@meilay Speaking of guilt, when I was younger, I tried to "get into" meditation but I never could. I read books and tried it, but the whole empty mind thing was too boring, lol. I always felt like I wasn't trying hard enough because they always say to keep going. But then what I realized is that I need something to focus on, and for pregnancy, it was really rewarding. Every time I get mentally unbalanced some way--worried or sick--I go back to meditation that focuses on something. I make up what works for me... And, voila, it DOES work. :-)
Me: 35 | DH: 46 MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks) DD: Born 8/22/14 Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17 And my other love: writing
I'm finding this time around I'm having a really hard time feeling connected. And now that the 1st tri nausea seems to be waning but I'm just barely showing, I often "forget" that I'm pregnant. I don't feel pregnant sometimes, even though I have heard heartbeat, seen baby on u/s multiple times, so clearly its there. Is it because this time around there are other kids to distract me from what's going on with my body? I don't know. I think this is part of the reason why I am waffling on finding out the sex at the anatomy scan, when with my first I was dead set on being Team Green (and I was at the start of this pregnancy too). I don't know what to do. I'm hoping I start feeling more connected when I start feeling movement.
It also doesn't help that we are living in really tight quarters, so we won't have a dedicated nursery (really just a corner in our room for a crib and dresser/changing area) so there isn't any nursery decorating going on either.
I didn't feel connected with DD until after she was born. I'd read an article on (I think ) Scary Mommy about a mom who didn't realize that she truly loved her son until he was about 2 years old. She said that for her, it was gradual, and she never noticed the change until she was so overwhelmed by her love for him that she teared up while watching him play in a park. It was pretty similar for me, except my daughter was 2 mos old when I realized that I loved her so much it hurt. Don't worry mamma. It will come. For some of us, we just need to see and feel our babies before we realize how much we love and connect with them.
I didn't feel connected with DD until after she was born. I'd read an article on (I think ) Scary Mommy about a mom who didn't realize that she truly loved her son until he was about 2 years old. She said that for her, it was gradual, and she never noticed the change until she was so overwhelmed by her love for him that she teared up while watching him play in a park. It was pretty similar for me, except my daughter was 2 mos old when I realized that I loved her so much it hurt. Don't worry mamma. It will come. For some of us, we just need to see and feel our babies before we realize how much we love and connect with them.
Ditto. The thing that I'll add is that the initial connecting can be difficult because you don't know who this kid is yet. Once you see his/her personality, connecting and knowing becomes easier.
@MotherOfDragons I'm right there with you. Not as a NICU worker, but on our postpartum floor we get fetal demise moms and lately it feels like we are getting a lot of them. Between our friends' stillbirth and all the demise we've been seeing lately, I am having a hard time getting connected as well. I don't necessarily forget I'm pregnant, but I don't really acknowledge it either. It's just kind of there. DH and I are both scared so that doesn't help. We do discuss names and nursery stuff from time to time but it isn't a main topic of conversation like it was with DS.
My situation was similar to the one @shmarpler mentioned. I felt so connected and excited when pregnant with DS. He was born, and I felt zero connection. I watched him come out of me but he didn't feel like my kid. He then *TW* ended up in the NICU for two weeks. To be honest, I didn't truly bond with DS until he was almost two, which completely sucks and has me super anxious about this baby. It is okay to not have that connection. It can come at anytime. Like I just mentioned in another post, watch your emotions surrounding this. APD and PPD can be uncontrolled anxiety and guilt not sadness. I feel like I might be becoming obnoxious with my PPD warnings but I thought PPD was only sadness, so didn't even know I had it.
Me: 34 DH: 35 Married: July 2009 BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013 Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016 3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3 First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
@Mother0fDragons thank you for what you do. My DS was born at 34 weeks spending 2 weeks in the NICU and a year in and out of ER riddled with every illness he could catch. Not a day goes by that I don't think about all of the staff, nurses and doctors we've met along the way with gratitude.
That being said I'm terrified of having another premie plus having a subchorionic hematoma in the first trimester with this one has caused me to feel not as connected. Getting past the 26 week mark, but especially the 34 week point will be when I feel I can finally breath and connect with this little one.
@MotherofDragons it's the worst. My heart aches for them. I have yet to take the class so I don't get assigned to them yet but in 2 weeks I'll take the class on how to take care of them and all the things we do for them and I'm dreading it.
The nurses I work with said they usually call in the next day if they're scheduled because it's just too much to deal with emotionally even as the person taking care of them and you need some time to recuperate.
I didn't feel connected with DD until after she was born. I'd read an article on (I think ) Scary Mommy about a mom who didn't realize that she truly loved her son until he was about 2 years old. She said that for her, it was gradual, and she never noticed the change until she was so overwhelmed by her love for him that she teared up while watching him play in a park. It was pretty similar for me, except my daughter was 2 mos old when I realized that I loved her so much it hurt. Don't worry mamma. It will come. For some of us, we just need to see and feel our babies before we realize how much we love and connect with them.
Ditto. The thing that I'll add is that the initial connecting can be difficult because you don't know who this kid is yet. Once you see his/her personality, connecting and knowing becomes easier.
Yes! Especially when they start to smile at you.
I'd also like to add that I had a miscarriage a few months prior to my pregnancy with DD. I was convinced that she wasn't going to make it, and waited as long as I could to start telling people. I was actually upset when my husband started telling friends when I was about 17 weeks, even though I'd told him he could. Pregnancy and loss mess with emotions a lot, and it can be difficult to refrain from constant worry. We're here when you need to vent those stresses.
I'm glad I found this post. I've been feeling really guilty that I haven't felt any connection with this baby or even thought about it much. With my first I was thinking about and talking to her from the moment I found out I was pregnant and felt so close to her even before feeling movements or knowing who it was. Now I'm just to busy to think and too tired to care and I feel horrible. Like I'm neglecting this child. Hoping once we found out sex it will change things. So far even feeling movement isn't helping
Re: STM+( FTMs too) connection with baby
MMC: 09/13 (9 weeks)
DD: Born 8/22/14
Babies #2 & 3: Due dates 6/9/17
And my other love: writing
It also doesn't help that we are living in really tight quarters, so we won't have a dedicated nursery (really just a corner in our room for a crib and dresser/changing area) so there isn't any nursery decorating going on either.
@MotherOfDragons I'm right there with you. Not as a NICU worker, but on our postpartum floor we get fetal demise moms and lately it feels like we are getting a lot of them. Between our friends' stillbirth and all the demise we've been seeing lately, I am having a hard time getting connected as well. I don't necessarily forget I'm pregnant, but I don't really acknowledge it either. It's just kind of there. DH and I are both scared so that doesn't help. We do discuss names and nursery stuff from time to time but it isn't a main topic of conversation like it was with DS.
Me: 34 DH: 35
Married: July 2009
BFP: November 2012 after 2 years of TTC DS born August 2013
Diagnosed with PCOS April 2016
3 months of trigger shot with timed intercourse BFN x3
First IUI: 9/17/16 BFP: 9/30/16 EDD: 6/11/17
That being said I'm terrified of having another premie plus having a subchorionic hematoma in the first trimester with this one has caused me to feel not as connected. Getting past the 26 week mark, but especially the 34 week point will be when I feel I can finally breath and connect with this little one.
The nurses I work with said they usually call in the next day if they're scheduled because it's just too much to deal with emotionally even as the person taking care of them and you need some time to recuperate.
I'd also like to add that I had a miscarriage a few months prior to my pregnancy with DD. I was convinced that she wasn't going to make it, and waited as long as I could to start telling people. I was actually upset when my husband started telling friends when I was about 17 weeks, even though I'd told him he could. Pregnancy and loss mess with emotions a lot, and it can be difficult to refrain from constant worry. We're here when you need to vent those stresses.