July 2017 Moms

WTF Wednesday 2/15

What happened today that has y'all going, WTF!?
Hubby and Me
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
(I guess we're July people)
«1

Re: WTF Wednesday 2/15

  • Disclaimer: I'm totally being whiny, but whatever. Major whine fest coming on, and yes, in the end, I am very grateful that anyone cares enough to throw me a baby shower in the first place. Also, this is more of a bitchfest than a WTF, but I figured it would work, and know how annoying it is when other threads get bumped on the wrong day. 

    My MIL has graciously stepped up and offered to throw me a baby shower. My own mother was "throwing" me one, but in name only. She specifically said to me, on multiple occasions, that because she has work (tax preparer) she wouldn't be able to really do anything for it, and it would be up to me. Fair enough. MIL steps in, offers, I accept. Two things go haywire to start with. 1) MIL invites SMIL to help out. SMIL is a... well... special kind of person, and has been taking over, being snotty, and generally stepping on everyone's toes. 2) My own mother, who specifically said that she could not do anything, and in fact made it clear that she couldn't even come if it wasn't late enough after tax season, has been non-stop whining about how "she's left out" and "is she even invited?" and on and on and on. Which, is annoying the ever living hell out of me, since she said she can't do anything anyways. 

    So that's where everything was up until this morning. My SMIL texted my mother telling her that they booked the venue for 25 people, and who else would my mom like to invite? Any additions? Well that's a freaking shitstorm, since the list I sent my MIL is 37 people long. Not including me, or anyone extra. Now, I fully understand that a lot of people may not be able to come. Some people live far away, some people just have other stuff going on, that's all fine. But they're still getting invited. And you can't invite 37 people when you can only have room for 25. What in the world would you do if more than 25 RSVP'd yes??? And that's JUST family. That is not friends of the family, any of my limited friends, nothing. The MIL and SMIL families alone are 23 people. So now, my mother is even more upset, is totally convinced she isn't invited, doesn't know how to answer SMIL, and I have to get on the phone tonight with my MIL to make sure that SMIL isn't just being herself and unwittingly lying about the 25 people thing, and then if she IS correct, I'm going to have to tell her that that isn't going to work and plan a whole second shower, for just my family. Which my "mom" will host, which means I have to do everything. WTF people? I thought you were taking this over so I was LESS stressed out about it?? 

    NOTE: Yes, I know, the opinion is that throwing your own shower is tacky, yes I got it, I'm whining about people coming to a party for me and bringing presents, yes I'm aware that having too many people to invite is a nice problem. Doesn't make me any less unhappy about the whole thing, or leave me feeling any less bitchy about it. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
    (I guess we're July people)
    neludelu
  • Just as I was telling my husband about how no one ever stops at the stop sign down the road from my work, some lady ignored the sign and almost crashed right into us! When my husband swerved (think goodness no one was on the other side) and laid on the horn she had this look on her face as if she had NO idea that we were there. We drive a freaking SUV!

    We didn't have any stop sign, straight road, but they do coming out of the athletic centre. My work end of the road isn't very populated so there's not a lot of traffic and they use that as an excuse to not look and just drive out. This has happened to me so many times!  WTF! 
    Me: 29 DH: 31 SS: 12
    Met: 08/2001 Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
    TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
    Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
    alcrimmins
  • @stokesm21 OMG this is my whole town. It's a small town, and half the roads are one ways, and then some of them have stop signs, but only going certain ways, and a bunch of corners are blind due to houses/parked cars/trees. I stop at every intersection, stop sign or not, because SO MANY PEOPLE don't stop. My husband gets super annoyed with me too. 

    Funny enough, I was also almost in an accident, I think last Friday. The roads were skating rinks, and this one person was stopped at a stop sign ahead of me, but my car was sliding on ice and I couldn't stop. Thankfully, there was no one else on the road, and no parked cars in the way, so I was able to swerve gently and avoid hitting them. BUT THEY DIDN'T MOVE. And then for a solid minute after I had stopped, they still didn't move. I don't know if they were a new driver and had no idea what to do, or if they just got so scared that they were paralyzed. But there was no way they didn't know that I was going to slide in to them once I started veering the way I did. I just couldn't believe they didn't react. Thankfully I didn't hit them, but not moving their car certainly didn't help prevent that. So glad neither of us ended up getting into an accident. I would have been so pissed if I had ended up hitting them and had to go to the ER and everything else to check on the baby. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
    (I guess we're July people)
    stokesm21
  • @kerils When is tax season over for your mom? Personally I wouldn't want my shower before the middle of May. 
    virginiaunicorn11
  • Does any one have pregnant friends or family members?  When you talk to them, do you ask how they are, not out of concern but just general politeness? 

    I can't fucking deal with my SIL and ever since finding out she is KU, every time I talk to her, it's all about her.  I just texted her today to see how she's feeling since her first tri has been miserable.  But, do you think she could even, just to be polite, ask how I'm doing?...NOPE. The same shit happened when we were wedding planning and I ended up stopping all communication with her.  Guess it's time to cut the cord again.  UGH. 
    ME: 34 | DH: 36
    Married: 6/2016
    TTC:6/2016
    BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017


    BusyZee
  • @SquirttheTurtle YES.  I have a friend that confided in me that she was pregnant and I was checking on her regularly before I even found out I was pregnant.  Once I told her I was pregnant, I'd still check in and see how things were going, but rarely got asked.  I eventually just quit reaching out altogether and finally got a text a couple weeks ago to check in.  

    I know she's super busy, but it still hurt when I really tried to reach out and be there for her.  I know the feeling.  Luckily, she's actually a great friend and I know she is just really bogged down with work and being a couple short months from her due date, so I try not to let it bother me. 

    I'm sorry you're having to deal with that and I know the pain waaay more intensely from wedding stuff.  That seriously sucks.  I have strained or nonexistent relationships with some friends from my wedding because of the way they acted toward me when I needed them and then when it was their turn they wanted it all and I was having trouble giving what they didn't.

    Me: 26  Him: 26
    Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014

    Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016

    BFP #1: 12/01/2016

    EDD: 07/24/2017



    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @alcrimmins The earliest I could do my shower for her was April 29th. I kind of wanted to do it earlier so I was still comfortable and nice and mobile and could really enjoy it. And I wanted some time to be able to buy all the stuff we still need after the shower (we're waiting until after so we don't end up with doubles/extras) I didn't even realize that most people wait until so late to do it. I'll be 30 weeks by the 29th anyways. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
    (I guess we're July people)
    alcrimmins
  • I have a flu bug. So far LO doesn't have it. I have had to change my pants so many times from peeing them while puking. AHHHH! I feel so, I don't even know, helpless/gross? I just hope my husband and baby don't get it. 
  • kerils said:
    @alcrimmins The earliest I could do my shower for her was April 29th. I kind of wanted to do it earlier so I was still comfortable and nice and mobile and could really enjoy it. And I wanted some time to be able to buy all the stuff we still need after the shower (we're waiting until after so we don't end up with doubles/extras) I didn't even realize that most people wait until so late to do it. I'll be 30 weeks by the 29th anyways. 
    With dd I was 32 or 33 weeks when my sister through me a shower. Everything was good and healthy with my pregnancy so no worries of going early. I was still super mobile and get great up to delivery and ended up 40+4. It's all up to you though. 

    Another idea is to have a BBQ with your friends before it gets too warm and maybe hint at a friend that it's a last hurrah before the baby, or even put it on an invite, in hopes that they will turn it into a couples shower. Then you wouldn't have to worry as much about inviting friends if there isn't enough room. Such a tough situation. I will say, the elderly ladies loved that they were able to see me so far into my pregnancy and hopefully feel a kick or two. 
    virginiaunicorn11
  • @SquirttheTurtle @maybeitsmadeline That sucks. I'd consider them crap friends, honestly. Pregnancy or no, friends ask each other how they're doing.
  • I had a different kind of WTF moment last night but mostly because I was caught off-guard.

    I was wearing an empire-waisted dress yesterday.  I always look kind of preggers in it, which is why I don't usually wear it. 

    When I got home, MIL goes, "Ohhh!  I can see your belly.  Can I touch?"  And she hovers her hand right above my stomach and waits for me to answer.

    I was NOT prepared.  I had read about people asking to touch your belly so I should not have been surprised. Except I was.  And I just sort of babbled out, "Umm ok, but I'd rather you didn't.  Is this a thing?"

    It didn't actually bother me, I was just really surprised and definitely had the WTF face as it happened.  I actually felt bad afterward that I was such an awkward turtle about it.
    alcrimmins
  • @maybeitsmadeline I'm sorry its happened to you, too.  It makes me feel like a bad person for not wanting to communicate with her but it hurts my feelings too much to actually have any sort of relationship.

    @PurplePumpernickel I agree and this isn't just a friend, its my SIL.  We had little to no relationship with them after her wedding and we were just starting to talk again when we found out she was pregnant.  And here we go again.

    I mean my 4 year old nephew even has enough sense to ask me how me/the baby is.
    ME: 34 | DH: 36
    Married: 6/2016
    TTC:6/2016
    BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017


  • @Twinkiedoll It's soooo awkward.  I hate it.  I snapped at my dad last week because I asked him to stop and he did it again.  He never asks and it irritates me.  I guess she asked at least and I'm glad it didn't bother you! :smile:

    Me: 26  Him: 26
    Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014

    Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016

    BFP #1: 12/01/2016

    EDD: 07/24/2017



    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I had a different kind of WTF moment last night but mostly because I was caught off-guard.

    I was wearing an empire-waisted dress yesterday.  I always look kind of preggers in it, which is why I don't usually wear it. 

    When I got home, MIL goes, "Ohhh!  I can see your belly.  Can I touch?"  And she hovers her hand right above my stomach and waits for me to answer.

    I was NOT prepared.  I had read about people asking to touch your belly so I should not have been surprised. Except I was.  And I just sort of babbled out, "Umm ok, but I'd rather you didn't.  Is this a thing?"

    It didn't actually bother me, I was just really surprised and definitely had the WTF face as it happened.  I actually felt bad afterward that I was such an awkward turtle about it.
    Hey, at least she asked and waited for a response for diving in! Haha don't feel bad though, you have every right to say 'no'. 

    But really, in my opinion, I don't think it's that strange for close family to touch your belly. Especially MIL or Mom. That's their grand-baby in there, and they want to feel a connection (and later, feel him/her moving around!). I don't think my mom has every asked, she just goes for it. But my mom and I are also super close. I know I definitely didn't ask before touching any of my three sisters' when they were pregnant (but again, we are very close - and I wouldn't expect them to ask to touch mine either). But strangers (or co-workers or whatever), definitely not. IDK why a stranger would want to touch another stranger's belly. That is weird haha
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @LoveLee85 sorry you're sick.  The Noro is strong this year.  Feel better.
    ME: 34 | DH: 36
    Married: 6/2016
    TTC:6/2016
    BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017


  • @Rae1 I agree with close family.  Especially if you have a close bond, it's not as strange.  I think I had mentioned why it was weird to me in another post, but being so short I feel violated because it's not a huge jump to my chest or pelvic region so I immediately feel violated lol.  I probably need to get over it considering I have over 22 more weeks to go and a larger belly on the way.  I'm hoping as it becomes more baby it'll feel less like my personal space.

    Me: 26  Him: 26
    Dating: 5/2011 Married: 6/2014

    Mirena out/TTC: 02/2016

    BFP #1: 12/01/2016

    EDD: 07/24/2017



    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @Rae1 I agree with close family.  Especially if you have a close bond, it's not as strange.  I think I had mentioned why it was weird to me in another post, but being so short I feel violated because it's not a huge jump to my chest or pelvic region so I immediately feel violated lol.  I probably need to get over it considering I have over 22 more weeks to go and a larger belly on the way.  I'm hoping as it becomes more baby it'll feel less like my personal space.
    LOL - I am pretty tall so I didn't even think of this. That makes total sense. In general, it's totally personal preference though. Some people just don't like being touched by anyone, and that is 100% their right. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    maybeitsmadelinealcrimmins
  • @Rae1 ; Yeah, I don't think it's weird that MIL wanted to touch my belly.  That's why I felt bad after the fact that I was so weird and awkward about it.  Like you guys noted, she asked and waited for me to respond, which was nice of her.  I just wasn't mentally prepared for the question and my brain just defaulted to DANGER DANGER.  haha. 
    maybeitsmadelinerae1-3
  • I am 100% Team Do Not Touch Me!! I'm not even that thrilled about DH touching my belly! 

    Maybe I just spent far too many years of my life with a non-baby gut.
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin' 
    maybeitsmadeline
  • @Twinkiedoll I'm super close with my mom and still feel odd when she touches my stomach. But I've always been really self-conscious about my stomach, so that could be part of it.
  • Also team bubble. It's actually even more invasive to me this time for some reason. Probably because I know everyone knows how I felt last time and they're doing it again. I'm also short and I agree with @maybeitsmadeline
    maybeitsmadeline
  • BusyZeeBusyZee member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    edited February 15
    @SquirttheTurtle YAS! My SIL is doing the same! I told her and she didn't really show much excitement just said "I thought so you were walking differently". As soon as I told her how far along I was something just went off in her brain and all she talked about was her own pregnancy, how no one could tell she was pregnant either and how this and that and how she felt. Not once did she ask me how I feel! In the end of this all my FIL chimed in and asked me how do you feel and she got embarrassed and asked " how's your morning sickness". After an hour of self praise and pregnancy symptoms that were only exclusive to her she decides to ask me how my morning sickness was. I didn't give her much details because ,well, she doesn't deserve to know and I couldn't tell if that was a question to get under my skin or if she's really that stupid. 

    Edit: background. Iv always asked how she's doing while she's pregnant, if she needs any help etc. she has a live in house keeper and not once did she ask if I needed something. 


  • I can't fucking deal with my SIL and ever since finding out she is KU, every time I talk to her, it's all about her.  I just texted her today to see how she's feeling since her first tri has been miserable.  But, do you think she could even, just to be polite, ask how I'm doing?...NOPE. The same shit happened when we were wedding planning and I ended up stopping all communication with her.  Guess it's time to cut the cord again.  UGH. 
    I can identify with this as well as what @maybeitsmadeline said. Recently, I can't help but be annoyed with one of my closest friends. She got married and divorced within a year and a half, and for the last year or so has dove head first into the early 30's dating scene. I talk to her almost everyday and get every last detail about the dates she is going on or the guys she is hooking up with but she has NEVER asked about my pregnancy or how I am feeling. Not once. I can't help but feel hurt by it. She came to visit me a week after I found out I was pregnant and was almost annoyed that I couldn't drink with her. Sigh. I am chalking it up to being at different stages in our lives (she is 2 years older than me and all her friends are married, most have kids) but it sucks nonetheless. 
    maybeitsmadeline
  • @kerils I would be annoyed and posting about that too if I were in your shoes. I am a planner by nature (not professionally, just a type -a) and when people want to plan things FOR me I get uncomfortable bc there is ALWAYS something you end up getting involved with anyway. I had some stress over shower stuff too bc my younger sister is stepping up but is really in my face about planning and I wasn't ready for it at the time. Now I am excited and everything is going well but it was a bit rocky to start. Hopefully everything works out and you get your shower with EVERYONE there. Maybe your mom misheard 25? Maybe it was 55?? lol. 
    Also, I am having my shower in April. I know it's early but I was told that I would be induced by June 29 if I hadn't yet gone into labor (twin pregnancy=shorter). I also know i will be getting pretttttty uncomfortable if I wait for May so I totally understand wanting an April shower! 


    Pregnancy Ticker
    SquirttheTurtle
  • My mom is a little obsessed with baby bellies (which has also made me uncomfortable). She loves touching pregnant bellies and I've never seen her ask first.
    BusyZee
  • @LoveLee85 sorry you're sick.  The Noro is strong this year.  Feel better.
    Thank you so much. I think the worst has passed! Just trying to chug water now. 
  • @irishrose54 Lol I wish she misheard. It was in a text. Either my SMIL is not being specific enough, or it's gonna be a problem. Also glad to know I'm not the only one with an early shower. I see these pictures of women at their showers, and they just look hot and uncomfortable. I don't want to feel that way, or look that way. I would like to be "glowing" even if the rest of this pregnancy is a fiasco. 

    Re: bellies: It doesn't happen to bother me if people want to rub/touch, but I definitely get it being off putting. Both if they ask and if they don't, but asking is much better. I think people just want to be connected to the experience, and they can't see the baby, so they touch. It's a "miracle" and people are fascinated by it. And often super excited. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
    (I guess we're July people)
  • My SIL lives in California so I think my MIL feels like she kind of missed out on both of SIL's pregnancies.  It's overwhelming a lot of the time.  I try to remind myself she means well, but I've posted before... we have our issues and she can be difficult/intrusive so it gets a little tough sometimes. But I can live with her touching my baby belly as long as it's not all the time.  The amount of excitement I saw in her face greatly outweighs the mild annoyance I feel in general when anyone but DH touches me.



  • I haven't had anyone intrude on my belly yet but when that time comes I know I will not be a fan.  I am a person who likes my personal space.  The closet I've had is my MIL commenting on my 'little bump' at a time when I did not yet have a bump.  I replied 'no, that's just my regular fat' and she kept insisting it was a bump.  Whatever.

    All this shower talk is making me worried that we're planning mine too late!  We're looking at June 3rd and I'm due July 24th. I also worry about the planning.  My mom is great and already has a pinterest board all about it, but we agreed to have one big shower (and I mean big, my IL side is huge) but I know my MIL will do minimal to help even with having at least 2/3 of the invitees. I warned my mom and she seems ok with it, I just need her to expect it. 
  • @CPR79 You do have a later due date than me, and I think a lot of people do it that late. I'm due July 12th. I have an "in law side is too big" problem too. 3 families over there. MIL, FIL, SMIL. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    Expecting our first baby: July 12, 2017! 
    (I guess we're July people)
  • Why do people insist on touching bellies this early?  I get that once you can feel consistent movement from the outside, it could be fun for a family member of close friend but right you're just putting your hand on the tacos I had for lunch!
    yeah, this exactly. A friend asked to touch my stomach the other day and I'm like, fine, but that isn't baby there, that's intestines pushed up and out. have fun feeling my intestines.

    BabyFruit Ticker

    Me: 36  Him: 39
    Dating: 2001 Married: 2007

    BFP #1: 01/01/11 DD: 5 yo 
    BFP #2: 11/08/17  EDD: 7/25/17

    PurplePumpernickelOperaSingerMommyMommyofcarson+1greenbean-2
  • CPR79 said:
    All this shower talk is making me worried that we're planning mine too late!  We're looking at June 3rd and I'm due July 24th. I also worry about the planning.  My mom is great and already has a pinterest board all about it, but we agreed to have one big shower (and I mean big, my IL side is huge) but I know my MIL will do minimal to help even with having at least 2/3 of the invitees. I warned my mom and she seems ok with it, I just need her to expect it. 
    I think the "normal" time frame is 6-9 weeks before EDD. So I think you're timing is perfect. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @CPR79 I think early June is fine! I just know for me I cannot wait for May when I am almost 30 weeks when twins are notorious for early unexpected arrivals (plus I know I will be super uncomfortable by then). 


    Pregnancy Ticker
  • Oh! I have a WTF moment. A coworker asked what the results of the scan we had yesterday were and when I told him we're having a boy, he told me this is better for me than if we were to have found out that we're having a girl. Because apparently in his brain, boys are better than girls. He then continued on trying to tell me how my family dynamic is going to be because he has an older girl and younger boy. Love know-it-alls!
  • Not one but TWO people have touched my belly in the past week.
  • Unless you helped put the baby in me, HANDS OFF the belly!!!!! No parents, no siblings, no friends...and hell no to strangers. Not sorry!
    SquirttheTurtlePurplePumpernickel
  • A random lady at the gym always touches my belly and it's usually when I'm lifting or doing something so I can't run away. After or while touching my belly she always says, oh sorry. 
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