Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Hello

NYTino24NYTino24 member
edited January 2017 in Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss
Hi, ladies! I'm not quite ready to tell my story yet, but I want you to know that I have been reading yours since I started miscarrying a week ago on 1/4. We lost our baby at 7 weeks 6 days on 1/8.  DH is taking this hard and not really sleeping. We are both now just getting back to work (he has two jobs and it at the business with his father today). Do you have any resources or suggestions on helping a partner cope with the loss? He has some PTSD from Iraq (doesn't really talk about it) from before we were dating and doesn't get too emotional. This was the first time I saw him cry and all he could say was, "I feel so bad. I hate seeing you cry." I did put our loss out on Facebook. We have had an overwhelming amount of support and it is helping me a lot. I needed people to know our baby existed and for them to understand my (hopefully temporary) personality shift. Maybe it was just too soon for him. 
It's funny how it's the little things in life that mean the most...not where you live, or what you drive, or the price tag on your clothes... There's no dollar sign on a piece of mind, this I've come to know! *ZBB*

Me: 36 DH 35 
TTC  9/2016     BFP 12/9/16    EDD 8/21/17    NMC 1/8/16 at 7w6d
TTC  2/2017  BFP 3/6/17   EDD 11/17/17   DS born 11/25/17 via ECS
TTC 12/2018   BFP 6/2/19   EDD 2/12/20  NMC / BO at 7 weeks, low progesterone
TTC 7/2019   BFP 8/21/19 EDD 4/22/20 CP at 5 weeks
TTC 8/19    IUI #1 w/ Clomid + Ovidrel + progesterone  BFN, IUI 2 and 3 w/ Letrozole + Ovidrel + progesterone,
IUI 4 Follistim + Ovidrel + progesterone BFP 1/9/20 EDD 9/18/20

AMA, ITP in pregnancy, vWD type II - low Factor VIII, unexplained RPL and secondary infertility

Re: Hello

  • @NYTino24 I'm sorry for your loss. I too have a husband who never cries, but I saw him sobbing in the ER during our loss, it was absolutely heartbreaking to see. My loss was just 2.5 weeks ago, so unfortunately I have no advice for you (as I haven't quite figured it all out myself) but I wish you the best of luck getting through this yourself and with helping your H. 
  • @NYTino24 Have you guys been able to talk to each other about how you're feeling? I think that's probably a step in the right direction. A friend suggested therapy is always an option too. I think that everyone handles it in their own way. I'm sorry I don't have more helpful advice.
     
    My DH says he doesn't want to talk about it. He's not one to show emotion either. He told me did cry about this though. He thinks that remembering this baby is the wrong approach for him. He just wants to move on and forget it happened. That's the most I've been able to get out of him. I feel the exact opposite of the way he does.. But that's what I mean by everyone handles it differently. 

    It's hard on men too because they often feel the pressure of having to be the "strong" one to help us get through this. But they need to remember that they can always reach out to their wife, family, and friends for help also. I hope your DH is able to find his way to cope.
    October 2017 May siggy challenge - Parenting fails



    DS-02/25/16
    Pregnancy #2-Due 8/24/17 MMC-01/09/17
    DD-Due 10/24/17
    Pregnancy Ticker


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  • I'm sorry for your loss @NYTino24 but I ditto @flowerintherain about everything. Men and women handle things much differently, usually, and it's hard. And I echo what you said about wanting people to know your baby existed - it's such a real feeling when going through loss. But like she said, finding time to talk to each other (when ready) will help, so he knows that you can work through this together and it's not his job to be strong for you, but for both of you to be strong for each other <3

    I'm sorry I can't offer more advice, honestly, I think we all have just learned to live with these memories that are now a part of us. And it sucks. Hugs to you, talking with people who have gone through similar has helped me SO much. I wish guys used these forums to help themselves as well lol.

    Me.30 DH.31 
    Est.8.2006
    BFP 8/28/15 mmc @ 11 weeks (d&c)
    BFP 9/28/16 mmc @ 8 weeks (d&c) - trisomy 5
    BFP 2/3/17...edd 10/13/17 <3

  • My husband didn't want to talk about it.  He just wanted me to feel better so he showed he cared by taking care of me.  Everyone heals differently.  Maybe we will talk more about it when it's not so fresh but now we are both helping each other heal in a way that works best for us.  Good luck to you.
  • So sorry for your loss. I have no advice but see if counseling is available for him or if he has a good friend to confide in. Not sure if there is a dad's support group out there either but if there was that may be useful, if he would go.
  • I am sorry for you loss
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