Hello

NYTino24

Hi, ladies! I'm not quite ready to tell my story yet, but I want you to know that I have been reading yours since I started miscarrying a week ago on 1/4. We lost our baby at 7 weeks 6 days on 1/8.  DH is taking this hard and not really sleeping. We are both now just getting back to work (he has two jobs and it at the business with his father today). Do you have any resources or suggestions on helping a partner cope with the loss? He has some PTSD from Iraq (doesn't really talk about it) from before we were dating and doesn't get too emotional. This was the first time I saw him cry and all he could say was, "I feel so bad. I hate seeing you cry." I did put our loss out on Facebook. We have had an overwhelming amount of support and it is helping me a lot. I needed people to know our baby existed and for them to understand my (hopefully temporary) personality shift. Maybe it was just too soon for him. 

splashmountain

@NYTino24 I'm sorry for your loss. I too have a husband who never cries, but I saw him sobbing in the ER during our loss, it was absolutely heartbreaking to see. My loss was just 2.5 weeks ago, so unfortunately I have no advice for you (as I haven't quite figured it all out myself) but I wish you the best of luck getting through this yourself and with helping your H. 

flowerintherain

@NYTino24 Have you guys been able to talk to each other about how you're feeling? I think that's probably a step in the right direction. A friend suggested therapy is always an option too. I think that everyone handles it in their own way. I'm sorry I don't have more helpful advice.
 
My DH says he doesn't want to talk about it. He's not one to show emotion either. He told me did cry about this though. He thinks that remembering this baby is the wrong approach for him. He just wants to move on and forget it happened. That's the most I've been able to get out of him. I feel the exact opposite of the way he does.. But that's what I mean by everyone handles it differently. 

It's hard on men too because they often feel the pressure of having to be the "strong" one to help us get through this. But they need to remember that they can always reach out to their wife, family, and friends for help also. I hope your DH is able to find his way to cope.

Uhlease13

I'm sorry for your loss @NYTino24 but I ditto @flowerintherain about everything. Men and women handle things much differently, usually, and it's hard. And I echo what you said about wanting people to know your baby existed - it's such a real feeling when going through loss. But like she said, finding time to talk to each other (when ready) will help, so he knows that you can work through this together and it's not his job to be strong for you, but for both of you to be strong for each other

I'm sorry I can't offer more advice, honestly, I think we all have just learned to live with these memories that are now a part of us. And it sucks. Hugs to you, talking with people who have gone through similar has helped me SO much. I wish guys used these forums to help themselves as well lol.

justsuzie

My husband didn't want to talk about it.  He just wanted me to feel better so he showed he cared by taking care of me.  Everyone heals differently.  Maybe we will talk more about it when it's not so fresh but now we are both helping each other heal in a way that works best for us.  Good luck to you.

rklinge0

So sorry for your loss. I have no advice but see if counseling is available for him or if he has a good friend to confide in. Not sure if there is a dad's support group out there either but if there was that may be useful, if he would go.

Hopefulmommy1980

I am sorry for you loss