Sharing possible baby names with family

MithK

Hi Ladies! Just wondering what the general consensus is with sharing possible baby names with family before the baby is born. Hubby and I thought we might keep it to ourselves and then just inform our families of our choice after the baby is born, so that they don't really have much of a chance to voice out any objections. My worry with telling them ahead of time is that they might react negatively to our choices (without good reason) or get upset if we don't use one of their choices. Or even that my hubby will change his mind about a name choice just coz his parents don't like it, which would infuriate me coz he can be a mama's boy sometimes!

At the same time, I am, unfortunately, someone who does get a bit affected by the opinions of others and I'm not sure how I'd react after giving birth and seeing that my parents/ inlaws don't really like our name choice...which i assume is going to be so much worse after going through labour and being all hormonal. Ideally, I would like to tell them that it's just too bad if they don't like the name, but sometimes it's not that easy.

So just wondering what everyone else is doing and whether you've faced any issues with sharing baby names with family. I should probably mention that this is the first grandkid on both sides and everyone is beyond excited and wanting to get extremely involved in everything...which means there is always a fountain of opinions lol.

Elyse1384

We tell family only because we don't care what their opinions are and know we won't be swayed by them.  If you worry about their reaction or trying to sway you from an agreed upon name, don't tell them before the baby arrives.  

ETA:  neither my mom nor MIL liked the names we selected for baby #1 (we were team green).  We didn't care and didn't sway.  Once they held him they stopped caring about the name and now everyone agrees what a perfect name it is for DS.  

mkrel

We originally planned to keep the name to ourselves, but I am a very open person and have a hard time not answering direct questions, so the plan failed. I also, like @Elyse1384, do not care in the slightest what anyone thinks but us about the name.  If you do, I would try to keep it to yourself. It is pretty entertaining to me that you can really tell who genuinely likes a name and those who are just trying to be nice. 

CapricaAndrea

We're having the same conversation over the past few days and haven't been able to decide for exactly the same reasons. I feel like I won't be swayed simply by someone disliking a name, but if someone points out some connection/pun/joke/whatever that forever stains that name for me, then I would be pretty upset. I worry though that DH would be swayed by someone simply not liking a name, however he's the one who's more on board for telling people what names are on our short list as it's something he's able to actually talk about and is very excited. 

ellie111227

We don't share our baby choices with anyone we know in real life until after the baby is born. I don't want anyone else's opinions or reactions, and I feel strongly that it is our decision, not something I want any other family members to think it is a discussion they get a say in. I have shared and discussed our choices on this board and on the baby names board to give myself a chance to talk about it and to double check that no one thinks of weird associations i didn't think of. If anyone asks, I have a couple tactics I use depending on who it is and on my mood: 1) tell them we haven't decided yet and mention some names we have considered but already ruled out along with what we liked and disliked about them 2) tell them we are naming the baby something totally stupid (this one is "Greybeard").

I'd say if you have any qualms at all about sharing, don't. I have never regretted keeping our names on lockdown. I think it's very unlikely that anyone will say anything negative once the baby is born - they'll just be excited about the baby and accept the name, or else they will at least feel like it is too late and the decision has been made. I have noticed that people seem to view talk about names during pregnancy as an invitation for feedback. Once lo is born it is just an announcement of fact.

Kylieslip24

We tell. Neither of us care what anyone else thinks at all though. When we were pregnant with dd, my aunt said she didn't like our girl name. Too bad I used it and still do love it. Lol if we have another we will be team green and hiding names too. Sounds fun to have a surprise after birth! 

meilay

Sharing details about the baby such as the sex and name has been a way for my DH to feel excited and connected to my pregnancy, so we've shared those things. We honestly don't care what people think of the name mainly because 1. it's not their kid but also 2. because we know we put a lot of thought into our child's name and it means a lot to us. 

Stankonia2014

We shared on FB and with family. I give zero fvcks about the opinion of others and it's been nice to call him by his name instead of 'the baby', makes it seem more real.

fionalouise007

We got a couple of very careless reactions to our daughters name from my husband's siblings, however, everyone else was really great about it. I'm not one to worry too much about other people's opinions but being pregnant and hormonal I had a hard time when they flat out said they hated her name with no good reason. This time a few people know our favourite boys name but we have said it's still up in the air as we are not 100% sure yet.. Lies, this one is for sure the name we have always had our heart set on, but I personally think it is easier for them to just love the baby and it's name when it is here and everything is final.

gabadoo

We don't share names until after the baby's birth. It's more of a Jewish tradition with boys (cooking #2 right now), I guess, but our baby boy will get his English and Hebrew name at his circumcision ceremony at 8 days old. Not that it would change our minds one way or another because my husband and I put a lot of thought into the name that we picked, but it's kind of nice to just not have people ask incessantly throughout the pregnancy!

teacher mom-2

We told my husband's side of the family about our likely choice. You could tell they were not the biggest fans, but they would never say anything. I would love to tell my siblings, but that would involve my mom knowing and she is a pain in the ass. She would not hesitate to rudely disagree on the name and feel she had a right to share her opinions. She is very high maintenance so I keep telling them we haven't decided yet since we are not 100% anyway

Wino0920

My brother told me I was ruining my son's life by chosing the name I did, and I laughed and carried on. It's not even a crazy name. But it really didn't make a difference, as soon as my son was born, that was his name and my brother loves him and loves his name. 

If you're going to let them push around the name, what's the rest of the parenting decisions going to be like. Time to show who is parent and who's opinion matters. 

IMO, I always say tell, but I know it's not for everyone. 

Mtnmommy

I'm Jewish. Traditionally you don't tell the name in case something happens. But I choose not to tell because my ILs feel like they have to offer their opinions about everything. I don't care what they think. It's just annoying. Also, DH and I are private people. We tend to keep things just between us until or if we can't anymore.

ladylolly89

We don't share our names other than with each of our best friends (though I have mentioned the names on here). DH's best friend lives out of state and isn't friends with either of our families, and my best friend is a great secret keeper (plus she will honestly let me know if a name is ridiculous).
No, we don't care what our families' opinion on our name is, but my MIL would for sure start calling him by his name and that would just weird me out. Plus we like to have the option to change it without having to explain to everyone. We just lie and tell those who ask that we haven't decided yet...all the way up unti baby comes.

delujm0

We don't even name the baby until we see her.  It took us 12 hours after DD was born to settle.  But we do bring a list of 3-4 names to the hospital with us. And we don't share those before hand.  We're not really interested in people's opinions.

LOTON01

We shared with close family and friends. We aren't putting the sex or names on facebook. I also don't really care what people think. 

For some reason when ever I run into someone who is keeping the name a secret my intilal instinct is that its  a terrible name. haha I am not big on the secret aspect of things. 

WorkingOnMyNightCheese

We told our family, and knowing how opinionated my mother and MIL are... I started it with "so, I am not open to feedback, we're naming her Maggie." When my mom started to give her opinion, my Dad goes "she said no feedback!" It actually worked well!

mombod

We share with those who ask when the name is set. For the most part no one has ever said anything negative, at least to myself. Their opinions wouldnt sway me or make me feel bad. 

kfry22

My husband and I decided to keep the name a secret this time just for suspense for the grandparents. Now I'm staring to think that was a bad idea becuase of how annoying my father in law is being about the whole thing 

mamaelle27

Our families tortured us to find out the names last time and we did not cave. When she was born, everyone was so caught up in the baby that they didn't say boo about the name. I think it worked out perfectly!

c1tym0m22

With DD, we tested our name choice out with the grandparents to make sure there weren't any allergic reactions (they loved it). We might do the same this time, but I'm not sure we're going to settle on a single name before the little guy arrives and will instead have a short list and go with the "let's see what he looks like!" approach.

danij0

We're keeping it a secret.
1. Because I really don't think we'll decide the name until he's here or really late in pregnancy.
2. Because I like to annoy the people who really want to know.

anitamargarita_82

The only feedback I got on naming my daughter was to not pick something stupid for her.  My husband and his ex-wife named their daughter something incredibly stupid and his family still talks crap about her name to this day and she's 19 years old. 

krex-2

We've told people the sex and stuff, but DH really wanted to keep the name between us.  I've mentioned it on here a few times, but no one in real life knows.  It was important to him to keep it "just for us"...so I've tried to honor that.  It's hard though!

Sirius37

DH and I are leaning towards not telling anyone before the baby is born. We figure as long as we love the name (and we know we're not choosing anything crazy) it really doesn't matter. Since we're team green, we'll likely come up with a list of 3-4 names for each and finally settle on one after the birth.
We mentioned how we're not really planning on sharing the names to my inlaws the other night and my MIL did not seem amused. "Well, you at least have to give us a range of names that you're thinking about! We can tell you if it's crazy or not". Um, no. No we don't. I told DH we should just feed them more outlandish names every time they ask until they stop. 

jc_twomamas

We share. I do not care if you love it or hate it. As long as DH and I love it, that's all that matters. I already know that my FIL isnt a fan of this baby's name (DS2 and will be Chase) but I could care less. He will love his grandson no matter what. No skin off my back if someone doesn't like my sons name. That's why he is mine 

berg

We told my parents, his sister, my sister, and my best friends, the names we are considering (team green).  I knew my friends would give me honest feedback as would his sister.  I knew my parents and sister wouldn't say anything but nice things.  The boy name is normal and set.  The girl name is still up in the air.  If you are having doubts on sharing, don't.  I know a lot of people who never shared the name.  I don't think you have to worry about your reaction to rude individuals when the baby is born. In my experience, (as PP's said) most people are so enamored by the baby that they could care less what the name is.  We didn't know my oldest nephew's name. They called and told us when he was born and I remember not being impressed (to myself of course).  Then I saw him and it's perfect. And in all honesty, if you're worried about someone reacting that rudely after you just spend however many hours in labor and giving birth, than that person probably shouldn't be visiting you.  

brooklynmama718

My brother and his wife kept it a secret until birth and we all thought it was strange.

jennas312

I pretty much stopped telling my mother and I really don't want other people saying much, so I just say couple choices. My mother was realllllllly annoying at first. Every day I would get suggestions or edits on my name. If I said Jolene, she would say Joelle.  If I said Jordan, she would say Jordana. I told her she'll just have to find out in June. Our top name is a top ten name, so we're undecided. Mom doesn't like it because her friend's grandkid has same name. Tough crap, mom.
I don't want my mother to hate it, but she's not picking the name. My husband would be annoyed beyond belief if we took one of her suggestions too lol.

alm52386

We tell anyone who asks! No one has said anything negative. Not sure if everyone likes the names or if they are just being nice!

ellie111227

I'm really surprised how many of you guys are in circles where it is weird to keep the name a secret. Not in a judge y way, it's just really different than the expectation I've experienced. Literally all of my and dh's siblings and cousins have announced their kids' names after births. Same with most of my friends. I have had a couple friends tell me before their babies were born, but always in confidence, none of them announced publicly. And the only people who have asked me about names are random acquaintances, not family members or friends. It's crazy how different norms can be in different groups!

DewyK

If there's a possibility that you'll be offended by opinions on the name you choose, or opinions may sway you from using a name, then I'd keep them to yourselves. My BIL & SIL kept the name a secret and it worked out fine for them.

IDGAF if people like the name we choose or not So I don't have a problem telling our family the name we decide on! 

michaela0704

We shared the names as we figured them out for our twins last time... we started with 1 girl and 1 boy name so we didn't have to duke it out over 4 names until after the a/s.  So we shared those 2 names freely when asked... didn't get any negative feedback.  Once we settled on the 2nd boy's name a few weeks after my a/s I shared with one of my best friends (as she hosted my shower and she wanted the names displayed) and family... no particular reason but most people had already asked/we answered with the 1 girl/1 boy names.  My parents had a horrible reaction to what turned out to be DS1's first name (2nd name we picked out) as it was the last name of some fraternity brother that both my dad and mom hated in college... well, tough sh*t.  We loved it and it took DH and I forever to land on something we both loved.

This time around DH and I can't agree... my dad is pushing for his name to be DS3's first name (like he did last time and he complained when we used his father's FN which is also my father and brother's MN for DS2's FN).

If I end up giving in to DH's FN choice, I get MN rights with no veto power from DH, so I'll probably use my father's FN as DS3's MN as I like family names for MNs.  But I won't share that info with my father until after birth anyways.

allywat

I've shared ds1 and this baby's name with people and most reactions are great but I just keep in mind some people wouldnt be satisfied unless they picked out the name themselves. My stepmom has had comments about each name so far. My first son she said it sounded like a "wild boy" and that I was going to have my hands full with a name like that, the name isn't super common but is not crazy out there or anything.  (She has actually been right but I don't think it's the name that did it lol) This baby she said "oh well that will do" 

delujm0

ellie111227 said:

I'm really surprised how many of you guys are in circles where it is weird to keep the name a secret. Not in a judge y way, it's just really different than the expectation I've experienced. Literally all of my and dh's siblings and cousins have announced their kids' names after births. Same with most of my friends. I have had a couple friends tell me before their babies were born, but always in confidence, none of them announced publicly. And the only people who have asked me about names are random acquaintances, not family members or friends. It's crazy how different norms can be in different groups!

I was just going to say this!  Almost NONE of my friends or family shared names prior to the birth.  A lot of times it was the same as what we did...they just honestly didn't want to decide on an actual name until they'd seen the baby, but even then it was rare for anyone to say "but we're considering these 5 names."  It just doesn't happen in any of my circles.  I actually think it's unusual when people have named the baby before it's born, though that seems to be the norm here!

 

I also think that since we know and announce the sex in advance, it's nice to have something that is a surprise to everyone once the baby is born.  Our relatives were kind of annoyed that we didn't name DD until about 12 hours after she was born though.  But we wanted to get to know her first!

lmudra

I agree with other posters-  none of my friends shared names until baby was born.  
If we pick a name prior to birth (unlikely bc my husband thinks it's bad luck) we won't tell anyone until the ink has dried haha.

cmread

With my first, we kept his name a secret until after he was born.  We announced the sex as soon as we found out, so it was nice to have something to keep to ourselves and leave a little surprise for our family.  

With my second, I told everyone.  That's just the way I felt at the time, I guess.  One nice benefit was that we received personalized gifts for him, and I just loved seeing his name printed on things.

This time, who knows if I'll ever even come up with a name for him.  I've already used my favorite, most meaningful names, and I'm finding it so hard to think of a third boy name!!  

swanbrooner

It's surprising to me how many people seem so bothered/annoyed/stressed that we haven't decided and really aren't planning on making a decision until she's born. It's not bothering me, and I'm the one lugging this babe around!

doodleoodle

I was 100% set on the name Georgia for DD. So much so that we had been calling my bump Georgia long before we knew she was a girl. My mom's reaction completely ruined the name for me and DD ended up not having a name until the day we left the hospital. It was super stressful. We won't be sharing any potential names with family this time.

MithK

You ladies have been incredibly helpful! I think I'm going to stick with not telling anyone anything. We'll probably just stick with the 'we're still deciding' line. I tried to casually discuss names with a cousin today and i mentioned one of the names i liked, and she sent me a link saying that i wouldn't like the name anymore after clicking on the link. Decided to save myself the heartache and not click on the link, so that I wouldn't b swayed from my decision, since it was one of my front-runner names....anyway, according to her, it was just some link with some shady actor i don't even know of, with the same name. But since it was just a cousin, it didn't bother me as much as if it had been one of our parents...but it was enough of an experience to know that i don't really want anyone ruining it for me. So i think when we do finally tell our folks, after the little one is born, we'll have to first throw out a disclaimer that we have decided on this name and noone is allowed to give any opinions on it. Gonna have to look past any unhappy frowns that my mum and MIL are very capable of making too lol. My MIL once made a comment that if she didn't like the name that we chose for the baby, she'd just call him whatever she wanted lol....pretty sure she was kidding....i hope!! lol

sejica

@mithk I wouldn't bet on it! Honestly, that's how we came to call my grandma 'bootsie'. She tried to give ME that name, but it backfired because everyone called her 'the bootsie lady' since she was so persistent. So, instead of the nickname sticking to me, it stuck to her. Feel free to warn your MIL ... or not.