Introduction (child mentioned) - TTTC with a new partner

pawcall

I don’t know where I belong – I guess I’m at the point in our journey where I feel like I don’t fit in anywhere.

My name is Caroline, I am 32, I have a beautiful son who will be 6 next week, and I am divorced from his father.  I met a wonderful man last year, got engaged this year, and my fiancé and I have been having trouble TTC.

On my own, I’m fairly healthy and didn’t have any trouble conceiving my son.  My pregnancy was pretty normal, although my son has had a number of medical issues since birth and we are now figuring out that he has some genetic disorders.  I'm sure you can imagine, this makes the prospect of TTC again kind of terrifying.

My fiancé is a bit older (he just turned 43) and had been TTC extensively over the course of a few years with his ex-wife, without any success.  They went through infertility treatment (I believe IUI) and never were able to conceive.  Various doctors gave various reasons – his wife’s weight, his wife’s health, and the morphology of his sperm were all mentioned – but they either never had a definitive diagnosis for their infertility, or he didn’t understand what they were told (equally possible).  In the years since his divorce, my fiancé has lost over 150 pounds (yay!) but in the past year, he was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes and suffers from ED as a result.  He’s tried medication for the ED, and it really hasn’t been helpful – so sometimes we can get it done, and sometimes we can’t (which isn't helping matters either).

We are heading into month 6 of actively TTC (with another 6 months of “not preventing” before that).  At this point, I don’t know if he’s able to father children without intervention, and given that he’s getting older, I’m not sure how much longer to wait before seeking help.  I use Fertility Friend, I use OPK’s each month, and I feel pretty good about our timing – it’s just not happening yet.  I understand that in normal healthy couples, it can just take time – but given his background and the ED, I guess I’m more inclined to bring this up sooner with a doctor.

I'd really love some thoughts and perspective.  Do I just need to keep trying, or is it reasonable to get some help now?

funkykey

Hi Caroline (aka. @pawcall)- I'm sorry you are here, but hope you can find some support!

Usually, I would say: "6 months? I'd keep trying." But given the no protection for 6 months before that and your DH's history and the diabetes, it may be worth bringing things up sooner with a doctor and doing some testing. I read in another thread that someone's DH's diabetes medication affected his sperm counts (something he was taking for his foot), so there can be some effects (other than just ED), depending on the exact situation. You would be wise to do some research and to speak to a doctor. 

It sounds like you two have a lot going on. My DH was on a medication for a while where one of the side effects was ED, and it was horrible. I mean, we've had some dark times with the TTC babymaking sex, but the ED when he was on that medication was even tougher - even when I knew it was a common side-effect, it was tough.

Good luck to you, hang in there!

laurad75

Hi Caroline,

Welcome and I'm sorry you are here.  After six months I think it makes sense for you and your partner to ask for some testing to rule out any problems. With that information you can decide if you want to try on your own for another 6 months or entertain treatment.  Everyone is different and sometimes it just takes longer but since your partner and his ex had trouble TTC I would recommend you seek out a RE.  

Good luck and hope you stick around.  I would also recommend you join the daily boards on Trying to Get Pregnant.  I really liked participating in those before we moved to IVF.  

edited to recommend TTGP

Bababatty

Hi and welcome! 
@funkykey and @laurad75 have given really good advice so I don't have much to add beyond seconding their opinions. If you haven't done so already, I would recommend seeing a urologist who specializes in fertility (the one my DH sees is affiliated with a fertility clinic, which is great although they're not the clinic we use. I imagine it would be super convenient, though). My DH originally saw his normal urologist, and it honestly made a huge difference to see the specialist instead. Maybe you can get a recommendation from whoever he sees to manage his diabetes?

Also, if you haven't done so, you may want to look into genetic testing for both of you since you express concern about your son's issues. We did it as part of the testing when we first saw an RE. It wasn't covered by insurance but only cost abou $100/person.

Good luck! I hope you join our weekly threads. :-)

pawcall

Thanks so much for weighing in, guys.  We went to see an RE a week and a half ago (I couldn't believe they got us in that fast), and have been doing all of their stuff since then.  I had an ultrasound that day, which looked good, and did a boatload of bloodwork the next day.  He gave his semen sample, and we just got results back on that - everything looked good for him except for low morphology.  I guess it's supposed to be at least 4% and his is around 1%.  The RE said that he didn't know that that alone would be enough to cause a problem, but it could be.

I am having a saline tubal perfusion done on Monday, and at that time they'll evaluate where I am in my cycle and schedule IUI for this month, assuming everything checks out okay with the STP.

@Bababatty - I took your advice, I saw my regular OB/GYN and discussed some of my son's issues.  She recommended a quick and easy genetic screen for me - my insurance won't cover it because of course, but the OOP is about $300 and I think worth it.  So I went ahead with submitting that on Monday and should have results in 2 weeks.  From there, they'll test him for anything that I'm a carrier of.  It's tough though.  My son is mostly undiagnosed, although he does have one genetic disorder that we're well aware of, and this screen doesn't cover it.