Attachment Parenting Twins - is it really possible? — The Bump
Attachment Parenting

Attachment Parenting Twins - is it really possible?

Hi I usually hang out in the multiples board but I'm noticing there aren't many parents of twins doing attachment parenting over there (think it's mostly GF) so I thought I'd see if there's any advice I can get here. 
My twin boys are 9 months old. We've done AP from the start; held them whenever they wanted, wore one each in slings when we went out, BF, co-slept, rocked them to sleep etc. However we are absolutely exhausted by it all now! They have slept through about 3 times. We take a baby each at night (one is BF one on formula) and we are both up at least once a night for feeding, and potentially many more times for resettling. We have no family nearby to help. One of my boys (the bf one) has really bad separation anxiety and I literally cannot put him down without him screaming bloody murder. This makes nap times a total nightmare as I deal with his brother. He also wants held so much that he is not developing any crawling skills yet (his brother is almost walking).
I'm sure both my husband and I have had bouts of pnd just from the sheer relentlessness of it. 
I feel frustrated as I really wanted to do AP but feel a lot of its principles assume you have only one baby. 
My biggest concern is I'm going back to work in 3 months and just don't know how the bf twin will cope, as he's not that into solids yet. And I can't keep having broken nights sleep and hold down a job. Hubby is going to become a SAHD and I think he'll be great. Being on maternity leave has been great but I have suffered physically I now have problems in my wrists from carrying two babies so much, my back is a mess from awkward co sleeping (lol wakes easily in bed). I get ill all the time for ages as I'm so depleted, I have no energy for getting out and about with them due to the sleep deprivation. Is this really what AP is supposed to feel like??
Been posting on lots of AP forums and so far being met with silence...

Re: Attachment Parenting Twins - is it really possible?

  • I don't have experience with twins but wanted to send some encouragement. We follow AP with our 2 1/2 year old daughter and almost seven month son. I found it exhausting with my daughter but I think a lot of it was from being a first time mom. (I can't imagine how you do it with twins. You're awesome!) my only words of encouragement would be that I found things seemed to get a lot easier when my daughter turned one. She started to nap better and started sleeping through the night around that time. She also started day care at 14 months. She also had separation anxiety and it was a rough few days but she ended up really loving it. Good luck! I hope things get better and that you're able to get some rest soon!
  • Hey - I'm ghosting here, since I'm not on this board, and I don't have twins.  I just want to say that you can attachment parent without following every rule.

    Here's what I've done with my daughter: We always picked her up when she cried.  We fed her laying on her back with a bottle in her mouth and a towel under the bottle, so we could do other things.  Whenever she cried, we changed her, put a bottle in her mouth, made sure she was warm enough, and when I wanted to, I laid her on my chest for hours while she slept - but most of the time, I just put her down in her crib to sleep.  Nowadays, when she fusses, it's usually because she's tired, and then I put her down and let her cry for about 30 seconds.  Then she finds her thumb and goes to sleep.

    Now, we have a 6-month-old baby who demonstrates a healthy attachment.  We don't CIO, we just let her figure out that it's naptime.  She is not overly clingy, but she does demonstrate all the healthy attachment behaviors.

    I realize that there's a lot more parenting to be done, and a lot of things can change for me, and I may have gotten super lucky with this baby, but my point is that maybe you don't have to be so touchy-feely with it.  Maybe you can just respond as the situation needs instead of forcing yourself to do all the involved stuff.

    Just a thought.  It's not like I'm an expert.

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