I don't understand how people go without wearing makeup. I mean I'm half afraid to look at myself in the mirror in the morning. I still catch myself staring at Alicia Keys - it's strangely mesmerizing.
According to my husband, it's pretty weird that I 'paint my face' before I leave for work. When he puts it like that I can see his point a little bit! Ha!
I don't think sahm's work as hard as working moms. 3 months ago I made the switch from working full time to staying at home and while some days it's mentally hard bc dealing with a screaming toddler who doesn't understand or won't do what you want is difficult. It's also difficult to deal with a job and then come home and cook, clean, and take care of said toddler. I managed entry level employees so some days at home are like being at work dealing with employees who don't understand or won't do what you want. Plus with a job you get away even if it's two minutes in a car from daycare to work, you get two minutes. And Staying at home you get a nap time. Even tho I have to worry able being climbed on and hit and kicked. Granted you don't get sick days. But you do get chill days where you can sit and minimally play when you are not feeling great.
Ok so that was a mumbled jumble of thoughts, sorry, I hope you understood it and those that stay at home didn't take it personal bc I am now a sahm and in the trenches with you.
I don't like Justin Timberlake. I've never liked his voice that much and I don't think he's that funny. I like him as a person - I think he seems like a really nice, humble guy, but I just don't like him otherwise. There are maybe two of his songs that I kind of like (and some *NSYNC).
I don't think sahm's work as hard as working moms. 3 months ago I made the switch from working full time to staying at home and while some days it's mentally hard bc dealing with a screaming toddler who doesn't understand or won't do what you want is difficult. It's also difficult to deal with a job and then come home and cook, clean, and take care of said toddler. I managed entry level employees so some days at home are like being at work dealing with employees who don't understand or won't do what you want. Plus with a job you get away even if it's two minutes in a car from daycare to work, you get two minutes. And Staying at home you get a nap time. Even tho I have to worry able being climbed on and hit and kicked. Granted you don't get sick days. But you do get chill days where you can sit and minimally play when you are not feeling great.
Ok so that was a mumbled jumble of thoughts, sorry, I hope you understood it and those that stay at home didn't take it personal bc I am now a sahm and in the trenches with you.
LOL I feel like you argued both sides of your point here. I disagree with your first statement. I don't think I could be a SAHM. I need my alone time in the car, my lunch breaks, my days off when I can still send the kid to daycare. But I think you covered it pretty well to say there are pros/cons to both, and all moms work hard.
@AdaByron I think I was arguing the issue in my head but my main outcome was that working moms do the same as stay at home moms but also have to go to work.
I don't understand how people go without wearing makeup. I mean I'm half afraid to look at myself in the mirror in the morning. I still catch myself staring at Alicia Keys - it's strangely mesmerizing.
According to my husband, it's pretty weird that I 'paint my face' before I leave for work. When he puts it like that I can see his point a little bit! Ha!
I don't wear makeup. I know I look better with it but I think I'm fine just the way I am. I'm not pretty or anything and don't have perfect skin but I just can't be bothered to take it off every night. Especially mascara. I lost a bunch of eyelashes from the time I wore it daily. I get thats it looks more professional if you are put together and all, but I never felt like it was a big deal for me.
I don't think sahm's work as hard as working moms. 3 months ago I made the switch from working full time to staying at home and while some days it's mentally hard bc dealing with a screaming toddler who doesn't understand or won't do what you want is difficult. It's also difficult to deal with a job and then come home and cook, clean, and take care of said toddler. I managed entry level employees so some days at home are like being at work dealing with employees who don't understand or won't do what you want. Plus with a job you get away even if it's two minutes in a car from daycare to work, you get two minutes. And Staying at home you get a nap time. Even tho I have to worry able being climbed on and hit and kicked. Granted you don't get sick days. But you do get chill days where you can sit and minimally play when you are not feeling great.
Ok so that was a mumbled jumble of thoughts, sorry, I hope you understood it and those that stay at home didn't take it personal bc I am now a sahm and in the trenches with you.
I could probably write a novel here, but I'll condense to two points because I'm late for a prenatal appt...
1. A blanket statement like that is unfair. You can't assume all working moms work harder than sahms. There is too much to take into account; number of kids, type of job, life circumstances and so forth. The other way around could be true too.
2. Why does it matter? Why does it have to be a competition? Why is this country so on sensed with who works hardest, or who has it hardest. Why are we obsessed with job status? People make whatever choice makes sense to their lives when it comes to working/sah.
I hate the working/sah debate. Hate it. It doesn't matter. Try to be happy in whatever choice or situation you're in. If you haven't even the power or drive to change it, then change it. But keys not argue about who works harder here. We're all moms. We all get it. This shit is hard no matter what you do.
@AdaByron I think I was arguing the issue in my head but my main outcome was that working moms do the same as stay at home moms but also have to go to work.
I don't think that's true. I mean, as a working mom I'm still responsible for my kid(s) and my house, but I don't change the majority of the diapers, I don't plan daily activities for the kid, I don't make, serve, or clean up after breakfast or lunch, I don't fight battles at nap time, I don't mess with art projects, finger paint, sensory activities, or any of the mess that comes with those things, the list could go on and on. Plus, my house doesn't get nearly as messy when we're all gone for 10 hours a day, so I rarely have to wash dishes by hand, and I only clean the bathrooms about every other weekend, and when I pick up toys before bed it's only 2 hours worth of play time.
ETA I'm not saying SAHM work harder, because you do have more freedom to plan your day and make time for things that need to get done. I really don't think there needs to be a "winner" between the two. Parenting is hard regardless.
@caribbeanmama I always put on makeup in the morning. It's not much just under eye concealer and lipstick but I totally need it to feel good about how I look. The few times I have forgotten to put on under eye concealer people have actually asked if I didn't sleep the night before.
My husband thinks he hates makeup on me, but he only complains when I put on lipstick.
I have an irrational dislike of Zooey Deschanel. Ever since she was in 500 Days of Summer and broke poor Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart I've despised her "I'm so cute and quirky" face and been jealous of her well-rounded acting and singing talents.
My unpopular opinion is that I find it difficult to listen to people complaining about not being able to find a career in the field they got a degree in. I have so many friends that work as servers or bartenders and bitch and bitch because they can't find work that utilizes their degree and pays amazing. Should have picked a field in higher demand, that's on you!
Well put @lvcpatt84 the debate pisses me off too. Somehow moms have become the epitome of martyrdom - we are only justified if we are working harder or doing more than the next mom. This is what leads to ridiculous debates over parenting style and unrealistic expectations from everything to children's parties to the very way your home is run or looks.
I have been on both sides, working mom and stay at home mom - both are hard in different ways. I personally felt working was "easier" and I can give a million reasons but I don't care to give credence to this argument and I know my working situation and SAHM situation is different from everyone else's: some working moms have it harder than me, some SAHMs have it harder than me, some childless workers have it harder than me and some students have it harder than me. Does that make them better people or moms, no, it simply means they are busier or more stressed for a variety of reasons. I don't generalize my situation to reflect everyone else's.
I work full time and care for DD full time 4 days a week. Neither is easy. Grass is always greener. But this is my life and I'm grateful for what I have.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
My unpopular opinion is that I find it difficult to listen to people complaining about not being able to find a career in the field they got a degree in. I have so many friends that work as servers or bartenders and bitch and bitch because they can't find work that utilizes their degree and pays amazing. Should have picked a field in higher demand, that's on you!
I guess my UO is in reaction to this. The job market is bad in a lot of places. I've had to work retail, full time, post-masters degree, because of the economy. They should put their adult pants on and do the job they have. There are a lot of ways to spin a degree that on its surface seems less useful than others (history vs. business, english vs. computer science). I'd be interested to know what degrees they have and what jobs they're looking for.
I HATE hashtags. I don't have twitter or instagram, and understand that's where they come from, but dear god I don't need to see them everywhere. People go so overboard, a simple picture doesn't need 18 hashtags, and they definitely don't need to be used in the majority of the places you do see them... example: There is no reason anything on this site needs a hashtag... Give it up people...
Married:09/27/14
Baby N-Born:10/29/15 Our Angel: EDD: 05/11/17. MC at 6 weeks Baby #2- EDD: 07/18/17
Ah, the age-old SAHM vs. working mom debate. Yawn....
Adulting is hard, parenting is hard, some days as a SAHM are easy and fun and go perfectly, some days are hell. Some days at work are easy and fun and go perfectly, some days are hell. Both SAHM moms and working moms still have to do the same thing in the evening in regards to dinner, bath, homework and such. The only difference is what we're doing between the hours of 8-5 (obviously many work different hours and schedules, but this is just a generalization). They're both hard in very different ways. The difficulty arrises in the day-in-day-out aspect of either choice. It's fun to stay home some times, being able to set your own schedule for the most part, but imagine having to do it day-in-and-day-out, on call 24/7. Its HARD. It's also fun to be able to drop the kids off and go to work where you only have to worry about yourself and not constantly worry about the bodily, emotional, educational and psychological needs of a child, but work comes with responsibility of it's own and imagine having to deal with those day-in-and-day-out. It's HARD. Everybody makes the choice that is right for their personality and for their unique family situation and needs.
@AdaByron first I love your comment that there doesn't need to be a winner. But I've been pondering your comment for the last 20 minutes and realized I was close minded in making my comment. I worked 2nd shift and was only thinking about my experiences. I eventually stopped working bc I did the all day thing then went into work to deal with that while dh was making a mess in the house that I had to clean up. I am not trying to say I had it hard I'm saying that I made my opinion based on myself making my own life more difficult than it had to be. Without making excuses it was that kind of morning. Thank you for your perspective I always appreciate it but today it's molding my opinions.
@PurplePumpernickel two of them I am thinking of are communications majors, the other is anthropology. I understand the job market is tough. I worked as a server and worked a part time internship while going to school. It was a lot of work and extremely stressful, but that internship turned into the job I have now. I also did not go to school for something that was particularly interesting to me, I chose my path based on the opportunities it would offer me.
I think part of the problem is putting off the job search and making connections until after you graduate. That needs to be happening simultaneously while you are in school, and you need to have an awareness of what your future realistically looks like with the major you've chosen.
I'm also not saying that one degree is more important than another, we certainly need expertise across the board. I guess it just irritates me that there is this notion that if you go to school and get a degree in whatever your "passion" you are entitled a great job. If you are entering a very narrow or saturated field, you give up your right to complain.
@CrystalPDX I think you and I have very similar ideas! You're so right, you need to start the hustle IN college - internships, research opportunities, heck, even volunteer work and involvement in Greek Life lay good foundations for getting an entry level job. I think some people have warped expectations as to what a BA/BS gets them. Guess what - it is basically the new high school degree. You need to go to college to get most "white collar" jobs. It doesn't make you any more qualified than the thousands who graduate from college every year. (And I think we need to put way more emphasis on the trades and encourage students to go into them as well).
Maybe this is more a FFFC, but I still just can't picture being a mom. I can sort of picture DH being "the fun dad" but I can't picture either of us doing the hard work!
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
I do think that for every person there will be one option (work or SAH) that is going to be better/easier for you and your family. Based on your job/shift, your H's job/shift, how many children you have, your childcare options/costs, how you feel about your job, how you feel about childcare, etc. But all of those circumstances are very different for every family. I sincerely feel bad for people who are unable to make the choice that would actually be best for their family because of finances.
@PurplePumpernickel Trades can be a good job but I was just reading about it in Reddit (in a thread regarding jobs that can't be replaced by machines/outsourcing), and many trade folks say their bodies got wrecked and in their 40's they got a lot of problems with their back/knees etc. That's really important to consider.
caribbeanmama I use to be like this haha! At the minimum, I won't go out of the house without mascara. You get use to it. DH swears up and down that I don't need it and I really don't. When I'm at home, I never wear it. But I do usually always wear makeup to work though it's minimal. What drives me nuts is people who wear makeup half the time but not the other half. I had a girl at old job that would go full-on some days and wear none others. On the 'no make-up' days she honestly looked like crap just because the day before she was full-faced.
morgarita I agree with others. Parenting is hard regardless. Do I personally feel like being a SAHM would be easier? Yes. But some people don't have the luxury of being SAHM's so there's that. I know some women who long to be a SAHM and others who willingly choose to go back to work despite their financial situations allowing them otherwise. I think being a working parent just makes it more important for the parents to split chores evenly.
CrystalPDX Eh. It's tough. I have a diploma in a specific field and it wasn't until I was done that I realized in reality, you need a bachelor or master's to go anywhere with it. I honestly felt like it shouldn't even have been a diploma program because it won't get you anywhere. However, I have since switched fields and the nice thing is that I can combine my new love with my old so I get the best of both worlds. However, in entry level neither pay well but I'm okay with that. Job satisfaction is much more important to me than the paycheck. Mind you, I have the ability to do that because DH makes good money but a lot of people don't have that luxury. I do think however that people don't try hard enough to get a job in said field. You have to work at crappy pay and crappy hours first if you want to get anywhere. I have a friend like this. He wants to get paid $80k plus per year and not start at the bottom. We just laugh at him. He's not educated and isn't the brightest candle on the birthday cake either LOL!
The main reason that this issue gets me so heated is that I hear so often "CrystalPDX you are so lucky you have such a good job! I applied for 20 jobs this month and haven't heard back on any of them boohoo wah wah"... It's insulting to me, I didn't get lucky, I worked really hard!
2. Why does it matter? Why does it have to be a competition? Why is this country so on sensed with who works hardest, or who has it hardest. Why are we obsessed with job status? People make whatever choice makes sense to their lives when it comes to working/sah.
I HATE hashtags. I don't have twitter or instagram, and understand that's where they come from, but dear god I don't need to see them everywhere. People go so overboard, a simple picture doesn't need 18 hashtags, and they definitely don't need to be used in the majority of the places you do see them... example: There is no reason anything on this site needs a hashtag... Give it up people...
What I realized too is that if you hastag on FB then click on the hashtag, it shows up every post that has ever had that hashtag. Even if those people are complete strangers. Basically it makes your post public. I do hashtag sometimes, I must admit lol! And I have friends who hate it. But I never hashtag the important things and won't ever hashtag pics of my (growing and future) children.
It's rare that I wear makeup. And I don't have a face that should be going makeup-less. It's just the time it takes to put on...and then take off...and then the rashes I'll probably get...
Last year many of my coworkers kept asking "who's that?" about my Christmas card picture because I looked nice and they genuinely didn't recognize the person. I wanted to crawl in a hole.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
@ginger1228- I love Justin Timberlake, you're crazy!
***** TTCAL/Forever Buddy to Cour10e****** -m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009 Beautiful daughter born February 2011 **Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
@CrystalPDX I graduated from college in the Bay Area right after the dot com bubble burst in 2001/2 and i continued waiting tables and interning at publishing houses for a couple of years until I got marketing assistant gig at a licensing/publishing company. I still work in marketing but in consumer products at a entertainment studio in LA. My degree was in English. (Not that far off, actually, but I had grand ambitions of moving to New York and working in publishing lol) a LOT of people can say their careers ultimately weaved in and out and sometimes had nothing to do with their degrees, etc - some people know immediately what they want to do at 18, others kind of fall into their fields and it takes some time. One is not better than the other. For some (including me), the farther you get from college, the more you realize college was only one part of the whole picture and start to see what it's value was - I don't regret my English degree although I could've made more money in a more practical program, but the intensive exercise in critical analysis and the experience I had with my professors and English dept friends continue to shape the way I approach the world around me. So, for all those bartenders and servers complaining about how they can't find jobs in their fields, I'd tell them that hopefully they're taking advantage of the fact that they have somewhat flexible schedules and doing anything possible to even touch the fields they want to be in - internships, volunteering, even just trying to do something on their own.
I have an irrational dislike of Zooey Deschanel. Ever since she was in 500 Days of Summer and broke poor Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart I've despised her "I'm so cute and quirky" face and been jealous of her well-rounded acting and singing talents.
This is a really lame UO.
I actually really don't like her either!! Maybe a UO but I can't stand "New Girl". Maybe it's just my sense of humor, but I hate that everything sounds like a one-liner, and I don't like her character at all, and I don't even like her singing voice. I ONLY like her when she was in the movie Elf.
@caribbeanmama I used to wear a lot of makeup on the regular, but now that I have to get up for work so early every day, I wear less. My main goal is to cover my blemishes and make myself look "awake". For a long time my goal has been to try and improve my skin so I can go bare-faced and be happy with how I look, but so far I haven't found anything that actually works for me that doesn't cost a fortune.
I don't think sahm's work as hard as working moms. 3 months ago I made the switch from working full time to staying at home and while some days it's mentally hard bc dealing with a screaming toddler who doesn't understand or won't do what you want is difficult. It's also difficult to deal with a job and then come home and cook, clean, and take care of said toddler. I managed entry level employees so some days at home are like being at work dealing with employees who don't understand or won't do what you want. Plus with a job you get away even if it's two minutes in a car from daycare to work, you get two minutes. And Staying at home you get a nap time. Even tho I have to worry able being climbed on and hit and kicked. Granted you don't get sick days. But you do get chill days where you can sit and minimally play when you are not feeling great.
Ok so that was a mumbled jumble of thoughts, sorry, I hope you understood it and those that stay at home didn't take it personal bc I am now a sahm and in the trenches with you.
I think there is zero comparison between the two, they are totally different. I'm in Canada and had 1 year off and then went back to work so I feel like I have experienced both worlds to some degree. Which one is harder for an individual will depend on that person's job, personality and the type of SAHM you choose to be. I will become a SAHM after this baby is born and am looking forward to it but for me it's harder work than the job I do now. I have a friend about to end mat leave and go back to work and she has no idea how she will do it because to her being a SAHM has been easy and her job far more exhausting. This debate is ridiculous IMO because it's like saying eating 50 hot dogs is harder than running a marathon. The two just aren't comparable.
I think I get the best of both worlds. I'm a teacher so I get summer and holidays off with my little. It takes getting use to being home everyday and then it takes getting use to going back and not being with her all day. Both can hard. I've cried over both. But they are different. A good different.
I don't wear makeup anymore although I used to be a little makeup obsessed. When I first stopped, people started to think I was like tired or sick or something lol---not being used to my face sans makeup. Then all of a sudden it turns into the you look so much younger/healthier; i don't know if they were just BSing me or what but maybe people just like whatever they get used to.
I do have good skin and didn't use foundation or cover-up even before. But I went all out on the eye makeup lol.
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I'm a SAHM and agree the debate is dumb. Circumstances outside of being a SAHM or working mom are usually what shapes someone's opinion. Their job/how demanding it is, how helpful their partner is, the temparement of their child, how much help from family they get, and just general expectations placed on them by themselves, their partner, other family members, etc.
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My UO is sometimes people are too hard on their mother-in-laws. The seemingly overbearing ones are usually the best kind to have (unless they're like outright insulting you and putting you down). My MIL is awesome. She never really interferes in my marriage, if she notices something off between me and her son, she assumes it's his fault and becomes upset on my behalf. She buys so much for our little girl and respects our tastes/preferences (now I sound like I'm bragging lol). But I do wish she was more like the grandmas who just want to see their grandbaby so much they buy all this gear for their house and outwardly show their excitement. I don't really get any help from anyone (including my own mom), and sometimes I would just be so dang grateful for it. Or to be able to go to her house without taking half the things in my house along with me. One of her sisters is one of those "overbearing" MILs and she watches her grandkids just for the heck of it so much that her DILs feel comfortable to just call her any old time to come take their babies, and she's happy to do it! I can't help but be jealous.
BFP May 2013 - MMC at 8 weeks BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015 BFP November 2016 - pending...
This is my second uo today (having a bad day) but I don't like how people use a non-political event as a playform to discuss political issues. I really enjoy hearing others opinions and hearing their point of view. But for example Meryl Streep's most recent speech I would have been irritated to be stuck listening to her political views when I came for something else. Please discuss politics but not where people are forced to listen. I guess I just can't stand politics and then it gets shoved in my face it's frustrating.
@yellow1daisy do we have the same MIL? She is the greatest. I love her. She has never crossed any single boundary and is respectful of any opinion I have. I love her. I feel the same way though that I wish she was overbearing in wanting to see DD and buy her things like a crazy grandma (my mother). She doesn't communicate it because she doesn't want to come across as overbearing. Anytime I face time her with DD or send her pictures or we visit she is so appreciative that I feel bad.
Thank god my mother only had daughters or she would be the nightmare MIL to her DIL's that people talk about. She's nuts. But as her daughters we politely tell her that.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
This is my second uo today (having a bad day) but I don't like how people use a non-political event as a playform to discuss political issues. I really enjoy hearing others opinions and hearing their point of view. But for example Meryl Streep's most recent speech I would have been irritated to be stuck listening to her political views when I came for something else. Please discuss politics but not where people are forced to listen. I guess I just can't stand politics and then it gets shoved in my face it's frustrating.
Once again, I respectfully disagree. I think that people being afraid to discuss politics for fear of insulting someone or being seen as annoying, or it's not the time and place for it, is exactly how we ended up in this whole mess in the first place. It is the civic duty of each of us to be involved in our government and I'm embarrassed by how many people don't know how to do that, or don't want to. I'm totally guilty myself of shying away from political conversation, because I don't want to offend, or because I feel like I'm not educated enough. But when you have a platform like Meryl Streep has, you should use it.
As far as the makeup, I don't put it on normally since I am a SAHM and seems wasteful. I do wear it when I go out or want to seduce the DH (not often and not that make-up is needed). My real love of makeup comes from the fact that I look rather young without it, to the point of having people called to verify my ID when I bought alcohol last year, they didn't believe I was 21 let alone 30. I joke without make up I kinda look like a middle school boy. My favorite is when people assume my husband is my father, it pisses him off so much lol.
@morgarita I knew I liked you for a reason, I love to be able to debate and share prespectives without people getting upset. I respect you so much for sharing your opinion and not only listening to but understanding others perspective. The best people in the world are those that debate and are open-minded, I think I said in one other thread my favorite thing is when a good debate can make me change my mind!
@Dcwtada thanks but I usually take things really personally it's just that you all being online makes it easier to not be offended. Actually I really like this group it's full of educated women from a lot of view points so serious discussions on the uo thread is pretty interesting.
caribbeanmama-2
member
Re: Unpopular Opinion Thursday 1/12
According to my husband, it's pretty weird that I 'paint my face' before I leave for work. When he puts it like that I can see his point a little bit! Ha!
Ok so that was a mumbled jumble of thoughts, sorry, I hope you understood it and those that stay at home didn't take it personal bc I am now a sahm and in the trenches with you.
1. A blanket statement like that is unfair. You can't assume all working moms work harder than sahms. There is too much to take into account; number of kids, type of job, life circumstances and so forth. The other way around could be true too.
2. Why does it matter? Why does it have to be a competition? Why is this country so on sensed with who works hardest, or who has it hardest. Why are we obsessed with job status? People make whatever choice makes sense to their lives when it comes to working/sah.
I hate the working/sah debate. Hate it. It doesn't matter. Try to be happy in whatever choice or situation you're in. If you haven't even the power or drive to change it, then change it. But keys not argue about who works harder here. We're all moms. We all get it. This shit is hard no matter what you do.
ETA I'm not saying SAHM work harder, because you do have more freedom to plan your day and make time for things that need to get done. I really don't think there needs to be a "winner" between the two. Parenting is hard regardless.
I have an irrational dislike of Zooey Deschanel. Ever since she was in 500 Days of Summer and broke poor Joseph Gordon-Levitt's heart I've despised her "I'm so cute and quirky" face and been jealous of her well-rounded acting and singing talents.
This is a really lame UO.
I have been on both sides, working mom and stay at home mom - both are hard in different ways. I personally felt working was "easier" and I can give a million reasons but I don't care to give credence to this argument and I know my working situation and SAHM situation is different from everyone else's: some working moms have it harder than me, some SAHMs have it harder than me, some childless workers have it harder than me and some students have it harder than me. Does that make them better people or moms, no, it simply means they are busier or more stressed for a variety of reasons. I don't generalize my situation to reflect everyone else's.
Give it up people...
Our Angel: EDD: 05/11/17. MC at 6 weeks
Baby #2- EDD: 07/18/17
Adulting is hard, parenting is hard, some days as a SAHM are easy and fun and go perfectly, some days are hell. Some days at work are easy and fun and go perfectly, some days are hell. Both SAHM moms and working moms still have to do the same thing in the evening in regards to dinner, bath, homework and such. The only difference is what we're doing between the hours of 8-5 (obviously many work different hours and schedules, but this is just a generalization). They're both hard in very different ways. The difficulty arrises in the day-in-day-out aspect of either choice. It's fun to stay home some times, being able to set your own schedule for the most part, but imagine having to do it day-in-and-day-out, on call 24/7. Its HARD. It's also fun to be able to drop the kids off and go to work where you only have to worry about yourself and not constantly worry about the bodily, emotional, educational and psychological needs of a child, but work comes with responsibility of it's own and imagine having to deal with those day-in-and-day-out. It's HARD. Everybody makes the choice that is right for their personality and for their unique family situation and needs.
@PurplePumpernickel two of them I am thinking of are communications majors, the other is anthropology. I understand the job market is tough. I worked as a server and worked a part time internship while going to school. It was a lot of work and extremely stressful, but that internship turned into the job I have now. I also did not go to school for something that was particularly interesting to me, I chose my path based on the opportunities it would offer me.
I think part of the problem is putting off the job search and making connections until after you graduate. That needs to be happening simultaneously while you are in school, and you need to have an awareness of what your future realistically looks like with the major you've chosen.
I'm also not saying that one degree is more important than another, we certainly need expertise across the board. I guess it just irritates me that there is this notion that if you go to school and get a degree in whatever your "passion" you are entitled a great job. If you are entering a very narrow or saturated field, you give up your right to complain.
Highly monitored internet and no cell service in the office, so I'm postin' and ghostin' while I'm workin'
morgarita I agree with others. Parenting is hard regardless. Do I personally feel like being a SAHM would be easier? Yes. But some people don't have the luxury of being SAHM's so there's that. I know some women who long to be a SAHM and others who willingly choose to go back to work despite their financial situations allowing them otherwise. I think being a working parent just makes it more important for the parents to split chores evenly.
CrystalPDX Eh. It's tough. I have a diploma in a specific field and it wasn't until I was done that I realized in reality, you need a bachelor or master's to go anywhere with it. I honestly felt like it shouldn't even have been a diploma program because it won't get you anywhere. However, I have since switched fields and the nice thing is that I can combine my new love with my old so I get the best of both worlds. However, in entry level neither pay well but I'm okay with that. Job satisfaction is much more important to me than the paycheck. Mind you, I have the ability to do that because DH makes good money but a lot of people don't have that luxury. I do think however that people don't try hard enough to get a job in said field. You have to work at crappy pay and crappy hours first if you want to get anywhere. I have a friend like this. He wants to get paid $80k plus per year and not start at the bottom. We just laugh at him. He's not educated and isn't the brightest candle on the birthday cake either LOL!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
@PurplePumpernickel agreed! There is a lot of entitlement too.
The main reason that this issue gets me so heated is that I hear so often "CrystalPDX you are so lucky you have such a good job! I applied for 20 jobs this month and haven't heard back on any of them boohoo wah wah"... It's insulting to me, I didn't get lucky, I worked really hard!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Last year many of my coworkers kept asking "who's that?" about my Christmas card picture because I looked nice and they genuinely didn't recognize the person. I wanted to crawl in a hole.
@ginger1228- I love Justin Timberlake, you're crazy!
-m/c at 11w2d due to partial molar 2008 -m/c #2 2009
Beautiful daughter born February 2011
**Ultimate TTCALer 2009**
a LOT of people can say their careers ultimately weaved in and out and sometimes had nothing to do with their degrees, etc - some people know immediately what they want to do at 18, others kind of fall into their fields and it takes some time. One is not better than the other.
For some (including me), the farther you get from college, the more you realize college was only one part of the whole picture and start to see what it's value was - I don't regret my English degree although I could've made more money in a more practical program, but the intensive exercise in critical analysis and the experience I had with my professors and English dept friends continue to shape the way I approach the world around me.
So, for all those bartenders and servers complaining about how they can't find jobs in their fields, I'd tell them that hopefully they're taking advantage of the fact that they have somewhat flexible schedules and doing anything possible to even touch the fields they want to be in - internships, volunteering, even just trying to do something on their own.
@caribbeanmama I used to wear a lot of makeup on the regular, but now that I have to get up for work so early every day, I wear less. My main goal is to cover my blemishes and make myself look "awake". For a long time my goal has been to try and improve my skin so I can go bare-faced and be happy with how I look, but so far I haven't found anything that actually works for me that doesn't cost a fortune.
I do have good skin and didn't use foundation or cover-up even before. But I went all out on the eye makeup lol.
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I'm a SAHM and agree the debate is dumb. Circumstances outside of being a SAHM or working mom are usually what shapes someone's opinion. Their job/how demanding it is, how helpful their partner is, the temparement of their child, how much help from family they get, and just general expectations placed on them by themselves, their partner, other family members, etc.
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My UO is sometimes people are too hard on their mother-in-laws. The seemingly overbearing ones are usually the best kind to have (unless they're like outright insulting you and putting you down). My MIL is awesome. She never really interferes in my marriage, if she notices something off between me and her son, she assumes it's his fault and becomes upset on my behalf. She buys so much for our little girl and respects our tastes/preferences (now I sound like I'm bragging lol). But I do wish she was more like the grandmas who just want to see their grandbaby so much they buy all this gear for their house and outwardly show their excitement.
I don't really get any help from anyone (including my own mom), and sometimes I would just be so dang grateful for it. Or to be able to go to her house without taking half the things in my house along with me. One of her sisters is one of those "overbearing" MILs and she watches her grandkids just for the heck of it so much that her DILs feel comfortable to just call her any old time to come take their babies, and she's happy to do it! I can't help but be jealous.
BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks
BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks
BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks
BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015
BFP November 2016 - pending...
Thank god my mother only had daughters or she would be the nightmare MIL to her DIL's that people talk about. She's nuts. But as her daughters we politely tell her that.
@morgarita I knew I liked you for a reason, I love to be able to debate and share prespectives without people getting upset. I respect you so much for sharing your opinion and not only listening to but understanding others perspective. The best people in the world are those that debate and are open-minded, I think I said in one other thread my favorite thing is when a good debate can make me change my mind!