PGAL (Pregnant after loss) Check-in week of 2/28

gipfish

I had seen this thread discussed somewhere, but didn't see it on the list. I figured I'd go ahead and make one, if that's alright, and see if there's anyone out there who would use it 

PGAL Check-in thread, week of 2/28:

How are you doing? What are you doing to combat PGAL brain and try not to worry all the time?

gipfish

My loss story:
I miscarried at 9 weeks this past January. Everyone always told me that bad morning sickness was a sure sign of a healthy pregnancy, but I had my head in the toilet vomiting frequently and still miscarried. When I saw the ultrasound with no heartbeat, I felt like my own body had been lying to me. 

I'm so nervous about losing another one, I'm having a hard time being excited about this pregnancy. 

kschref

It's on the list for Tuesdays, but we can certainly do it on Sundays instead or start a new one on Tuesday.  Let me know.

gipfish

kschref said:

It's on the list for Tuesdays, but we can certainly do it on Sundays instead or start a new one on Tuesday.  Let me know.

Wow, I don't know how I didn't see that. Haha, sorry for jumping the gun!

kschref

No worries at all!  I'm sure people could use a PGAL check-in. If people are okay with including those of us with a history of loss (3x for me) but haven't had one immediately before this pregnancy I'd actually love to join but I didn't know how people would feel about that. Definitely having major anxiety issues though.  Maybe rename this thread for the week of 2/28 so it's retroactive for this whole past week and then there can be another one on Tuesday? 

gipfish

Renamed it. @kschref I think any moms who have suffered a loss at any time should be able to join in. I'm sure PGAL brain is just as real even if it's been awhile or you've had a rainbow baby since. 3 losses? That sounds like quite the journey. You must be one strong mama!

misschanandlerbong15

So very very sorry for your losses ladies.

I miscarried at 6 weeks in October. I got my BFP on Feb 24th and didn't want to believe it.  I waited a week to tell my BF. We are both trying to be excited but I'm terrified I'll lose this one too.  I keep remindig myself that this is out of my control and I pray every day that this one sticks. 

Furmommy

I miscarried for the first time very early in June. I miscarried again in September at 8 weeks.. Went in for my first ultrasound with DH and they found an empty gestational sac.. no heartbeat.  I had my HCG levels checked and they had started to go down... So nervous about it happening this time again.  I just want to know that our baby is doing ok... When I got my BFP I was shaking and told DH right away.. I haven't stopped worrying even though I know it's not good to stress out. I'm excited for this but like others have said terrified too. 

kschref

I have had 3 losses on my journey and have really not been able to enjoy a single pregnancy after our first loss.  I also have a luteal phase defect which means it's not always easy for us to conceive.  Although we had our first 2 children 14 months apart, my doctors think it was a "fluke" that I got pregnant so easily because my cycle had not regulated.  It took us only 6 months of TTC for this pregnancy, which was amazing.  We were fully prepared for a much longer haul and what was my appointment to talk next steps with my OB has now become my first u/s appointment.  I have been doing acupuncture to lengthen my cycle overall - that has been successful for us in the past - and once again it lengthened my luteal phase by about 3 days on average and I got my BFP.

Currently, I am doing okay.  The fact that I can't keep any food down, while awful, is also helpful with PGAL as I typically have had successful pregnancies when the symptoms were strongest.  It sounds horrible, but also having been through multiple losses - I know we can survive if it happens again and my husband and I know better now how to support each other than we did in the beginning.  The wait until my first u/s on March 28th sucks SO BAD, but even then, we have had a loss after seeing the heartbeat, so it doesn't always bring me comfort.  Waiting to get past those loss milestones makes it hard to feel super optimistic right now.  I have a home Doppler and can usually find the heartbeat around 9-10 weeks.  My usual nighttime ritual is to get in bed, find the little bean for a second and that helps me sleep and calms my anxiety for 24 hours.  But waiting to get that far is really really hard.  I will probably always check to see if there is blood when I wipe myself in the bathroom because it has become such a habit.

My husband told me once he realized that, "Having a baby is not a miracle.  It is a million miracles that all have to happen together." I feel that strongly right now.

We will have another check-in tomorrow.  Maybe think about ideas for PGAL badges for those that might want one.  (You can see examples of 2 in my signature if you are not on mobile)  Maybe something with fall leaves or a turkey? (thought not all of us may celebrate Thanksgiving for sure).  If anyone is good at designing those sort of things, let us know!  If not, we may be stuck with my limited Photoshop skills - though there are generally good ones floating around theBump as well.

Much love to you all, I hope everyone is doing well.  

kschref

@gipfish - I feel you on it being hard to feel excited.  Are you going to have somebody go with you to your first u/s?  I find that I am basically shaking the entire time and it is so hard.  Let me know if there is anything I can do to support you in the meantime.  

kschref

@mparmenter91 - Lots of sticky baby thoughts headed your way!  If you are fine with prayer, I would be glad to add you to my prayer list.  When is your first appointment for an u/s?

kschref

@wenninger2016 - I am so sorry.  Multiple losses in a row especially can really be a struggle.  I really really hope this will be your rainbow baby!  When is your first appointment and is there anyway we can help support you in the meantime?

gipfish

@kschref I am going to ask my husband if he will come with me, but he would have to get a sub for his class and it is a very busy part of the semester. I don't want to be alone, but I don't really want anybody with me but him, you know? My first u/s actually isn't until the 30th, and by that time, I will be barely past the number of weeks that I miscarried last time, so maybe I'll feel more confident. 

cnf2013

Hi.

I just had a loss in January and got my bfp at only 8dpo, so I feel like a train wreck. It's so early and it was only my second cycle post loss. I'm having a hard time feeling excited or attached. I'm so anxious and peeing on all the things and scrutinizing every line. 

I have no clue how I'm going to last until my dating ultrasound at 8 weeks. I'm hoping when I call my doctor next week that they can get me in for a few beta draws. 

kschref

@cnf2013 - Welcome!  I'm sorry it is so hard - and that wait until the first u/s is truly awful.  Hopefully they will have you do some beta draws, especially if that will help ease some anxiety for you.  Chat here as much as you need and let us know how we can support you.

kschref

@gipfish - I hope he can at least get a half day off.  I taught middle school for 8 years so I can appreciate the difficulty of getting a sub.  My husband is the only person at his work right now who does his specific job and that is a new thing for us this pregnancy so I'm not actually sure if he will be able to come to mine either and I'm going to have my mom stay home with my children.  So in all likelihood, this will be the first one I go to alone.  I'm hoping my BFF will be off that day (she's a nurse) so that she might be able to go with me.

elsieisamoocow

@kschref I'll check in officially and tell my story on the new thread tomorrow, but I saw you mention PGAL badges and I have a degree in graphic design and am a photographer, so I can definitely put something together if we want to maybe brainstorm ideas in the new thread. Let me know what you think

Furmommy

@kschref I'm having an ultrasound on 3/13, hoping it goes well.. happy my doctor, now, is a lot more in tune with how I am feeling and knowing that if I want to have more blood test, just to keep my self a little but more calm, she'll order them for me. Thank you for asking