My main gig is as a maternal and child health nurse, but I moonlight as an ER nurse. *TW* Women often come into the ER when they are having an early loss. I've had at least a dozen of these patients in the last year. I've always felt honest and pure compassion for these women/families, until Friday night. A woman came in, mid 30's spotting with mild cramping, ~11 weeks based on her LMP. I was supposed to set up for a pelvic exam, but before I could do anything she started yelling at me "I need to hear my baby's heartbeat!!" I told her it was too early to hear one on an external Doppler, but she insisted. After 10 mins of searching for and not finding a HB I told her we had to do the pelvic exam so I could attend to my other patients (who, in reality, were having true emergencies, unlike this patient). The PA did the pelvic exam and sent the patient to US, which showed thickened endometrium and nothing else (It's likely there was never a heartbeat to hear at any point). The patient lost it, I mean LOST IT! She blamed us for making her wait for 4 hours in the lobby (it was a 6+ hour wait at the other ER in town) and was mad that we weren't doing anything to "save her baby". I tried so hard to be compassionate and explain that there isn't anything anyone could have done. She already has a daughter, they got pg right away with this one, I told her they could try again right away, that the baby was likely not viable and a loss this early was better than a later loss. She didn't want to hear any of it. As if she was the first woman on earth to lose a baby.
I had to leave the room before I yelled back "early loss is SUPER common, how do you not know that?! at least you didn't have to spend over a year and $20k + just to have a 60% chance of getting pregnant!"
These are the moments where I HATE this journey. I hate how jaded it has made me. I hate how women don't talk more about loss and IF, how we live under these false pretenses until one or both happen to us and then we say things like "no one told me this could happen!"
I still feel really awful and unresolved about this situation. Am I a horrible human being for being irritated by this lady??
Me: 38 SO: 35
TTC#1 since November 2015
Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR
9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017
TTC #2 since July 2018