When slash how to tell your boss?

towntowns

Hi ladies! Hopefully this post is okay! 

I am really struggling with not telling my boss as well as how to do it. I work in catering sales and food smells make me so nauseous right now. Someone offered me a sample in Trader Joe's Sunday and I threw up on them. Real life story. 

Have you told your boss? If so how? If you haven't when do you plan to? 

My first appointments in two weeks and I want to hold out but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it under wraps! 

HollyGolightly09

I just kind of blurted it out to my principal today, lol. I had to take off next Tuesday for an appointment, so I wanted her to know why I was going to be out. 

sugarpixxie2

Luckily the owners of my company work at an office down the road so I don't see them everyday, actually I only see them a couple times a month. It's pretty hard not to tell my co-worker though. We are property managers so we all work out of different offices but there are still clicks and gossip and I know if I tell her she will call her BFFs in the company and everyone will tell each other and tell everyone else not to tell anyone and my boss will find out.  it wouldn't be the end of the world if people knew before I told them but I really want my boss to know directly from me. Also, my company postponed our yearly Christmas party and they are having a January 28th Employee Appreciation party instead. There is about 30 people in the company and this party will be at my boss' house and there will be alcohol.  That's earlier than I want to tell them but I know they will think something's up if I'm not drinking and I feel bad not going so I haven't made any decisions yet. I really want to hold out for my yearly review in February LOL

ColoradoHiker

With DS, I told my boss at 10w (due to funding issues with my position) and everyone else after my 12w u/s.  I told one very close coworker, mostly bc I had vicious nausea and she covered for me if I suddenly ran out of the room.  

kailapop

HollyGolightly09 said:

I just kind of blurted it out to my principal today, lol. I had to take off next Tuesday for an appointment, so I wanted her to know why I was going to be out. 

This is EXACTLY what I did yesterday.  for the same reason. I have to take off this week for an appointment and probably weekly till the end of this pregnancy. 

Sprite2012

No, and I won't be telling him (or anyone else at work, for that matter) until it's obvious and ridiculous to not say something. With DS, I told my boss (who was based in another country) around 16 weeks. Everyone who worked with me daily knew when I started showing, around 18 weeks. 

sableeg

I'm hoping to not tell my boss or anyone for as long as I can.  Although, I think she does know.  She keeps looking at me and asking if I have anything to share!  With my first, everyone at my old job knew I was before I told them.  My husband says I just put off the preggo vibe!

Luckily I don't work Tuesdays or Wednesdays so I have those days free for appointments.  I'm also in private practice and manage my own schedule which is nice! 

DPandMB

I have a pretty good relationship with my boss, so it was pretty easy for me. I was going to wait until after my first appointment, just to make sure everything was good, but then it happened to be the right time on Friday. I have a big Go Live (important date) for my work the week before I am due, so it really good timing to tell her.

MyNamesTaken

With DS, my boss literally called me into his office after an event where I didn't drink and dragged it out of me before I had told anyone. It was more of an accusation than a sharing of happy news. He sucked all the joy out of announcing.

I left that job and with my second pregnancy I told my awesome new boss fairly early since I was having lots of symptoms and generally seemed off. He was very happy and supportive. I had a MMC with that one so I was glad he already knew and I didn't have to throw all that on him at once. 

Now I'm going to wait until after my first appointment and tell him. I may have more appointments this time since I'm PGAL and I'd like him to know why I'm coming and going. He will be supportive I'm sure, so there's no anxiety about sharing.

PKFMommie

I'm in a high-exposure risk job (sick people with nasty stuff), so I have to tell occupational health today, but will just try to fly under the radar until my appt next week, after which I will tell my immediate boss and the two providers I work directly with, because it will affect workload distribution. 

I'd rather them know I was pregnant than think I was unprofessional or lazy.

MplsKate

Originally, I really thought I would wait until I am out of the first trimester to say anything at work, but I have a performance review in mid- or late-February, and that might be a better time to say something to my boss. 

I only plan to say something sooner if I am so sick/exhausted that it impacts my work. Yesterday that was looking like it might be the case as early as this week, but I am feeling better today so hopefully I can at least wait until after my first appointment (in 2 weeks).

rainafire77

*****TW*****



I told my HR manager because only she and my direct boss know about my prior loss because I was out a week recovering from my d&c. She's very supportive and hopeful and promised to keep it quiet until I'm ready to tell my direct supervisor. I won't do that this time for a few weeks unless something happens where I need to be out a lot again.

msashley2010-2

I told my supervisor (and entire team) last week and everyone is super excited and supportive. It definitely makes me feel good to have such a great work environment. My schedule is pretty flexible if I need to make appointments and what not. If only they gave paid maternity leave.  

ashley2824

Waiting until 2nd trimester. Funny story. I asked my manager today to have a quick meeting (about my future at the company) and the first thing she said "are you pregnant?" I was like noooo. Haha! I'm up for a promotion, it's pretty much set in stone but I wanted to get told that's what's happening first and then hopefully start the new position before I tell, but I don't know when that will be, might be a month, might be 6 months. So at least I know that's what they're thinking so I can tell before it if I have to (i.e. Start showing). 

ETA: TW- my last PG ended in a loss so I'm hesitant to tell too soon. I'm getting some testing done too so I want that done before I say anything. 

childcaremama

Very nervous to tell my daycare clients. Not planning on telling anyone in my life at all (besides hubby) until second trimester. But I have to tell my daycare families that I won't be continuing after August soon because the preschool registration is next week. It's just not going to work for me to take them to preschool and kindergarten and deal with all the germs with a 15 month old and a newborn. I really don't want to tell them I'm pregnant when I'm not even telling my bff or our families for at least two more months. But I also feel like a jerk if I don't explain why I can't continue after August. Going to have to figure something else out money wise.. I'm also afraid they will panic that I'll have to stop early because my last pregancy was really scary and I had to close as a result. Ugh.

A&A9222012

With my DS, I told my boss around when I found out and asked him to keep it between us for now.   I only told him because I have to leave to go get blood draws every other day for 2 weeks.  

sableeg

OMG @ashley2824 I would have so been busted!  I am a terrible liar!

cnf2013

I'm holding out as long as possible. Last pregnancy I told my principal early, like really early. I had my dating ultrasound during state testing and had to request the day off specially, so I spilled the beans. 

I'm in a different district now and they are pretty anti pregnancy, so I'm going to wait until I'm obviously showing. Then I get to deal with the fall out of telling them I have a September EDD. Sigh. 

juliebeannn

I actually told my immediate team today.  I have a very small immediate team of just 4 people so each person is super crucial.  Considering how much of an impact this pregnancy/delivery will make on my team, I thought it would be the right thing to do to give them as much notice as possible so that we can plan around...me.  Also, a side reason I spilled the beans early, my boss is normally based out of our Australia office, but he was actually in town this week, so thought it would be nice to tell him in person.  

wellhithen

I've told my last principals right away because I was so sick. But it's such a weird situation this year and I'm not even going to be there next year so I probably won't. I will be interviewing at other schools so I've wondered about that. I also know my rights that they can't discriminate if I'm pregnant. 

sugarpixxie2

@wellhithen they can't discriminate but when I was pregnant with my daughter in 2008 I was 4 months pregnant and stupidly telling people in interviews that I was pregnant. No job. Then the first interview I went to in hid my bump and didn't say anything about being pregnant I got hired.  My boss at that job, who is Swedish and a little more blunt than we are, and told me about 2 years later that if they knew I was pregnant they would not have hired me.  She said it all worked out though and she was glad that they did. We are pretty good friends so I'm sure that's the only reason she told me that... And The Swedish Thing. It's really hard to prove discrimination unless they flat-out tell you if they aren't  hiring you because you are pregnant.   So many women have the baby and then decide that they want to be a stay-at-home mom and never return to work. Hopefully the school systems are more family-friendly.

minidoxigirli

I told my classroom aide, my co-teacher, and my principal because morning sickness has arrived, and soon there will be no hiding it.  My school is very pro-family, so they were all really excited and want to help me however they can.

JNR6510

I told my boss yesterday because I needed to ask her if I could rearrange my work schedule for doctor appointments in the next two weeks.

cnf2013

wellhithen said:

I've told my last principals right away because I was so sick. But it's such a weird situation this year and I'm not even going to be there next year so I probably won't. I will be interviewing at other schools so I've wondered about that. I also know my rights that they can't discriminate if I'm pregnant. 

Legally they can't discriminate, but they will. I know I'm in NY and they aren't required to give reasons for not choosing to hire someone. They will just say they "went with the best candidate." Ya know, the one who doesn't reuire immediate extended time off? That fact alone makes them better. Sad but true. 

wellhithen

@sugarpixxie2 yes good point! I'm glad to be interviewing now before I show! What I meant is I know I don't have to tell them I'm pregnant or anything when interviewing because they can't discriminate (even though I know they will). I have an interview Wednesday and my first apt Thursday!

MzOro82214

I have 2 female bosses (who are both moms) and I told them last week. I felt it made sense because of the upcoming appts and since there are less than 10 people in the office, it will be very apparent if I'm out every now and again. I just started the job this month on the 3rd so I felt that the sooner they knew my news the better. They were both really understanding but didn't say too much in our little meeting so hopefully they're not too concerned.

TW: I also informed them of my 2nd trimester loss that I had just 7 months ago & said that I didn't know if I'd have more appts now because of that or not but that I felt they should be aware.

LuckyPenny1231

With my first daughter I told my boss after my 11 week appt when we saw the heartbeat and everything looked okay. But she told me she already knew by how sick I had looked for a few weeks. 

BigBadWolf12

If I end up taking time off in first tri, then I'll tell them when I do that. Otherwise, hopefully I can wait until March. Then I'll be further along, but they'll still have time to get a replacement (there's not a HUGE turnover of teachers mid year...so I'd like to give them heads up if I can, plus, I have a leadership position at my school so I'd like for them to know that it's open. I don't even want to do the job in August/September before I go. I just want the most relaxing (HAH) start to the school year possible.

Sugargirl1019

I'm am ICU nurse.. I want to know what other nurses do. It seems common sense to let your manager know early due to patient assignments.. but I have two major issues:
1) I've had two losses already this past year, and I don't want to tell, only to have EVERYONE know when i take it back.
2) My manager... she has a son, but she is not maternal. She refers to her son as a parasite and an "it". She's very abrasive and we stay under the radar with her. I fear telling her I'm pregnant will bring up issues for me (who knows what she's capable of). 

I can't ask my coworkers when they'd tell because then they would know I'm pregnant. I've considered waiting until my 8 week u/s and telling my charge nurses who are directly responsible for patient assignments so they can avoid infectious isolation patients for me. But I don't know how long things would stay quiet. I am dreading everyone knowing until LO is definitely staying put in there.

BigBadWolf12

@sugargirl1019 *hugs* I totally understand not wanting it to be common knowledge until you're more sure that LO is stuck in there and how that would be hard to pull off in nursing. I hope you get an idea or have someone you can really confide in and trust not to blow your secret

towntowns

@Sugargirl1019 That sounds so tricky! I'm not a nurse but I just keep in mind that legally no manager can tell anyone if you choose to tell them. They cannot tell your colleagues. I have decided to tell as soon as my ultrasound is confirmed because there could be safety issues with my job lifting things. I feel like as soon as there's something that risks you or babes safet (as you mentioned patient assignments) I would tell your manager. If you ask to keep it between you two she has to! 

starla

@Sugargirl1019 OMG your boss sounds psycho! I hope you figure out a way to deal with it. Sorry I don't have advice to offer, just support.

Sugargirl1019

@Starla Thanks!! She's definitely not our favorite reason to come to work! I plan on telling.. people.. maybe her.. after my scan next Friday if all looks well.

MrsJessS

@wellhithen I'm doing the same. I just got a job offer yesterday and start tomorrow. So now it comes down to when to tell them. Planning to wait until after my first ultrasound if possible!

mandt0917

@Sugargirl1019 I know how you feel, I also work at a hospital and have to go in patient's rooms sometimes when they have the infectious diseases signs up. I don't believe it's mandatory for me to go in though, I work with insurance and it's more like admitting work that I do. I also work at a remote location with my company (it's a third party company hired by the hospital) so my manager is not on site. I rarely ever see her actually, we just have conference calls/meetings every other week with all the other remotely located employees. Anyways, I have no idea when or how to tell my manager either. I only have one other person that I work with directly, our team lead, and we're pretty close, enough that I was able to talk to her about my MC in Sept/Oct at least. She also had a miscarriage before and has 2 kids now and could relate. I also don't know if I need to let the employee nurse at the hospital know or something. That's what I was thinking of doing.. with my manager I might just have to tell her over the phone before my first appointment on 02/10/17 because it's at 9am (the earliest I could get) & my shift starts at 10am so I'll need to give her a heads up that I might be in later anyways.. sorry for the long back story, LOL, but I hope this helps you if at all.

LaceyC1020

@Sugargirl1019 I am a nurse too. My manager and team leaders know because I'm on light duty. I work a desk position now, not sure how long I'll be doing that. But being considered high risk I can't work in the procedure rooms pushing patients on stretchers to recovery. And I can't turn them during the procedures either. It's just not safe. Plus, we work 10 hour shifts and some days, the only time I sit at all is a 30 minute lunch break. With my last pregnancy, standing that long gave me horrible back pain and then I started spotting...I'm not taking any chances with this pregnancy.

Sorry, had to edit for spelling...stupid auto correct 

Texafornian

Luckily i'm a SAHM now so I don't need to stress about when to drop the bomb. For my DD I waited until almost 17 weeks lol. I worked on a set in Los Angeles and they were gearing up to schedule everyone for the next season of shows and I didn't want me being pregnant to influence whether they put me on the longer/more lucrative days or not. So I waited until about two weeks after they did the scheduling to let them know and to emphasize that I wanted to keep my schedule, go over how much time i'd take off etc. I actually asked them if they would like me to come back after the three months (which would've plopped me back at work two weeks before Christmas I think) or if it would be easier on them scheduling-wise to make my return right after the holidays. We opted for the latter as it seemed silly to come back and have to work Christmas Day lol.

My job was a LOT of standing...I had 4 -12 hour workdays all the way up until 2 weeks before birth and I'd stand on concrete for about 6 of those a day whilst looking up (I operated camera). It was also live television so peeing frequently was an issue. lol

I'd say if you're pregnancy at any stage is imparting your ability to your job to the fullest, time to tell your boss. I was fortunate enough to have a lot of time to also put my feet up when not on camera. I think if I was there now, i'd probably tell them after my first ultrasound/heartbeat just to give them a heads up.

GhanimaAtreides

@Texafornian Yours is the first I could relate to! Like, seriously, high-five. I was active-duty Marine Corps for my first two. Ran physical training with the unit clear into 2nd tri before continuing on my own at a slower pace, even got my best PFT score EVER at 5 months because of extra blood flow I guess. I ignored my light duty recommendations and went to the rifle range, worked 24hr shifts clear into the last month and my 2-4hrs "downtime" was spent sleeping on a concrete floor. The only thing I used my pregnancy to get out of was annual gas chamber training. To be young again!

labby18

I work for/with a man who is a retired Army Ranger. He has admitted to me that working with females is still a "new" thing for him. My 1st loss was right before he hired me, but I was associated with the firm already so he knew about it. My 2nd loss was a chemical so i swept it under the rug. My most recent loss was in October, and I hadn't told him anything. When I ended up in the ER and miscarrying and having follow ups every other day and a DR Note not to return to work he continued to blow my phone up, til my husband finally told him to leave us alone because of the miscarriage. To say I am hesitant to tell this man about the pregnancy is an understatement. I do not plan on telling him until after the 1st trimester, after my family knows, maybe I'll push it to as long as I can get away with it. I work 1099 and set my own schedule, so leaving early or having days off for Dr appointments is no biggie.

Texafornian

@GhanimaAtreides I had my DD a week after I turned 41...so for those long shifts I was certainly no spring chicken! lol I agree...oh to be young again!!  

@lahearn18 sorry about your grouchy ass boss...I'd say push it for sure! No reason for him to know unless it's prohibiting you from doing your job. Let him know when you're ready to...

lina211

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