Hello, I am writing this as I feel so alone and lost with how I'm feeling. I lost my gorgeous little girl, Florence Joan Ursula Ford, 24th of December after being induced on the 23rd at 38 weeks and 5 days.
I was induced as I had gestational diabetes, i was on insulin and metformin tablets to try and control it but it wasn't controlled. So I went to the hospital on the 23rd and they started to induce me with the inserted gel. At 2am on 24th they had given me 3 lots of the gel. At 3:30 I started to have a hypo (when you're blood sugar gets to low) and my daughter's heart rate started to lower so doctors came rushing in to the room. They checked my cervix but I was only 1cm dilated but the doctor still tried to break my waters and managed to. Florence's heart rate went back to normal and they carried on to induce me by putting me on a hormone drip. I was also put on a drip to control my blood sugars, and I had an epidural put in as well. At 6pm on 24th I started to shake and felt cold but my temperature was 37.7 degrees so they thought I might have an infection and asked me if I would go through with an emergency c-section so I agreed and was rushed into theatre. They topped up my epidural to numb me but it didn't work so I was put under general anaesthetic to have the c-section. I was so excited to wake up and hold my baby. When Florence was born at 7:05pm she wasn't breathing and had a lowering heart rate, the doctors tried giving her adrenalin which didn't work so they were keeping her alive by pumping air into her lungs but she wouldn't breath by her self so after 48 minutes of this they said to Louis (my partner, Florence's father) that it would be best to stop forcing her body and to let her pass. They handed her to him and she passed away in his arms. The doctors told Louis not to tell me and that a doctor will tell me. When I woke up Louis was there, I said to him still half asleep "is she pretty?" And he said "she's gorgeous" and I fell back to sleep. When I woke up again there were doctors around me and louis and I remember them saying "Joanne... I'm so sorry... Florence didnt make it". I burst out crying and screaming asking why? But no one knew why this had happened. After a week in hospital we came home it was so hard to come back home without her. As we dont know why Florence passed away a coroner's inquest is being done to find out why. Tests are being done on my blood and placenta, and on Florence.
Since losing our gorgeous Florence I feel the need to get pregnant again and be a mother physically, Louis is on the same page as me and we want to get pregnant around April or May time to give me time to heal. We aren't doing it to replace Florence in anyway we just feel so lost with no baby to care for.
I honestly don't know how to cope with all this, I know all mine and Louis' family have been there for us and still are there supporting us, I just need to speak to someone who has been though the same thing and can offer advised on how to cope.