Team Green but someone slipped?

kfitz1900

As our anatomy ultrasound approaches, I was wondering if anyone on team green found out the sex by mistake? I have a friend whose Dr recently slipped at 39 weeks!! 

awillis13

I'm so nervous about this.  We have to go back to Maternal Fetal Medicine for our anatomy scan, and while I'm not concerned about something slipping at the appointment, I'm more concerned about the results of the anatomy scan, which get sent to me and my dr digitally.  Our NT scan from them had a line item about sex of the baby, but just a note that it was too early to tell.  I'm hoping if we do decide to not find out that they can somehow leave that off my report.

neludelu

Yep! We were team green. We let my sister find out so she could buy fun stuff when we got tempted. She let it slip on my due date, I ended up being a week late. I pretended to not hear and didn't tell my husband so he could still be exited but damn I was devastated to say the least.

Elyse1384

I always remind the tech at the beginning of any scan and then I remind her again during the anatomy scan to "please let me know when to look away".  My doctor actually doesn't note the sex of the baby in the computer.  He keeps it on the NIPT report and writes on the paper "do not reveal sex".  If you are really concerned about someone slipping, maybe try reminders like the above? 

kfitz1900

@Elyse1384 I personally always remind drs and techs. With my friend it was a simple "we will get her turned around." A definite slip of the tongue but tough to find out that way at 39 weeks.

Elyse1384

kfitz1900 said:

@Elyse1384 I personally always remind drs and techs. With my friend it was a simple "we will get her turned around." A definite slip of the tongue but tough to find out that way at 39 weeks.

And your friend is certain it was a slip?  Jus T curious because my OB always seems to go to male pronouns (even when pregnant with DD and he did know the sex - we didn't have Panorama for DS).  He evens admits "sorry that wasn't a slip.  I always seems to catch myself saying he and him.  I just don't like 'it'".  

kfitz1900

@Elyse1384 ugh yes haaate "it" as well. Unfortunately yes a total slip. The whole appointment the Dr used, "the baby". The slip came after an ultrasound that showed that the baby was breached. "we will get her turned around." 

virginiaunicorn11

Last time there were no slips. About month 7 we stopped reminding everyone each appointment and kind of hoped for a slip.
This time, the doctor misunderstood us at the early anatomy scan and guessed Girl. Then realized we didn't want to know, and said it was too early to tell, and it's still 50/50. We aren't sure if that was an attempted recovery or fact!

kfitz1900

@virginiaunicorn11 ahhhh! Let's hope it was too early!! With DD I told every provider that we were team green. It kind of bothered me that different nurses would still tell me what they thought I was having (always girl). It's hard not to take drs and nurses "guesses" as truths.

sevenn

We are team green... Except I read ultrasounds so I'm pretty sure I won't be able to watch much of the scan at all. I will rely on safe, printed pictures!! 

delujm0

I wasn't team green but my office said they don't note the sex anywhere in the file.  With Panorama NIPT the form you fill out asks if you want the sex or not and if you don't they won't even test for it.  And at the AS the tech makes sure the parts look good but doesn't note what the sex actually is.  So if I wanted to be team green I'd just tell the tech at the anatomy scan (and any future scans if applicable) to not say anything.  Might be worth asking your office how they handle this if you want to do it.

I got results via NIPT this time but the doctor and nurse must never really look at that in the file bc they always ask me what it was when I'm in there.  They really don't care either way.

berg

I talked about it with my practice at my last appointment.  I was told if you were Team Green, to let the tech know at the AS and sex will not be written down.  This way it isn't on record so no one can slip at a later date.  I'd check to see how your office handles it.

bornmommy

We were team green with both and our first my MW walked in after our anatomy scan and said "So you're having a healthy boy!" And I said, "we are? We aren't finding out..." she mumbled something about oh, I say boy or he for everything and then said she didn't have the gender and moved on...  DS1 is a boy but I still let her off on a "mistake."

keniialise

This thread gives me anxiety, I'm definitely going to request it not to be on the record and hope they comply. Too many times during my last pregnancy my midwife was out for the day when I had an appointment, I hate if one of the fill ins spilled the beans. 

mkrel

Not team green, but just here to say that you all have a lot of willpower. So many opportunities and appointments to give in and find out...I could never make it! I'm sure it is a really amazing surprise at birth though!

Sirius37

DH and I have decided to be Team Green for this baby and our ultrasound tech told us the same thing a lot of PP's have mentioned about their office simply not marking down the sex during the scan so no one slips up later. 
The only issue we've been running into so far is we generally refer to the baby as "they" (because we don't like using "it" either) and everyone geeks out "OMFG IT'S TWINS?!" Uh, nooooo, we distinctly have announced that it's only one. But it continues to happen. Every. Time. *sigh*

keniialise

Sirius37 said:

DH and I have decided to be Team Green for this baby and our ultrasound tech told us the same thing a lot of PP's have mentioned about their office simply not marking down the sex during the scan so no one slips up later. 
The only issue we've been running into so far is we generally refer to the baby as "they" (because we don't like using "it" either) and everyone geeks out "OMFG IT'S TWINS?!" Uh, nooooo, we distinctly have announced that it's only one. But it continues to happen. Every. Time. *sigh*

We use "they/them" and have had the twins question over and over! 

meilay

@Sirius37 @keniialise Same here with the pronoun issue! I've seen more bugged out eyes and gaping mouths than I can count. We aren't sharing the sex widely when we do find out so I'll just have to keep dealing with it. I've also started saying "the baby." 

lifeislove87

MKRLTX said:

Not team green, but just here to say that you all have a lot of willpower. So many opportunities and appointments to give in and find out...I could never make it! I'm sure it is a really amazing surprise at birth though!

Me neither, I was solidly team green until a week before our anatomy scan. Thankfully baby kept their legs crossed and now my resolve has become stronger for team green (it also helps that it was most likely my last ultrasound)

kfitz1900

@bornmommy oh noooo! I've definitely made it clear that we aren't finding out but I feel like some drs or nurses just really don't pay attention. I suppose team green is more old school. 

kfitz1900

@berg that's a good suggestion. I go to a military hospital and they are pretty strict with their own "protocols". I'm not sure if having the sex of the baby on file is one of them but I'll definitely ask at my next appointment. I have a feeling it might be just bc of my experience with DD there. 

bornmommy

@kfitz1900 - She didn't even give me the chance!  Walked right in and started blabbing.  I did take it with a grain of salt though - and then for DS2 said it right after hello for everyone HAHA!   

ladylolly89

We aren't team green, but when my doctor asked me if we planned to find out, she said that she wouldn't know the sex if we don't - that way no slip-ups.
As far as I know, though, my hospital wants to have baby's sex on record regardless of if parents know or not. A few years ago, a good friend's baby girl didn't cooperate and she had to go back a week or two later so they could determine the sex. Granted, she DID want to did out, but she wouldn't have scheduled another ultrasound just for that purpose.  

lovesclimbing

I'm worried about this happening because we really want it to be a surprise. I've considered not even having the anatomy scan. The only benefit to having one is being able to plan if it shows any issues. 

keniialise

Just got home from my ob appointment, they said I definitely do not have to have it on record and they won't know if I don't know. The sonographer will just note that the anatomy looks good, but not the sex. 

delujm0

lovesclimbing said:

I'm worried about this happening because we really want it to be a surprise. I've considered not even having the anatomy scan. The only benefit to having one is being able to plan if it shows any issues. 

I would very seriously suggest that you have the anatomy scan...god forbid an issue is found that would require immediate intervention at birth.  If this exists, and you don't know about it and wind up delivering at a hospital that cannot handle the required intervention, your child could die.  I think that far outweighs the chances that someone may slip up and accidentally tell you the baby's sex when you don't want to know it in advance.

 

I know that not everyone is a "planner" and that is totally fine, and it's a good reason to skip the NT scan or to not do NIPT.  But the purpose of the AS is to search for potentially life threatening physical issues.  If I had skipped the AS and then found out that I could have prevented my baby's death if I'd known about a present and easily diagnosable issue while pregnant, I would be suicidal.

 

I know that's a pretty "dark" reality, but it's reality.  The AS's purpose isn't to tell you the sex of the baby, it is a very serious and important scan that can be the difference in a life or death situation for the baby and/or mother.

 

It is a very common practice that if you don't want to know, it will not be noted in your file, so I'd just ask your office what their policy is.  In that case, the only person who knows would be the tech doing the AS, who would forget it as soon as the scan was over, and they are asked to do this EVERY DAY.  I'm sure they are used to calling the baby "it" when required, and that a slip up on their part is rare to nonexistent.  I mean as I've said before, I did NIPT, so I know I'm having a girl, but the nurse and doctor still ask me what I'm having or if I'm finding out every time I go in there, even though it is clearly in my file for them to view at any time.  I have to think that this kind of thing on the part of a medical practitioner is pretty rare.

Elyse1384

Seconding what @delujm0 said.  I too strongly encourage the AS for reasons mentioned above.  My techs are always very good about telling me when to look away or using terms like "the baby" instead of "he" or "she".  The tech today was great.  Asked at the beginning if I knew/wanted to know.  Kept saying "he or she", "the baby" or "this little one".  I too get stressed thinking someone will slip, but I feel like I would rather have that stress than the stress of not getting these kind of tests done to prepare for what may need to be done at birth.

abmommy15

@lovesclimbing please have the anatomy scan.  A friend of mine just went through one of those scenarios where it saved her daughter's life.  A heart defect was seen that required immediate surgery after birth.  Had they not known about it prior to delivery the relatively routine surgery would have likely been too late.  

lovesclimbing

I realize an anatomy scan is a good idea, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't think they're completely necessary. I know plenty of women who have chosen not to have them for various reasons. They have only become routine relatively recently. I don't want to debate it so this will be my last post on the topic. 

Elyse1384

lovesclimbing said:

I realize an anatomy scan is a good idea, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't think they're completely necessary. I know plenty of women who have chosen not to have them for various reasons. They have only become routine relatively recently. I don't want to debate it so this will be my last post on the topic. 

That may be your personal preference which you're entitled too, but for the sake of anyone reading this thread please do not trivialize the importance of the anatomy scan.  A lot of modern medicine has only "recently" become routine, but that doesn't negate the importance.  Women and babies used to die during childbirth at much higher rates before the advent of modern medicine and technology.  Also, an anatomy scan is for more than the baby.  The scan also checks for things like the placenta position and other areas of note for a woman (eg they found my large cyst this week that needs monitoring as we don't want it to rupture!).  For example, If you have placenta previa and try to deliver vaginally, you can compromise your life and the baby.  I'm not trying to fear monger... I'm trying to be real and encourage women to get this scan done.  I don't like having many ultrasounds done and turn down any elective ultrasounds, but this one is extremely important.  It can save mom's life, the baby's life or both. I would rather risk seeing a penis on the screen (or lack thereof) if it means the medical team is prepared to safely deliver my baby and keep me alive and well.  

As an aside, I have NEVER had a tech accidentally tell me the sex of the baby at the anatomy scan.  Just remind the tech before and during that you don't want to know the sex and ask when you should look away.  It's really not that complicated and pales in comparison to what the anatomy scan is truly meant for.

ETA:  spelling

neludelu

lovesclimbing said:

I realize an anatomy scan is a good idea, and this is probably an unpopular opinion, but I don't think they're completely necessary. I know plenty of women who have chosen not to have them for various reasons. They have only become routine relatively recently. I don't want to debate it so this will be my last post on the topic. 

Probably going to get a warning... but how ignorant. I know a ton of people who have made the foolish decision to smoke or drink and drive and nothing happened to them, so should more people do it? 

I literally cannot take people who look for anomalies and then base their decidision on that information.

Brianna0612

Sirius37 said:

DH and I have decided to be Team Green for this baby and our ultrasound tech told us the same thing a lot of PP's have mentioned about their office simply not marking down the sex during the scan so no one slips up later. 
The only issue we've been running into so far is we generally refer to the baby as "they" (because we don't like using "it" either) and everyone geeks out "OMFG IT'S TWINS?!" Uh, nooooo, we distinctly have announced that it's only one. But it continues to happen. Every. Time. *sigh*

Oh my word that happens to me EVERY time! Like even my own sister reacted like that when she has known the whole time there is only one baby. I feel the same way, liking to use "they" because I don't like using "it". Some of them can have a small pass though because they know I am a twin and it wouldn't be too shocking if I had twins too but jeesh!