday party either BUT if your inlaws are footing the bill and offer to hosting another party, I would let them. 

My parents have been divorced and remarried numerous times. I've seen and heard it all in terms of disfunction. They know that unless they are footing a bill, they can just shut it up or continue to be selfish and not attend. 

g&tlewis

My husband's parents divorced about 30 years ago. They hadn't seen each other outside of a courtroom until our rehearsal dinner. It's awkward, but we aren't making special arrangements for them. They can all come to Christmas, birthday parties, etc. and be civil, or they can just not show up. I will say it is a little awkward for everyone else when they're in the same room. FIL and that entire side of the family were at our house on Chritsmas, and MIL showed up by herself. I could feel the tension in the room, but it wasn't horrible. I just focused on my son and my glass of wine. ;-)