How Many Kids Do You Want?

DeansGirl14

I'm a one and done! DH keeps teasing me that maybe I'm carrying twins, because his mom is a twin. I'm desperately hoping no skipping of generation occurred. Our first ultrasound is tomorrow. 

I think it's fascinating where people get their desired number from. DH is an only child. My mom is an only child. I have one sister and we didn't get along growing up- so I have never believed that "children need siblings!" claim. We live in a high COL area and the day care costs for one are already scary enough. I love working outside the home, and fear that if we had more than one (or twins) I'd have to quit working outside the home, at least for awhile. There's more to it, but it comes down to simply never, ever feeling the need to have more than one. 

bumpybump

@DeansGirl14 lucky for you, his mom's being a twin plays no part in you having twins. You carry the eggs and therefore, its you that has to either release two or have yours split.  Sorry, but your DH has nothing to do with that and this, neither does his mom. 

hupp0013

@bumpybump we are definitely contributing to retirement right now.  H just upped his percentage that he is contributing and we are contributing to mine as well (I SAH with the kids).  We have definitely talked to a financial advisor and had him look over what we are doing right now.  Since we are already contributing to retirement, we were just discussing the fact that we need to start saving for them since it is a goal of ours,

PeachyTeachy

@bumpybump Good advice.  We have a solid retirement plan.  In my OP I should have said put money into retirement for extras--trips, spoiling grandkids, better inheritance, and other entertainment expenses.

@hupp0013 Look to see if your state offers a college savings plan.  It was the best option for us.

bumpybump

@PeachyTeachy @hupp0013 I wasn't intending to imply you don't have your retirement funding under control.  It was more a general statement as the majority of the US definitely doesn't and lots of parents find their kid's college funds first not knowing any better. 

Even if your state doesn't have a 529 option, you can open one in another state as well. You just won't likely get the tax break benefits if it's outside your state. 

Mango517

@DeansGirl14 I also think it's pretty fascinating where the desired number comes from. Outside economic reasons? Environmental ones? Experiences in their own childhood? Or just the deep seeded knowledge that "X" is your perfect number? 

For example, I know I never wanted three. I can't explain it really... Maybe it's because I don't really like odd numbers? Or that it meant always having to listen to kids fight over window seats? Or bc I have one sibling who is my best friend and "that's how it should be" in my mind...

My friend is one and done, she's so happy with her choice. It's what's right for her. Good for you for knowing what's best for you! So many people ignore that intuition.

PeachyTeachy

@bumpybump It's all good, I didn't think you were.  Your post just made me realize that the way I phrased my OP made it sound like we weren't putting anything into retirement until the kiddos were out of college.  I just wanted to clarify for anyone reading that doing that would be irresponsible.

DoulaTog13

We pay $380/week for our 2 in childcare right now.  The sad thing is...there is a free public preschool my son could go to, but due to mine and DH's jobs...we can't swing the start/end times and have no family or friends close by that could do drop off/pickup. 

I always wanted 4 kids.   DH only wanted 2.  We were going to discuss baby #3 over the course of this year and start TTC next January-ish.  However, life happened and I ended up pregnant a year earlier than planned.  lol...  But, now, I'm glad this is our last.  I'm almost 33...pregnancy is very hard on me in the beginning and something breaks on me after each child.  First time, it was my gallbladder.  Second time, I developed severe acid reflux and gastritis.    We'll see what happens this time.  haha.  

I'm looking forward to starting the next phase of life after having this baby.  

DeansGirl14

bumpybump said:

@DeansGirl14 lucky for you, his mom's being a twin plays no part in you having twins. You carry the eggs and therefore, its you that has to either release two or have yours split.  Sorry, but your DH has nothing to do with that and this, neither does his mom. 

I haven't done any reading on it. I know I'd have to release two eggs to have fraternal twins. But, I figured his sperm could maybe instigate the splitting of an egg, causing identical twins. His mom is a fraternal twin, and I'm not that sick and my progesterone is on the lower end of normal, so I highly highly highly doubt I'm having twins! It's just a back-of-the-mind worry because two infants in daycare isn't affordable, and I don't want to quit my job. 

Bountifulbride

DH and I never had a set number per se, though if anyone asked I would usually say between 4-6 kids. DH only had one little sister and she was eight years younger and he always wished he had more siblings. I am the 7th of my parents 8 children (eight kids in eleven years all singletons!) and loved coming from a big family. Truthfully though I told DH I was willing to dedicate one decade of my life to pregnancy and birth and then I would be done. My oldest just turned 10 so this little one (baby #6) made it just in time

jessica&11

I have always wanted three, but I am working on number one right now at 30 so I might get two. I have always said I will stop by 35 . When I was younger I had big plans and was hoping to have my three by 30. I am lying down proof that life does not work out exactly the way you picture it when your twenty.

Mama_Sass

Growing up I've always wanted 4 bc I wanted a big family.  As we started to have children, I changed my mind to 3.  We are pregnant with baby #3, after her/him we are done.

jadkins2

I only ever wanted two and we have  two beautiful girls, but for some reason I felt like I wasn't done while in labor with my last one. I turned to my husband and just said we are not done yet are we? and he looked at me and said that he was feeling the same thing. So here we are pregnant with baby number 3. But this is for sure our final. Daycare is so expensive and we can reasonably afford three without hindering other plans. I am excited that we did something outside of our comfort zone and cannot wait to meet this new little person that or whatever reason wanted to be here so much!

hupp0013

@bumpybump I wasn't offended or anything.  We have talked about setting up 529s for years for the kids.  Considering it took us entirely too long to get life insurance policies and set up a will, I am sure it will take up a little longer to set up those accounts for the kids too. .  I also definitely agree with you that other people might fund kids' college funds before retirement.  

kmwills

I want 2 kids.  We are expecting #3, so.... yeah.

lmyrmo

Just a thought, and I am not too easily offended so I dont care too much, but why is someone who wants more than six a "special snowflake?" Why not say 6 or more if you run out of room. My impression of the term "special snowflake" on these board is not a positive one at all. It essentially shuts down the topic of large families or invitation to those with large families which I felt was the point. Just my 2 cents.

nbashley

This this is #3 for us. We're not sure how many we'll end up having but we both want a large family. DH and I have talked
about anywhere from 5-7. Although my hope is to adopt through the foster care system at some point too. I was a CPS worker for 4 years and my experiences have increased my desire to adopt. So I would really love to do that. Biological children isn't necessarily the way we'll get to our large family. 

Totally agree with you @bumpybump on putting money into retirement verses
college funds. Don't get me wrong I would never want to set my children up for college debt, but I agree in not wanting to pass any debt along to my children or for my children to have to use their money to pay for my senior care and one day burial expenses. 

Edit for typo.

mkayslurp

3.    H is getting a V after this baby.  

MetsGirl18

DH and I had always planned on having 3.  When I was pregnant with #2, I didn't feel done at all.  We've spaced our kids out for a variety of reasons (3.5 years between #1 and 2 and 5 years between #2 and 3) and I'm looking forward to finally completing our family in August.

hupp0013

@lmyrmo I put special snowflake as an option in case people had other plans that they might want to explain instead of just voting.  Like adopting, fostering to adopt, those types of things.  Sometimes people have very definite plans for how they want to grow their families. It wasn't meant to be offensive.  It is also usually an option on polls that I have observed on here.

middy411

Before having any kids, I wanted 2 and DH wanted 4. After having our DD 10 months ago we realized it's probably best to just take it one child at a time. I didn't think I'd ever want to go through pregnancy/birth again immediately after DD was born and DH started rethinking his number after experiencing a newborns sleep patterns lol. Then 6 months later I was already getting baby fever and by the time she was 9 months, we were pregnant again lol. I definitely am going to want a break after this little babe arrives but who knows if I'll catch that fever again in a few years!

lmyrmo

@hupp0013 ok. Just never seen the term be anything positive on these boards I usually try not to let negative comments about larger families get to me, but know it really bothers some. Still dread announcing our pregnany of #7 and we have supportive family and friends.  Maybe because we thought we were already done.

lewliv

@lmyrmo kudos to you! 7 kids is truly an accomplishment! I'm freaking out with the thoughts of 1. You're a strong woman!