I'm finally back! During jury duty, we went through two long weeks of testimony, experts, etc and right after closing arguments, they settled the case! I was a little pissed that I didn't even get the chance to talk about it with my fellow jurors because I was dying to talk about it and hear their opinions. Oh well.
Congratulations to @MandyBeeSLP for your BFP! Hugs to anybody who needs one.
As previously mentioned in last weeks update, DH and I are on IUI #2. Today is my last day of Letrozole, follicle check is on Friday. Otherwise, it's pretty much same old-same old.
QOTW: My husband is the main gardener in our house...I am a bit of a black thumb but I try to help out. We (he) do(es) a large vegetable garden every year with just about everything. Potatoes, corn, carrots, kale, zucchini, peas, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkins, tomatoes....really just close to any type of veggie. DH is in charge of planting and maintenance, and I am in charge of canning. I do plant flowers around the yard as well, but DH maintains them as I never think to water anything. Hostas are my ideal plant....because I plant them and then do nothing.
Not much to report. I think I did actually ovulate this cycle, though! Didn't catch it on an OPK, but it's my first cycle temping and I've had high temps the past few days. I still really don't have much hope or optimism though.
ETA: I don't garden. DH got a tomato plant and serrano plant and was so excited and just let them die. We are not gardening people.
QOTW - I don't garden these days, we're hoping to move in the next month or two, but once we do I'd like to get my veggie garden back. I really enjoyed having fresh tomatoes and cucumbers!
This week is interminable. I'm in my TWW, 10dpo, and not-so-patiently waiting for the weekend. FI and I are not getting our hopes up too high this cycle, although we had a great sample and I had two lovely mature follies. Everything seemed right but I sort of feel like my heart's not in it. I'm not sure I believe it can happen anymore. Which sounds so dumb in the context of it only being my second IUI, but this is cycle 14 and I'm just sort of giving up hope.
~Mom to an amazing Jan 2011 boy~ ~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
Hi all! CD24 here, 9DPO and per the usual waiting for AF to come soon.
We saw our RE on Friday and he was happy with DH's improved SA. Since it's still below normal, he encouraged us to wait another cycle before IUI#4. So April it is. I did ask about progesterone because I'm concerned my LP is too short (it's usually 10-12 days). He wasn't concerned but said we could take it starting with the next IUI. And now I'm fighting off a UTI that I failed to deal with last week. Antibiotics are your friend.
@PoeMasque I just saw you asked this in last week's thread: I don't know the minimum count to proceed with IUI (DH was always 1.5-2.6 million-ish), but our RE has said that 4-5 million is the ideal amount for success (higher is fine but doesn't increase the odds per the sigmoidal curve). Certainly our office will proceed with less than 4 million, but I don't think they have high hopes.
Hey ladies! I'm currently 10dpiui with IUI #1. BFN at 9dpiui which I know is too early but what can you do.
***TW - pregnancy and loss mentioned***
My SIL announced she was KU in August and about a week later she had an MC. Which I felt terrible about because when she first announced I wasn't excited for them at all. Well she just announced that she is pregnant again, second time in 6 months. I thought I was in a much better head space but when it hit me that I've had 1 BFP in 42 months and she's had 2 in 6 months I got super sad and couldn't help but have a meltdown in front of DH.
GTKY: DH is making my some raised beds for this year so we're gonna try our hand at gardening for the first time this year. With house plants Im with @hoffmanr7 and have a black thumb so hopefully I have better luck with this!
DH - 34, Me - 32 Married 7/13 TTC #1 since 10/13 BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15 IUI #1 2/25/16
@soontobemommahowe Hugs to you! I understand exactly how frustrating and defeating that feels. *TW loss mentioned* When my BFF told me last year that she'd had a MC on an unexpected pregnancy, one that she wasn't sure she even wanted, I was sobbing because it was so unfair that she could get KU and I couldn't. I felt like an insensitive asshole, although I didn't let her hear me crying or tell her about it, obviously.*end TW* Anyway, dealing with feelings of jealousy when the aim of that jealousy has also suffered a loss is not easy, but I think your reaction is completely normal and don't beat yourself up about it--especially since you've had your own loss and this feels like a real kick in the face. Anyway, thinking of you, and FX for this IUI!!
I've posted my intro but for those who haven't seen it I am on my 13th cycle TTCAL. we just meet with our RE a few weeks ago so still doing/scheduling testing before making a game plan moving forward. Just found out that my insurance won't cover my karotype testing so we need to decide if we are willing to pay out of pocket or not. * trigger warning - loss mentioned* I did have a m/c in December 2016 and it was caused by a genetic defect that there is a small possibly could have been handed down by one of us. So we want o get it done but the cost is overwhelming. *end trigger warning*
We just moved into our first house in the gal so I am looking forward to doing some gardening this year. I really don't know much about it, despite practically growing up on a horse farm. But my MIL is a Master Gardener and loves just a few miles away. I'm hoping she will help me get started. I would like to have a nice raised bed like @SoonToBeMommaHowe. Maybe I can convince my DH to make me one or two! I did get a puppy right after Christmas and I'm worried she is going to destroy everything. She is a little stinker but really cute and super sweet.
@MJDsquared - hm re: not catching the ovulation on an OPK. Are you still having the long cycles? (As in ovulating around day 21?) Have you had more testing done?
@pawcall - I find the second week of the TWW is far, far worse than the first. At the end of this week, I'll be entering week 2, and I am NOT looking forward to it... As each cycle passes, the possibility of a BFP seems more remote. Ugh. Hang in there!
@Bababatty - GL with the UTI! Ugh! And I'm keeping my FX for a higher count next month! I hope the time passes quickly.
@MooFish2364 - what does the karotype testing entail? Also - congratulations on the house! And the puppy!
****TW***** @SoonToBeMommaHowe - your post struck a nerve with me, like it did for @Babybatty. I don't know if I mentioned, but a few weeks ago, my SIL announced she was KU-ed, and I actually cried about it (just privately, with DH, but still...). She announced it super-early, and that rubbed me wrong - it seemed like a sign that she'd not had any losses, or any struggle. And then last week, she announced that she'd had an MC. I felt like a terrible, terrible person. ***End TW****
She and I aren't close. Truthfully, I'm still irritated by how she and her H acted at our wedding (they gave us marijuana as a wedding gift. I was speechless. Like, we really would have preferred something for our kitchen. ) She and her H are big hippies. She didn't want kids at all - liked talked about how much she didn't want them - until something switched when she was about 32.
I dunno. In most areas of my life, I'm a responsible, hard-working person, and I'm not a jealous type. When I was much younger, I remember being so upset with a cousin, because she was always so flake-y, and her parents kept bailing her out, and mine never bailed me out. It seemed like such an injustice, and it burned. Now, as an adult, I feel ashamed that I ever felt that way, especially when I compare where we are now: I mean, she has a nice life and she's happy, but I have a really nice life - and I've definitely benefited from being responsible in a way she hasn't. I wish I'd known then that there wasn't a need for me to be jealous; that it would all work out.
But it's easier not to be jealous when you have faith: IF has really tested my faith.
I know it's not a competition, but sometimes I wish it were. Because then maybe DH and I would get a baby. I often feel like we'd be excellent parents - stable, loving, generous, capable. We've worked so hard for what we have, and yet so many other people who don't work nearly as hard - not half as hard! - end up with babies and we don't.
For my SIL - who is a nice person, really kind, if a little, err, relaxed - I looked at her life, and I think about what she can offer a child and what we can offer a child, and it just seemed unfair. It seemed unfair that she could show up so late to the party and to just take home a goody bag, whereas I got here early and helped with set-up and clean-up, but oh, no goody bag for me - they ran out.
Grr. I wish I had more faith that this would all work out. I don't know that we're going to be able to have a family. I know we are going to keep going and try our hardest, but the reality is that a lot of IF couples, they never are able to conceive or bear a child. And it's not fair; it sucks.
ps. we don't have a garden... we are working on that. But we both would love to garden: DH vegetables, and me everything other than vegetables. I love tulips in the spring!
@Bababatty and @funkykey sorry you've both been through similar situations, it's so tough. I truly dislike being so jealous and not happy for ppl but it's so darn hard.
@funkykey are you serious marihuana as a wedding gift?!?!?! Oh boy.
DH - 34, Me - 32 Married 7/13 TTC #1 since 10/13 BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15 IUI #1 2/25/16
@MooFish2364 - I don't know if this is similar or not, but my OB had me do the counsyl testing before we began IUI'ing. My insurance didn't pay for it, but it was only $299 for self-pay.
****TW****
Everything on my screen came back totally normal, which I guess should make me feel better, but actually I think I'm even more afraid now. The results say I have no increased risk of having a child with genetic defects. And yet here I sit right at this moment in the hospital with my 6 year old, who has a multiple genetic disorders.
~Mom to an amazing Jan 2011 boy~ ~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
@funkykey Well, I stopped taking OPKs when I got a positive on CD12. But then my progesterone level was only 1-point-something on CD19. So I missed out on a week of OPKs, and I did test on CD21 since that's when I ovulated in the past, but it was negative. So based on Fertility Friend, O day was CD 18, until they moved it back to CD 14 which doesn't seem likely based on temps but also seems impossible based on my progesterone level on CD 19!
ETA: I have not seen an RE/had extensive testing done. That will be coming up soon though.
@hoffmanr7 FX for this IUI! @pawcall I've pretty much given up hope too. At this point I feel like I'm just waiting for AF, but if I O'd when I think I did, she won't come until Sunday. I'm so sorry to hear about your LO. @Bababatty@SoonToBeMommaHowe@funkykey My jealousy has gotten out of control in the past few month or two. I used to look at pictures of little ones wistfully, but now it makes me depressed and angry. And I've always thought that mom vs. mom battles are ridiculous, but I've even had thoughts about people's parenting like, "Ugh, you're doing it wrong." Which is ridiculous, because I don't have any experience in that department, and like I said I've always hated the mom wars. I feel like IF is making me a not-so-great person. (Although my levels of empathy for everyone here/anyone struggling to get pregnant have definitely gone up!) @moofish2364 I'm sorry about the expensive testing.
@SoonToBeMommaHowe -are you serious marihuana as a wedding gift?!?!?! Oh boy.
That was my reaction too! Like this:
@MJDsquared - I used to think it was ridiculous too, mom vs mom battles. I mean, I still do. But I try to give myself a pass from having dark emotions - what we're dealing with right now is both difficult and painful. People are free to make their own choices re: parenting, and to live with the consequences of their decisions... I just wish the playing field were more level - like it weren't so much more difficult and gut-wrenching (literally!) for some couples to get pregnant over others.
Goody bags were a bad analogy, I realized after. Like goody bag does not equal a child. But I guess you get what I mean, just in terms of getting KU-ed.
I posted my intro last week...hopefully it's OK to post here if I haven't been "paged"
I took the Ovidrel trigger on Sunday so I'm going to assume I've O'ed by now? Since I've been monitored by my RE I haven't been temping and OPKs never work for me because - PCOS. Anyone have any experience with this? I'm "assuming" I'm 1 DPO now.
QOTW: I try to garden, and fail miserably. My front and backyard are overgrown messes. I just don't have the time or motivation to keep up with it. My neighbours on both sides are retired and have magazine worthy gardens....I'm sure they silently judge me daily.
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
@SoonToBeMommaHowe@funkykey I feel you on the jealously. I have a seriously hard time with it. One of my coworkers came back from mat leave last week and she's already 4 months along with the next one...I thought it was so unfair that I cried in the bathroom. My SIL got KU after being married a year when we had been married for 5 years...she had the first grandchild of the family after everyone had been bugging us for the last 5 years. It was such a sore spot...and honestly still is. I love my nephew so much but I can't say there isn't some resentment there. Which makes me feel terrible.
Me: 27 // DH: 30 Married 05/21/2011 TTC Since Feb 2016 RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS 5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018 IT'S A BOY!
I only introduced myself yesterday so I don't have much to say
Had blood-work last week, I have an ultrasound scheduled for in the morning, then a follow up visit next week to discuss results. FX crossed all goes well! In other news I started my healthy eating again (I might as well feel and look good even if i'm not pregnant right?). I ordered girlscout cookies last month and the day I decided to eat healthy they arrive at the office. No worries though, I have resisted!
As far as gardening goes I don't garden, I have the black thumb! The only thing this girl has been able to keep alive is her spider plant, those things are hardy!
Nothing exciting for me. 6dpo today. This cycle had no intervention since we are just waiting to do IUI #1 next cycle. So maybe we'll pull a rabbit out of a hat but I expect we will probably need the IUI.
Me: 30 | DH: 28
Together since 2013 | Married 2014 TTC since March 2016 1 cycle of Clomid 50mg and TI, unmonitored by OBGYN= BFN Dx: unexplained & mild MFI | Rx: Femara w/ trigger & IUI 1st IUI: BFP. Chemical Pregnancy 2st IUI: BFN 3rd IUI: BFN 1 round femara 7.5: BPF! Due date March 2018
funkykey It was a civil case against a medical worker, claiming wrongful death of a family member in the hospital. It was a long, winding case. I can't go into too many details without doxxing myself but in my humble opinion, the defendant was completely and utterly innocent of negligence and it's a shame that they settled. I'm pretty sure the other jurors felt the same way.
*TW* @vintageandrea90 I know how it feels with the coworker. One of the girls I work with is pregnant. I cried on and off the entire day she told everyone she was pregnant. And then yesterday and today she was talking about how she had and appointment this afternoon to find out the sex of the baby. I'm happy for her but......
Me: 25 | DH: 34 Married since 2010, TTC since Dec 2013 Dx: PCOS
@funkykey I feel you girl. It sucks and it's so hard to have faith in the middle of it all. I have gotten so upset and jealous over good friends' easy, quick pregnancies that I have alienated myself.
I guess I need to have my treatment updated to clomid @GoldenKeys Tomorrow I start taking it.
Also, dumb question- what the heck does paging mean??
Qotw: I have a raised garden, like really raised (waist high on wheels!) Working on carrots, spinach, tomatoes in that. Going to plan a bell pepper or two in it this weekend. I also have a small herb garden- chives, oregano, and mint. And I'm seeding watermelon right now and in about 3 weeks I will transplant them in the ground.
Last year because of the horrible heat we have, my tomatoes all got sun burned and wouldn't ripe on the vine, so we had to pick earlier and ripen inside. Hopefully the raised bed on wheels will help this year- being able to bring it in and out the sun/shade.
***TW morbid humor*** Maybe I can grow plants better than I can grow babies...
Trigger warning
me: 28 dh: 34 married since October 2015-started trying immediately dx: PCOS, anovulatory rx: provera metformin progesterone *TW* BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis 1 clomid cycle (March 2017) BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017 di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia *End TW* BFP Sept.2019
Going to trigger today and then it'll be the start of the dreaded tww. QOTW: LOVE gardening, we were just talking about this in ttgp. DH and I do a veggie garden every year along with planting flowers outside the house. We usually grow: green peppers, jalapeño peppers, banana peppers, tomatoes, onions, lettuce, green beans, we're gonna give cucumbers a go this year and maybe some zucchini
@funkykey my test should detect chromosomal abnormalities that we could pass down to children. It will also detect if we are carriers for any genetic diseases like cystic fibrosis.
@pawcall I'm not sure but my RE is working on it. I'm not always convinced that genetic testing is accurate. There are some pretty interesting studies on testing for things like Downs and how they get false positives.
@mrswifeytoad what if I just suck and can't seem to do either?! I'm just trying to keep my puppy alive, lol.
@kaitlink33 my DH loves banana peppers...guess I should try to grow those too!
@MooFish2364 girl, I worry about that too!! I didn't do that great with my garden last year... this is my last attempt to grow things other than herbs and succulents. Lol
Trigger warning
me: 28 dh: 34 married since October 2015-started trying immediately dx: PCOS, anovulatory rx: provera metformin progesterone *TW* BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis 1 clomid cycle (March 2017) BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017 di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia *End TW* BFP Sept.2019
@mrswifeytoadI LOVE LOVE LOVE succulents! H thinks I'm crazy and doesn't see why I love them so much. He says they're not even pretty...I think they are though. I would put them everywhere if I could. I have several potted ones in my house for decoration. Lol
Hey ladies! Not much new to report here... I am WTO on CD 6. I usually don't O until around day 17-21ish so still a few weeks to go. I will be off the bench this weekend, yay! Countdown to RE appointment in 2 weeks ... I feel like time is going so slowly.
QOTW: I have never gardened before, but I am interested it in. Maybe someday I will channel my inner Joanna Gaines and get into it lol
ETA:
@pawcall FX for IUI! Also, I hope your LO is okay.
@funkykey that is quite the wedding gift! What did you even do? Do you write a thank you card for that nonsense??? That would seriously irritate me ...
@SoonToBeMommaHowe and others Re: jealousy. It is real, and I have it all the time. One of my coworkers is pregnant and she told us when she was like 6 weeks, which was crazy to me. We are having a small shower for her next week, and I just contributed money to the group gift. I can't really (mentally) shop for baby things for right now. I have a hard time even looking at baby things. I go through phases with it - When we first started TTC that was all I would do on Pinterest. But now I really don't want to look at how to make baby food or a super cute nursery.
Its really hard when it's people around you that you are close with or family. I think it's okay to let yourself feel sad/jealous/whatever other emotions you may have. Unfortunately it is part of this process for us.
@GoldenKeys - frustrating! That does sound like a shame. I've heard a couple of stories from friends lately about difficult patients they've had - mostly families who are having problems letting go of 90-year-old grandparents - and it's kind of shocking. I thought everyone knew medicine could only do so much? Ugh.
@vintageandrea90 - My SIL got KU after being married a year when we had been married for 5 years...she had the first grandchild of the family after everyone had been bugging us for the last 5 years. It was such a sore spot...and honestly still is. I love my nephew so much but I can't say there isn't some resentment there. Which makes me feel terrible.
I am the oldest in my family, and a couple of my younger siblings had children before me - my one sister is now on her third! So I hear you. I have to tell myself, over and over, "it's not a race" - my hope is that it will be easier when I have my own children. I love my nieces and nephews, but I want my own family too.
@Kim41313 - yes I wrote a thank-you card! Of course I did! And I didn't even write: "how thoughtful!" nor "you know, we really could have used a blender", so I commended myself for my restraint.
But I also complained to my husband about it. I mean, we were touched to receive any gifts, of course, but I was sure to point out the differences between our families. In our case, planning our wedding involved a couple of huge culture clashes, and involved a lot of me saying: "I cannot believe your family..."
There is a reason weddings are so stressful: Inlaws! Hahaha! (Or as my dad calls them, "outlaws".)
@mrswifeytoad I don't know if anyone answered your paging question! It's like when a doctor gets paged. Basically just calling us over to post our weekly check-in.
Hey guys, Checking in. I've been a mess this week and the reasons are probably the stellar combo of infertility and PMS, and secondly some tension with DH. We had avoided talking about IF for some time, but now he's been dropping comments like 'when we have kids' and such that make me feel pressured. He also says that 'we'll never give up', which freaks me out, because I need to know there's an end in sight, success or no. He's willing to do anything to have a kid , and I'm not.
I saw a therapist and now I'm considering taking antidepressants. Maybe drugs influence fertility but I'm not sure I care. I just want to feel better.
Sorry to vent. Hope others have been feeling better this week!
Me - 35 (DH - 33). TTC since May 2015. Saw RE in July 2016. 11/16: IUI #1= BFN. 1/17: IUI #2 = BFN. 5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B. 8/17: FET #1. Thus far - 'unexplained'.
@notamyrtle - I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. IF sucks. As you may remember, my DH and I have the opposite problem - I'm willing to do more to have a kid than he is. In a way, we're lucky - I mean, my body is going to do the bulk of the work, so it's easier when I'm the one driving the bus. But it impacts our marriage too - DH has mentioned he's afraid what will happen if our treatments all fail - he's worried I will keep going and won't listen to him at all, and he feels trapped and powerless. I don't know if you feel like that, but I hope if you do, you are open with your H about it.
Where it stands with my DH and I - we don't know how far we will go, but we have committed to talking about it. And he seems more confident now that he can see how tired I'm getting - like yes, there will be an end, eventually. I hope your DH either starts to fatigue himself, or starts to respect your fatigue soon. Ugh.
@notamyrtle I'm so sorry you're having a rough week. I hope it gets better soon! I am really glad you're seeing a therapist and taking antidepressants. I don't know how such drugs impact fertility, but what do your therapist and RE say? Regardless, your health (mental and physical) is the most important thing and I'm happy you're doing this.
DH and I have had conversations about how far we're willing to take this journey--we really like to have these on the street or in restaurants for some reason--and it's been helpful. For instance, DH wants a kid at all costs, like yours, but I wasn't really interested in adoption. I'm glad we talked about it because now we're on the same page, which ended up with me being more willing to consider adoption if it comes to it. Anyway, I hope you're able to do the same thing.
@notamyrtle I'm sorry about you rough week. As for the anti-depressants affecting fertility, have been taking them since before we started TTC and non of my doctors have said anything aout the anti-depressants causing any problems. If I had to go through this without them I don't think I would be able to manage anything.
Me: 25 | DH: 34 Married since 2010, TTC since Dec 2013 Dx: PCOS
@notamyrtle hugs to you. I'm sorry you're having a rough week. I second what @Bababatty said, your mental health is the most important thing. I hope things start looking up for you soon.
@notamyrtle re:antidepressants I've been on anti depressants since we'll before ttc. When we started actively trying, my Dr switched me to zoloft because it is safer for pregnancy. I can't function well without my antidepressants, I'm just not me.
Trigger warning
me: 28 dh: 34 married since October 2015-started trying immediately dx: PCOS, anovulatory rx: provera metformin progesterone *TW* BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis 1 clomid cycle (March 2017) BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017 di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia *End TW* BFP Sept.2019
Hey, I'm a newbie and would like to join the checkin:)
We've been TTC for 8 months now (I know not very long compared to some others. I have PCOS and serious issues with anovulation (currently on CD79). Currently taking Metformin, very impatiently waiting for my appointment with the fertility specialist, and waiting for the hubby to go to the Dr for SA.
QOTW: Do you garden? If so, what do you grow? If not, what is your favorite spring flower/plant? I don't garden as such, by I have a couple of potted franjipani treesand an aloe vera plant that I am doing my best to keep alive (I'm more of an animal person!)
Me: 26, DH: 26 TTC #1 since July 2016 Dx: PCOS, on Metformin since Feb 2017
@notamyrtle your dr. Should be able to tell you which medications are safe to take when ttc. When figuring out which antidepressant to take and switching them when they didn't work, etc. They would consult their list in the computer which told them which class the drug was in that told them if it was safe to take ttc. Good luck to you and lots of hugs. I know it can be hard and extremely exhausting and you just feel like giving up most of the time. Do what's best for you. Hopefully you and YH can come to an agreement.
Re: TTTC Checkin 03/07/2017
QOTW: My husband is the main gardener in our house...I am a bit of a black thumb but I try to help out. We (he) do(es) a large vegetable garden every year with just about everything. Potatoes, corn, carrots, kale, zucchini, peas, green beans, broccoli, cauliflower, pumpkins, tomatoes....really just close to any type of veggie. DH is in charge of planting and maintenance, and I am in charge of canning. I do plant flowers around the yard as well, but DH maintains them as I never think to water anything. Hostas are my ideal plant....because I plant them and then do nothing.
TTC #1 Since: April 2015
Unexplained Infertility
Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
Cycle 5: HSG-normal
Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF
Cycle 14: IVF-BFN
ETA: I don't garden. DH got a tomato plant and serrano plant and was so excited and just let them die. We are not gardening people.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
dx: MFI(morph) + PCOS tendencies Rx: Clomid IUI
QOTW - I don't garden these days, we're hoping to move in the next month or two, but once we do I'd like to get my veggie garden back. I really enjoyed having fresh tomatoes and cucumbers!
This week is interminable. I'm in my TWW, 10dpo, and not-so-patiently waiting for the weekend. FI and I are not getting our hopes up too high this cycle, although we had a great sample and I had two lovely mature follies. Everything seemed right but I sort of feel like my heart's not in it. I'm not sure I believe it can happen anymore. Which sounds so dumb in the context of it only being my second IUI, but this is cycle 14 and I'm just sort of giving up hope.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
We saw our RE on Friday and he was happy with DH's improved SA. Since it's still below normal, he encouraged us to wait another cycle before IUI#4. So April it is. I did ask about progesterone because I'm concerned my LP is too short (it's usually 10-12 days). He wasn't concerned but said we could take it starting with the next IUI. And now I'm fighting off a UTI that I failed to deal with last week. Antibiotics are your friend.
@PoeMasque I just saw you asked this in last week's thread: I don't know the minimum count to proceed with IUI (DH was always 1.5-2.6 million-ish), but our RE has said that 4-5 million is the ideal amount for success (higher is fine but doesn't increase the odds per the sigmoidal curve). Certainly our office will proceed with less than 4 million, but I don't think they have high hopes.
***TW - pregnancy and loss mentioned***
My SIL announced she was KU in August and about a week later she had an MC. Which I felt terrible about because when she first announced I wasn't excited for them at all. Well she just announced that she is pregnant again, second time in 6 months. I thought I was in a much better head space but when it hit me that I've had 1 BFP in 42 months and she's had 2 in 6 months I got super sad and couldn't help but have a meltdown in front of DH.
GTKY: DH is making my some
raised beds for this year so we're gonna try our hand at gardening for the first time this year. With house plants Im with @hoffmanr7 and have a black thumb so hopefully I have better luck with this!
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16
We just moved into our first house in the gal so I am looking forward to doing some gardening this year. I really don't know much about it, despite practically growing up on a horse farm. But my MIL is a Master Gardener and loves just a few miles away. I'm hoping she will help me get started. I would like to have a nice raised bed like @SoonToBeMommaHowe. Maybe I can convince my DH to make me one or two! I did get a puppy right after Christmas and I'm worried she is going to destroy everything. She is a little stinker but really cute and super sweet.
@hoffmanr7 - I love hostas, so pretty!
@MJDsquared - hm re: not catching the ovulation on an OPK. Are you still having the long cycles? (As in ovulating around day 21?) Have you had more testing done?
@pawcall - I find the second week of the TWW is far, far worse than the first. At the end of this week, I'll be entering week 2, and I am NOT looking forward to it... As each cycle passes, the possibility of a BFP seems more remote. Ugh. Hang in there!
@Bababatty - GL with the UTI! Ugh! And I'm keeping my FX for a higher count next month! I hope the time passes quickly.
@MooFish2364 - what does the karotype testing entail? Also - congratulations on the house! And the puppy!
****TW*****
@SoonToBeMommaHowe - your post struck a nerve with me, like it did for @Babybatty. I don't know if I mentioned, but a few weeks ago, my SIL announced she was KU-ed, and I actually cried about it (just privately, with DH, but still...). She announced it super-early, and that rubbed me wrong - it seemed like a sign that she'd not had any losses, or any struggle. And then last week, she announced that she'd had an MC. I felt like a terrible, terrible person.
***End TW****
She and I aren't close. Truthfully, I'm still irritated by how she and her H acted at our wedding (they gave us marijuana as a wedding gift. I was speechless. Like, we really would have preferred something for our kitchen. ) She and her H are big hippies. She didn't want kids at all - liked talked about how much she didn't want them - until something switched when she was about 32.
I dunno. In most areas of my life, I'm a responsible, hard-working person, and I'm not a jealous type. When I was much younger, I remember being so upset with a cousin, because she was always so flake-y, and her parents kept bailing her out, and mine never bailed me out. It seemed like such an injustice, and it burned. Now, as an adult, I feel ashamed that I ever felt that way, especially when I compare where we are now: I mean, she has a nice life and she's happy, but I have a really nice life - and I've definitely benefited from being responsible in a way she hasn't. I wish I'd known then that there wasn't a need for me to be jealous; that it would all work out.
But it's easier not to be jealous when you have faith: IF has really tested my faith.
I know it's not a competition, but sometimes I wish it were. Because then maybe DH and I would get a baby. I often feel like we'd be excellent parents - stable, loving, generous, capable. We've worked so hard for what we have, and yet so many other people who don't work nearly as hard - not half as hard! - end up with babies and we don't.
For my SIL - who is a nice person, really kind, if a little, err, relaxed - I looked at her life, and I think about what she can offer a child and what we can offer a child, and it just seemed unfair. It seemed unfair that she could show up so late to the party and to just take home a goody bag, whereas I got here early and helped with set-up and clean-up, but oh, no goody bag for me - they ran out.
Grr. I wish I had more faith that this would all work out. I don't know that we're going to be able to have a family. I know we are going to keep going and try our hardest, but the reality is that a lot of IF couples, they never are able to conceive or bear a child. And it's not fair; it sucks.
@funkykey are you serious marihuana as a wedding gift?!?!?! Oh boy.
Married 7/13
TTC #1 since 10/13
BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
IUI #1 2/25/16
****TW****
Everything on my screen came back totally normal, which I guess should make me feel better, but actually I think I'm even more afraid now. The results say I have no increased risk of having a child with genetic defects. And yet here I sit right at this moment in the hospital with my 6 year old, who has a multiple genetic disorders.
~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~
[spoiler]
[/spoiler]
ETA: I have not seen an RE/had extensive testing done. That will be coming up soon though.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
@pawcall I've pretty much given up hope too. At this point I feel like I'm just waiting for AF, but if I O'd when I think I did, she won't come until Sunday. I'm so sorry to hear about your LO.
@Bababatty @SoonToBeMommaHowe @funkykey My jealousy has gotten out of control in the past few month or two. I used to look at pictures of little ones wistfully, but now it makes me depressed and angry. And I've always thought that mom vs. mom battles are ridiculous, but I've even had thoughts about people's parenting like, "Ugh, you're doing it wrong." Which is ridiculous, because I don't have any experience in that department, and like I said I've always hated the mom wars. I feel like IF is making me a not-so-great person. (Although my levels of empathy for everyone here/anyone struggling to get pregnant have definitely gone up!)
@moofish2364 I'm sorry about the expensive testing.
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
That was my reaction too! Like this:
@MJDsquared - I used to think it was ridiculous too, mom vs mom battles. I mean, I still do. But I try to give myself a pass from having dark emotions - what we're dealing with right now is both difficult and painful. People are free to make their own choices re: parenting, and to live with the consequences of their decisions... I just wish the playing field were more level - like it weren't so much more difficult and gut-wrenching (literally!) for some couples to get pregnant over others.
Goody bags were a bad analogy, I realized after. Like goody bag does not equal a child. But I guess you get what I mean, just in terms of getting KU-ed.
I took the Ovidrel trigger on Sunday so I'm going to assume I've O'ed by now? Since I've been monitored by my RE I haven't been temping and OPKs never work for me because - PCOS. Anyone have any experience with this? I'm "assuming" I'm 1 DPO now.
QOTW: I try to garden, and fail miserably. My front and backyard are overgrown messes. I just don't have the time or motivation to keep up with it. My neighbours on both sides are retired and have magazine worthy gardens....I'm sure they silently judge me daily.
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!
@SoonToBeMommaHowe @funkykey I feel you on the jealously. I have a seriously hard time with it. One of my coworkers came back from mat leave last week and she's already 4 months along with the next one...I thought it was so unfair that I cried in the bathroom. My SIL got KU after being married a year when we had been married for 5 years...she had the first grandchild of the family after everyone had been bugging us for the last 5 years. It was such a sore spot...and honestly still is. I love my nephew so much but I can't say there isn't some resentment there. Which makes me feel terrible.
Married 05/21/2011
TTC Since Feb 2016
RE: Dec 2016 Dx: PCOS
5 rounds of Letrozole 5mg + Ovidrel + TI
BFP!!!! June 2017 // EDD: 04/01/2018
IT'S A BOY!
Had blood-work last week, I have an ultrasound scheduled for in the morning, then a follow up visit next week to discuss results. FX crossed all goes well!
In other news I started my healthy eating again (I might as well feel and look good even if i'm not pregnant right?). I ordered girlscout cookies last month and the day I decided to eat healthy they arrive at the office. No worries though, I have resisted!
As far as gardening goes I don't garden, I have the black thumb! The only thing this girl has been able to keep alive is her spider plant, those things are hardy!
Married: 2014
TTC #1: Since 2/2016
Me: 30 | DH: 28
TTC since March 2016
1 cycle of Clomid 50mg and TI, unmonitored by OBGYN= BFN
Dx: unexplained & mild MFI | Rx: Femara w/ trigger & IUI
1st IUI: BFP. Chemical Pregnancy
2st IUI: BFN
3rd IUI: BFN
1 round femara 7.5: BPF!
Due date March 2018
Married for 7 years, TTC for 4 years
dx: Diminished Ovarian Reserve
2 Clomid IUI's + 4 injectable IUI's= 5 BFNs and 1 mc
@vintageandrea90 I know how it feels with the coworker. One of the girls I work with is pregnant. I cried on and off the entire day she told everyone she was pregnant. And then yesterday and today she was talking about how she had and appointment this afternoon to find out the sex of the baby. I'm happy for her but......
Married since 2010, TTC since Dec 2013
Dx: PCOS
I guess I need to have my treatment updated to clomid @GoldenKeys
Tomorrow I start taking it.
Also, dumb question- what the heck does paging mean??
Qotw:
I have a raised garden, like really raised (waist high on wheels!) Working on carrots, spinach, tomatoes in that. Going to plan a bell pepper or two in it this weekend. I also have a small herb garden- chives, oregano, and mint. And I'm seeding watermelon right now and in about 3 weeks I will transplant them in the ground.
Last year because of the horrible heat we have, my tomatoes all got sun burned and wouldn't ripe on the vine, so we had to pick earlier and ripen inside. Hopefully the raised bed on wheels will help this year- being able to bring it in and out the sun/shade.
***TW morbid humor***
Maybe I can grow plants better than I can grow babies...
Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
QOTW: LOVE gardening, we were just talking about this in ttgp. DH and I do a veggie garden every year along with planting flowers outside the house. We usually grow: green peppers, jalapeño peppers, banana peppers, tomatoes, onions, lettuce, green beans, we're gonna give cucumbers a go this year and maybe some zucchini
@pawcall I'm not sure but my RE is working on it. I'm not always convinced that genetic testing is accurate. There are some pretty interesting studies on testing for things like Downs and how they get false positives.
@mrswifeytoad what if I just suck and can't seem to do either?! I'm just trying to keep my puppy alive, lol.
@kaitlink33 my DH loves banana peppers...guess I should try to grow those too!
Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
QOTW: I have never gardened before, but I am interested it in. Maybe someday I will channel my inner Joanna Gaines and get into it lol
ETA:
@pawcall FX for IUI! Also, I hope your LO is okay.
@funkykey that is quite the wedding gift! What did you even do? Do you write a thank you card for that nonsense??? That would seriously irritate me ...
@SoonToBeMommaHowe and others Re: jealousy. It is real, and I have it all the time. One of my coworkers is pregnant and she told us when she was like 6 weeks, which was crazy to me. We are having a small shower for her next week, and I just contributed money to the group gift. I can't really (mentally) shop for baby things for right now. I have a hard time even looking at baby things. I go through phases with it - When we first started TTC that was all I would do on Pinterest. But now I really don't want to look at how to make baby food or a super cute nursery.
Its really hard when it's people around you that you are close with or family. I think it's okay to let yourself feel sad/jealous/whatever other emotions you may have. Unfortunately it is part of this process for us.
Hugs to all who need one.
@vintageandrea90 - My SIL got KU after being married a year when we had been married for 5 years...she had the first grandchild of the family after everyone had been bugging us for the last 5 years. It was such a sore spot...and honestly still is. I love my nephew so much but I can't say there isn't some resentment there. Which makes me feel terrible.
I am the oldest in my family, and a couple of my younger siblings had children before me - my one sister is now on her third! So I hear you. I have to tell myself, over and over, "it's not a race" - my hope is that it will be easier when I have my own children. I love my nieces and nephews, but I want my own family too.
@Kim41313 - yes I wrote a thank-you card! Of course I did! And I didn't even write: "how thoughtful!" nor "you know, we really could have used a blender", so I commended myself for my restraint.
But I also complained to my husband about it. I mean, we were touched to receive any gifts, of course, but I was sure to point out the differences between our families. In our case, planning our wedding involved a couple of huge culture clashes, and involved a lot of me saying: "I cannot believe your family..."
There is a reason weddings are so stressful: Inlaws! Hahaha! (Or as my dad calls them, "outlaws".)
this is made me LOL. I commend you for your restraint as well!
DD - 12/28/17
TTC #2 3/2019
BFP 5/2019 || MC - D&C 5/2019
BFP 2/2020 || EDD 10/10/2020
Checking in. I've been a mess this week and the reasons are probably the stellar combo of infertility and PMS, and secondly some tension with DH. We had avoided talking about IF for some time, but now he's been dropping comments like 'when we have kids' and such that make me feel pressured. He also says that 'we'll never give up', which freaks me out, because I need to know there's an end in sight, success or no. He's willing to do anything to have a kid , and I'm not.
I saw a therapist and now I'm considering taking antidepressants. Maybe drugs influence fertility but I'm not sure I care. I just want to feel better.
Sorry to vent. Hope others have been feeling better this week!
TTC since May 2015.
Saw RE in July 2016.
11/16: IUI #1= BFN.
1/17: IUI #2 = BFN.
5/17: IVF #1. 'long lupron' protocol. E2 = 4800, 'freeze-all', 8R, 7M, 4F, 4B.
8/17: FET #1.
Thus far - 'unexplained'.
Where it stands with my DH and I - we don't know how far we will go, but we have committed to talking about it. And he seems more confident now that he can see how tired I'm getting - like yes, there will be an end, eventually. I hope your DH either starts to fatigue himself, or starts to respect your fatigue soon. Ugh.
Anyway, you're not alone. Hang in there.
DH and I have had conversations about how far we're willing to take this journey--we really like to have these on the street or in restaurants for some reason--and it's been helpful. For instance, DH wants a kid at all costs, like yours, but I wasn't really interested in adoption. I'm glad we talked about it because now we're on the same page, which ended up with me being more willing to consider adoption if it comes to it. Anyway, I hope you're able to do the same thing.
Married since 2010, TTC since Dec 2013
Dx: PCOS
I've been on anti depressants since we'll before ttc. When we started actively trying, my Dr switched me to zoloft because it is safer for pregnancy. I can't function well without my antidepressants, I'm just not me.
Trigger warning
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin progesterone
*TW*
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017 ~ EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!! vanishing twin- Hannah Jordan
DS-Nov 23, 2017- emergency induction-- Pre-eclampsia
*End TW*
BFP Sept.2019
We've been TTC for 8 months now (I know not very long compared to some others. I have PCOS and serious issues with anovulation (currently on CD79).
Currently taking Metformin, very impatiently waiting for my appointment with the fertility specialist, and waiting for the hubby to go to the Dr for SA.
QOTW: Do you garden? If so, what do you grow? If not, what is your favorite spring flower/plant?
I don't garden as such, by I have a couple of potted franjipani trees and an aloe vera plant that I am doing my best to keep alive (I'm more of an animal person!)
TTC #1 since July 2016
Dx: PCOS, on Metformin since Feb 2017