How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage--Article — The Bump
TTC After a Loss

How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage--Article

Just thought I would share this here. A friend of mine shared this on Facebook and I thought it was really helpful. For those of us and others going through loss, this is might help others provide support.

https://www.buzzfeed.com/rachelwmiller/ways-to-support-someone-who-has-had-a-miscarriage?utm_term=.rsxGDgNLQ#.imKLkMeRJ
**TW: Loss Mentioned**
Me: 29 | DH: 31
Dating: August 2003  | Married: August 2013
TTC #1: Since October 2016 | BFP #1: 12/4/16  CP: 12/6/16
BFP #2: 3/14/17  EDD: 11/23/17 Born: 11/22/17
amberruka

Re: How To Be A Friend To Someone Who Has Had A Miscarriage--Article

  • Love it.  <3
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*


    Me: 35 DH 33     Married 7/16
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 7/21/17    MC 1/8/16 at 8 weeks
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/20/17   vanishing twin at 8 weeks   DS born 11/25/17
    dragonfly87-2
  • that is so great.  I remember DH telling me it was just a collection of cells and and least we weren't further along and it was almost born.  I would get upset and he would always tell me to take a breath to calm down.  It mean a lot that one time we were driving to a movie and he pulled over and just gave me a hug while a cried uncontrollably in his arms.  Grief isn't something that you can just push away.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    jen83mn
  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited January 2017
    @vlagrl29

    My DH had a hard time understanding my grief too, especially because we had such an early loss. It wasn't real to him yet; we hadn't had an ultrasound yet so he couldn't "visualize" and it definitely hasn't affected him like it's affected me. We all deal with this in our own ways, and I think it hits us as women so much harder because this happened in our bodies. It's hard for them to truly understand! I've found a lot of comfort in talking to my friends who have gone through something similar and all of you ladies who truly do understand. While I wish he could truly understand how this feels, I also wouldn't wish this pain on anyone, so in a way I'm happy he hasn't had to experience the type of pain I have in this experience. I know I need someone to be strong and hopeful in this experience, and he's doing good at playing that role :)
    vlagrl29
  • Awesome. Everything I read was so true. Thanks for sharing 
    ***TW***
    Me: 36  DH:35
    Married: 7/10/2016
    TTC#1 - May 2016
    BFP 9/6/2016 - Missed MC 10/20/2016  
    BFP 5/5/2017  - CP
    IVF #1 - June 2017  - Transferred 1 fresh 4 AA embryo.  7/9 Beta #1 - 161 
    <3 Adam <3 Born on 3/18/18




     
  • vlagrl29vlagrl29 member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Photogenic
    edited January 2017
    @jen83mn - yeah I don't think its hit him as hard as it hit me but he definitely was very disappointed in our CP.  And while I'm doing so much better than before I still have my moments of wondering if there is something wrong with my body as to why this happened wether its thinking of my uterine lining or progesterone levels or back to the fact of a procedure I had done mid december.  Seriously in the middle of a yoga class last week out of nowhere I started thinking bout it again and it hit me hard but then I was better that night.  DH's mind is already back into TTC mode and I just can't get my mind exactly where it use to be when it came to that.  I catch myself saying "if we have another baby" - I guess I'm still considering it just sex with DH although it is unprotected and he is thinking BD mode.  I'm still working on letting go of it all so I think I may be protecting myself from emotion and getting attached again.  I notice so many on here still tracking and what not but I just can't - I figured if we hit the year mark in June then I will get back to tracking and using OPKs.

    ETA - I'm still confused as to if I actually conceived when I thought I did back in November or if I had a random egg pop out early December which is what my OB thought might have happened even though its random.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    jen83mn
  • @vlagrl29

    I think it's totally normal to question if something is actually wrong with us after having a MC, and fearing that it could happen again. I've had the same thoughts, but then I keep telling myself how common CPs actually are and that most likely this was just a random occurrence and everything will be ok next time. But I definitely have days where I have more doubts and worries than other days. We're also not TTC right now and won't be until June, so I think that probably takes a load off my shoulders until then. I am still temping and charting just so I can have a baseline of what my cycles are doing once we do start trying again, but I think knowing that it doesn't actually matter at this point makes me less stressed about it. I know when we do start TTC again, I'm going to be so nervous about getting pregnant again and will try my hardest not to get attached immediately (which is pretty much impossible of course). But I know as a defense mechanism I won't allow myself to be super excited until I'm further along and have more reassurance. I think how you're feeling is totally normal, and I know my DH would be ready to just start TTC again right away too. While he was bummed out, it definitely didn't scare him the way it did me. 

    Wishing you the best!
    NYTino24
  • Thanks for sharing this @dragonfly87 ! What a great article!


  • Here is something similar I found that has helped me. 
    It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*


    Me: 35 DH 33     Married 7/16
    TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 7/21/17    MC 1/8/16 at 8 weeks
    TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/20/17   vanishing twin at 8 weeks   DS born 11/25/17
    SP128splashmountain
  • Yes. Yes to everything in that article! I wish everyone in my life would read that...
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