My UO is that I don't belong in the eco-mom thread at all!
I hate showers, but I really hate all parties. Seconds are even more of a no-go for me.
I also plan to CIO if necessary... But judging by how much of a pushover I am with my dog, we'll see!
Also probably unpopular/FFFC : still not feeling too much connection with baby, so I often remind myself that I'm sure once he's here he will be at least equal to above-mentioned dog in my eyes! Yes, I make a point to try to believe I'll love my kid as much as my dog!!
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
@CarsonsMommy isn't the whole point of a 'diaper party' for people to bring you stuff (i.e.- diapers) for your kid? I don't see how that is any different.
Well, it depends on what type it is, sometimes, it is just a get together where gifts are optional and where cake is enjoyed and new life is celebrated. I feel that it is unfair to one child to have a celebration such as a baby shower, and the other to not matter as much. Why are you so materialistic? It is about coming together and celebrating, not about stuff.
What you're describing is not a shower or a diaper party. If you call it a diaper party it means people are expected to bring diapers. If you call it a shower, people are expected to bring gifts.
Don't act like your second kid is somehow going to have its feelings hurt because a party didn't happen before it was born. A shower is for the mother, not the baby. And where I live, diaper parties are usually for fathers.
See what you said? WHERE YOU LIVE. It varies. Call it a shower, a sprinkle, a diaper party, gender reveal, celebration, idgaf. If someone wants to throw you one, and invite close friends and family then I see nothing wrong with it at all. Around here, we do second showers or "sprinkles", especially if baby is a different sex. We FULLY expect to buy just about everything ourselves. That doesn't bother us. But there is nothing wrong with people wanting to spoil a new baby with outfits that they picked out, cut nursery pictures etc.
I also plan to CIO if necessary... But judging by how much of a pushover I am with my dog, we'll see!
Not going to lie, but I'm a pretty big pushover when it comes to my cat. He's pretty spoiled and knows how to use his cuteness to get extra treats, snuggles, etc.
When we first adapted him, my hubby said he didn't want the cat in our bedroom at all. That lasted maybe two days. Now, I'll wake up in the middle of the night, and the cat will be on my pillow! Maybe I'll be more firm with baby?
@oheliza44 not just you, although you base your whole arguement over people buying things... but just people. Why do people base their lives around materialistic things? Why does that matter so much?
@JulyBaby17 my husband snores too, I wear ear plugs, and I can even hear my son stirring through them, because I am in tune to it. But not his snoring.
I don't base my life around materialistic things, but do base my showers around materialist things. Because that's the purpose of a shower/sprinkle/ diaper party. Gifts.
If s second showers are the norm where you live, then you do you. But that's all you need to say. Don't act like you aren't expecting to receive gifts.
Just a small note for those who are saying that "throwing your own shower is tacky". I am lucky enough that my MIL stepped up and is throwing me a baby shower, but no one was going to throw me a wedding shower. I do not have any close friends because DH and I have been moving around, and although my mom "technically" threw it, she has never and will never actually plan and throw a party for anyone. Well at least not for me. So I planned and organized and ordered for and decorated and for all intents and purposes threw my own bridal shower. Not because I was looking for gifts, I really wasn't, but because no one else was going to and I wanted to have the full wedding experience. It's the whole reason I moved back to where my family is. Also on the whole gift thing. This baby is early and unplanned for DH and I, and while the shower is not ABOUT getting gifts and we certainly don't expect gifts from everyone, we are being real here, and we know full well that lots of people will get us lots of gifts. It would have been a much bigger financial burden on us if we had to get all the start up things for the baby. The shower is a huge help to us, and we asked for baby things for Christmas from people who we already knew would get us gifts. We would have seriously had to skimp even more than we already have (not really getting anything unnecessary for the baby anyways) if we didn't have extremely nice and generous family that want to get us gifts for the baby. We are so incredibly grateful for it. The start up costs for a baby are a lot, and sometimes you really need the help.
Basically don't judge before you know what's up with people's situations. Sometimes things that seem tacky are for real reasons.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I totally saw it too!! I felt like I'm Sherlock for figuring it out! Trying to bite my tongue on all of her comments I've seen so far but it's hard since I'm 100% disagreeing, 99% of the time.
on topic: Hypno placenta whatever - don't even get me started on that bs. I think my position is pretty obvious.
all foods mentioned in this thread - love love love them
leash- didn't know that was a real thing, sounds sad and hope I don't need one but then again I'm a FTM with zero experience so I will withhold any judgement
CIO- someone please teach me what that is. I'm gathering from the discussion it's something like you leave baby to cry so that he/she in time becomes a better sleeper? If that's the case I know a few moms who have done it successfully. I again have no experience but I have a strong feeling I won't be able to do it.
Dogs and also cats, like them okay as others' pets but have never been a pet person so no strong feelings
showers - as long as you're not throwing your own I don't mind at all. I mentioned before it's not part of my culture so I won't have one but the ones I've been to were fun and I would have done it for second /third child too if I like the parents enough to show up
as always, I agree with my girl @virginiaunicorn11 , this time on the topic of a village raising a child (including extended family, friends, and yes to a degree the government ). Yes it's the parents' responsibility. But also children are our future and good point above about Japan (sorry I can't remember who made that point). Also, Nutella is life.
I don't disagree with you at all on this point and maybe didn't articulate myself very well in my other posts. I think when that is the intentI just take issue with showers that are done for the sole purpose of completing someone's registry. That's all. I think making sure you have all the stuff you need once the baby arrives is your responsibility, and I don't expect my family or friends to do that for me. I guess I compare it to couples who invite people to their wedding that they know won't attend just so a gift is sent. It's just tacky.
This is exactly what I said. Not sure how you can take my argument and twist it around to say that I am 'materialistic' when my whole point was against parties for the purpose of getting things you need rather than celebrating with loved ones. You are the champion of multiple parties/showers/sprikles/whatever your regional jargon is for get together a where gifts are expected- not me.
In regards to 2nd showers, if someone special nice enough to throw one for you and you don't mind the attention go for it. It is the norm in my area, it is called a sprinkle. I will say gifts for the event generally depend on the circumstances. My best friend was having another girl so we did a spa day & dinner, we all chipped in to pay for the mom to be and all gave her a few outfits. When I found out I was having twins my best friend and sister in law decided to throw me a luncheon and call it a sprinkle. They begged me to register, and I did but made them promise not to include it on the registry only if invitees asked. We were so greatful to our close family and friends who really helped us out. Babies are expensive and everyone's circumstances are different. I believe most parents will figure it our regardless but it sure is nice to have help. Now I totally agree that anyone you haven't seen/talked to since forever should not be invited. Showers are for close friends and family who want to be there.
I'm not a fan of big showers for a second child. To me it just seems like an attention thing. I am not opposed to a small sprinkle with up to ten of your closest friends, as long as you don't plan it yourself. I won't be having one. My sister will probably host a sip and see once the baby arrives for close family members (aunts, grandmas, etc) but it's not expected. This is more to see and/or show off the new baby. Again, very small. Gifts are not expected at all.
@yellow1daisy - I appreciate you explaining your opinion further, and the apology, thank you. I just feel the word abuse is something that should not be used lightly.
As moms we already question ourselves and our parenting choices - it really isn't fair to have someone saying that you're "abusing" your child when you're doing your best to do what's best for your child, ya get me?
Between the CIO, circumcision and all the other hot-topic threads we will have here I hope we can all take everyone's opinions with a grain of salt and realize we all are just doing what we feel is best for our child and our family.
Absolutely get you. And I like you. So please don't hate me
@JulyBaby17 we never bed shared but baby was in our room for the first 5 months and into her crib in her own room after that. We never did CIO (at least not Ferber sort of CIO, she wakes up sometimes, whines for a minute and goes back to sleep so I don't run at the first sound; usually her standing in her crib is my cue to get in there.) But my daughter was generally easy to transition to a crib and with the exception of some sleep regressions, usually went into her Moses basket before that fairly easily.
Independence usually comes from feeling secure. I would personally try different methods until you get to the point where nothing is working.
---
On a different note, I do feel that the best option is to just leave your baby to cry while you leave and regroup for however long you need to if you find yourself getting angry with your baby. Especially if you don't have someone to tag team with. Babies can REALLY test your patience.
And I have to admit I've had to just hand her to my husband and walk away many a times while I went and calmed down (the crying really does something to your nerves). If he wasn't there, she would have been put down safely in her crib until mom composed herself. Those early--baby can't communicate days are rough. And now I'm feeling panicky about what's to come and getting all rant-y.
Me, @mj8215 (will take credit when I can get it, lol)
okay another UO: Sometimes the long weekly threads or the "big thread of x, y, or z"s intimidate me when I've been away for a bit and I see that there are 99 replies since I last logged on. It's more than just email overload feeling, it's also mixed with FOMO.
I totally saw it too!! I felt like I'm Sherlock for figuring it out! Trying to bite my tongue on all of her comments I've seen so far but it's hard since I'm 100% disagreeing, 99% of the time.
I *think* I figured it out, but I'm still not 100% sure myself. There's a person that just joined on 1/21 that's been commenting here, but I'm not sure if I'm on the right track...
@mj8215 the big CIO method is the Ferber method. I don't know a ton about it, but I do know that you are supposed to start it when the baby is a specific age (I think starting around 6 months). If the baby/child is too old and aware, it can be rough on both the parent and the child from what I understand. I want to look into it more and see if it is for me.
My sister and job are throwing me a shower, but I won't do a second shower. I don't have any problems with people helping me buy things for my baby. There will be plenty of expenses I'll have to pay on my own, and friends, family, and coworkers are happy to help I am sure!
I don't think zara was as psychotic as she appeared to be. I just think she was a troll in the sense that she enjoyed getting the board all riled up by saying things she didn't even really believe. Now we know to ignore her the next time she says something outrageous. Live and let live, I suppose.
@satsumasandlemons I totally get FOMO when I see a thread exploded while I was away! Plus then I feel like by the time I get through it there's no point in me replying because the conversation has evolved several times
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
@satsumasandlemons yes thanks for taking credit also agree with you and @manillabar on long thread FOMO! This happened to me a few times... and I'm always a bit sad cause many of the discussions are very interesting, but just like you say it's often too late to comment in depth.
@AdaByron agree on "live and let live". Working on that right now
Plus one on FOMO when I don't a chance to read a long thread! I'm on the west coast and I usually bump in the evenings so everyone else is asleep,womp womp!
I could exist solely on Nutella and breakfast baked goods.
re: cloth diapers not being that great for the environment- I definitely agree that this be true depending on how often you are doing laundry, what kind of detergent you're putting back out into the universe, etc. I use them more because DD has sensitive skin like me and it really does save us money in the long run, especially since I can reuse all her diapers with this baby. We haven't noticed a hange in our bills but maybe she just isn't a super pooper!
Sometimes things that seem tacky are for real reasons.
Nope. Not every baby is planned and not everyone is in the best financial situation but expecting people to come to a second shower to pay for your kids stuff is beyond ridiculous, it also assumes people buying you gifts don't need the money for themselves.
Like I said if your friends and family want to give you gifts for your second/third baby, more power to them but to throw a party to get gifts is wrong. You can have a party to celebrate your new baby and it NOT be a shower, and if you get gifts great...
And about the village to raise a child, seriously? Dude if you need a village to fund your kid you shouldn't have a one let alone another. If your village is awesome and wants to help - good for them but expecting your village to give you a shower for each baby and pay for their "things" is ridiculous. While the sentiment is nice it's rooted in help not material things...
Sometimes things that seem tacky are for real reasons.
Nope. Not every baby is planned and not everyone is in the best financial situation but expecting people to come to a second shower to pay for your kids stuff is beyond ridiculous, it also assumes people buying you gifts don't need the money for themselves.
Like I said if your friends and family want to give you gifts for your second/third baby, more power to them but to throw a party to get gifts is wrong. You can have a party to celebrate your new baby and it NOT be a shower, and if you get gifts great...
And about the village to raise a child, seriously? Dude if you need a village to fund your kid you shouldn't have a one let alone another. If your village is awesome and wants to help - good for them but expecting your village to give you a shower for each baby and pay for their "things" is ridiculous. While the sentiment is nice it's rooted in help not material things...
Oh, so these people who "can't afford" another child should just abort it or adopt it out instead of accepting another baby shower from someone who is excited to throw one for their best friend's second baby??? Sorry, really don't agree. I had a couple cousins show up with nothing more than a sippy cup, others a card. It was the sentiment. Circumstances vary, sometimes people need a little help. Other times it is for celebratory reasons. Regardless, your logic doesn't compute for me on this matter. Others, yes. This one, no.
My UO is why do people get so offended when they don't agree with someone's unpopular opinion?!?! That's what this is! I read them and move on. I just really don't get it.
I don't base my life around materialistic things, but do base my showers around materialist things. Because that's the purpose of a shower/sprinkle/ diaper party. Gifts.
If s second showers are the norm where you live, then you do you. But that's all you need to say. Don't act like you aren't expecting to receive gifts.
Well, I guess some do. It just isn't my view point. I made a registry, but only for the discount I would receive. Most of the things I had received really came in handy like outfits, baby bath etc. But I never gave my registry to people, mostly because it was a surprise shower when we came to montana for a visit but also because that would have made it really awkward and the nearest baby specialty store is like 3 hours away and the nearest target is 89 miles away.
My UO is why do people get so offended when they don't agree with someone's unpopular opinion?!?! That's what this is! I read them and move on. I just really don't get it.
I don't see anyone upset, just elaborating their viewpoints
Plus one for second showers are tacky. A shower is NOT a celebration of a new baby coming, it's for the mom and it's for gifts. Saying anything else is kidding yourself. I had one for my first and enjoyed it but I certainly wasn't banking on it covering most or any of the things I needed or wanted for the baby. My registry was pretty small because I wanted to give people ideas but the gifts I cherish are the homemade blankets and the thoughtful gifts. If you choose to bring a child into this world then you should figure out how to clothe, feed and provide for it without counting on the kindness of others. I believe it takes a village to raise a child in terms of emotional support, advice, giving a new mom a break so she can nap or shower but not to pay for the child you chose to have. I usually do give gifts to my friends when they have second, third etc babies but that's because I want to. I would side eye the crap out of any of them who had a second shower.
Also I figured out the mystery and am ashamed at how long the obvious stared at me before I saw it.
@CarsonsMommy we are going to agree to disagree. I never ever said anything about aborting a baby. I do believe for a second child having a shower is nothing more than gift grabby. If someone needs help and relies on friends/family or public resources with any child or at anytime i am thankful for the access to resources they have. This is about throwing a party where people are expected to contribute financial to your subsequent children. Frankly I would feel terrible for a friend of mine that only couple afford a sippy cup to bring to another shower - if she brought it to me on her own as a way to celebrate the baby I would be beyond touched, if she brought it because she was invited to a shower i would feel terrible. Getting help is not the same as throwing a party.
@dcwtada, this girl could afford it, trust me. But she knew that these sippies worked best for her children, as they were very slow flow straw sippies, so it was a very thoughtful gift. Like I said, it wasn't about gifts, and she knew that. Regardless, we can agree to disagree to disagree and drop it.
@CarsonsMommy, @Dcwtada never said anything even remotely close to aborting a baby. That comment was not called for, and really offensive.
Ok, maybe I took it a little too far in that manner, however not all babies are planned and therefore the notion of "don't have babies if you need family to help you out with some purchases" is moot. And I did say abort OR adopt.
My UO is why do people get so offended when they don't agree with someone's unpopular opinion?!?! That's what this is! I read them and move on. I just really don't get it.
@CarsonsMommy, I do understand asking family for help. However not all family is in a position to do so, which is why I'm not having a shower at all even though I am FTM. My family would go way overboard even though it's a financial strain for them. My husband and I are more than able to purchase for all our baby needs.
I don't know you or your families situation but I think a lot of the opposition your getting is from people not wanting to obligate friends or family to buy things they can't afford (even if you don't expect a gift from someone they may still feel obligated to purchase one.)
I personally don't mind if you throw yourself a shower, you do what's right for you, and it really shouldn't matter to you if other people find it tacky. That's their right to think what they want.
Second baby showers: I don't think they're evil, especially if someone insists on throwing one for you. I never even knew it was frowned upon until I joined the Bump because everyone on all sides of my family and my husband's family has parties for each pregnancy/baby (gifts and all). I don't personally want a second shower and won't be registering for gifts or anything, but I really go by the "live and let live" rule here. I don't care if you call it a sprinkle, shower, diaper party etc. If someone I love is having a baby, I'll be there to celebrate with a gift in hand!
But it to be fair, there are some behaviors that are absolutely TACKY. Someone I know was pregnant with baby boy # 2, one year after the first was born. She sent out her own invites to a baby "sprinkle" with her aunt named as the host. And in handwriting on the invite it said, "we're starting completely from scratch and we are so appreciative of any gifts."
Are you kidding me? That one was pretty outrageous to me, because of a few things. If you don't work, welfare supports you and your kid(s), you get pregnant and it is the same sex as the child that you just had a year ago, you probably shouldn't throw your own baby sprinkle and ask for gifts...Just my opinion.
Regardless, as long as you don't go so far as to ask me for gifts specifically on the invite, I'm pretty easy going with showers.
CIO stands for cry it out (don't remember who asked this) and it's basically a method of letting baby cry themselves to sleep and learn to self soothe, if they aren't hungry or needing a diaper change. Some say it's cruel, some say it's necessary. I say it depends. My daughter has always been very difficult, she would only sleep ON me or nursing for the first year of her life. I don't mind her fussing on her own for a bit, but I can't leave her crying hysterically for more than 5-10 minutes. And she's 15 months old. So we do modified CIO now that she's old enough to understand that mommy can't be holding her 24/7. She'll fuss for a few minutes and pass out, if she gets hysterical, I cuddle her. It works for us.
I get that, and I am not having a shower, for that exact reason. I do however feel that there is nothing wrong with close family and friends celebrating baby. My husband and I will be more than Capable of rounding up all the supplies we need. He finds jobs in his specialty very easily, as they are always in demand. I feel that you either spend what is necessary on the new baby, or you can go all out. We will be somewhere in between. I personally feel it is rude to turn down a gift, but that is just what I was taught. I get not wanting to put financial strain on family members, as I have been in that financial situation before. I just personally feel that to each her own. If you decide to have a sprinkle for your second, great, good for you. If you don't because you feel it is tacky and only for gifts, okay, good for you. If you choose not to have one because of financial strain of family and you want to buy everything yourself, then that is awesome. But do not make a mom feel awkward or bad because her friend or family wants to throw a second baby party.
ETA @Itsnotyourturn you put it quite well in a non offensive way so that I could better understand, thank you.
@mrscate88 are we the same person? (Well except you reply with tact, whereas I sometimes lack it) but everything you said, same. Even down to friend being tacky about second shower less than a year after she had first.
@mrscate88 are we the same person? (Well except you reply with tact, whereas I sometimes lack it) but everything you said, same. Even down to friend being tacky about second shower less than a year after she had first.
You're too funny! I studied business communication in college, which is most likely where I get some of my tact from. Showers can be such a touchy subject, I find that hilarious. This thread has been fun today!
Whoa shit got wild while I was at work for the first 5 hours.
The ONLY time I think second showers aren't tacky are when it's been an extended amount of time (like a decade) in between. It's been so long you basically are a FTM
In my neck of the woods a shower is for showering you into motherhood, not to provide items for the baby. The gift thing drives me nuts. The fact of expecting anyone to provide for your child is poor taste (in my village, at least). Expecting gifts? Wanting a shower for gifts? Nope!
+1 for leashes.
But these are my UO's, I'm just here sipping tea, and rest assured my opinions will not effect your life at all.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
Re: Unpopular Opinions 1-26-17
I hate showers, but I really hate all parties. Seconds are even more of a no-go for me.
I also plan to CIO if necessary... But judging by how much of a pushover I am with my dog, we'll see!
Also probably unpopular/FFFC : still not feeling too much connection with baby, so I often remind myself that I'm sure once he's here he will be at least equal to above-mentioned dog in my eyes! Yes, I make a point to try to believe I'll love my kid as much as my dog!!
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
Don't act like your second kid is somehow going to have its feelings hurt because a party didn't happen before it was born. A shower is for the mother, not the baby. And where I live, diaper parties are usually for fathers.
When we first adapted him, my hubby said he didn't want the cat in our bedroom at all. That lasted maybe two days. Now, I'll wake up in the middle of the night, and the cat will be on my pillow! Maybe I'll be more firm with baby?
@JulyBaby17 my husband snores too, I wear ear plugs, and I can even hear my son stirring through them, because I am in tune to it. But not his snoring.
If s second showers are the norm where you live, then you do you. But that's all you need to say. Don't act like you aren't expecting to receive gifts.
Basically don't judge before you know what's up with people's situations. Sometimes things that seem tacky are for real reasons.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
on topic:
Hypno placenta whatever - don't even get me started on that bs. I think my position is pretty obvious.
all foods mentioned in this thread - love love love them
leash- didn't know that was a real thing, sounds sad and hope I don't need one but then again I'm a FTM with zero experience so I will withhold any judgement
CIO- someone please teach me what that is. I'm gathering from the discussion it's something like you leave baby to cry so that he/she in time becomes a better sleeper? If that's the case I know a few moms who have done it successfully. I again have no experience but I have a strong feeling I won't be able to do it.
Dogs and also cats, like them okay as others' pets but have never been a pet person so no strong feelings
showers - as long as you're not throwing your own I don't mind at all. I mentioned before it's not part of my culture so I won't have one but the ones I've been to were fun and I would have done it for second /third child too if I like the parents enough to show up
as always, I agree with my girl @virginiaunicorn11 , this time on the topic of a village raising a child (including extended family, friends, and yes to a degree the government ). Yes it's the parents' responsibility. But also children are our future and good point above about Japan (sorry I can't remember who made that point). Also, Nutella is life.
Honestly, good job at a legit UO!
my happy boy
okay another UO: Sometimes the long weekly threads or the "big thread of x, y, or z"s intimidate me when I've been away for a bit and I see that there are 99 replies since I last logged on. It's more than just email overload feeling, it's also mixed with FOMO.
My sister and job are throwing me a shower, but I won't do a second shower. I don't have any problems with people helping me buy things for my baby. There will be plenty of expenses I'll have to pay on my own, and friends, family, and coworkers are happy to help I am sure!
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Eta: nope, think I got it. Duh.
also agree with you and @manillabar on long thread FOMO! This happened to me a few times... and I'm always a bit sad cause many of the discussions are very interesting, but just like you say it's often too late to comment in depth.
@AdaByron agree on "live and let live". Working on that right now
I could exist solely on Nutella and breakfast baked goods.
re: cloth diapers not being that great for the environment- I definitely agree that this be true depending on how often you are doing laundry, what kind of detergent you're putting back out into the universe, etc. I use them more because DD has sensitive skin like me and it really does save us money in the long run, especially since I can reuse all her diapers with this baby. We haven't noticed a hange in our bills but maybe she just isn't a super pooper!
come to a second shower to pay for your kids stuff is beyond ridiculous, it also assumes people buying you gifts don't need the money for themselves.
Like I said if your friends and family want to give you gifts for your second/third baby, more power to them but to throw a party to get gifts is wrong. You can have a party to celebrate your new baby and it NOT be a shower, and if you get gifts great...
And about the village to raise a child, seriously? Dude if you need a village to fund your kid you shouldn't have a one let alone another. If your village is awesome and wants to help - good for them but expecting your village to give you a shower for each baby and pay for their "things" is ridiculous. While the sentiment is nice it's rooted in help not material things...
Also I figured out the mystery and am ashamed at how long the obvious stared at me before I saw it.
@CarsonsMommy we are going to agree to disagree. I never ever said anything about aborting a baby. I do believe for a second child having a shower is nothing more than gift grabby. If someone needs help and relies on friends/family or public resources with any child or at anytime i am thankful for the access to resources they have. This is about throwing a party where people are expected to contribute financial to your subsequent children. Frankly I would feel terrible for a friend of mine that only couple afford a sippy cup to bring to another shower - if she brought it to me on her own as a way to celebrate the baby I would be beyond touched, if she brought it because she was invited to a shower i would feel terrible. Getting help is not the same as throwing a party.
I don't know you or your families situation but I think a lot of the opposition your getting is from people not wanting to obligate friends or family to buy things they can't afford (even if you don't expect a gift from someone they may still feel obligated to purchase one.)
I personally don't mind if you throw yourself a shower, you do what's right for you, and it really shouldn't matter to you if other people find it tacky. That's their right to think what they want.
But it to be fair, there are some behaviors that are absolutely TACKY. Someone I know was pregnant with baby boy # 2, one year after the first was born. She sent out her own invites to a baby "sprinkle" with her aunt named as the host. And in handwriting on the invite it said, "we're starting completely from scratch and we are so appreciative of any gifts."
Are you kidding me? That one was pretty outrageous to me, because of a few things. If you don't work, welfare supports you and your kid(s), you get pregnant and it is the same sex as the child that you just had a year ago, you probably shouldn't throw your own baby sprinkle and ask for gifts...Just my opinion.
Regardless, as long as you don't go so far as to ask me for gifts specifically on the invite, I'm pretty easy going with showers.
CIO stands for cry it out (don't remember who asked this) and it's basically a method of letting baby cry themselves to sleep and learn to self soothe, if they aren't hungry or needing a diaper change. Some say it's cruel, some say it's necessary. I say it depends. My daughter has always been very difficult, she would only sleep ON me or nursing for the first year of her life. I don't mind her fussing on her own for a bit, but I can't leave her crying hysterically for more than 5-10 minutes. And she's 15 months old. So we do modified CIO now that she's old enough to understand that mommy can't be holding her 24/7. She'll fuss for a few minutes and pass out, if she gets hysterical, I cuddle her. It works for us.
ETA @Itsnotyourturn you put it quite well in a non offensive way so that I could better understand, thank you.
The ONLY time I think second showers aren't tacky are when it's been an extended amount of time (like a decade) in between. It's been so long you basically are a FTM
In my neck of the woods a shower is for showering you into motherhood, not to provide items for the baby. The gift thing drives me nuts. The fact of expecting anyone to provide for your child is poor taste (in my village, at least). Expecting gifts? Wanting a shower for gifts? Nope!
+1 for leashes.
But these are my UO's, I'm just here sipping tea, and rest assured my opinions will not effect your life at all.