PGAL (Pregnant after Loss) Check-in | Week of March 7

kschref · March 2017

This thread is for women who are pregnant after a loss and who have a history of loss.

This thread is one huge trigger warning so if you just came to read, please protect yourself if you are not comfortable reading about loss. This is a place where women can talk freely about their loss history.

Hey PGAL ladies, "Today you are pregnant!"

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
4. How is your SO handling everything?
5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)

Let's also talk about possible PGAL badges today. You can see examples of 2 in my signature. @elsieisamoocow volunteered to lend her skills to this (YAY!) so share ideas that you would like to see. We do not have to do just 1, we can have several options and there are often some around theBump website that are up for everyone as well. I'll do some searching today.

kschref · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
5 weeks even today. Feeling nauseated and exhausted. Also the bloat is unreal. I was in maternity pants by 7 weeks last time, and I'm strongly considering pulling them out today.
2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
I have had 3 losses overall. The one that affects me the most is the one that we had after we saw the heartbeat. It makes that first u/s just really suck for me even if it goes well. The good part is that I can find the heart beat with my home doppler around 9-10 weeks and after that I can calm my anxiety pretty quickly. Until then, it is a waiting game that truly sucks.
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Today I feel pretty optimistic. Did a morning pee test and threw up in the shower. Hoping the kids sleep in just a little longer so I can pull myself together mentally so run around with them all day.
4. How is your SO handling everything?
So much better. When we had our 1st loss, I think it shocked him. We spent 2 days in bed just holding each other, watching movies, and crying after I left the hospital. But then he bounced back super quick, and when I got pregnant after that he had 0 worries. He wasn't insensitive to me or anything, but he definitely handled it differently - and then we had another loss. I still check the toilet paper every time I wipe to see if there is blood. It wasn't until I delivered my son and he helped deliver that he finally "got it". The only times I have ever seen him cry in our whole relationship was at the birth of each child. Once he held our son, I think he finally realized just how fragile it all is. So, this time he is doing so much better than before in terms of just being more sensitive and present and giving me space when I need it. But it didn't happen immediately for sure.
5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)
Today, I think it is strawberry, which is weird because 99% of the time I would tell you mint chocolate chip. I'm just really craving fruit at the moment, lol.

In terms of PGAL badges, I'd love to see something with a leaf or something that just says "Fall"

kschref · March 2017

Additionally, there is a board for PGAL for ladies in all stages of pregnancy. Some find it hopeful, but some might find it hard to see ladies in their 3rd tri doing well, so protect yourself.

Here is the link for those interested: https://forums.thebump.com/categories/success-after-a-loss

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

Ignore this one

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

Argh did it only post part of my comment? I only see part of it! Trying again...

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

Hi ladies!

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling? I think I'm 4w6d but my Bump app says 5 weeks even. We'll see what the doc says I guess. Feeling pretty good just soooo tired and occasionally nauseous. Not much food sounds appetizing right now, but then I randomly get struck with insane hunger. Pregnancy is weird.

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones? I'll try to keep it short and sweet but no promises lol. So this is my 3rd pregnancy. My first pregnancy, I bled a little at 6 weeks but then everything was fine until 16 weeks. That's when I started bleeding heavily. We had so many ultrasounds, saw different doctors, and everything looked perfect. Our daughter looked perfect. It was heavier bleeding than any period I had had before, and that was terrifying. I put myself on bed rest after my 2nd ER/L&D visit at about 19 weeks, and thankfully after about a week and a half the bleeding significantly slowed. But at 22w3d I started having bad contractions. We went to L&D and I was dilated to 4, so they couldn't do a whole lot, but they admitted me and we were going to just stay there for hopefully weeks so that she would stay in long enough to survive. The contractions slowed but then at 22w5d, they picked up and got horribly painful. I ended up having what we expected, a placental abruption (the placenta detached from the uterus). She was born on 5.5.14 at 1:59am, just 22w6d along. She took one breath and passed away. Definitely the hardest day of my life.

It gets more complicated. We were super thankful to get pregnant just under 3 months after she was born, with our rainbow. His pregnancy was textbook perfect until 25w4d, when I woke up to a little bit of blood. We immediately went to L&D, and they were just going to monitor me for 48 hours due to my history. But a couple of mornings later, a perinatologist came in to do a transvag ultrasound and found that my cervix was only 9mm, so I was staying at the hospital on bed rest until he was born. Thankfully we were past v-day at that point, which was comforting, but every day and week makes it an easier journey. I had bleeds first every 7 days, then 6, 5, 4, etc. until they got to be daily, which was also when I started having contractions. I spent 5 weeks on hospital bed rest before he was born at 30w4d, again due to a placental abruption. He spent 6.5 weeks in the NICU before coming home, but he's a happy and healthy 2 year old now!

Obviously I have some issues from all of this. Every time I wipe I look for blood, and every time I feel wetness down there I prepare myself. I've been lucky enough to get pregnant super easily (first try all 3 times), but it's staying pregnant that is the issue. I found a new doctor for this pregnancy, and he so far has me on baby aspirin, progesterone, and we will hopefully be starting Lovenox this week once my insurance stops being an asshole and approves it. I'm really hoping that I'm a Lovenox success like so many that I have talked to. Whew sorry that was way longer than I planned on!

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? Pretty good. Stressed about the Lovenox not being approved yet, and I'm going to call the doctor to check on the status today. I'm hoping they can at least get me an alternative in the meantime. I'm just so hopeful.

4. How is your SO handling everything? Pretty good, I guess. He hasn't shown any excitement really, but he's told me that he is happy, he's just scared. I am too, so I get it. I think once we see a heartbeat he'll let himself get a bit more attached and excited. I don't think either of us will fully relax until we get past about 30 weeks though.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?) Chocolate right now. I also love mint chocolate chip and vanilla bean.

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

@kschref I was in maternity clothes I think at 6 weeks last time. My jeans are already hard to button so I'm definitely pulling them out soon! I'm excited, I love my maternity clothes!

Furmommy · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
Today I am 5 weeks, 4 days. I am extremely nervous all the time that something will go wrong. I keep checking my underwear, but the last time I had a missed miscarriage so it could be the same thing this time. Some of my symptoms aren't as strong as they were and that makes me more nervous.
2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
I've had two miscarriages the first was really early. It was hard, but not nearly as bad as my second one. My DH and I went to our first ultrasound at 8 weeks and were so excited to see the heartbeat, they just saw an empty sac... My HCG levels were also going down... I miscarried 2 days later. They said the baby stopped at around 6 weeks.
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Sad, stressed, worried for my new little one. Wanting to make sure I do everything right even tough I know it won't help. When I got my BFP I went in for a blood draw, it was 243 this was right at 4 weeks. Then I went in and it more than doubled to 517. 3 days later I went in because I was having pain on only one side and they thought it might be ectopic. I had an ultrasound and they found a very small sac, empty but they said that i was very normal for under 5 weeks and not to worry. My HCG went up to over 2000! I still am extremely nervous but I hope things will continue to go well.
4. How is your SO handling everything?
He's doing a great job of keeping my nerves in check. He's excited, but nervous at the same time as well.
5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)
Anything with Oreos in it!

flowerpower5838 · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling? Today I am 5w3d. I am fine - just trying to keep my mind busy.
2. Share any part of your lost history that you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones? I mentioned last week that this is my 6th pregnancy. The ectopic was the furthest along that I made it - almost 8 weeks. It was on my ovary so I think that's why it went on for so long. From start to finish it was a really really bad experience. I was totally brushed off in the Women's ER by a midwife even though I was bleeding like crazy. My OB was pissed when she saw and diagnosed me that they didn't catch it. Anyway, I did methotrexate with that so we had to wait some time for my levels to go down and for that to leave my system. That was in 2013. Three early losses since then, all before 6 weeks with the most recent in November.
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? I am very anxious today. I have an appointment to hopefully rule out an ectopic. I am worried it's too soon and that there wont be anything to see or just that there isn't anything to see.
4. How is your SO handling everything? He was happy to hear that I wasn't feeling well yesterday (makes it more real I guess). Other than that, we really just try and keep it light and not spend to much energy talking about the "what ifs" at this point.
5. GTKY: Favorite favor of ice cream! Chocolate, moose tracks, mint chocolate chip...I am an equal opportunity ice cream eater though so I won't turn my noise up to much.

kschref · March 2017

@elsieisamoocow - Big, creepy internet hugs. I really can't imagine as much as I sympathize for how hard that all was and the affects you're still feeling. I so hope that Lovenox works for you and that your insurance gets its act together so you can get it. I hope that this little one hangs in there until way past 30 weeks and I'm so glad that your DS is doing great! Also, I ended up in yoga pants for most of the day but even those are getting uncomfortable, dangit. Will probably get my maternity clothes out from the guest bedroom closet tomorrow and start figuring out what I still like.

@wenniger2016 - Those are wonderful betas! 5 weeks is very early to see much beside a sac, so I hope those numbers can keep you buoyed up for now. I so hope things go smoothly and that this will be your rainbow baby.

@flowerpower5838 - That ER experience sounds awful. I'm so sorry they blew you off and I'm glad your OB was there for you. Have you had your appointment yet? Please keep us updated. I am thinking of you and hope that it is not ectopic! 5 weeks is very early to see a hb so it doesn't mean you're out if all you see is a sac but I know that anxiety can be a raging b*tch and we are here for you any way you need.

Duckybears · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
Based on lmp I am 4wks 3days I just found out yesterday so I'm excited but also worried this will be another early loss. (Last mc was around 5 weeks)
2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
This is pregnancy #7 for me. I've had 4 first trimester losses and two rainbow babies (pregnancies 3 & 5).
3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Today i got my blood drawn to vice know hcg levels, I'll go again in two days. My hpt were very light, but still positive on two different brands. I'm hopeful, but weary.
4. How is your SO handling everything?
I told him this morning and he was happy! Just in the waiting zone to know everything is okay.
5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?) Peanut butter 'n chip. Mmm

kschref · March 2017

@Duckybears - Welcome! Lots of sticky thoughts! I hope your betas come back high. Be sure to keep us updated.

cnf2013 · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling? 3+3 LOL SO EARLY

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones? I had a loss in January at 5+2, so just trying to make it to 5+3 right now so I can hopefully sigh some relief.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? A little better? My FRER lines have doubled in darkness over the last three days, so that's been helpful. Just caved and took my FRER digital and got a mother fucking question mark though. Such garbage. I pulled that sucker apart and there was a solid double pink line, so not sure what the problem was. I'll definitely stick to CB for digis from now on.

4. How is your SO handling everything? Well. He was very skeptical Sunday because the lines were soooo light, but he's seen all the FRERs and he's feeling excited now. Excited enough that he ordered DD a "big sister" shirt for when we're ready to announce.

5. GTKY: Anything with peanut butter. Or I will always eat a pint of Half Baked or whatever the B&J's flavor is, something like Everything And The Nuts or something like that. Mmmmmmm, ice cream.

gipfish · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
5w4d

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
My first pregnancy was very smooth, no problems. DD is 16 months now. Second pregnancy I miscarried at almost 9 weeks. I started to feel like something was wrong a couple weeks before that when my dog stopped laying on my stomach every chance she got as she does when I'm pregnant. I got to see the baby on the ultrasound, but no heartbeat, then I went to the ER that night and miscarried.

I got pregnant again from an oopsie on the very next cycle (no period), and well, here I am getting back on the horse right away.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I have been a bit nervous for sure, but I started worrying every waking moment yesterday when I scheduled my first OB appointment. They won't see me until the 30th and somehow having a set date to wait for is making the worry so much worse.

4. How is your SO handling everything?
He just told me his feelings about the miscarriage just yesterday. I guess it takes two months for a man to be able to say he is sad. I think he's pretty nervous about this one.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)
Rocky Road! I made my husband go and buy me some tonight. :-)

pandawares · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
I'm 5+2 today and not feeling great. I don't have a ton of hope because my lines are all faint and not changing much. Plenty of nausea and fatigue, though!

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
I had a loss 1/30 at 6+2. Same deal with the faint lines.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I felt so hopeful yesterday, but today is hard. Focusing on DS and making him happy. He's putting mulch in a storm drain ATM.

...

Literally just started bleeding. I'm happy to have some relief from the anxiety, at least. A happy and healthy pregnancy to all!

kschref · March 2017

@pandawares - Oh, I'm so sorry. Glad you feel some relief from that anxiety though. Big hugs.

pandawares · March 2017

Thank you @kschref

NYTino24 · March 2017

@pandwares I am so sorry! Can you get into the doc?
@elsieisamoocow Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am glad you ended up with your rainbow baby and hope you get your Lovenox fast. I'll be crossing my fingers extra hard for you!!

NYTino24 · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
EDD 11/20 4 weeks by LMP or 3 weeks, 2 days by ovulation... feeling extremely nervous since I feel stuff going on in my stomach, and I would love to blame it on SIBO (got diagnosed a week ago, but waiting on taking antibiotics)... but PGAL is making me anxious!

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?

I conceived last time on Nov 17, so hopefully we will be celebrating a birth then. My due date for last pregnancy was 8/21 and loss was 1/6 at 7w5d if I remember correctly.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I'm frustrated and exhausted. I had to see a perinatologist a week ago and thought I was getting somewhere. Apparently his notes are handwritten, and then he speaks them into a computer. Then the computer transcribes it before a person checks it. Finally, they send it to the other doctor's office. Well it looks like he said I should get HCG and progesterone checked immediately after a BFP, but he never wrote it down. So now I'm hoping he answers the nurse's email. Meanwhile, I'm using natural progesterone cream vaginally and the wet feeling is unsettling to my PGAL brain. I'm also gassy and refluxing, so those cramps are scary.

4. How is your SO handling everything?

He accepts that I will worry more. I just told him last night before bed, so he hasn't had time to do much processing. He doesn't want to tell anyone IRL "until May". He said, "So this kid will hebboenb

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)

Strawberry Cheesequake, Holy Cannoli, of Chubby Hubby

RiverSong15 · March 2017

1. EDD 11/16 3+6

2. MC#1 the day after Christmas in 2015 at 7 wks. MC#2 was a blighted ovum diagnosed in March 2016 at 7wks, finally MCd in April at 10 weeks. RPL testing didn't show much. I'm hypothyroid, but its been well managed thus far (see rant below)

3. I've had great betas which are reassuring. I'm on progesterone suppositories though, where the pills are pink or brownish/red. Whoever decided that was a good design call should be fired. So, I'm dealing with the anxiety of constantly seeing pink when I go to the bathroom.

I'm also currently fighting with my Endocrinologists office. My regular endo is on Mat Leave, and the rest of her office is incompetent. My regular Endo wanted my thyroid checked every 4-6 weeks (preferably 4) during first tri. That's what we discussed when I last saw her in the fall. The other doctors in her office want me to wait 2-3 months!! Which is NOT standard of care, is NOT something I'm comfortable with, and NOT what I've discussed previously with my Endo, my PCP, my OB or my RE. WTF, Endo's office??? I had to call three times this morning to push them to put lab orders through for 4 weeks from now. They also don't want me to adjust my dose at all... Which I'm unsure about. I have a message out to my PCP to get her opinion. The only thing saving my sanity right now is that my TSH was good on Monday (0.67).

4. He's doing pretty well, he's excited, but not talking too much about it given our history. He's trying to help me focus on the positive.

5. Chocolate, chocolate and chocolate! Occasionally chocolate and peanut butter.

kschref · March 2017

@NYTino24 - Welcome! That sounds so. freaking. frustrating. about your perinatologist. Like he takes the longest, most convoluted process to just enter notes.

I hope he responds to the nurse's email asap. I am having lots of cramping today as well - I'm 99% sure it's all gas, but yeah, it sucks.
Confession: I am a chart stalker and went and peeked at yours. Looks good! I'm still charting my temps because that is one thing that is bringing me minimal peace of mind right now - do you think you will continue for a while?

@RiverSong15 - I saw you post somewhere else about those pink suppositories, I think. The fact that the are that color is completely awful!!! I'm glad your betas are good! That also sounds rough about the Endo. Did she leave any kind of notes about it in your file? How much longer does she have on Mat leave? I hope your PCP can back you up and maybe call them or something to help get those lab orders in. I'm sorry that has been so frustrating!

MKMandeville · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
Today I am 5 weeks and 3 days. Other than this nasty cold I have I am feeling pretty great.

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
This is my 4th pregnancy. Our first pregnancy had some scares with bleeding at 9 weeks and preterm labor at 30 weeks but our beautiful little girl was born healthy at 37 weeks May 2014.

Come March 2016 we started trying to add another little miracle to our family. It took a little longer this time than it did with our first. With our first we were pregnant by month 3 and it took 6 cycles this time. I was so excited when we finally got a BFP in August even though it was faint it felt real. Unfortunately, two days later I was cramping and bleeding. I had blood work done and my levels were already down to 4.

My doctor gave me the go ahead to try again immediately since I was so early but I planned on waiting a month. My body had another plan and I must not have ovulated on schedule because we were pregnant again. I was scared, anxious but excited again. Because it was right after a loss they monitored my blood work closely. I knew it wasnt good when they were rising but not in 48 hours like they should. They sent me to the ER at 5.5 weeks when I started spotting and they diagnosed me with an ectopic pregnancy.

We had to wait a long three months before we could try again. Now after the second month I was getting really nauseous so I went to the store and got a BFP right away. I went to the lab that day (16 dpo) and hcg was 632 and 48 hours later it came back 1374.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? I'm feeling overall pretty good. With my immune system being shot right now I'm recovering from a nasty cold that seems to making it way through every inch of my body

Struggles this time. I had pink discharge at 18 dpo but it was only the size of a pea and one time. I was scared I was loosing another one but my doctor reassured me my numbers were good and not to worry.

Successes. So far I'm able to eat a lot of food still. Some meat cooking makes me really nauseous but as long as I have protein in me I can keep the food down.

4. How is your SO handling everything?
With our first loss it was so early I don't think it really hit either of us. With our second loss it was really hard to deal with. It was a life threatening situation and we had to make a difficult decision. This time he is being really good helping with our daughter making sure I don't overdue it.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)

Strawberry milkshake specifically

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

I'm so sorry @pandawares

gipfish · March 2017

@NYTino24 I recognize your username from A17. Hope you get things squared away with your doc!

NYTino24 · March 2017

@gipfish Eh, sort of. Just did karotyping today. Doc put me on baby aspirin and I have appointments for 5 1/2 weeks with MFM, 6 weeks with OB, and 8 weeks with OB. Have to see hematologist in May or whenever someone cancels.

cnf2013 · March 2017

I'm so sorry @pandawares

RiverSong15 · March 2017

@kschref It looks like my Endo didn't leave any notes in my file, which is frustrating. I think she went on Mat leave only a few weeks ago, so she'll be out most my first tri. I sent a message to my PCP and she responded in 2 hours saying 1) even though my numbers are good, I should increase my dose a bit (unlike the Endo's office, who said I'd totes be fine on my current dose for 3 months!) and 2) that she was putting in lab orders for 4 weeks from now. I love my PCP for so so many reasons. She's awesome.

SweetMelissa4 · March 2017

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling?
I'm 5w4d according to when I ovulated. I'm feeling a weird mix of terror and elation, and feeling really really sick, which I'm actually loving as a positive symptom.

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?

We started trying in August of 2014 and no outside babies yet. It's a combination of complications, it taking us a while to actually conceive when we are trying, and losses. My first pregnancy was almost exactly two years ago to the day from this one. I had some bleeding at 6weeks, so I got an ultrasound and went on progesterone. The 6 week scan just showed a fetal pole, so they had me come back at 7 weeks and I saw the heartbeat. We started leaking the news to close friends and family. I was graduating with my MBA in May, and was going to tell my extended family in person when they came to visit for that (I would be a little past 13 weeks). I went in for my 12 week scan, and there was no heartbeat. She got the transvaginal to be sure, and she saw what looked like grapes. I had a molar pregnancy. They think the baby stopped growing around 10 weeks. The next day, a Saturday, we had to put my dog to sleep (we had scheduled it earlier in the week). On Monday, I had to have a D&C to remove all the tissue and be very closely monitored for a long time. I hemorrhaged during the surgery and needed to stay overnight. It was a really terrible time. Less than a week later, I had to walk across the stage to get the degree, trying to pretend like I was happy. I probably wouldn't have gone if my family hadn't flown in. That baby was due November 8th, and we went to Vegas to distract ourselves during that time. (Do you guys know what a molar pregnancy is? I'm happy to share more if you want, just trying not to be too long-winded.)

Because of the molar and post-molar monitoring, we were not allowed to start trying again until Jan '16. It took us until October to get pregnant. I went in for blood testing and the results of the 48 hour betas did not look good--the levels fell. I started bleeding a few days later. I had to have blood tests until my levels were back down to "zero" to ensure that it wasn't the molar coming back.

I'm really anxious to see a healthy 12-week scan, but even then I'm not sure I'll feel totally ok.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
I'm feeling really sick, which I hope is good. I get another blood test on the 13th, so I'm just trying to pass time until then. I can't say I'm very productive at work lately. The anxiety (and sickness) is taking over a bit. I thought I was the only one who looked for bleeding every time I wiped, so reading that from you gals helps.

4. How is your SO handling everything?

He's mostly just worried about me. He never had a chance to "attach" to any of our babies, but just saw the devastating effect it had on me, and doesn't want to see me go through that again. Which is cute, but also hard, because you really feel alone sometimes.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)

Chocolate peanut butter! I also like different B&J flavors with cookie/brownie "batter" in them.

kissthesky32 · March 2017

I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's losses. Fingers crossed that all of us have November take home babies.

@kschref - Maternity clothes all the way! I put them off so long with my first, but wised up with my second. Those things are so comfortable!

@flowerpower5838 - This is my 6th as well. How did your appointment go?

@Duckybears - How were your betas?

@elsieisamoocow Your story is heartbreaking. You are one strong mama.

@NYTino24 I was on the August BMB with you too. I'm happy to see you here! Did you ever get your blood work done?

@RiverSong15 I'm glad your betas look good!

@MKMandeville That's a great doubling rate!

@SweetMelissa4 Thank you for sharing your story. Fingers crossed that this is your take home baby.

1. How far along are you today? How are you feeling? 3+3. Just got my BFP this morning! I'm feeling okay. I think I ate something bad yesterday. Blech.

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones? I've had 2 chemical pregnancies and a natural miscarriage at 7 weeks, after seeing the baby and a heartbeat. I'll be happy to reach 8 weeks, but I don't think I'll feel really good until we're out of the first tri. My doctor thinks I might have a low progesterone issue, so I went for some blood work today and should hear back Monday.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes? Just hoping this baby sticks.

4. How is your SO handling everything? He's really happy, but cautious too.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?) I'm doing the Whole30 for March, so I will now daydream of ice cream for a few hours... I'm down with any flavor: strawberry, coffee, mint chocolate chip, butter pecan, ANY.

kschref · March 2017

@SweetMelissa4 - Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I actually am not familiar with what a molar pregnancy is - I've heard the term but I am happy to just Google if you don't want to talk more about it. I really hope that this will be your rainbow baby and I will be thinking about you.

I can't imagine how that felt walking across the stage. I had bleeding complications from a m/c and had 14 people over for Christmas that year and was actively bleeding as we all went to church on Christmas Eve. We ended up just telling everybody what happened because I was such a wreck and the world's worst hostess. It has taken me a long time to enjoy that holiday again and I still have flashbacks every year. I'm sorry you went through that!
If there is anything we can do specifically to support you, please let us know.

kschref · March 2017

@kissthesky32 - Congratulations on your BFP! I hope this is your rainbow baby.

Will keep fingers crossed for good news on Monday. That sucks having to wait over the weekend for results. Do you have any fun plans?

kissthesky32 · March 2017

@kschref Thank you! Nothing super fun planned. DH has to work both mornings, so I'll be hanging with the kids solo. We're having friends over for the day/evening one day, which should be a good time. (Though it would be a better time with some drinks!) How about you?

kschref · March 2017

@kissthesky32 - Ugh, not really. My mother is taking my 3 year old out of town Saturday and Sunday to visit my grandparents and go to a cousin's birthday party. I have to go to a training on Saturday morning and then on Sunday I'm training somebody in our church to do some of the duties during the services so I have to be there from about 8:30 - 1:00. So nothing super fun, lol, except it will be nice just having one toddler for 2 days. My husband and I will have to think of something fun to do with her Saturday afternoon as we rarely just have one kiddo.

SweetMelissa4 · March 2017

Thank you, @kschref. I had asked my mom to tell my whole family before they flew out, so they were very kind and understanding, but I did cry a few times that day and was in a lot of pain and my classmates probably thought I was a crazy lady. I'm so sorry for your loss over Christmas.

I can give a quick rundown of a molar pregnancy here, googling it is really confusing. Basically, either the fetus itself (complete molar - CMP) or the placenta (partial molar - PMP) turns into a tumor. It is either because 2 sperms fertilize one egg (PMP) or an egg is completely void of genetic material (CMP). Both come with a threat of quick growth, metastization, and cancer. Luckily, mine was a PMP, whose risks are slightly lower than that of a CMP. With both, you have to have all tissue removed immediately, and then get blood draws weekly until your hcg levels are back at "zero" (which is usually below 5). Then, you get tested monthly for another 6 months to ensure it remains at zero. The chances of it elevating after this waiting period are extremely small. If the tissue (or tumor) starts to grow back, it will raise your hcg level. Therefore, you are not supposed to try again until you are cleared, as they would not know if it is cancer or a baby, and could not treat it until way too late. Because it metastasizes quickly, that could be a fatal decision. I'm very lucky that my tissue did not grow back at all, but for those that are not so lucky, they require chemo and even longer waiting periods. There's very little known about it other than what I wrote here. It's a real mind game.

kschref · March 2017

@SweetMelissa4 - Oh, wow. That sounds so hard. Does having it once elevate somebody's chances of having it happen again? It sounds like, given the circumstances of how it occurs, that it doesn't seem like it would easily happen to somebody more than once. I really hope not! Will you have any u/s before 12 weeks?

SweetMelissa4 · March 2017

@kschref Luckily, no! They've found no correlation in an increase of it happening again after it happens once. They have found an increase in likelihood of it continuing to happen if it happens twice though. And yes, I will have another blood test on Monday, and then an ultrasound closer to 7 weeks (so later that week or the following Monday) as long as those results look good. Taking it one step at a time right now.

flowerpower5838 · March 2017

@kissthesky32 Hugs and sending take home baby vibes your way!

My appointment Tuesday was very run of the mill, but they won't do my ultrasounds at my OB's office anymore. Apparently my HMO insurance won't reimburse them? Whatever. So I just had my ultrasound at the hospital and I am trying to remain calm. She told me she didn't see anything but it's still early. By my LMP I'm 6,1 but my cycles run 30-31 days so that would put me at 5,5. I wasn't strictly tracking O in January so I could have ovulated a day or two later and had a late implanter. My test didn't turn until 3 days into my missed cycle so that makes sense and I'm still turning positive tests. Nothing spotted in my tubes or ovaries (ectopic history). I keep having to repeat this to myself so I don't freak out. I'm pissed I didn't insist on having betas drawn so I could have that reassurance. Ughhhhhh why does this stuff have to be such a mind fuck?!?!????!

elsieisamoocow · March 2017

@SweetMelissa4 Wow, I didn't know what a molar pregnancy was either. That sounds so scary! Fingers crossed for you and a healthy rainbow!

NYTino24 · March 2017

@SweetMelissa4 I'm sorry you went through that. Hopefully this will be a much easier process for you!
@kissthesky32 I remember you! Glad you also were able to join another BMB so quickly.
@flowerpower5838 What is the plan? Repeat soon?
@RiverSong15 Glad someone got back to you somewhat quickly!
@cnf2013 I didn't think about pulling digitals apart! I screwed up the two I bought because I dipped for 5 seconds instead of 20. Five was for if you pee directly on them.

Cue BSC digging through the trash!

SweetMelissa4 · March 2017

@elsieisamoocow Fingers crossed for you, too! I was in a support group for a bit with several mamas with later losses and it was absolutely heartbreaking. I'm pulling for you!

brittrigdon-2 · March 2017

Sorry to hear about your everyones losses. I feel blessed knowing there are others that can relate and share in this journey. It's a great support system as my husband and I choose not to tell anyone until we're in the 2nd trimester.

1. How far along are you today? I am 5 wks 5 days How are you feeling? Fatigued, nauseated, hungry, not hungry, worried, yet excited.

2. Share any part of your loss history you feel comfortable sharing. What are your loss milestones?
Our first pregnancy was in 2014, we got pregnant after 3 months of trying then we mc at 10 wks. It was really hard on us both and then after a year of trying again we decided to have my OB run infertility diagnostics. Everything came out fine except that I have prolactin in my system which shouldn't have been there. I had to then see a endocrinologist who diagnosed me with a condition called, Hyperprolactinemia. Basically, I have a benign adenoma on my pituitary gland that causes my body to produce prolactin; prolactin keeps your body from ovulating because it tells your body that you are, "Already pregnant", which I was not. It was pretty crappy. I went on meds for a few months to help shrink the adenoma, they made me constantly sick. After 4 months of still trying we decided to go to a Repro specialist so that they could closely monitor the condition and help us towards our goal of becoming pregnant. After my first visit I found out I was pregnant.

Through all of this I have learned that I can't pray for a baby, I can't control what the outcome will be, all I can do is pray for patience and strength. My husband and I are even closer after this journey and will be so blessed once our baby comes into this world. We waited so long.

3. How are you feeling today? Struggles? Successes?
Emotionally, I am waiting for the bottom to drop out from under me. I had an u/s monday at exactly 5wks and they confirmed a gestational sac. I have another u/s Tuesday where they should be able to see a yolk. I don't know when the worry will go away.

4. How is your SO handling everything? He is excited but doesn't want to get too far ahead of ourselves. The first pregnancy we told our families at 8 weeks, started planning pregnancy announcements, and were talking names. This time we are keeping it to ourselves, he is going to start coming to appointments once I switch from my RE to an OB. I'm very okay with his decision.

5. GTKY: Favorite flavor of ice cream! (If you hate ice cream, what is another sweet treat you enjoy?)
Chocolate - although the thought of it right now is not appealing. Bummer.

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