Coping over Christmas

Telus

Hi ladies. 

Looking for a little support/advice. A week ago I found out that my baby was actually a blighted ovum, and they induced miscarriage. 

I had big plans on how to announce our pregnancy on Christmas this weekend to family/friends. We would have been exactly 13 weeks. Now instead, I'm having a hard time pulling up my socks and staying cheerful. I think I'm doing okay so far - I've been able to keep my mind off things during the day, but during the evening it all floods back. I can't help wonder about my baby and what it would have been like. 

Over the weekend it will be sneaking up a lot. I'll be spending time with extended family who, while well-meaning are sure to be asking when we will try for a sibling for our dd. I don't want this to throw me totally off. Any ideas on how to help prepare/brace myself? What has worked for you?

babypi

I'm in the same boat. I was supposed to be 13 weeks on Christmas Eve and we were going to announce to family at our family Christmas party Saturday. I don't have any answers because I'm struggling too. It's hard to have reminders everywhere and stay cheerful. I do find a lot of joy in my DD and that helps me stay in the holiday spirit. I'm not sure how we'll handle it if anyone asks, I'm still prone to tears when talking about it. 

All i I can offer is support and a sympathetic ear if you want to talk. Feel free to message me if you want to. I know it's a tough season when the loss is sp fresh. Hang in there and take care of yourself. 

HeavensAngel20x

I just experienced a loss today. Only 5 weeks 4days but nonetheless still very disappointing. We have a 20 month old and no family where we live, so we are going to cherish the memories with our little family and do things to take our mind off the loss. December has always been a hard month for me especially because we found out we were pregnant on dec 10 which was the date my grandfather died and experienced a miscarriage on dec 22 which is when my grandmother died. So we are trying to make the best of what/who we have and will go look at xmas lights and spend family time together. We had plans to tell my in laws when they cOme to visit in January, but now that will not happen. So just occupy your minds and cherish the new memories you are making. That's the only thing that I can think of. So sorry for your loss 

darkrose88

I experienced a loss two weeks ago. It has been the most heartbreaking thing I've ever gone through, and we were only 6 weeks along. We were planning on telling immediate family over the holidays, so I've been absolutely dreading all Christmas/New Year's activity. My motto the past two weeks has been Just Get Through Today. I do whatever it takes to get through today, including fake being happy. So that's what I'm personally going to do this coming weekend. I'm going to distract myself, and do whatever it takes to get through the holidays. Not really helpful, since I don't know if it'll work but that's all I've got. Sorry for everyone here's losses.

sjohns908

I had a mc the week of Thanksgiving. We had been planning on announcing to everyone over christmas, I would be 15 weeks this week, so I'm getting awful anxiety having to go to the ILs tomorrow. I know I'll just be thinking about how exciting it was supposed to be. They know we had a loss and SIL is pregnant and is announcing the gender of her baby tomorrow, so that's even more heart wrenching. I'm really not sure how I'm going to make it through it all.  Thankfully, that's the only thing we're really doing. My parents come over Christmas day, but it's so low key and I'm very chill around them, so that will be fine. Plus my mom already knew I was pregnant when I had the loss, she was here through it all. 

I'm sorry for your loss, but just know we know what you're going through, so you're not alone

TheFox&TheSparrow

I had the same exact experience. Yesterday we went to my parents house and I cried on the drive over there. We were supposed to be announcing it to family, and I should have been 14 weeks. My family knew it happened but no one said anything about it to me, except my mom making a comment about why wasn't I acting like myself. I completely ignored it because it made me so mad. My SIL is also pregnant, due three weeks ahead of what I should be. And so is my best friend. It's been a rough time. I'm sorry you're going through it too. *hugs* 

mel2k10

As everyone before me has stated, I also had the same thing. Exactly 8 weeks. This weekend is supposed to exciting and spending time with family. Well, I don't want to. I wanna be as far away from people as possible... however I got my hubby football tix for tomorrow  (xmas eve day). Since we'll be gone a majority of the day, I can only hope the game will keep my head busy. Sorry for the losses ladies. 

Telus

Sending hugs to everyone who commented. How did your day go?

I was taken off guard today by my cousins who have a lo the same age as my dd - they announced that they are expecting, and due July 11. That felt like a blow as I was planning to announce today - and my lo would have been due July 10. But I handled it better than I expected. I smiled and congratulated them. Later, when we were sitting and chatting I told them about our loss. I avoided crying the whole day, although I was on the verge sometimes. I too took solace in my dd and was so thankful to have her and other family with me today.

Hopefulmommy1980

Hug

babypi

@Telus, I'm glad you found solace in your DD and family. That's a tough situation to be in. 

I had a similar experience yesterday. Christmas Day actually went great, lots of family and love and laughter. Even chatted with one of DH's cousins about her loss 10 years ago. Then as I was getting ready for bed one of my good friends messaged to say his wife is expecting a LO in July right when we were due. I told him about our loss and he was supportive and I was able to congratulate him and his wife, but it was still quite a blow. Especially since he's not really excited about it. Ugh

Pcannon0920

sorry for your loss. I am in the same sad boat only this is my 2nd loss in a few months. Got pregnant in august and was 6 weeks 3 days when I lost the baby in October. Grieved the loss, held onto the support from my family and friends to help me get through the pain. Was given the ok by my doc to try again if we were ready.  Wasn't really trying and found out I was pregnant again in December. I was about 5 weeks and lost another right before Christmas eve. its extremely hard to smile and fake being happy when your hurting so much inside. All you can do is to stay positive, and keep the faith that your angel will be back with you soon. Rely on the support of family and friends to help you through this tough time. I wish you all the best and hope things get easier for you as time goes on. . I'm here if you need a friendly ear to listen