Relationship issues — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Relationship issues

I am finally prepared to admit that my marriage is over. My husband has crossed the line into emotional abuse, and I found myself being consoled by my almost 12-year-old stepson the other day. Husband has become more and more combative with his words over the course of the last few months, and while he needs serious help, I can't give it to him. Things escalated last night when he took three full bottles of prescription medications. He is OK, and in the hospital, but I can't decide if he seriously wanted to kill himself or if this is manipulation. I DO know, though, that the next part of the pattern in an abusive relationship like this is that I'll be next. Or LO. I've already made arrangements that my stepkids are never at our house unless I'm there, and I'm preparing to leave. Please pray that I can last until we get through the waiting list at our new apartment complex.
Feeling like a failure, but knowing this is not my fault at the same time. Even his parents are pushing me to get out.
I don't know that I'm looking for answers, but have felt like this is a safe space, and needed to get it out.

Re: Relationship issues

  • You are not a failure. You are making the best choice for your family. I'll be praying for you and the children
    stephanienjerKFrobkodariah
  • This is not your fault! It is going to be stressful and you will question yourself, but keep doing what is best for your mental health and physical safety as well as your children's. You are a strong woman and can and will get through this. I will be thinking of you and hoping that everything works out for the best. 
    KFrobstephanienjer
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  • I've been in a similar situation before I met my husband. I'm thinking of you. Keep reminding yourself that you're a super strong woman for doing what's best for yourself and LO. I know it's obnoxious and cliche but everything will work out in the end. 
    stephanienjer
  • Your doing what's best/right for yourself and baby. You are not a failure. Your just doing your duty of protecting yourself and baby. You can't help him unless he helps himself first. Sometimes loving someone, may involve leaving them to sort out their lives. I'll be thinking of you.
    stephanienjer
  • I've been there and I just want to hug you right now. It is an absolutely awful feeling. My ex did this to me... when I was living with him across the country from my family. In the end, I called my parents (to the rescue) and they drove from Detroit to Houston in 21 hours... they got there, we loaded everything and I left. He so much as tried telling me he was going to move up here. It was terrifying. And yet, looking back, it was probably the one time I finally stood up for ME, rather than let someone walk all over me. 

    It is the hardest thing you'll ever have to do. But be sure that you and your children are safe, mentally, emotionally, and physically. As for your LOs, I personally would journal about everything. Especially the reasons why you are doing what you are and how you are feeling... some day they will likely ask, maybe they won't. But everything will be there for them to read when they are old enough to understand. 
    KFrobstephanienjerekscopp
  • I am so sorry you are going through this. You are incredibly strong and brave. Please let us know if we can help you at all in any way! 
    stephanienjer
  • Ugh. Can I give you a hug right now?!  
    stephanienjer
  • So sorry you are going through this. You're an extremely strong woman and a fantastic mother. This is for the best. 
    stephanienjer
  • Thanks, everybody. I'm determined to make this work. I can't give my daughter this example as she gets older.
    I want her to know her own worth, and she won't unless I can show her my worth, too.

    Remind yourself of this. Every day. Write it somewhere only you can see it, maybe a journal or something for now, maybe across your bathroom mirror once you are in your own place... it's going to get harder before it gets easier. Don't ever let this thought out of your mind  <3 You both are worthy of so much more. 
    stephanienjer
  • Thanks, everybody. I'm determined to make this work. I can't give my daughter this example as she gets older.
    I want her to know her own worth, and she won't unless I can show her my worth, too.

    This has been my motto since having a baby. Have to set a great example for her no matter the cost. She needs to grow up knowing mama is the strongest woman I know. That's exactly what you are doing for yourself and her. Very proud of you.
  • cali1710cali1710 member
    edited February 2017
    I'm so sorry you are going through this!! Stay strong! You're a great mother and are doing what's best for everyone ! 
  • I'm sorry to hear what you're dealing with at home, and wish you the best. I just want to commend you for also looking out for your stepson, when it can be "easy" to shut down and take care of your biological child only. 
    cali1710SDaniels19BarrettJ89
  • I'm sorry for what you're going through, and I second what everyone else has said! You are an extremely strong person, and I hope that I would be the same if I were in the same situation. When you become a mom, your whole perspective on life changes and while it may not feel like it now, you are going to thank yourself one day when you are in a happy and healthy relationship. You're doing what's best for you and LO. Good luck and know we'll always be here to support you!!
  • I'm so sorry to hear this.  Sending you lots of support and hugs.
  • Oh my goodness, I SO have to second what @l4rk said! If you're feeling like you should get out, go now.
    I have seen this in my own life with two different women (one of whom I am VERY close to). Both of them experienced conviction, but then wavered when they hung around. I know that emotional abuse can break someone down so much that they lack the ability to "stick to" decisions that they have made, even if they feel rock solid in the moment. Please consider leaving now, if it's at ALL a possibility. 
    You are so strong. You can do this!
    KFrobmesamytl4rk
  • Good luck! you ate doing the right thing for You and LO! stay strong !
  • So glad to hear you got some positive news! You're setting such a good example for your daughter and being so strong! I hope things continue to move forward in a good direction for you!!! 
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