Pregnant after IF

March PAIF Grads- new mama's

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Re: March PAIF Grads- new mama's

  • @tvh1982 awe sending you a hug !! Sorry you were having a bad day !! Hope things get better for you ! 

    @drove2u good for you !! It's totally doable .my body hates running but I have gone from not running to doing a 5k with a little bit of training . It's nice you have a goal ! I've been working out just bc I wanna be healthy but have been thinking I should sign up for something so I can have a specific goal . 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • Thank you ladies. It's nice to be able to say this without worrying my family that I'll leave again or giving my friends hope I'm coming back.
    Much better today. Pia is almost back to being her, the sun is shining and the rest will sort itself out eventually.

    What kind of workout do you do @mskeenan?

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  • @tvh1982 sorry you two were having a a couple of rough days. Are you feeling any better?
    @mskeenan exactly! That's how I feel. I've been exercising since 8 weeks post c section too--mostly Zumba and body sculpting stuff but I needed a specific goal. I just hope I can stick with it. I have until mid may to get myself running a 5k. 
  • @tvh1982 sorry you were having a bad day hopefully things get better. 
    So I had one night where one twin slept 8 hours between anothe feeding crazy. She has been good only waking once a night. So DH is going to California next week luckily my sister in law is coming to stay and help me out 
  • @Griffin5413 yay! I hope Eli keeps up the 6hr+ long stretches for you.

    @tvh1982 I'm sorry you are torn on your current living location. Eff it all and come to the US  :p

    I've still been committed to kickboxing and clean eating and have lost 12lbs since 2/8. 

    ****Siggy TW****
    natural pregnancy: 2008 
    Me: 28 (Hypothyroid), DH: 35
    Together since: 2010
    Married: 2013
    TTC: 2013
    Infertility: severe MFI, low AMH (0.5)
    Met RE: January 2016
    ER: 3/14 (4 follies, 6 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized)
    fresh 3dt of 2 embryos= BFP (1 implanted)
    EDD w/ baby boy= 12/6/16
  • @capps42613 way to go on the weight loss! I had lost all of my pregnancy weight but then my thyroid went crazy and we have been trying to control it again but I put on almost 10 pounds. 

    @tvh1982 I agree just come to the US
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • DH and I made a very sad observation tonight: we have dinner with my MIL once a week so she can see Riley. I love her, but she stresses me out, especially now with a baby,  cuz she's always questioning everything. Like with this latest growth spurt/leap, Riley has been cranky and not liking any of his usual distractions and she just wouldn't quit bugging about what could be wrong. Anyway, tonight he was cluster feeding and she noted that he always seemed to be when she was around, so she didn't get to hold him much (so of course it was "is he eating enough, is he still eating or just sucking, etc".) After she left, DH said that he thinks Riley eats a lot when she's around cuz he can sense our tension so it's a comfort thing. Made me sad cuz I'm sure he's right. I feel bad, but I don't know how to make it better. Whenever she wants to hold him I try to walk away so he can relax, but it only helps so long. Next time she questions me I will ask her to leave it, so hopefully that can help me relax if I stand up for myself. 

    Sorry for the long rant.

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @dragonfaerie I'm so sorry you are having to deal with that. I'm glad you DH is seeing that as wel though. It definitely shows u are in the same team!

    anyone else going through the 4 month sleep regression? Eli has been up every 2-3 hours tonight which makes me sad since I start work on Wednesday! I hear it's normal but he wasn't sleeping through the night yet so I'm kinda bummed. Lol... right now he's just up awake smiling at mama. At least he's happy about it. Lol
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @dragonfaerie it's so hard dealing with MILs and even our own mothers. I went to a friend's baby shower yesterday with my MIL and so many of my friends were there. Some of them hadn't met Viktoria yet so everyone wanted to hold her and hang out with her. Meanwhile my MIL was literally hogging her the entire time. It was a bit aggravating. But then a friend told me to pick my battles. Lol. 
    First day back in the office today and of course nj transit is having signal problems and the email server is down. Ha! For the first time ever v slept all night!! So I didn't see her this morning really which made leaving a lot easier for me. 
  • @Drove2u good luck with going back to work. I have heard about all the problems with nj transit, hope you go back home quickly. And the weather is so terrible today !!! 
    Lara just turned 4 months this weekend and she never sleeps throughout the night yet. She goes to bed at 8pm and then wakes up to nurse 2am,5am an then wake up at 7am. But she goes back to sleep as soon as she nurses so I do not mind too much.I tried to pick her up to feed at 10-11pm but she does not open her mouth :(  
    But even though she nurses few times at night, I started to get engorged and leak at night. Do you ladies get up and pump if the baby does not nurse ? I prefer to nurse to pumping I guess
  • Hahah @capps42613 and @griffin5413! I'm actually planning a trip to the US in June or August, might just stay ;)

    Sorry to hear about your MIL @dragonfaerie! It's a plus that DH sees it too. Any chance he can take it up with his mother? The we love you coming over, but stop questioning us (only in a more considered way than how I put it)

    Pia has her 4 months regression @griffin5413. At the moment she has the same schedule as Lara from @zoefer. I have done the dreamfeed, but there's honestly no difference, Pia keeps her 2 o'clock. But at the moment she doesn't sleep right away, but is happy talking. Sometimes in her own bed, sometimes in mine.
    Must admit I prefer her with me, as I don't sleep that deep and it's less painful to get up and feed her. If I'm on my own (and locked out the cat) I'm completely gone and wake up with my heart in my throat, trying to fight not to fall back asleep when bottle feeding and just feel plain miserable.
    And when she sleeps with me she follows what I do. Sometimes she wakes at 7, starts talking and I just keep sleeping and she goes back to sleep for another hour!

    We did have napping during the day back. She has naps of 2 to 3 hours 3times a day. Might have been because she was very ill. 
    I wonder how come people have fixed times and babies sleep through the night and well, we have none of that. It's all one big mess and winging it :)

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  • ZoeFerZoeFer member
    edited March 2017
    Sorry to hear that Pia is sick @tvh1982, how is she feeling now ?
    On the weekends , we started to get an extra hour sleep (until 8 am) because she sleeps between us. I would have never imagined that sleeping until 8am could feel like a sleep in on a Sunday morning but it does feel great :)
  • @tvh1982 which state are you traveling to?
    ****Siggy TW****
    natural pregnancy: 2008 
    Me: 28 (Hypothyroid), DH: 35
    Together since: 2010
    Married: 2013
    TTC: 2013
    Infertility: severe MFI, low AMH (0.5)
    Met RE: January 2016
    ER: 3/14 (4 follies, 6 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized)
    fresh 3dt of 2 embryos= BFP (1 implanted)
    EDD w/ baby boy= 12/6/16
  • @capps42613 way to go !! 12 lbs is a lot !!! my weight seems to be staying on but I'm trying to just focus on feeling stronger and maybe my weight will come off eventually . 
    @tvh1982 ive been doing a stroller workout group , barre classes and a little bit of rowing . 
    Come to Texas ! ;) Pia would love Austin !! 
    @dragonfaerie isn't it crazy how babies pick up on that ? Vince picks up on my mood or discomfort and flips out when I'm unhappy . I was at a really uncomfortable mommy group gathering last week where I didn't feel welcome and vince freaked out and we had to leave . I was kind of relieved . I'm sorry you feel that way with your MIL - it's so hard not to stress about someone questioning everything !! 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • @tvh1982 I would say come to Phoenix but I wouldn't wish 115 degree weather on anyone
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • I'm planning to go back to San Francisco as my friend lives there. 
    Havent been to Phoenix or Austin. 
    Had to google how hot 115 is...oh boy, I never had it that warm anywhere!
    Might pop by Tampa FL too, but unsure how long I want to be away from home.
    I love traveling, but noticed with Pia that it's so much easier being home where one has all one needs. :)

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  • @tvh1982 I love San Fran !! Gorgeous weather :) I cant imagine traveling with Vince yet . We are supposed to go to Naples Florida in may and I'm so nervous !! 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • I would love to go to San Francisco and Napa Valley , right now !! I am dreaming of traveling for the last few weeks, weather has been terrible here this March and there is not much to do with a baby indoors. I used all my annual vacation days during my maternity leave , I am not sure how I can take some time off this summer
  • Anyone live in Houston?? I'll be there end of April for work. 
  • That sucks @zoefer, that you had to use your annual vacation days.
    Otherwise travel to San Fran when I'm there so we can say hi! 
    And of course anyone else that should be around ;)


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  • @tvh1982 ugh. you'll still be 3,000 miles away from Cason and I lol
    ****Siggy TW****
    natural pregnancy: 2008 
    Me: 28 (Hypothyroid), DH: 35
    Together since: 2010
    Married: 2013
    TTC: 2013
    Infertility: severe MFI, low AMH (0.5)
    Met RE: January 2016
    ER: 3/14 (4 follies, 6 eggs retrieved, 2 fertilized)
    fresh 3dt of 2 embryos= BFP (1 implanted)
    EDD w/ baby boy= 12/6/16
  • I wish we could all have a reunion in San Fran ! Or anywhere !! If anyone ever comes to austin come hang with Vince and me !! 

    Ugh 4 mo sleep regression is kicking my ass . I cried on my way in to work this am I am so tired and feel like I can't catch a break . 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • @mskeenan - I agree that a reunion would be so fun! Maybe we can all plan one some day so all of our LOs can meet.  I'm right there with you on the sleep regression. I was really hoping Eli would sleep well since tomorrow (well today actually) but he's up after 4 hours.
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Lara only woke up once last night, at 3 am and it felt really good :) she had started to wake up at 11,1,4,6 maybe it was the leap and we are over it now. fingers crossed
  • We so should @mskeenan, would love to see all you ladies and your LO's!

    I feel for you @mskeenan, I find this regression tough and I don't have to get up for work. 
    Pia will be sleeping at my mums tomorrow night so I can get one night of proper sleep.

    We are done with testing for cowsmilk allergy and it seems that Pia has outgrown the allergy!!! I'm slowly going to swopp her special formula with regular one a scoop at a time week by week :)
    She also had her first try of proper food, not sure she liked it :) but she didn't complain either. She's getting so big!

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  • @mskeenan I was in Austin in November. I'm sure I'll be back again soon. Next stop Houston. And @tvh1982 I will be in delft in June. Also Montreal, Atlanta and Milan. If anyone is there??!! 
  • PM me if you feel like it to meet up in June. The Netherlands is a small country so I drive anywhere if you have time to say hi @drove2u

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  • Thank you for the support and happy thoughts all. We decided to do lunches with my MIL instead of dinners, since he's less needy during the day anyway,  and then the next time she questions our parenting choices, I will gently call her out. If it continues, it will not be so gentle. We are also going to talk to our pastor about the best way to bring up some things that she talks about that make us really uncomfortable and don't want around Riley. So we'll see.

    @mskeenan Babies are so in tune with emotions, it's kinda scary. That's why if I'm having a weepy day I like DH to take him so he doesn't see my sad face. I'm sorry about the sleep regression, hope you all get rest soon!!
    @tvh1982 Yay for being back to normal!

    I'm in Denver, so if anyone is ever passing through... :)

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Wish i could take a trip to visit some of you ladies but if you're ever in New Jersey we can meet up im not to far from the beach 
  • @dragonfaerie -DH's best friends live in Erie so next time we come to Denver I already told him I was going to look you up. 
    It would be so great to actually meet some of you ladies in person! If anyone ever comes through Phoenix we have plenty of room for visitors! @tvh1982 - maybe we will Have to make a special trip to the Netherlands
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • My first day back to work went pretty well. You know...only 3400 emails to go through. I'm exhausted bc of course I didn't sleep well in anticipation for the day. Hopefully next week will be better since I only had the one day of work this week. 
    Me: 33 (no known issues)
    DH: 33 (lower motility; 0 morphology)
    TTC since Oct 2013
    IVF round 1 January 2016 (w/ ICSI)
    ER: February 17, 2016; 15 eggs retrieved, 14 mature, 11 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 8 sent for PGS - 5 Normal
    FET date: April 12, 2016 - DS born Dec 7, 2016
    IVF round 2: FET : Oct 4 - 1st Beta 188!



    BabyFruit Ticker
  • LynnNJLynnNJ member
    edited March 2017
    I've been reading along, but haven't had a chance to write.
    Dylan is doing well. He's almost sleeping through the night. Although he won't go to sleep for the night before 10:30 and midnight, once he's out he's usually good for the night. He still wakes up briefly or cries in his sleep at time, but he doesn't need to be fed and doesn't need me. It keeps me up because I listen to mane sure he's okay. If his crying is continuous or escalates, I have to be ready to go to him. A couple times, he just needed to be comforted.

    He is still pretty easy going until he's hungry. Then he can't think of anything else until the bottle hits his mouth. Breastfeeding is unfortunately on its way out. I haven't given up. I just can't keep up with it consistently enough to have any supply. He might get a few drops. Now that the supply is really low and he's out of practice, he gets kind of frustrated that not much is coming out when he's really hungry. However, I still try in hopes that it will get me going again and then give him formula. 

    When he is irritable at other times, dh immediately asks if he should get a bottle or pacifier. I know he's trying to help... which is better than before. Things still aren't great with dh when we're at home, but he's slowly trying. DH will watch him if I need to go did shopping or he'll feed him if I'm making dinner, but he has never taken a shift so that I can get a break. He's never changed a diaper either.  At this point, Dylan is pretty easy for me, but it was stressful when I was recovering from the c-section. I basically did it on my own the first week. I'm still feeling resentful about stuff. Dh was going through a difficult time with work related stuff, but it was like he was in denial that he was a dad. He's getting much better, but still has far to go. So it sometimes frustrates me that he immediately thinks a bottle or pacifier will quiet the baby. The baby is often just looking for comfort and wants to be held or any kind of playful interaction or talking to him sometimes calms him down. I guess because I spent so much time with him, I usually know what he wants... based on the sounds he makes, the time, last time he napped or ate, or last time I interacted with him. I realize it's a lot to know, but often dh still doesn't have the patience or sense of what his son needs when he's irritable. He's trying to actually play with him a little more now and not treating him like an object. I'm just trying to be patient and not make any judgmental comments. 

    I've taken him out a few times, which had been nice. We both actually took him out, we worked well as a team much better than when we're at hone. I also took him out on my own a few times now as well.

    I remember reading sometime mentioning this. Dylan usually has his head to the right and has a a slight flat, bald spot on the back of his head. He can look to his left, do I'm just trying to encourage him a turn his head the other way. I'm also doing tummy time when I can. He has gained a lot of weight, so he was on track at his 2 month appointment.  

    My parents and  in laws are actually pretty helpful. However, it's hard to have a conversation with them when they are with the baby. For me it's like, "finally.... someone else can take over and there's another person to talk to." My parents sometimes get so mesmerized by their grandson, they aren't really listening to me. However, it's getting better. They just have to get the baby stuff out of the their systems first. 

    @ultratomato I'm from NJ too! I sent you a message to tell you where I am from. 
  • @Griffin5413 I'm glad your first day went well! Yikes on the emails! 
    @LynnNJ I'm sorry that you're struggling with your DH. It's hard when you don't feel supported the way you need. I hope that things get better for you.  Hugs.

    ---Trigger warning---

    Me: 31 DH: 27
    TTC since April 2013
    Two cancelled IUIs in Aug and Sept '15 due to low motility/count
    IVF round 1: January 2016
    ER: February 17, 2016; 9 retrieved, 7 mature, 7 fertilized
    Day 5 Blastocysts: 5 BB, 1 AB, all normal from PGS
    FET date: May 11, '16; transferred 1 AB embryo
    First beta: May 23, '16: 998!!  Second: May 25, '16: 1648
    EDD: January 27, 2017
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @tvh1982 I would love to meet up in NL. I'll let you know my exact dates etc once I book. 
    @griffin5413 I have a work trip scheduled to Phoenix as well but not for awhile. My sister also lives there. :-) 
    @ultratomato and @lynnnj I love in PA but right across from jersey border. Would love to meet up with you guys!! 
  • @Drove2u it would be great to meet up what part pa are you in 
  • tvh1982tvh1982 member
    edited March 2017
    Always welcome @griffin5413 and anyone else, I've got a guest room (still full of moving boxes, a work in progress:) )

    Looking forward to it @drove2u!

    I'm very happy Pia may try regular formula. I dropped her off at my mums for the night, she'll have one bottle with special formula and the rest are mixtures, hope she'll be fine!

    Im so sorry to read your story @lynnnNj. It's so tough doing it on your own, but it's easier when one knows (like me) that you have to do it on your own, than when you count on DH. I'm happy to read he's doing better, but feels like still a long way to go.
    Hang in there, Dylan gets bigger and this might be easier for your DH. Some men react better to babies ones they get older and the 'baby' is not that 'babyish' anymore. Hope you'll soon get the help you need, and definitely use us ladies to leave of some steam if needed!
    Glad to hear Dylan treats his mummy right! Sounds like a lovely little boy.

    Oh wow on all those emails @griffin5413. Thate's one thing I'm glad I won't have, I'll be starting from scratch :) 

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  • @Drove2u I messaged you back. 
    Ladies yesterday I had a mini victory for myself I went to the mall with the girls they fused a little but were pretty good just didn't want to sleep in stroller kept looking around. Then we're over tired by the time we got home. This just tells me they need to get out more which will happen in the summer. So I go back to work next Friday and I'm scared I'm going to cry all day luckily they don't start daycare till the 17th but I'm just freaking out I will be ok when there with my parents watching tbem but the other three days ugh. This is normal right I mean even DH is scared of them going to daycare. I wish we bought a cheaper home so I could stay home or DH made more money. He said I need to work to pay the bills especially since when we bought our house we accounted for my income as well. But then there is a part of me that wants to work to have adult interaction 
  • mskeenanmskeenan member
    edited March 2017
    @drove2u next time you are in austin let me know ! Would love to meet up .

    @lynnnj it's great to have an update from you . I'm so sorry you've had some struggles and have had to do so much on your own . I can't imagine how difficult that is . But you are a rockstar . I hope in time DH can be more supportive and give you a break . You sure deserve one ! Can your parents or in laws watch the baby so you can get a little "me " time ? 

    @griffin5413 yay for a good first day back !!! 

    @tvh1982 hope you get some good rest while Pía is with her grandma ;) 

    @ultratomato that's wonderful you had a great outing with the girls . I will say going back to work has been easier than I thought . Granted I only work part time but even that I dreaded . I originally didn't want to go back at all but things are just too tight right now on one income . I cried thinking about it before I went back but now it feels really good . Everyone is different ! It's ok and totally normal to have mixed feelings about it ! I'll be thinking of you next week - I hope the transition back goes smoothly . Hugs !!! 

    **BFP and loss warning**

    Me: 29
    DH: 29
    Us: Married Valentine's Day, 2015
    DH: No issues.
    Me: PCOS, unexplained infertility (whatever that means!!)
    June 2015 Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    July 2015:  Medicated TI cycle: BFN
    August 2015: IUI: BFP. Chemical pregnancy :(
    October 2015: IUI: BFN
    January 2016: Egg retrieval: 10 frozen embryos!
    March 2016: FET Cycle- 2 embryos transferred!: BFP !
  • LynnNJLynnNJ member
    edited March 2017
    Yes, dh is doing better and is more  enthusiastic. We've taken D out a few times now and did well as a team when we were out of the house. At home, it's mostly me, but I can handle it now. Part of the problem was dh was probably going through he own emotional adjustment. He also had a work issue going on and stressed out about that. On top of that, he was dealing with severe bank pain in the hospital.  I found that I was able to handle the baby stuff, but it was too much to deal with small household stuff. Dh was stressing about the amount of boxes to recycle because we had packages coming almost every day. My mother had a minor illness around the time I was leaving the hospital and I didn't want to take a chance.  My grandfather (father's dad) passed away about  3 or 4 weeks after the baby born.  Even  though my father was at the hospital when D was born, I didn't want him to come back until my mother was better. Then he had his own obligations when he knew my grandfather didn't have much time left. He was 103, and I knew about a week in advance that it was going to be any day. During all of this, my parents were emotionally supportive of me, but they couldn't really be there in person during the first week, when I really needed someone. My in laws made meals for us to keep in the freezer. When I got home from the hospital, they had a whole dinner at the house for us. It was really nice, but a meal at the kitchen table with the tv blasting was not making me feel better physically or mentally. They helped dh clean up the house a bit before D and I came home. Things had been moved. Again, everyone meant well, but that was not the kind of help I needed.

    Then I was left with the baby. I was fine with him, but I was scrambling to figure out what to do next when he was sleeping. I realized after a few days I needed to use more formula so dh could do a feeding while I showered. Then I was back on baby duty. I hadn't even had a chance to sit down and figure out the pump at this point.

    My mother finally came over after 2 weeks. I got my act together by then and was feeling much better. My father finally made it over when he was a month old. My in laws came over on the weekends.

    DH is still a bit preoccupied, but he's starting to spend a little more time with D other than his obligatory feeding.  He's figuring out how to get him to smile. Mommy is still #1 D's eyes, but he is finally noticing his dad more.  I think more positive reaction he gets, he'll start treating the baby like  a person. He still has  back issues, so he often had to hand him over to me after holding him. It took a while and things were pretty bad the first couple of weeks, but we've come a long way. My parents each come to visit or babysit once or twice a week (different days)  for a couple hours, so they've made up on their list time and they are loving it. 

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