Postpartum Depression - Support Thread - Page 2 — The Bump
February 2017 Moms

Postpartum Depression - Support Thread


Re: Postpartum Depression - Support Thread

  • Just thought I'd pop in to send hugs to all of you.
  • @Partyof6? I'm so sorry that you're going through this and especially with a newborn. Like PP have said, I know it's rough but please take some time to also take care of yourself and eat/rest. Ask for help when you need it from other family members/friend and take your time to feel but try not to stay in the sadness or it can trigger depression. I'm sure your grandmother knows how much you care and would want you healthy for your LO and family. I know that's Easier said than done but I hope you can find some peace soon.

    Sending you hugs and prayers. 

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  • Partyof6? said:
    Thank you everyone.   I feel much more at peace so far today and that really helps.   Yesterday,  DH finally convinced me to sit down, have some soup and take a shower. After my shower we  nursed and then did some kangaroo style skin to skin and it really was exactly what baby and I both needed. 

    My husband,  friends and family have been amazing.  Grandma was transferred to the hospice center this morning and that should help a lot with the surroundings.  
    I'm so glad you took some time. Sending you and your family light and love *creepy internet hugs*
  • Stupid question..but did anyone feel overwhelmed on the first day that they spent the whole day alone with the baby? Tomorrow will be that day for me, and I already cried and begged H to not go to work. I felt really silly after, but I'm honestly pretty scared of feeling lonely.

  • srscott3 said:
    Stupid question..but did anyone feel overwhelmed on the first day that they spent the whole day alone with the baby? Tomorrow will be that day for me, and I already cried and begged H to not go to work. I felt really silly after, but I'm honestly pretty scared of feeling lonely.
    My first day alone is tomorrow and I'm definitely not looking forward to it. It was a bit lonely with my first and now that I'll have two to deal with I'm a little anxious! Good luck , only two days until the weekend. We got this! 
  • Personal post (just need someone to talk to). And yes, it was me that started this thread, hoping I wouldn't need it, but alas, I am here!

    I am struggling being at home with a newborn, and this is my second time around (my first is 2 - Dec 2014 - and in daycare full-time). I'm just not a stay at home mom. I love my job. I miss my job. I miss adult conversation. I miss being in an adult environment where there isn't someone crying multiple times a day. I miss being in control of my day.

    I know what I have is called Adjustment Disorder - I saw someone (psychiatrist) about it last time, and have a follow-up in early March. Despite knowing what it is, I'm still having trouble coping. I find myself getting very stressed out and high strung about little things, and it's embarrassing to me. Like, why isn't she napping? or it's 10am and I haven't accomplished anything today, or how come I'm barely able to handle this, when I can handle a high stress job?

    I know this is temporary and I don't want to wish this year away, but I do find myself doing that sometimes, or becoming very resentful of people with any ounce of personal/spare time (like I cannot even handle talking to my sister if she went to the gym for an hour). I love my children, but I really struggle being 'the caregiver'.

    Appreciate any words of support, or commiseration. This is a very difficult topic for me to discuss, because I feel there is a social (gender role) pressure to be this "super mom", which includes wanting to be with your kids 24/7 and dropping everything (career included) for them. On some level, I guess I am super mom (I "have it all" - kids, career, husband, house, travel, etc.), but I'm just not super stay-at-home mom.
  • srscott3 said:
    Stupid question..but did anyone feel overwhelmed on the first day that they spent the whole day alone with the baby? Tomorrow will be that day for me, and I already cried and begged H to not go to work. I felt really silly after, but I'm honestly pretty scared of feeling lonely.
    I felt very overwhelmed when H went back to work on Monday. It didn't help that our other kiddos didn't have school, so I was home with all 3 kids all day, only 2 1/2 weeks out from c-section. Somehow, though, I think adding a third kid has somehow reduced my anxiety. I'm much more easy going so far!
  • @Shawlls can you maybe hire someone to watch the baby or come help out like a mother helper so you can feel more productive and have some alone time? 
    It sounds like going back to work earlier might be good for you too, in the end a happy mom is the best parent. 
  • @Shawlls I can relate to what you are feeling. I love DD with everything I have, but I am so glad that I'm going back to work on Tuesday. I was in school for a very long time working on my degree and my career is very rewarding to me. I feel more productive at work than I do at home. I always give kudos to SAHMs, I personally could never do it. I totally get the whole "super mom" thing as well, being a working mom is tough!
  • @Spicyweiner and @colebug89 - I should have mentioned I am in Canada, so standard maternity leave is a year, which I find WAY too long, but it's hard to find childcare for children any younger. That said, I did some good searching in the last couple of days and have found a couple places that do 6 or 8 months, so that might work. (My first is in daycare, but the infant program is full until Sept. 2018!!! - FML)

    I guess I need to get this little kid on a bottle to start a transition toward more "me time"!

  • Have you guys noticed any mood changes in your spouses? I'm finding myself worrying about my husband. Ive found a few references to men developing PPD (dunno if it would still be called that in the absence of them giving birth), but not a lot of research or resources.

    Also, I'm finding it really really hard to be compassionate and understanding about it, which makes me feel like a hypocritical bish...

  • @poetryandoceans these sites might be helpful for you and/or your husband.

    I'm sorry, I can't really relate right now. I hope you guys can get it sorted out quickly and he can get back to a happier place. It's hard all the way around when adding a little one. My husband was a completely different type of guy with our first 2 and this time he's been way amazing, but I'm constantly on edge just waiting for him to revert to old times. It has gotten me all crazy brained. I'm not sure what exactly your situation is like, but I hope you aren't overly stressed from it or can get things settled before you do get stressed. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @poetryandoceans my H has definitely had more mood swings since our new baby's birth. I'm also with you on finding it difficult to be sympathetic towards him. If you ever want to talk, I can relate to this so send me a PM anytime.  
  • @Shawlls connecting with people outside the baby bubble is pretty essential. I'm glad you feel support from the people around you!

  • @FerForShort you are doing all the right things and I'm glad you are going to talk to someone. Do you have someone that can come over and hold the baby while you take a shower or bath? Or take a walk? Even for just an hour?
  • srscott3 said:
    Stupid question..but did anyone feel overwhelmed on the first day that they spent the whole day alone with the baby? Tomorrow will be that day for me, and I already cried and begged H to not go to work. I felt really silly after, but I'm honestly pretty scared of feeling lonely.
    This isn't stupid at all. I felt the exact same way when my first was born. And to top it off my H had just started a new job at the time that required him to travel around the country so I would only see him briefly a few times a month. I was scared shitless. It all worked out okay in the end, but I remember feeling the exact same way as you. Feeling lonely and isolated can be very scary, it's no joke. This is when I started trying to get involved with activities and play dates with the baby happening outside the house to keep us busy. How did it end up going for you @srscott3?
  • @FerForShort, I hope your appointment next week helps you. If it means anything, what you're feeling is SO normal even though it may not seem like it because it makes you feel so guilty to feel that way. Just because you "have it good" in life doesn't trivialize the fact that having a baby is going to be a major adjustment no matter what.

    You're not a selfish brat, you're a person who's missing the life they used to lead. Who wouldn't long for that especially after that's what you've been used to and enjoyed all these years? Perfectly understandable. Having a baby, while a wonderful thing that everyone should be grateful for, leads to some serious lifestyle changes and that's not easy to come to terms with. I still struggle with this and I'm on my 3rd!

    Wanting to return to a job you're not crazy about is understandable too. It will provide you with a sense of normalcy and that sense of independence/freedom you're most likely missing. 

    As far as your H, if he's as loving and supportive as you mentioned, he will understand. It will take time for him to adjust to the new normal too, but in the meantime, please don't guilt yourself over him feeling shortchanged while you're in the midst of dealing with your own stuff. 7 weeks out is not a long time and of course you're going to be exhausted as hell! Believe it or not, but someday (maybe even sooner than later) you will be back to eating dinner, having sex and enjoying each other's company again even if it looks different than what it used to prebaby. 
  • @poetryandoceans, how is everything going with your H, any better? The situation with mine has been getting worse, he's actually handling this 3rd time around way worse than he ever did with our older kids. I'm trying to chalk it up to our current situation being so ridiculously stressful, but I'm so disappointed in him. I really need him right now because I'm struggling pretty bad myself and his lack of support plus level of anger sucks. His lack of patience for our older kids (especially our autistic son) is seriously starting to piss me off too. He's drowning in his own sorrows it seems and I get it, but only to an extent. We've tried discussing these issues numerous times, but things are continuing to go downhill.

    I could ramble on and on about it, but will leave it at that for now. It all just has me pretty upset and stressed though. I feel like I'm in a constant state of panic. We both have an appointment with the psychiatrist coming up in a few weeks so we'll see what happens. H is taking some medicine too, doesn't seem to be helping at all as far as acting as a mood stabilizer and they switched it/increased the dose a while ago. What's worse is the new baby suddenly doesn't seem to want him to hold her at all anymore, she just cries and cries. He's a confident, secure and seasoned dad so he knows what's he's doing, I bet she's just sensing his irritability and tension. 

    I feel so burnt out and resentful lately, but just trying to take it one day at a time at this point. 
  • We had to switch to formula about week or so after LO's birth because he was loosing to much weight. Mama instincts told me he wasn't getting what he needed from my boobs. I never wanted to breastfeed, but I was doing it for the nutritional benefits. I noticed a big positive shift for me once we went to to formula. I think it helped me tremendously emotionally.

    I had lots of postpartum anxieties. My DH was wonderful and supportive. It was a hard month, but with support, visiting family, and formula feeding, I'm no longer worried about postpartum depression. I don't want to AW or diminish those going through depression, just let people know that it got better for me. I hope that helps someone.
  • @Jab3 I'm really sorry to hear how things are going for your husband (and you!). It sounds like you have an appointment coming up soon; do you find your psychiatrist actually talks through things with you? The few times I've seen a psychiatrist, they've been very drug focused, with little supportive counselling or therapy. Hopefully you can get that ball rolling with the psychiatrist, or they can at least refer you to a counsellor. It sounds like some open dialogue between the two of you might help things. Though I know it's hard with other kids on top of a newborn! But maybe a mediator might help get those conversations started in a way that's productive for both of you?

    My husband's been doing better, though he's going back to work next week, so feeling a great deal of anxiety about that, especially since I've been having a lot of joint pain lately, so leaning on him for lifting and carrying the baby. I keep reminding him that I'm using him while he's here so I can do better when he's gone, and it's not like I'll be unable to care for the baby by myself, but he's still working through some hypervigilance... 

  • @poetryandoceans, I hope you have a good week next week! I hope that pain eases up a little for you too! I completely agree, the psychiatrist really pushes the meds. Luckily I do see a counselor weekly same day (tomorrow) and time as H sees his at the same office. I think we're going to arrange for the four of us to meet together. I just started seeing another new counselor too from something called a 'visiting moms program' and the person comes right to my residence which is so convenient! She's great for me to talk to. 
  •  Sending love and hugs @kswiger06.  I am so glad your husband is being supportive and that he recognized the signs.   I am curious about the anxiety,  is it worry about him getting sick?   I am having a harder time with the weather and flu season with him than the others.   

    I hope things start looking up and we are always here to listen! 
    Married - 7/29/06
    Ben and Maggie - 4/10/09 
    Mia - 6/16/11
    Surprise! due 2/23/17

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @kswiger06 my love tit is just a hug. I'm glad YH reached out and you accepted his concern and opened up to him. That's a great step! 
    Me (26) DH (28)
    Married 6.22.13
    Hoping for a Herd Linky
    4/15--TTC #1
    12/15--IF testing
    3/16--Dx Unexplained IF
    Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI + Progesterone cycle
    Cancelled due to cysts. Started 3 weeks of BCP.
    4/16--Cute Ute! Clomid+Ovidrel+IUI+Progesterone TI.
    Cancelled-no response
    5/16--Hemmorhagic cyst and other cyst discovered.
    No medicated cycle. MRI scheduled to rule out
    septate uterus.
    6/16--Septum discovered. Consultation for surgery.
    Surprise BFP 6/8/16--EDD 2/13/17
    Kole David--1.7.17--Tiny but Mighty, born at 34+5 after HELLP syndrome
    Chart Stalk Me

  • @kswiger06 Creepy internet hugs your way!  I'm glad your husband recognized that something was off and that you were receptive to hearing his concerns. Hopefully you can ease into situations until you are more comfortable again. 
  • Hugs @kswiger06 <3 I'm so glad your husband is so supportive of you and good luck with your visit tomorrow. We are always here to listen!
  • Sending hugs your way @kswiger06! I'm so glad your H is being supportive and that you are taking steps towards working on your anxiety.
  • Aw @kswiger06 I'm sorry! I hope your visit tomorrow goes better than you expect. Good luck and don't hesitate to get some professional help, too. 
  • @Partyof6?        ***TW loss mentioned and generally sad***
    It started when I was looking at him and thought about my sister's loss as she went into labor. I just thought how devastated I would be if he didn't make it. As I looked at him I just thought more and more about the various ways I could lose him. I check his breathing several times, everytime I lay him down, before I can get relaxed to fall asleep myself. It became an obsessive thought. After a few days I started thinking about how if I live to be 90 before I die, he'll only be 60. Then it moved to the thoughts of everyone dies. Everyone. Then I felt immense guilt about bringing a baby into the world, knowing that someday he will not be here. If I'm not preoccupied or distracted by something, I'll spend hours thinking about these things and just crying. It gets me thinking about my whole little family of myself, my husband, and all 3 of our kids. It just creeps into my mind and I'll instantly cry. I honestly haven't gotten into this part of it with my husband. But because of these thoughts, I've gotten extremely obsessive about Austin. I don't want to share him with anyone besides my husband. I'll sometimes find an excuse to take him from my husband. It's part of why I don't want to see anyone. I just don't want to share him at all. It's just been difficult mentally.
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • ekessler6ekessler6 member
    edited March 2017
    @kswiger06 I bought a snuza(levana), it's a movement monitor.. clips on the diaper.. if the baby stops breathing.. after a few seconds .. it beeps... it has really helped with my anxiety when going to bed with the baby... even though i know she's fine.. it just helps me to fall asleep. i got it used on ebay.. i think they sell for $100 brand new. 
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