Stepping in with a heavy heart

1inthehopper

TW: termination for medical reasons and living child mentioned




Hi, with such a heavy heart I join you after terminating for medical reasons yesterday.  I'm in such a raw numb place so I'm reaching out for support please. 

At 11 weeks our baby boy was found to have a cystic hygroma. We followed up with the Panorama test which came back high risk for Trisomy 18. We were referred to a perinatologist and genetic counselor in a metro area about 3 hours from home. Ultrasounds showed multiple abnormalities already at 14 weeks including several which are life threatening without immediate surgery upon birth. We had a second ultrasound at 15 weeks and saw a different perinatologist and then CVS FISH results confirmed T18. The doctors were so certain after the ultrasounds that that was what baby had but I needed the diagnostic test for my own mental health before deciding on termination. 

We made the heartbreaking decision to terminate and that happened this week at 17 weeks. It was a two day process that was physically and emotionally awful. My DH has been my rock through this. We know we made the right decision for our little boy, our 4.5 yr old DD and ourselves but that obviously didn't make it easy.  So far my pain is under control and the surgery went well. Emotionally I feel a strange sense of relief since it's over and I know now 100% our son will not suffer. But at the same time I'm heartbroken. Especially since we had an ectopic pregnancy too last spring. So this is the 2nd time this year we've had to leave the hospital without our baby.

Later today we travel back home and have to tell our daughter the baby died. It's the part I've been dreading all along- it makes me sick thinking about it. But I'm the same sense I'm ready for her to know so we can grieve as a family.  

Im sorry for all of your losses and I look forward to hearing your stories and getting to know you. It helps so much to talk with those who have been in similar situations. Thank you for reading. 

Xath

***siggy warning***

I'm so very sorry for your loss and for the terribly difficult decisions you've had to make.  I hope you can find the support you need here.

MamaBish

I'm so sorry for your losses. It's absolutely heartbreaking and I can't imagine how tough that decision is to make. 
Sending so much love to you and your family.

Texafornian

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I just went through something similar last week. My NT scan showed a measurement of 5mm which increased to 7mm in the span of a week. They suspected t21...genetics confirmed the high likelihood and I went into get a CVS as the baby also had severe Hydrops Fetalis (skin edema, fluid on the brain and around abdomen). I ended up having to do the CVS twice as the first pass didn't yield enough cells to test.  Downs could've been manageable but the Hydrops sealed the fate...

After seeing six doctors, having 9 ultrasounds (two level 2 like the anatomy scan), a cell free DNA genetics work up and the two CVS's it was evident that my daughter wouldn't make it more than a few more weeks...that and my blood pressure had started to rise which is a symptom
of Mirror Syndrome (taking on baby's symptoms which can also include pre-e). 

I started bleeding the day before I went in for the D&C at 13.5wks and like you...it was a two day process which included dilators on day one. I spent the entire night with contractions and balling my eyes out knowing what was to come. 
The day of was strangely simple but the whole process was wretched...my insurance didn't cover it as it's seen as "elective abortion" and I was only sedated instead of knocked out (like a D&C I had for a missed MC at 8wks last year). This was NOT what this was!!!! I wanted this child with every fiber of my being and now feel empty but know it was the absolute right thing to do.

Again...I'm so SO very sorry about your experience as well and I hope that time has started the healing process for you...much love mama...know you're not alone.