March 2017 - I was adopted / I was fostered

SaphireSweetie88

Were you adopted or were you in foster care? If so, please tell us more about you and your experiences. 

-Were you adopted, in foster care?

-At what age were you adopted / fostered?

-Do you have contact with your birth family?

-What kind of contact?

-How did you handle knowing you were placed in to a foster home or adoption?

-Any tips from your experience?

-What was your experience, overall?

-Anything else to add?

SaphireSweetie88

- Were you adopted or in foster care? I was in foster care before being adopted

- At what age were you adopted / fostered? I was placed into foster care at 18 months while the courts tried to help my biological mother and at the age of 4 my biological mother lost all chances at getting me back and her parental rights were taken away. I was adopted just before my 7th birthday.

-Do you have contact with your birth family? I did have contact with my biological mother until I was 18 and then after a few years I told her it was me or the alcohol (long story) and I haven't heard from her sense.

I have 7 other siblings that are biologically related to me but no contact has been attempted.

I started contacting my biological father a couple years ago but I have been debating whether or not to continue any sort of contact with him because he is in prison and I don't know what / if anything I would gain by continuing contact with him.

About 2 years ago, I did contact my biological grandparents on my biological dad's side which lead to me meeting a few other family members too. I don't talk to them as often as I would like.

- What kind of contact? Biological mom = was phone calls and a couple face to face visits / Biological dad = letters (he wants a visit) / Other family = phone calls

- How did you handle knowing you were placed in to a foster home or adoption? I had good times and bad times but ultimately I am thankful for it.

-Any tips from your experience? Lots but the biggest is be patient with a foster / adopted child and be prepared for a (what may seem like it will never end) roller coaster of emotions from the child. Also, the older the child (when adopted or fostered) the longer it will take for them to bond with you.

-What was your experience, overall? I would say very positive. I was definitely blessed with being adopted.

-Anything else to add? Not unless anyone has any questions.

mill1020

@SaphireSweetie88 thank you so much for sharing your story.

Do you mind if I ask whether you have siblings in your adoptive family?  And if so, what has your experience been like with that?  Also, do you know whether you were considered as a "low legal risk" foster placement due to what your birth mom's addiction?  Did you have just one family you were placed with or did you have to move?

One thing I am worried about with fost-->adopt is my foster child's and birth kids' hearts breaking if/when the foster sibling is reunified with previous family.  Heck, I'm worried about my own heart breaking but the thought of ALL of the kids being devastated together is so scary and sad.  Do you have any thoughts on this?  Thank you so much.

SaphireSweetie88

mill1020 said:

@SaphireSweetie88 thank you so much for sharing your story.

Do you mind if I ask whether you have siblings in your adoptive family?  And if so, what has your experience been like with that?  Also, do you know whether you were considered as a "low legal risk" foster placement due to what your birth mom's addiction?  Did you have just one family you were placed with or did you have to move?

One thing I am worried about with fost-->adopt is my foster child's and birth kids' hearts breaking if/when the foster sibling is reunified with previous family.  Heck, I'm worried about my own heart breaking but the thought of ALL of the kids being devastated together is so scary and sad.  Do you have any thoughts on this?  Thank you so much.

@mill1020

I don't mind at all. Ask any questions you have!!

I have an older brother and sister. My sister and I haven't really been close until recently but she's 12 years older. My brother and I were close and still are. 

I don't know if I was a low legal risk or not. All I know is that once the courts gave up with my birth mom, I was no longer eligible to be put back with her again.

I was placed with 1 family for the first 7 years of my life. I moved when I was adopted. The foster parents would have adopted me since they had 8 kids of their own - all grown at the time - but they would have been in their 80s when I was 16 and they didn't want to risk not being around at that time.

I think that's a risk you have to take. I can understand how it's heartbreaking but think of how much more heartbreaking it would be if you didn't step in and help the kids if possible. Also, IF they get placed with their biological families, it doesn't mean your relationship with them has to end. Once I was adopted, my foster parents and their family just became an extension of mine. They are part of why I am who I am today. I called them and visited often. I still do. I just called them grandma and grandpa after I was adopted. 

mill1020

@SaphireSweetie88 those are excellent points.  So did you go through a grieving period for your 1st foster family when you were adopted, even though they were (are) still in your life?  Do you know if it's relatively common that the foster family gets to keep in touch with the child in the case of RU or placement in another family?  Thanks again so much for your thoughts.  Very helpful.

SaphireSweetie88

mill1020 said:

@SaphireSweetie88 those are excellent points.  So did you go through a grieving period for your 1st foster family when you were adopted, even though they were (are) still in your life?  Do you know if it's relatively common that the foster family gets to keep in touch with the child in the case of RU or placement in another family?  Thanks again so much for your thoughts.  Very helpful.

@mill1020

I am sorry. I just noticed I forgot to reply to this

I did go through a grieving period a little because I was with them for so long but it did help a lot that I was able to talk to them and see them. I am not sure if it's common for the foster family to keep in touch. I think that varies based on the state and the situation. That's definitely something to ask your adoption agency.

mill1020

Thank you again for your thoughts @SaphireSweetie88