Doulas

sparrow-2

Hi all ~  I'm considering having a doula for labor and delivery and just starting to research them in my area.  Curious about those STM+ moms who had one at a past birth what it was like, would you have one/not have one again, things you were grateful for or wished had been different or that you'd known about going in?  And, just curious in general for anyone considering it, how you're going about it and what questions/etc you've found helpful in finding a good fit. 

bornmommy

I think this has been discussed but its far back now --- I am a doula and childbirth educator.    If you look at doulamatch.net you can see doulas in your area and testimonials (straight from the client) about that particular doula.  Definitely interview in person if you can to find the one for you. Good luck!  Doulas Rock!  

sparrow-2

@bornmommy thanks for the tip for doulamatch.net, I'll check it out! 

ellie111227

I had a good friend  who is a doula  assist with my birth,  along with  my husband. She was awesome.  She coached me on breathing and vocalizing and encouraged me to eat and drink,  which helped me keep up my stamina and not need an epidural.   because I knew she had been at so many births, I  also believed her when she said that I  had to (and could)  resist pushing when I got the urge before I  was fully dilated. No way would I  have believed dh  even if he had known what to say. She also talked me through deciding to have the doc  break my water  after 24  hours stemmed out at the same dilation,  which was not part of my  plan,  but was a very good call, and she apparently reassured dh when I was passing out between contractions that I was ok and that was within the realm of normal. I  am so glad she was there. That said,  when I  researched  doulas  in the area I  live in now,  they all  seem to crunchy for my taste (taking about how awesome unassisted home births are and how bad vaccines are, etc) and I don't think I would trust  them like I  trusted  my  friend. Having been through one labor now and having seen dh  be an awesome birth partner (who now also has one birth under his belt), I  am considering going without a doula  this time. I  definitely recommend it  though  if you can find someone who shares your general birth philosophy!

silliegirlie143

I hired my CB educator as my doula because we did HypnoBabies (very specific verbiage) and we had already built a trusting relationship.

I would hire her again in a heart beat if we hadn't moved out of state. There is only one HypnoBaby doula in our area but my MW says they attended 3 births together in the last couple months. This makes me feel more comfy. We will be interviewing her to see if we mesh this month.

jc_twomamas

I think we had a thread early early (so it's way back) but it did have good info if you find it! 

I had a Doula with DS and will be using her again. My pregnancy was very complicated in the third trimester and ended in a c section at 37 weeks but she was an amazing source of strength and guidance for me during that time. She would bring me things to do in the hospital or homemade soups. Go over my "ideal" c section birth and things we could do/ask to make it happen (and we did). The day of my c section she stayed with us, brought calming oils, said a prayer and stayed with my mom the whole time who was a nervous wreck. 
She joined us in recovery and helped with breastfeeding and then visited me at home twice. 

I wouldnt change a single thing. I loved her presence, knowledge and support. I am so happy to be using her again and hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Worth every single penny in my opinion. 

NarrowHouses

I did not have a doula during my pregnancy with DD but strongly considered it.  My DH work as a health care provider (not currently in a hospital, but has previously worked in one). If he didn't feel as comfortable in a hospital talking with the nurses, doctors, etc. and have an understanding of the system I would have been even more likely to have a doula.

There are a couple of child birth educators I met through a mom's group I went to when DD was little and might consider it this time around. I'm actually thinking more about one of them for post-partum doula services based on my previous experience. Physically, healing was fine, but emotionally it was a tough adjustment those first couple weeks. One of the doulas I know is a certified lactation consultant too which could be really helpful.

MrsCaliRN

I though about having a doula with DS, but decided against it due to cost and 

1. I used to be an L&D nurse and knew what to expect, so I didn't need an advocate. Experienced doulas can really help you know what's normal and what isn't and help be a voice and institute your birth plan if you don't feel you may be able to in the moment
2. DH was committed to do anything and everything I asked. This is probably the biggest role of a doula from what I've seen. Whether you want water, ice chips, countepressure, verbal reassurance, breathing coaching, moaning coaching, help into the shower or bath, whatever! Doulas make you the priority and are there to be your rock and available as much or as little as you need them.

Whether you get an actual, trained doula, or just have a support person who is ready to help with anything and be there through it all, you absolutely need someone. L&D nurses can be great at this but their time can be limited if they have other patients, especially those with higher acuities. 

caribbeanmama-2

devow27 said:

I think we had a thread early early (so it's way back) but it did have good info if you find it! 

I had a Doula with DS and will be using her again. My pregnancy was very complicated in the third trimester and ended in a c section at 37 weeks but she was an amazing source of strength and guidance for me during that time. She would bring me things to do in the hospital or homemade soups. Go over my "ideal" c section birth and things we could do/ask to make it happen (and we did). The day of my c section she stayed with us, brought calming oils, said a prayer and stayed with my mom the whole time who was a nervous wreck. 
She joined us in recovery and helped with breastfeeding and then visited me at home twice. 

I wouldnt change a single thing. I loved her presence, knowledge and support. I am so happy to be using her again and hoping for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). Worth every single penny in my opinion. 

I'm so glad you posted this experience.  Some may think that a doula is only for those who want to do a natural birth.  So I'm sure this is informative for many.

@MrsCaliRN I think your second point is a big consideration.  Your husband sounds awesome and in tune.  My husband was very involved and wanted to be there for me but he just did not have the knowledge and training and intuition to anticipate my needs in the way that would be most helpful and reassuring for me.  So one would have to assess the capabilities of their support person.  I don't live near my family and am very much type A I can do it alone kind of person.  However, when it came to labor, I could not have made a better decision than to have my husband and my doula there.  

As others have mentioned, they are also great with pre-labor and post-labor help.  My doula did weekly food prep for several weeks in the postpartum period.  I had a rough time with milk coming in at first - she coached me through not losing hope or giving up - showed me how to do the massage to stimulate milk flow and literally grabbed my boob to get the milk out for baby and latch him on.  I'm sure there are ladies with moms and grandmas that would be able to do this part - am jealous of you all!

I used our HSA to cover the cost of our doula because it is 'expensive'.   Totally worth it though!  So that may be an option for some.

sparrow-2

@ellie111227 - that sounds awesome that you got to have someone assist you knew and trusted so well!  I've been reading a birthing book and the author/a midwife also described something like you did - basically the value of encouraging women being so valuable in helping a mother in labor progress (I'm thinking of what you said about how your doula helped you do something you wouldn't have thought you could).  Makes sense dh feels like a resource to you know, both veterans of the process.  My dh is great, but this is definitely new territory to him and I think we'll both benefit from someone else's experience.

@silliegirlie143 - I looked up hypnobabies, that looks interesting!  Did you actually use hypnosis during your childbirth? What was it like?

@devow27 - that sounds great!  I would love someone who could shift flexibly to offer me support if my ideal situation didn't happen. I'll definitely explore that with those I interview.  Wishing you a successful VBAC!  ps - I will try and hunt down that thread more diligently, it sounds like a gem!

@NarrowHouses - thanks! definitely interested in the lactation expertise piece too - hoping to BF and it seems like seasoned expertise can be really helpful here.

@MrsCaliRN - I think we're neighbors! I am also from the bay area!  Totally appreciate what you said about the value of a support person. As I said above, my dh is great, but this definitely isn't a familiar area for him and I think we'd both benefit from having someone, even if a big part of what that person offers is support to him to support me.  Thanks!

@caribbeanmama - totally resonate with what you wrote, esp about your dh, I feel similarly about mine.  I was wondering if our FSA (not an HSA) would accept a claim for the cost of the doula - sounds promising!

caribbeanmama-2

@sparrow my understanding is that it is an eligible expense on your FSA as long as it does not include fees for postpartum care such as helping you clean the house and take care of the baby.  My doula has these services itemized so that you can pay for the delivery separately.  So if you do get a doula, make sure that when she writes up your receipt it is clear that her primary purpose is for the delivery. 

As for the questions to ask to find a good fit.  This is a bit like dating.  You have to meet them in person - take an internal read (how do you feel?) as to if the person has a calming presence for you.  Make sure DH is there too - my husband was really good at pointing out things that I missed or couldn't put my finger on.  I have a list of questions that I asked somewhere - I will look for them and share when I find it.

sparrow-2

thanks @caribbeanmama that's super helpful!  Would love your questions if you find them!

MrsCaliRN

@sparrow I'm not surprised, the Bay is HUGE! I'll PM you a really awesome, multi-cultural doula center based in Oakland. I know the woman that runs it and certifies the doulas and they are wonderful mom-advocates! They can be a bit "crunchy" but most doulas kind of are Also, if you need any reccs for placenta encapsulation, great hospitals, etc., feel free to PM me; I used to work L&D at SF General, spent a great deal of time as a nursing student in John Muir WC L&D, received antenatal treatment at Kaiser WC and delivered DS at Kaiser Oakland, so I can tell you about the good, the bad, and the ugly on both sides of the bridge

Edited: spelling

silliegirlie143

@sparrow I loved my HypnoBabies experience! It was calming for me and everyone (the medical staff) notice/commented on the room environment difference. 

I will share my birth story in that thread today so you can read all the details and I won't hijack this thread with it.

I would suggest you cruise through their website, read stories, check YouTube for videos of this style birth, and talk with your support person to make sure they're up for the participation, too.