January - I am adopting / fostering AND I want to adopt / foster

SaphireSweetie88

Are you thinking about adopting / fostering? Are you in the process of adopting/fostering? If so, please tell us more about yourself and your experiences so far.
 
-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)

-How are you feeling about the process right now?

-Any questions?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add?

oneslybookworm

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? - Domestic Infant Adoption

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) - We have two expecting mothers that are interested in our profile.  One has confirmed that she'd like to speak with us, still waiting to hear on the other. 

-How are you feeling about the process right now? - I'm cautiously optimistic!

-Any questions? - Has anyone here done an ICPC with Louisiana?  What was the process like?  Did it take forever and a day?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? - Don't stress the home study.  The wait will be both equally harder and easier than a lot of things you've already accomplished...just hang in there.

-Anything else to add?  - Nada!

SaphireSweetie88

@oneslybookworm - Glad to hear there are two interested in your profile. FX that 1 works out which it sounds like it will since 1 already wants to talk with you

britters314

@oneslybookworm  Oh I hope that you get a match soon! Is this the first time that you've had anyone contact you?

britters314

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Foster Care

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) Trying to finish this application. We got fingerprinted, did our medical evaluations, got our TB test, filled out all the forms. I'm just waiting on my immunization records (I had to have my old doctor's office mail them over). After I get those, I can mail the application in and set up our first meeting for our home study and I can look up the dates/times for starting the classes we have to take.

-How are you feeling about the process right now? Somewhat frustrated (see tips section), but mostly just excited to move on to the next step. I'm not sure how long it will take us because H is working crazy hours for the next few months and he is finishing up his Master's degree, so we may not be able to get through the classes very quickly.

-Any questions? Has anyone started the classes for foster care? What are they like?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? If you need to get immunization records, you will have to contact the doctor's office where you got your last immunization. So hopefully you remember where that was. If you have switched doctor's offices since you were a child, your current doctor will not be able to pull them up. The person I talked to at my adoption agency said that's how I was supposed to get them, but it didn't work. So you'll have to call up your old doctor. And they need to send it to you on a specific form, at least for foster care. H's doctor's office used a different form, so we ended up being told that we can just give the agency the fax number for the doctor's office and they'll fax over the right form to be filled out. Oh, and if you happen to have a copy of your childhood immunization records, they won't accept that - they need a newly signed copy. So just an overall warning: it could be frustrating to figure out.

The other parts of the application were easy, though. Fingerprinting took all of 10 minutes for the both of us and the medical evaluation and TB test weren't bad. Though, when you do the TB test, you'll have to go back in after 48-72 hours to get it checked, so make sure you are able to do that.

-Anything else to add? On Christmas, my sister announced that she is pregnant (probably a 1/1er because her life is perfect). So I'm really hoping we are able to get a placement soon after getting licensed, otherwise it's going to be really hard for me to watch her with her baby. Sorry to end on a sad note... I'll give another update if we start our home study before the end of the month!

SaphireSweetie88

@britters314  - Hope those records come in the mail ASAP

oneslybookworm

britters314 said:

@oneslybookworm  Oh I hope that you get a match soon! Is this the first time that you've had anyone contact you?

It was the second time we had a birth mother interested in our profile, the first decided to parent (it was a baby born situation, the baby was 2 weeks old). 

And...we're matched!!!!  Baby is due at the beginning of June!!!

SaphireSweetie88

oneslybookworm said:

(snipped)

It was the second time we had a birth mother interested in our profile, the first decided to parent (it was a baby born situation, the baby was 2 weeks old). 

And...we're matched!!!!  Baby is due at the beginning of June!!!

YAY!!!! I am so happy for you @oneslybookworm

britters314

oneslybookworm said:

britters314 said:

@oneslybookworm  Oh I hope that you get a match soon! Is this the first time that you've had anyone contact you?

It was the second time we had a birth mother interested in our profile, the first decided to parent (it was a baby born situation, the baby was 2 weeks old). 

And...we're matched!!!!  Baby is due at the beginning of June!!!

Congrats!! What is next in the process for you?

Alyeena

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
International adoption, we chose Haiti if everything goes well.

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
Just thinking. We know what agency we will use and that we want to adopt a sibling group of two or three but that's about it. Haiti has older kids (5 years old or more but sibling groups can have a younger sibling sometimes).

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
Good, we can't wait to start!! We have to be married for five years before we can start the process so another 2 and a half years.

-Any questions?
Anyone here have done or know someone that has done interracial adoption? That is really the topic I have most questions about so if you know good book/blogs/articles. If you have accounts from someone who had been or you have been adopted interracially I would love to talk.

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
Does not really apply so far lol

-Anything else to add?
Nope  

Alyeena

@britters314 I know how you feel so much, about your sister, and I am so sorry!!
 I was in that situation for a really long time (took us four years to conceive our first) and then again it was not even that bad compared to some. I hope foster care works out for you and you can finish those classes quick  

@oneslybookworm Congratulations!!!!  

britters314

@Alyeena I know two couples who have adopted and both are interracial. One couple did a domestic adoption and their daughter is Mexican (they are Caucasian). They adopted her as an infant and she is about 8 now. I don't think they've had any issues, but their daughter actually doesn't really look Mexican because she is very pale so that might be part of it. The other couple I know adopted twice inter-racially but one didn't work out. They did one domestic adoption of their son who is African American (they are Caucasian). They have had to address the race issue, especially with all the racial tension going on in the US lately and that is something that is harder to do when you, as a parent, can't actually relate. The other adoption they did was international and I think it was a girl from the D.R. She was about 5 when they adopted her and there was a language barrier and a lot of behavioural issues (probably in part due to the language barrier). She actually ended up being re-adopted by another couple who had adopted other children from the DR before. So, I guess, takeaway is that every situation is going to be different. Definitely learn the language if you haven't already, since they speak French in Haiti. And then, if possible, try to make some friends of that race so your children will be able to have some role models that they can go to if racial things come up in their lives.

If you want, I can ask both couples if they have any book recommendations. 

Alyeena

@Britters314 Thank you so much for your reply I do speak French already (it is my native language) and so does my husband but Italian is his native language. We both want to learn Haitian Creole as well.

One of my friends is Haitian and we are quite close with his family, he has a daughter from a previous relationship who is nine and a niece who is twelve so hopefully they can be good role models! And I was talking to my best friend (who is in a relationship with this Haitian guy) and we were saying that his mother can be like a third grandmother to our adopted kids so they will definitely have a connection to their culture. I have other black friends including one that is like a sister to me (she is mixed actually) but they are not from Haiti.

But I definitely want to make a huge effort for them to meet people of their heritage and culture. 

britters314

@Alyeena  It sounds like you are well-prepared! That's great!

Alyeena

@britters314 Sorry I forgot to say, I would love book recommendations!!

oneslybookworm

@britters314, our "next steps" is to just get to know the expecting mother as the time progresses!

She's due in June (beginning of), so we have time to get to know each other.  The anatomy scan is actually tomorrow, so we'll find out sex then, and then it's just a matter of texting and phone calls over the next few months.  She's down south, so we'd like to make a trip to go visit her before the birth, and our agency suggested that we couple it with a hospital walk-through so that we knew where everything is.  I figure it'll just be a weekend trip...lunch and a walk-through, then maybe a day exploring the area...nothing major.  Then, back in June for the birth!!

ICPC should take a few weeks, so we'll definitely get to know the surrounding area pretty well!

britters314

Alyeena said:

@britters314 Sorry I forgot to say, I would love book recommendations!!

I'll check and see if they have any!

britters314

Update for me: We had our first at-home meeting with someone from the agency yesterday. It was only about 10 minutes because she was basically checking to make sure we do have a room for a child and that the home is safe (e.g. that we aren't hoarders or have a bug-infested apartment or anything). So that went well. She also gave us the schedule for training sessions, but unfortunately the only one that fits in our schedule doesn't start until May! Plus our lease ends in the middle of us taking the training classes and we're planning to move to a nicer apartment, so the rest of the home study will be pushed back until we move, since we would have had to re-do most of it anyway. So we're kind of on a hiatus right now until we can start the classes. However, I'll probably start being on the lookout for good deals on baby/toddler items that we'll need before placement.

SaphireSweetie88

@britters314 - Sorry to hear about the set back with the training classes and moving. It will all be here before you know it though!

the domesticated newlywed

wow - I haven't been on any of these sites for such a long time - so this screen name doesn't necessarily apply.
I know this board isn't really active - oh well.

quick intro - my name is Kate and I live in North Carolina.  We are starting our adoption process after being told I wont be able to carry a child ( BUT not due to infertility ) 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)?
foster care 

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.)
we start MAPPS classes on 2-7-17

-How are you feeling about the process right now?
super excited - but we wont start prepping the rooms until we are closer to having home visits 

-Any questions?
not yet.

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?
n/a

-Anything else to add?
not really, we're just excited - we missed classes last year by 2-3 weeks - so just ready to start the process.

EverythingsBetterOutside

@Alyeena Everyone I know who has adopted has adopted transracially. One family is hoping to adopt through Pact, another family adopted through a different organization but raves about the post adoption support they received from Pact. I would suggest checking out their website. They have workshops, webinars, resource recommendations, even a family camp. I've heard if you're a White couple or single White person, it's very difficult to adopt through them, but you can absolutely get pre and post adoption support from them. The website is www.pactadopt.org

britters314

@thedomesticatednewlywed  (I'm not sure if this tagged correctly, since it looks like you have spaces in your username)  Welcome to the board! We're trying to make it more active, so feel free to join in on creating threads or anything else to get more participation if you want.  When you say you missed classes last year, do you mean a whole calendar year or you missed getting in at the end of 2016? If it was a whole calendar year, I can definitely understand why you are excited to get started!

OSUBeth61910

Hi Everyone,

I'm new to this board. My DH and I have been trying for kids for a few years now with no luck. Last fall we did our first IUI and it was unsuccessful. I was heart broken after that and had to think long and hard whether or not I could go through the pain again. 

We decided to look into fostering to adopt. When I first started looking I assumed that they would place kids with you that they don't think will be going back to their birth parents, after a couple of pre-service trainings i've realized that's not the case. Now we're (Me, the emotional one)  having to decide if we can foster a child and then have to give them back to their birth parents. I know how I am and how attached i can get. Is anyone else looking to foster to adopt and going through this or has already been through this??

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? Foster to adopt

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) we've started the pre-service training, next week will be getting a packet of stuff we need to be working on to get ready for the homestudy. 

-How are you feeling about the process right now? Nervous, scared, excited, stressed... Pretty much every emotion.

-Any questions?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed?

-Anything else to add? Any words of encouragement or advice are appreciated!

SaphireSweetie88

@OSUBeth61910 - I don't have any advice but welcome!

KristoKekerooni

@OSUBeth61910 -  don't have much to say, because I am not quite there yet. We start classes next week. What I keep telling myself is that I am not fostering to adopt. I am fostering to give the love I have to kids that need it. If adoption comes through that, it's a bonus. But it's not my sole purpose. Sure, it'll be so, so hard to give up child after child. But I guarantee you it's harder on the kid. I will live. Sure, I will cry. I will be sad. I will mope around and question the decisions made. But I can handle the pain of giving a kid back. But that kid might not have been able to survive without me. 

Here's another way that we have chosen to look at it. We (my H and I) are going to be parents. We will have children that are our own. That we will raise and send them to college or be with in the wedding. We will get there. I'm not sure if those kids will be biological or adopted, but we will have them. In the meantime, why "waste" the love and desire I have to parent? So we foster till we get to that goal. We foster to fill in that time and give back. 

As for us, we too came to fostering as an "okay, that didn't work, now what?" We have been TTC since 2014, and have had way too many losses. But at the end of the day, a kiddo is the goal. 


@britters314 - I'm sorry you're on delay because of the classes. We were the same way. We had out initial meeting and then found out the only class scheduled was the only day we couldn't do. They just added a second class last minute, so we start next week. May isn't too long! We would have had to wait till August. This gives you plenty of time to get everything in order. We are keeping an eye out for sales for stuff too! I just bought a daybed + trundle for $100 that will work awesome, since it's a trundle and can be hidden, and we bought a crib that can transition to a toddler bed and full. That was given to us, and luckily they had all the paperwork and it's pretty new so no recalls, etc. Definitely keep an eye out though. There are some great sales! My friend just bought a car seat for $40 and a crib for $50. Good luck on your wait!

vintagetxbudgetbride

Hi there! I'm Jesse. 

 

-What route (Foster Care adoption, domestic, international)? We are going to foster to adopt through depelchin. Going to start with one infant

-Where are you in the process right now (just thinking, home study, waiting for match, etc.) we are in the first stage. Turned in a huge chunk of paperwork and getting background checks and checking references. Had first phone interview yesterday

-How are you feeling about the process right now? So excited I'm about to burst!

-Any questions?- Is it odd to have a shower?

-Any tips for the steps you’ve passed? Endurance and a good pen! Its so much paperwork and there's no end in sight

-Anything else to add? The lady at the agency told us yesterday they have more infants than they can place! So we are almost guaranteed our desired age

SaphireSweetie88

@vintagetxbudgetbride

I don't think I would call it a shower but rather a meet (insert name) party. I wouldn't make a registry since people will probably bring things / gifts anyway. That's just me though.

vintagetxbudgetbride

I had a friend offer to throw us a shower and because we are only fostering infants I kinda want to take her up on it. It would be before our first placement.

SaphireSweetie88

If she offered then it should be okay

britters314

@KristoKekerooni  I'm trying to keep reminding myself that May isn't too bad, since I thought it would take about that long anyway. Plus the timing is better because we're moving and H will be done with grad school and I'll be working from home come May. But it's still a hard wait  I'm glad you were able to get in to a sooner class, though! August would have been a really long time!