Secondary IF

New to the board, looking for support

A not so quick intro on my situation:

In Feb 2015 I had a chemical pregnancy, my first pregnancy, and then was able to conceive our daughter very easily 2 cycles later (May 2015). I gave birth end of January 2016 and breastfed my daughter for 6 months with absolutely NO fertility during that time. I stopped breastfeeding end of July 2016 to start TTC #2 and I believe that I started ovulating in July or August. I got pregnant in October and has another chemical pregnancy and since then I haven't been able to conceive. My husband keeps telling me I'm being impatient, and maybe I am, but I'm just so let down and sad about all of this. 

I started temping 3 months ago, I do OPKs and have every month since August, I have had blood work done to make sure I don't have a clotting problem, I take baby aspirin and prenatal vitamins every day, I have cut out almost all drinking (still a glass of wine a few nights a month), I took Robituson this cycle, I've taken an iron supplement, I had an HSG in January, I did my first round of femara this month- I ovulate on my own according to OPK- (low dose 2.5mg CD 3-7) and I ovulated later than normal! My OB said that if I don't conceive this month she will up my dosage- which makes me believe she thinks I won't conceive with late ovulation. I keep trying not to stress out, but that's easier said than done. All and all, I've been TTC for 8 cycles. I'm 33 and starting to stress about time- I'd like to get pregnant again and have two more babies before 35. 
My husband keeps telling me that I need to relax and that the doctor says nothing is wrong, all my tests have come back fine. He hasn't been tested at all because we have conceived 3 times- so he doesn't have to do anything at all.

I told him I want to start discussing IUI soon, so we can at least be prepared if it comes down to that and he isn't even open to that because "we haven't been trying that long, and wanting a child "for me" is selfish and that isn't what God intended and the world doesn't owe me another baby so I need to stop thinking about it like that". I keep reminding him that I'm not getting any younger and that these are things we need to decide on, because if not we need to start the adoption process because I really want my daughter to have sibling. 

Do I sound like a total basket case? Because I feel like yes, I have anxiety about this, but that I'm trying to think ahead in case I truly can't have another baby naturally. And I do realize how lucky I am to have my daughter and I am so grateful for her every day. I realize the world doesn't owe me anything, especially not another baby, but that doesn't make me want one any less. That doesn't make me sad to watch all these milestones my daughter is having and wonder if this will be the last time I get to experience them. I don't know..
I'm just looking for someone to talk to who understands, I guess. 

Re: New to the board, looking for support

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    Welcome @karam425

    This is a very, very quiet board, but I'd love to see it pick up - Secondary Infertility is a crazy beast and I think often makes people feel like they fit in nowhere.  IF is IF, and it's *hard* whether you've had a baby before or not - but I always feel like it's difficult to talk about how things are going for me when inevitably, my son comes up and it's triggering for others.

    I am so sorry to hear about your losses. 

    Does your RE not even want to check a sample from your husband?  That seems crazy, it's one of the first things they did for me.

    Personally - I have a beautiful 6 year old boy who was conceived without any trouble the first cycle we tried for him.  I am now divorced and have been TTC for 14 cycles with my fiance.  I did IUI in January (no luck) and another in February (I'm in my 2ww) with clomid. I'm happy to answer any questions you have!

    I find the IF process to be really challenging since I already have a child.  I can't bring him to appointments, obviously, but I have no family in the state and no reliable sitters that I can call on last minute (both of my IUI's have been on weekends - where am I supposed to stash him!?).  My son has a number of health problems and we're frequently in the hospital, so this last cycle included me having to actually LEAVE him in the hospital and go to my RE's office for an appointment - I felt like the WORST mother alive.  Ugh.  Like I said, I've always just felt like Secondary IF is a crazy and different beast.
    ~Mom to an amazing Jan 2011 boy~
    ~EDD Nov 18, 2017 with my IUI success story~

    BabyFruit Ticker[/spoiler]

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    I totally agree with @pawcall, it's a very different kind of difficulty in its own way. We live in a neighborhood where the average number of kids are 3 or 4 and I take my son to school every day and there are literally babies and pregnant bellies everywhere I go, including some of my close friends that I also see every day. It's hard. I can also relate with @karam425 anxieties, it seems like time can't get any slower in this process or fast enough! Here I am almost 2 years of going through it. We actually started the process of seeking help at around 9 months of trying everything else- (the natural way) opk's, diets, vitamins, acupuncture+special herb teas that was ridiculously expensive etc. I told the Dr. That we were trying for longer than that so they would see us and start the testing, which ended up being the smart move, but wish we would of started to try many more months before that. Maybe try seeing a new Dr to get a second opinion? Get retested and everything and see what they say? Good luck!
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    @karam425 I'm so sorry you're going through secondary IF. I struggled with infertility for a year before I was able to conceive my first and only child.  I had a hysteroscopy and laproscopy in feb. 2015 it was then that my doctor diagnosed me with endometriosis and poly cystic ovaries. He drilled holes in my ovaries and in early april 2015 I had an hsg. That same month I got my BFP! 
    I developed severe pre-eclampsia in my 27th week and delivered via emergency C-section 3 days shy of my 28th week. My DD spent 9 1/2 weeks in the NICU. She is now 17 months and so incredibly healthy and amazing.
    We've been trying to conceive for the past 6 cycles without succes. I believe I had a chemical pregnancy in dec. I tested positive for 3 days then .....nothing 
    I had an HSG (worst pain I had EVER experienced{first time I felt hardly anything}apparently my cervix is now bent backwards) I had delayed ovulation this month, it took place on cd16 instead of cd14, not a big deal but worth noting. I have to go in for bloodwork early next week to check my progesterone level. My husband is supposed to do a semen analysis (he had one 2 years ago).
    I took a pregnancy test today, 6 days po and got a BFP. I know it's early but I thought I'd see maybe the faintest of lines. I should probably wait but I'm so impatient. I'm turning 32 this year and I too would love to have 3 kiddos before 35. I have a sister with downs and am already considered high risk. I feel this sense of urgency and panick. I'm so afraid my DD will be my only child. I love her so much and want to give her a sibling so badly. She loves babies and other children, she would be an amazing big sister. 
    I thought it was supposed to be easier to conceive the second time around, my doctor said so, needless to say he was wrong. I'm so frustrated and so disappointed. I've already been through this! I hate having to go through this again. 
    My best friend found out a few hours ago that she is pregnant. She tried 2 cycles, just 2 cycles! 
    I'm going to make an appointment with a fertility specialist and go from there.
    This may not bring much comfort to you but atleast you know you're not alone. 
    Btw it doesn't help when the husband can't seem to even try to view things from your perspective and doesn't seem to be bothered very much by the situation..... talking about mine. Uuuhhhh I want to scream! I'm on a never endind emotional roller coaster. I want off!
    *Taking a deep breath*
    Rant is over. Thank you for reading. 

    31 yrs. /DH 38 yrs.
    SI TTC 7 months 
    DD born 10/2015 @ 27 wks. 4 days > severe pre-e (TTC 1yr.)
    Hystero./Laproscopy/Ovarian Drilling/ D&C/ HSG (2/2015)
    DX: Moderate Endo./ PCOS/ Diminished Ovarian Reserve(1.2 amh)/ Low Morphology (0%)
    HSG (3/2017)- All Clear
    RX: Follistim (75iu)/ Trigger/ IUI/ Progesterone
    Starting 1st IUI cycle Friday 4/28

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    MammaZMammaZ member
    edited March 2017
    I completely agree with your post @pawcall.  IF is IF whether or not one has had a successful pregnancy in the past.  Also that secondary IF is a whole different beast.  I feel your struggle with going to appointments and having to figure out about what to do with my 6 year old DS.  I am not a single parent,  and do have family support, but because we are keeping this cycle under wraps, we have to figure out how to do drop offs where we live and make the 1.5 hour drive to RE appts especially when we both need to attend.  Hoping that retrieval time will be after we drop off DS at school, and same if we have a transfer date/time.
    2nd ectopic resulted in loss of tube. HSG revealed remaining tube is "severely torqued".
    IVF #1: ER 03/29/10; ET 04/01/10: transferred 2 embies; Beta #1 (9dp3dt)- 45; Beta #2 (11dp3dt)- 91= BFP 
    FET#1: ET 04/18/12: transferred 4 embies; Beta #1: >2 = BFN
    IVF #2: ER 06/20/12; ET 6/25/12: transferred 2 embies; Beta #1 on 7/5/12= BFN 
    8/16: hysteroscopy for uterine polyp removal
    11/11: hysteroscopy #2 for yet another uterine polyp removal
    FET#2: ET 12/15/12: transferred 3 embies; Beta #1 (9dp5dt): 12/24/12: 426; Beta #2 (11dp5dt): 12/26/12: 845= BFP
    u/s 1/9= triplets!; miscarried all three on 1/10/13...
    IVF#3: ER 03/30/17; ET 4/4/17: transferred 1 grade 5AA embryo; Beta #1 (9dp5dt): 4/13/17= 15; Beta #2: 4/17/17: BFN
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