Doula Experience

kat0607

Hey everyone! I have quite a few questions on this topic so I figured I'd start a new thread and post them here. I'm excited to hear other people's opinions and/or experiences, and feel free to add questions or advice if you have them!

STM+, have you used a doula in the past? Are you considering it for this pregnancy? Why or why not?

Have you done any research about the cost of a doula in your area? If so, what is the average (and share where you're located if comfortable)?

When in your pregnancy did you (or will you) start considering and/or looking for a doula?

MrsN092714

STM, I did not have a doula last time but am considering one this time as my husband was basically useless while I was in labour!  We ended up c section as he was surprise breech and after 19 long painful hours I hadn't dialated more than a fingertip.  I am hoping for a VBAC this time and feel like if I'm going to be able to do it, I'm going to need a good support system.  I am also having complications this pregnancy so until I have a better idea of what's going on, and meet the specialists that I will be deliving with (and find out their policies with VBACs and the possibility of induction) I won't  be on the hunt.  I was pretty against having a doula the first time and was in the mind set of we can do it ourselves but after having been through labour with an 'unsupportive ' husband it seems like a good idea now. ( in my husbands defense, I think he mostly didn't know what to do and how to help, he is planning on doing a lot more prep this time!)

dancegurl1118

Doulas are really great advocates. That's basically what they will tell you they are first and foremost. Studies have shown they decrease the need for pain medicine and have a lower rate of c-sections (I am skeptical of this based on the statistical limitations of who is generally hiring a doula, etc). But if you're looking for labor support I would really recommend looking into a doula! They're not just for a "drug-free, unmedicated" birth, they're for all births!

nktrodden826

I didn't have a doula with my son and at the time I wished I did. I worked with a midwife and was so upset when she basically forced me to be induced after only 6 days past due date. Being on pitocin was not part of my birth plan (waste of time in my opinion but boy did I spend hours making and studying it) I gave birth to my son without an epidural or any pain medication and the midwife was great and supportive in that sense and covered by our insurance. But I know a doula would have allowed me more time to go into labor on my own but I know if I had gone 14 days past DD she would have had me induced anyways so to spend all that money I'm happy with how the birth of my son went! 

ETA: I used hypnobirthing and my midwife knew all about it and was extremely supportive! I did use a local doula to have my placenta encapsulated and that's who I'd use if she accepted our insurance. But as a PP said it's all about the relationship you build with the doula or whomever you'll have as your birth partner. 

clio

I will provide a slightly different perspective here. Our hospital provided on-call doulas free of charge and I was able to get one while in labor. TBH, she was not too helpful and it felt a little awkward to have her there. The conclusion I reached was not that doulas are bad, but that their helpfulness is based on the relationship you've established. Since I didn't know her beforehand, there wasn't a lot of time to discuss birth plans or how she could have made the process more comfortable. Hope that helps!!

chudson5

I had a doula and LOVED her! She just kept me so incredibly calm and helped with positions and breathing. DH also really enjoyed having her there bc she put him at ease as well. 

The doula service is completely free at the hospital I deliver at and I absolutely will be using the service again! If I had to pay, I'd like to believe I'd still use one 

OperaSingerMommy

I didn't have one last time and regretted it.  I made it 12 hours with no meds and I think I (maybe) could have made it through the last couple of hours if I'd had a good coach suggesting different positions and massage techniques.

This time I'm hiring a friend who is a doula.  She charges $600 for three prenatal visits, birth, and 2 postpartum visits.  Most in this area (central Cal) seem to charge about $1000-$1200. @chudson5 That's amazing that it's free at your hospital!

greenbean-2

FTM, but I'm planning on hiring a doula, so I'm interested in hearing responses.  I know my husband and I will be freaking out when I'm in labor, no matter how well prepared we think we are, so I want a support person who has been through this before and knows what's going on.  Most doulas around here (near DC) seem to charge around $1000, so I agree, a hospital with free doulas sounds amazing. 

oheliza44

This may be a very dumb question- for those who paid out of pocket for doula services, did it qualify for HSA spending?

mrscate88

STM, didn't use a doula last time because I felt that I could manage on my own. I didn't have any coaches or classes or books, hubby slept on the couch and I labored on my own just like I wanted (nurses checked me regularly and were wonderful). My sister and MIL ended up arriving and keeping me company, which was nice, but if anyone would've told me to breathe, I would've been annoyed.

I'm not doing a doula this time either, just because it's not my thing. I hear they're very helpful for women who need a little extra support. My best friend found a doula who was still completing her certification hours and got a decent price through her. 

caribbeanmama-2

I posted this over in June17:

Oh god - worth every penny!  We used our HSA to cover it - we spent $850.  Our doula only takes 2 clients a month.  She has 2 backups if for some crazy reason she couldn't make it to the birth.  She met with us several times before the EDD and is on call to talk on the phone or come over to calm pre-labor gitters in the weeks leading up to labor.  I also know that she helps with overnights once the baby is born if you need it (for extra) and if you need a sort of mother's helper in the final whale stage with getting house stuff done and other errands while chasing a toddler or two.  Having a doula is really a special gift!  Make sure you get a doula with lots of experience who comes with great references.  You will also need to conduct in person interviews.  We interviewed 5.  Doulas are not ordinary humans - I think they are really born to take on this kind of role.

Our doula also did postpartum herbal baths and placenta prep etc. - if you are into that kind of thing.  Doulas are soooo knowledgable about the birth process!  All the reading I did - and I did a lot - I couldn't come close!  I'm Type A, independent, and pretty tough to calm - so my husband had major props for her dealing with all that.  That being said, I think taking labor classes was really informative if your goal is a low intervention natural birth.

Okay, I will stop gushing now...

LuLiLaEv

Thankfully my mom acted as my doula and was super supportive and helpful with my first labor. I plan on having her there again this time around, but would definitely consider hiring one if I didn't have such an amazing support system in my mom!
They run around $1,000 where I'm at, but I think it's invaluable to have someone there to support and advocate for you!

BusyZee

@nktrodden826 I really want to know more about hypnobirthing! I haven't had anyone talk about it on the bump and was waiting for someone to tell me about their experience. Please whenever you have the time let me know it would be so great to know your experience. 

@caribbeanmama lucky!! 

I would love a doula I really would BUT I don't think I can afford one ATM so I have to figure that out ... 

caribbeanmama-2

Copying and pasting this discussion from June17 in case it's helpful - I'm too lazy to paraphrase. Sorry for the redundant parts...

devow27 said:

I think we had a thread early early (so it's way back) but it did have good info if you find it! 

I had a Doula with DS and will be using her again. My pregnancy was very complicated in the third trimester and ended in a c section at 37 weeks but she was an amazing source of strength and guidance for me during that time. She would bring me things to do in the hospital or homemade soups. Go over my "ideal" c section birth and things we could do/ask to make it happen (and we did). The day of my c section she stayed with us, brought calming oils, said a prayer and stayed with my mom the whole time who was a nervous wreck. 
She joined us in recovery and helped with breastfeeding and then visited me at home twice. 

I wouldnt change a single thing. I loved her presence, knowledge and support. I am so happy to be using her again and hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Worth every single penny in my opinion. 

@caribbeanmama said:
I'm so glad you posted this experience.  Some may think that a doula is only for those who want to do a natural birth.  So I'm sure this is informative for many.

@MrsCaliRN I think your second point is a big consideration.  Your husband sounds awesome and in tune.  My husband was very involved and wanted to be there for me but he just did not have the knowledge and training and intuition to anticipate my needs in the way that would be most helpful and reassuring for me.  So one would have to assess the capabilities of their support person.  I don't live near my family and am very much type A I can do it alone kind of person.  However, when it came to labor, I could not have made a better decision than to have my husband and my doula there.  

As others have mentioned, they are also great with pre-labor and post-labor help.  My doula did weekly food prep for several weeks in the postpartum period.  I had a rough time with milk coming in at first - she coached me through not losing hope or giving up - showed me how to do the massage to stimulate milk flow and literally grabbed my boob to get the milk out for baby and latch him on.  I'm sure there are ladies with moms and grandmas that would be able to do this part - am jealous of you all!

I used our HSA to cover the cost of our doula because it is 'expensive'.   Totally worth it though!  So that may be an option for some.

To add:
Also, doulas do much more than tell you to breathe during labor.  Comfort measures and techniques will be tailored to you: counterpressure, hip squeeze, scent therapy, oils, massage, positioning, soothing talk, visualization, rebozo sifting, setting up the room - low light, low sounds, guided guttural moaning, etc.

SpongeWorthy

oheliza44 said:

This may be a very dumb question- for those who paid out of pocket for doula services, did it qualify for HSA spending?

Our HSA will cover any prenatal doula visits but not postnatal ones.

WeddingNotes13

We did not have one the first time, but are interested this time. @MrsCaliRN, like @caribbeanmama said,  consider your support person for sure! Although DH was calm and right with me, he was like a dear in the headlights and needed guidance to be able to support me in the moment. We had taken a birth class together, but he was not able to focus on recalling that once things got real. 

nktrodden826

BusyZee said:

@nktrodden826 I really want to know more about hypnobirthing! I haven't had anyone talk about it on the bump and was waiting for someone to tell me about their experience. Please whenever you have the time let me know it would be so great to know your experience. 

@caribbeanmama lucky!! 

I would love a doula I really would BUT I don't think I can afford one ATM so I have to figure that out ... 

Hypnobirthing was an incredible experience for me. I took classes weekly for about 20 weeks with a hypnotherapist in Fairfax, VA. They give you a CD to listen to daily and they put you under hypnosis in class frequently so you really get ready for it during labor. Keep in mind I was DETERMINED to have a birth with no pain medications simply to prove all of the "you won't be able to do it" or "yeah let's see what you say at 3cm dilated"ers wrong. The first few times I was not susceptible to the hypnosis, in fact it took everything in me not to start laughing when she started. However, eventually I was able to and that helped tremendously-especially with the breathing techniques. Mind over matter is such a huge thing and people often forget that so telling yourself everything is fine, normal, and natural helped tremendously. I will absolutely admit by 11 hours on the highest dose of pitocin my doctor gives and still only at 3cm I was devastated thinking I wouldn't be able to do it. Then I went from 3cm to 9cm in 75 minutes and boy was I SCREAMING for an epidural. My doctor says progression like that rarely happens and if I was able to stick it out ( I had no choice, my doctor was delivering another baby ) the second she walked in to my room i was begging for the epidural but being 9.5 cm she said it was too late. and I'm so so so grateful it was too late- the high you get after giving birth naturally is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I was walking around 10 mins after giving birth, able to give his first bath, able to feel my toes the whole time. It was incredible. I will say looking back yeah giving birth hurt, yes the "ring of fire" is all too real but omg the 1 stitch I had to get seemed FAR worse than the labor itself!!! I'd be happy to go into more details if you're interested @BusyZee ! But kudos to you for thinking about this as an option. A friend who was like a natural birthing coach told me if you have 1 ounce of doubt or thoughts of maybe i'll just get the pain medication then you're way more likely to get it in a moment of weakness. NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!!!! Let me be clear! In no way am I bashing pain meds for labor! But that was something that really helped me get through it. 
 

Itsnotyourturn

@nktrodden826, on a separate note (and please know there is no snark only legit curiosity because I am not entirely opposed it's the mechanics that I worry about) how did you get the placenta pills down your throat?  Seriously, I just need help so If I pay for it I actually take the pills.  

nktrodden826

@Itsnotyourturn So, funny you should ask, I have no problem dry swallowing pills in the first place-I know some people are sensitive to pill size and stuff like that. However, the doula I worked with (who came to my house and did everything there, no horror stories about ingesting someone else's placenta for me) asked if I wanted clear casing for the pills so they would be like a dark brownish color or white coated capsules. Uh, no brainer, white please ($25 fee I thought was well worth it). Made it so much easier because the thought did freak me out, but not as much as ppd so it was worth it. At first I was afraid to take them for fear of tasting something, which you don't but I didn't know... So I'd eat a HUGE bite of cereal or something in the morning chew until I'm ready to swallow and then throw it in there and swallow so I was sure I wouldn't taste anything. And then probably 2 weeks in I was so exhausted I just threw one in my mouth and dry swallowed while walking back upstairs and realized I was stupid and didn't taste a thing lol. You keep them frozen, or I did at least, so you really wouldn't be able to taste anything- no after taste either. I might still do the white ones this time around, but I have a friend who's doula used red casings which I think is kinda weird looking. 

manillabar

@nktrodden826, you mentioned in your first post that a doula would have allowed you more time to go into labor did you mean that she would be managing your labor or just that she would have helped you fight with the midwife to wait longer before induction? Because my understanding was that doulas don't manage the labor/delivery process...

nktrodden826

manillabar said:

@nktrodden826, you mentioned in your first post that a doula would have allowed you more time to go into labor did you mean that she would be managing your labor or just that she would have helped you fight with the midwife to wait longer before induction? Because my understanding was that doulas don't manage the labor/delivery process...

So, both. Now the only experience I have with doulas is in talking to the doula who was at my house for 2 days encapsulating my placenta- and she said she would have allowed me to go into labor naturally up to 2 weeks past my due date, then I would have had to be induced anyways. I'll never know how it would have went, and that's kinda what she said, "who knows if your water would have broken" "who knows if you would have had normal contractions" etc. we really don't know. But she said she would have allowed me 1 more week where my doctor said 7 days max so I had to go into the hospital on night 6, sleep there, and at 6am on day 7 past due date they started the pitocin.

nktrodden826

But, @manillabar, you bring up a great point- I guess she would be in contact with my midwife/doctors office to fight with them about the induction date... that doesn't make sense..  I have no clue how that would work

caribbeanmama-2

@Cait32 the first step is realizing that having them made doesn't mean you have to take them but if you don't have them made it is gone forever.  So first you pay for the service.  Then your hospital chimes in and says yes here is how we handle the transfer - 'have at it'!  Well, that makes it normal. (Not.) But now you are 3/4 of the way there.  Then your milk doesn't come in and you remember that it can increase milk supply (reported in some) - so you scale over the steps to get into the top of the cabinet in your secret hiding place and willing take the pills because you will try anything to feed your baby.

Not that this happened or anything....

nktrodden826

@Cait32 I'm telling you it was 99% prove all the haters (even a couple nurses) wrong! Lol! I actually hadn't heard of pitocin making it worse until just before I was induced but honestly I had nothing to compare it to seeing as he was my first I didn't know what labor without was like to know that it would be so much harder now. Granted at the time I dilated like a mad woman my contractions were about 2 mins long with 10-15 second breaks in between. So I think that would have been different without the pitocin. But who knows!

Okay ready for a novel? Lol I had a coworker whom I was and still am very close with who suffered from severe post partum depression after her first child To the point where she would have visions of hurting her child. One distinct memory I have of her telling me this some 5 years ago was she was walking and had to fight herself from pushing the stroller off the sidewalk into oncoming traffic. And I remember how terrified she was that she wanted to do that to her own child. She then suffered from mild post partum psychosis after letting the ppd continue untreated for 7-8 months and struggled with it for over a year. Then she became pregnant again about 6 months before I did and she encapsulated her placenta and said how it made a world of difference for her and how she didn't even have baby blues, very light bleeding after birth, and whenever she'd feel sad or overwhelmed she'd take a pill and she'd feel better so that's why I decided to do it- my husband works very long hours and I was afraid it would happen to me and he wouldn't be home to stop something potentially dangerous from happening. Me and my overly anxious mind lol but that's why I continued to do it! Now pulling a Kim Kardashian and basically grilling the placenta and eating it? Uh, yeah right. 

BusyZee

@nktrodden826 I was totally going for natural birth and hypnobirthing and all but so many people around me are discouraging me! First my GP then my doctor and of course some family members. Most of them think I'm trying to be OTT and don't take me seriously which is kind of mean!! 

Thankyou so so much for your extensive reply! I can't even do yoga without laughing so I'm glad you explained the laughing aspect!! I really needed to hear all this from a real person. I'm in Fairfax, VA myself would love to know where you went for the classes.

As soon as I found out il need antibiotics during delivery I got cold feet about natural birth. Sometimes I find annoying pain (stinging etc) more annoying than actually pain if that makes sense? just like you mentioned the stitching pain. External pain is just annoying.

nktrodden826

@BusyZee yes! That's why I did it. Everyone said I couldn't- which made me want to do it more. Don't let them discourage you. You can do this. 

Youre kidding! We're in Arlington! What a small world! Be sure to contact Stephanie! She was amazing. And I'm sure you've seen me post about my severe anxiety since getting pregnant with my first, she's helped me so much with that as well. Just talking to her makes you feel calm and she doesn't worry about giggling. You certainly won't be the first one!

Yes, it's so hard to describe but they're two very different pains!! I'd be happy to talk more! I had such a wonderful woman and friend help me through it and facetimed with me for hours during the hardest part of my labor! 

ETA her email address is stephaniekraft444@gmail.com

Katie______

@nktrodden826
Another Virginia girl here (falls church), can I ask who the doula you used was for the placenta encap? Thanks!

I heard from someone about doula match or something similar. Has anyone mentioned a fave service/ how to find?

nktrodden826

I used Jenny! The website is https://www.doulasofnorthernva.com/placenta-encapsulation but I believe they pair you based on location and at the time we were in Woodbridge! 

kat0607

@nktrodden826 I'm not interested in encapsulating my placenta, but I am intrigued by the process and there was a concern brought to my attention the other day: how does the doula ensure there's no contamination or cross-contamination of the placenta during transfer from the hospital and during the encapsulation process? Like is there a way to be sure that it won't be contaminated or somehow compromised another way?

(This isn't meant to seem judgemental, I've already made my decision on it but I am curious how they ensure the safety of these things because honestly I haven't done any research on the topic, but I heard another woman voice this concern, and it seemed like a valid question to me!)

nktrodden826

@kat0607 so we had to sign paperwork saying we were bringing it home with us. So they don't do any testing on it (some part of the testing process makes it inencapsulatable) because it's an organ you can't take it to the recovery room so you leave it in a designated fridge on the L&D floor- they had tons and they're locked and marked with the same baby LoJack system the baby has so you only take your own. You bring it home in a cooler and the doula meets you at your house when you get here and begins the dehydration process! 

Youre not sounding judgmental- it was such an awesome experience for me I'm always happy to share and answer questions because I was totally freaked out by the thought before becoming pregnant!

Eta: I just looked at my email- it can't go to pathology. Which I guess is testing. But if it goes to pathology it's inencapsulatable. 

kat0607

@nktrodden826 thanks for the info! It sounds like there's a good system in place, with minimum transfers and opportunities for contamination.