I'm not sure if I posted on this thread yet but I'm looking for some advice and since this was already up, I thought it best not to start a whole new topic.
I got this job about a year and a half ago. It seemed like a great fit for me as I am attempting to break into event planning. I previously worked as a wedding coordinator. This position was sold as a great opportunity to be creative, propose ideas, move up etc. Well, I don't want to say that I was lied to but more like they don't understand their own business and way oversold my position. My manager is the most disorganized person I have ever met. She is also 10 kinds of terrible at time-management. My life with her has literally become ...
Her, "I'll see you at 1!" Me, "Okay, see you at 3!"
I'm quite the opposite. Organization and time-management are my 2 biggest assets. I take it to the next level. It takes her forever to answer time-sensitive emails among many, many other things. They've had a lot of events in the time that I've been here. One recently that cost them a lot of money and that was a total flop. I have some experience in this industry (not just the wedding coordinating. I've done a lot of personal events as well as volunteering and small-scale fundraisers) and I feel I could have really helped them make the event a success. But I was never brought in on any of it despite me saying over and over that I want to be more involved. My manager has no events experience neither does any of the rest of the team. Anyways, the jist of it is that I need to move on. There is no upward mobility here for me and no opportunity and I don't want to waste my time anymore in a dead-end job. But obviously if I'm on TB I'm pregnant so that's going to have to wait.
Manager asked me to put spilling the beans on hold until she could secure me more hours and a raise. I'm not one to sit around. I know I've done an amazing job. I know they love me. I'm not waiting for someone to offer me something. I asked for both. Boss was about to leave for 3 weeks and I told manager I won't be able to hide the bump this by the time boss gets back. (Again, she was dragging her ass on all of this so I had to give her a push) She was able to get me the hours but not the raise. Yet. Apparently my boss is moving towards getting me salary. He is opening a new location and his "vision" was for me to do bookings for both locations. (Most of my job is literally booking kids birthday parties. Sure I also book some corporate events, groups, hockey teams etc. but mostly it's parties) I told my manager, again, that I would be open to that but would really like to be more involved in event planning for both locations. (I would continue doing current job as well) She kind of side-stepped the comment. I don't know. Maybe they think I'm so good at this that they don't want to sacrifice me anywhere else?! Ugh.
I don't plan on coming back after mat leave. I'm in Canada so I get a year. Legally, I have until the last month of my leave to let them know. I know I gotta do what's best for me but I'm also not an asshole. I don't think it's right to lead them on my entire leave and have them thinking that I'm coming back. I also don't want to say anything now because I don't want to lose the hours and the raise, if I get one between now and then. Despite all the good I've done, I can definitely see them pulling that from me. I also know that once I do spill the beans to boss, he's going to want to know that I'm coming back. But I'm not. I'm not worried about me finding a job ... I'm really not. If that fails, there is a gov't program that I can easily get into. Contract work, but in the events industry which will give me valuable experience to keep adding and looking. I applied a few years ago and had 4 scheduled interviews and 1 offer before I decided to take a "real" job. I have a good network too.
What do I do? I think I'm pretty certain that I do not want to tell them now. I figured when I spill, if he asks I will just say that I can't know how I'm going to feel about being a SAHM until baby is here. But should I tell them when I go on leave or wait until I'm legally required to?
@stokesm21 I'm not sure how your industry works. But one thing to keep in mind is if you're out of the industry for a while, even if it's for maternity leave, job references become really important in getting the next job.
So so you may want to consider doing what is necessary to make sure you don't burn any bridges. Also if your industry is kind of small, word gets around fast if people feel like you screwed them.
@stokesm21 I'm not sure how your industry works. But one thing to keep in mind is if you're out of the industry for a while, even if it's for maternity leave, job references become really important in getting the next job.
So so you may want to consider doing what is necessary to make sure you don't burn any bridges. Also if your industry is kind of small, word gets around fast if people feel like you screwed them.
I do agree with this 100%. I will need said manager as a reference. That is why I am leaning more towards telling them when I go on my leave. I really don't want to tell them now because hours and raise aside, I don't want to get pushed out or fired before the baby comes.
If it matters, I expect that my manager will understand more than my boss. While she does drive me nuts (haha!) she's not an unreasonable person. She knows he has to do more to keep her management team and me from leaving. And herself if I'm being honest. For me, it's just not going to get me anywhere in my career and at the end of the day I gotta look out for #1. I spent a long time in a miserable job because of the paycheck. I vowed I would never do that again. (Disclaimer: If I fell on hard times I would 100% do whatever I had to to get myself out of a hole but that isn't the case for me at the moment nor will it be in the near future. I can only hope it stays that way!)
@Katie______ you should be able to fly up to 8 months barring any complications. Do you travel frequently for your job? Can you use skype and webmeetings? It would be unusual to take the 2 months before your due date off so unless travel really impairs your work - those 2 months shouldn't count. I think the 2 weeks before baby, if you wanted to take those off, that would be more reasonable. 8-12 weeks once baby is here would then allow you take the time to be with baby, bond, nurse if that's your goal etc. Sounds like you just have to have a clarifying conversation with your boss.
@satsumasandlemons. I posted earlier in the thread, but I haven't told my chair as yet either. I'm trying to wait until my 20 week scan in February - but who am I kidding this belly is not keeping secrets for that long. At the very least, I would like to submit 2 more proposals before I tell him. I just came back from over a year of teaching relief last fall so am a bit embarrassed to be requesting leave before my program is even ramped up again. I'm afraid it will look like I'm not committed to my profession.
@mj8215 I think now is the time to ask for all the things! They want you and you have excellent leverage now. If your program is associated with a university, then there would be some leave guidelines as well.
@stokesm21 I personally wouldn't tell them you don't plan to return until further in your leave or when you secure a new job whichever comes first. You never know what life will throw at you and something could happen that forces you to go back even if just for a short time. Also in my experience (fellow Canadian here) most employers don't penalize an employee or give them poor references for making a last minute decision to not return to work. A lot happens in our year off and many people don't know if they are going to return until closer to their scheduled date.
I have no plans while on maternity leave other then to learn about and take care of my newborn. This is our first child. Getting in to mommy phase/routine will be all Ill have time for!
@stokesm21 I don't know anything about your industry, but I agree with others that you're not being a jerk to them by holding off on telling whether you'll come back. You're right, it wouldn't be the most professional thing to wait until one month before the end of your leave, but I'd think something like 6 months before is more than enough time?
@caribbeanmama you're right and I'll try my best. I'm not the best negotiator and not as confident in myself as I'd like to be, plus admin stuff/ paperwork is my cryptonite...
@krybby2017 not sure if I need to clarify this but when we say maternity leave plans we're not talking about which tv shows we'll be watching and which brunch places we'll be trying out while on maternity leave. It's more about how we are going to navigate getting any maternity leave in the first place.
I agree there is no reason to tell anyone right now or at any point before you go on leave that you don't plan on coming back.
A long time ago, I worked with a girl who went on maternity leave and didn't come back. I was one of two people that knew she had no intention of returning, and we both kept our mouth shut.
She came in the office the day her leave ended to tender her resignation, effective immediately. People were pissed, but nothing much they could do about it.
If they had known she didn't plan on coming back, I'm not sure my former employer would have fired her, but they would have made things unpleasant and definitely cut back on training her. At the same time, when she resigned immediately after her leave without notice, people assumed she never intended to return.
I guess my point is that some people will take it personally if they are blindsided at the last minute. So maybe give a head up a few weeks before you are scheduled to return, as long as that doesn't risk the remainder of your leave. I'm not sure how that works where you are.
Thank you for the advice! I agree. Now is definitely not the right time and I didn't really plan on that anyways. I was talking to my manager yesterday and asked if they were going to hire anyone on contract to replace me for the year (usually what they do here in Canada) and she said she didn't know. That made me nervous but hey, not my problem. I don't have any paid leave. A lot of places do offer it but not my job especially not being part-time. So for a bit of an update ...
I proposed a massive overhaul of our inventory system (inventory has been my job thus far) and was super excited about this new project that was going to keep me from browsing the internet 50% of my day. (I honestly don't enjoy that. I would rather work for my money) Apparently one of the other managers wants to be involved so now I'm "sharing" the project. Main manager thinks it's a way bigger project than it actually is. She doesn't get it because it's not something she takes care of. I'm frustrated that no one had any interest in inventory up until this point. What changed? At this point I'm just angry. I told her I was disappointed about it. I want to be more involved in events, they don't listen. I propose projects/events and they either never come to fruition or I'm stuck sharing the work with someone who has never done this in their life. I did the inventory for the front-end department of a multi-million dollar retailer (corporate chain but for an independently owned store) for 3 years. I know what I'm doing. I've worked with systems more complicated than this. I know that in the end this manager is going to end up taking on the whole project and I'll really have nothing to do with it. She's also not the easiest person to work with so there's that.
Main manager tells me one of the cashiers wants to take on more of the bookings which just so happens to be my job!!! Like what the hell is going on?! It's not some secret way to get rid of me. I know this because she talks about how badly they want to keep me, how much they like my work and how she needs to get big boss/owner to start stepping up so that he doesn't lose me and the rest of the management team. That reduces my workload when I come in on Monday's. It's like I'm getting more hours and yet losing work.
This is all just very foreign to me. At old, old job (which I hated and left on not-so-good terms, but that still had it's up's) my boss just trusted me. I didn't have to go track him down to get approval for this or that. He let me take projects and run with them because he knew whatever it was would be 10 x more efficient than it was before I came along. I overhauled a lot of stuff working there and was successful at it. At old job, my manager came up to me one day and told me how much she enjoyed working with me because I didn't ask a million questions. I just rolled with it and did whatever needed to be done. I wasn't constantly seeking approval. She trusted that whatever I did would be in the best interest of the client and the business. (I coordinated weddings aka the most important day of someone's life. You can't break down, you can't stress out. You have to be the calm in the storm and that's why I'm so great in this industry)
But here, the owner doesn't really trust anyone and that trickle's down the line. Nothing is changing and I don't want to work at a place like that.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I really needed to vent all that. Thanks for listening!
@caribbeanmama --Yes, I shouldn't need to stop working until the baby is here. I travel a lot for work but it comes in lumps and we don't always know the timing. My doc had suggested I not fly starting at 2 months out just because I fly mainly coast to coast and it's like 5 hour flights for work, so she was nervous about me having the baby on the other coast and needing to get home or if baby went to NICU, etc. She said unless it's somewhere you'd be comfortable having the baby--like visiting your parents, don't fly 2 months out. Happy for all advice though! I am planning to run an event this spring and I think planning to have me on my feet running something for 12 hours, 2 months is the right move.....or I mean it seems tougher if something did happen, but I've never been pregnant before so do share! And we do video chat and like I'm not traveling at all this month or next, but I think the imposition I can't is the issue.
@Twinkiedoll I agree with closer towards second round results...which is why I'm thinking 20 weeks for the rest of the team which is Presidents day. I have a question----you've thought about this a lot. I haven't started a registry yet. My husband and I are ready....like I have gotten a lot of expensive things - 1 on sale and the rest used- but I feel like the registry makes it searchable, so if you suspect I'm pregnant, just search the bump and see my babies r us registry. It's public from the second you start. What have you all thought about that just in terms of telling people? I did hear to order the crib by around 20 to 25 weeks and maybe the changing table, but we have most of the other stuff already that's over $100 aside from crib, changing table/dresser, and crib mattress. I know the other stuff adds up, just I am sensitive to someone finding out. I didn't get convertible car seat but there's time and someone could buy us that. Anyway, any advice on the registry timing ---I'd guess kind of aligned with fbook. And all my coworkers are my fbook friends (staff of 3)--not super actively but they're fbook friends--so yes, I can't share until.....well it's time to share with staff. We just moved in August, so we don't know many people in our new city, so I am not sure if I will have a shower, I guess a virtual one or one in our last city is possible, but the registry isn't timed to an event for now. Honestly, my biggest worry with telling a staff is more just our board will hear too and it needs to be far enough along that I feel really confident nothing will happen as I just know I wouldn't do well with them all asking if something did or the stress. Telling my boss is helping me work the timing for our actual work
@Katie______ That's actually why my main registry is on Amazon. You can make it public, accessible by direct link only, or completely private. I currently have it set to private. I'm not sure if I will have a shower either. I started the registry to keep track of things I like. There's a chance I will never make it searchable, and I'll just send the link to family only.
I started a registry on Babys R Us because of their January sweepstakes. It only has one thing on it. I will probably take it down after the end of the month. I hate that their registries can only be public.
OOOH......score on the amazon tip @Twinkiedoll Does it tell you kind of then how much money you have to spend to buy it all? That's my fear and hapy thing.
Is there any benefit to an amazon registry like the completion or did you do a registry vs. a wishlist? Thanks for sharing your amazing insights! I called babys r us seriously to ask....it stinks its not draft vs public.
@Katie______ you could just select add all items to your cart to see the total in Amazon. Not sure if there is an easy way to reverse that once you have the total though. Now, might I suggest a spreadsheet unless you are trying to skip that step? I made a giant list of items before I started making my registry and looking for stuff with my last pregnancy. There are plenty starter lists that are already organized that you can find online too. Then I would just add the price from the place I found the item and do comparisons and selections from the spreadsheet.
Also, you don't have to put your registry in your real name. I used my husbands last name last time and a version of his first name - I kept my name when we married. The other thing that can take forever to come apart from the crib is the recliner/glider. Ours took 3 months to come from Buybuybaby.
As for work travel, your doctor sounds very conservative - of course you should listen to her am not advocating you don't. I mean, I don't know if you have some sort of risk etc. or she is just giving blanket advice. At this point, you could just leave it up to how you feel later on in the pregnancy. Seems a bit premature to have to say to your boss that you are 'out' as of 7 months.
How many weeks along are you? I'm on mobile - can't see siggys.
Edit: I forgot to add that I did not fly anywhere after 6 months without my husband.
@mj8215 I'm not great at it either - but I spoke to two women faculty who had kids 5-7 years ago to get the lowdown. They really pumped me up and gave me perspective on what was possible and what other women had done etc. - so I prepared a lot before meeting with my chair. I did not get everything that I asked for but most everything. I wrote out the reasons for each request to back up why it was reasonable and also had names of policies from other peer institutions to provide context and leverage. Writing everything out and having the data made me more comfortable though I was still nervous. Good luck!
Thanks @caribbeanmama I'm 15 weeks, due July 10th! Well, and I'd be traveling alone for work for 5-6 hour flights. I mean I get it to a degree because getting a baby home should goodness forbid something happen is tough as they're not immunized and that's extra expense on us (no one would pay from work) or like if they go to nicu, but nothing special wrong with me or unique, except I'm 33 so sometimes my doc randomly says stuff about well older mamas. I did get kind of sick--just I lost weight the first 12 weeks from bad morning sickness, not gained and flights didn't help so I don't know the why. I asked that my first doctors visit as I travel up to 20 times a year for work and she told me the timing so at least I knew, so then I saw a diff doc (same practice) last time and she kind of assumed there was a reason or the timing was right. She said for trips to parents she says eight months but not work travel (just because you wouldn't and couldn't stay there longer if needed, except hotels and no family, etc.). She's pretty normal about other stuff.
I do need to start that giant list. I hadn't thought of a fake name.....so good call or even not my whole name...my last name's common! And thanks for the guidance too on it all! I ended up with a dutalier rocker for $25.00 so I feel like that's one good score for my shopping! And 3 months makes me want to by the crib even sooner! I guess if the dresser doesn't come it's not the end of the world (We're house shopping too- so I have been party tempted to see space I have before I do a double drawer). I kinda felt like the registry would be the giant list---but appreciate the giant list guidance too!!
Thank you for sharing all your guidance with those of us newbies!
@Katie______ awww just sharing and returning the favor - the boards were so helpful when I was first pregnant - I just loved having access to so many opinions and perspectives. I edited my previous post to note I was not traveling without DH after 6 months - so the logistics thing totally makes sense.
We bought our house when I was 8 months pregnant - hope you close a lot sooner! The crib delivery time will just depend on where you get it from and if you get a bassinet baby probably won't make it to the crib immediately. So, I wouldn't worry too much about it - you have time. Awesome score on the glider! We got a French provincial dresser from Craigslist and finished it with vintage paint - it's my favorite item in the nursery but it is too big for the room. I don't care though - I love it and I love that my husband and I finished it together as our pre-baby project. It would have been nice to buy everything knowing the room dimensions ahead of time but it turned out okay in the end.
I'm not getting a real maternity leave. My current job/residency ends in June, baby is due July, and then I'm planning to negotiate my start date for my new job for sometime in September. And also hoping that I can negotiate a good enough sign-on bonus to cover us for the two months in between. Wish there was such a thing as starting a job with maternity leave lol...
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
I hear you @manillabar !! You're graduating in June right? That's awesome! what kind of job are you planning on taking after residency? Are you doing a fellowship or are you done with training? You're family medicine, right? I know the need to do a fellowship is different for different specialties- do you have to do one?
@Katie______ I appreciate the thought! it was a good suggestion if I had a normal job lol
@mj8215 Thanks! I am graduating in June, and you're right (good memory!) I'm doing Family Medicine. I don't plan to do a fellowship, though some people do. I'm now trying to decide between a couple practices in the area and a possible academic position at the med school where I graduated (it's kind of rare occurrence to get that kind of position right out of residency so it's an interesting opportunity, though in the long run there's probably more money in private practice.)
Are you finishing your fellowship this year as well?
TTC history in spoiler
Me: 31 Him: 37 Married: Oct 2015 Baby G born June 2017 TTC#2: July 2018 BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19 BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Soooo... told my current boss today - my new boss is starting next Monday but current boss is out all week. one of the senior executives flat out asked me if I was pregnant yesterday (she's like that) and I told her no immediately but realized I need to tell my boss so I can stop trying to hide it. Literally everyone is staring at my belly. I don't understand where all this bloat is coming from there's no baby there - baby is a bit further below, right??
Anyways really stressing out because I have some big projects going on with three of them in a crucial place in the timeline during the leave. this is probably flame worthy, but I don't want to stop working - also that first year is hard as hell. I thought I would want to take four months off but I kind of want to come back earlier... but earlier would be right before the holidays and then things shut down anyways... ugh.
ANyone? Am I unfit to be a mom? I actually went back earlier than planned last time, too, because I just wanted to start getting my life into a routine. I couldn't just relax.
@satsumasandlemons of course you aren't unfit to be a mom because you want to go back to work. Every woman is totally different and there is nothing wrong with a mom who wants to work. You need to do what's best for your sanity which translate to what's best for baby. If mom is miserable then everyone is miserable.
Soooo... told my current boss today - my new boss is starting next Monday but current boss is out all week. one of the senior executives flat out asked me if I was pregnant yesterday (she's like that) and I told her no immediately but realized I need to tell my boss so I can stop trying to hide it. Literally everyone is staring at my belly. I don't understand where all this bloat is coming from there's no baby there - baby is a bit further below, right??
Anyways really stressing out because I have some big projects going on with three of them in a crucial place in the timeline during the leave. this is probably flame worthy, but I don't want to stop working - also that first year is hard as hell. I thought I would want to take four months off but I kind of want to come back earlier... but earlier would be right before the holidays and then things shut down anyways... ugh.
ANyone? Am I unfit to be a mom? I actually went back earlier than planned last time, too, because I just wanted to start getting my life into a routine. I couldn't just relax.
Girl ... I am thinking along those lines a lot ... have been making plans to submit a big research grant application either June or October this year... lots of work to do for that...came home excited and told husband and he goes "but what about the baby" - I feel like a horrible mother
@satsumasandlemons and @mj8215 FTM here, but in my opinion that does not make either of you horrible mothers. I love my job, get excited about projects at work, and worked really hard to get to where I am. I know I'll love my baby too. Admittedly, I don't know how my feelings about work will change once I become a mom, but I hope that I don't lose that part of my identity. I'm planning for 12 weeks off, but leaving open the option to go back to work earlier if I'm ready.
@satsumasandlemons It totally doesn't make you a bad mom! I'm not going to take anywhere near 12 weeks for financial and career reasons. (I'm the primary earner in my household and we just can't afford it...and it frankly would really disadvantage me at work). We are planning on DH being the primary parent because my work schedule is insane and he's usually home by 2p. He may even take more time off work than I do. Everybody is different and has different circumstances.
@satsumasandlemons @mj8215 Glad I'm not the only one. I am hoping to take 2 months....I have a month vacation saved up and they don't pay any time off. My husband really wants to be there the first two weeks so after that he'll take any time he can after me. Honestly, I really want to be back to work Sept 10 and I am due July 10, but people told me not to make any promises, in case I need more time or something goes wrong. Are you able to leave the door open? I know its hard and crazy to plan when things either happen or don't.
@satsumasandlemons There is nothing wrong with wanting to work. I love working, completing projects, having meetings and coffee dates with ADULTS that don't have Cheerios and Sippie cups in hand...and I love being a mom, play dates, cartoons, bedtime stories. I love them both, and it's pretty awesome that modern moms can actually have both if they choose.
Wanting to work doesn't make you a bad mother. Planning for your life after birth doesn't make you a bad mother. For some being a mother becomes their entire identity (because that is what they want) and for some they could never see their identity without work. Every facet of motherhood is hard but that's what makes groups like this so beneficial because you have people to lean on (and learn from, and vent to!!!)
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
Really appreciate everyone's thoughtful responses. @dancegurl1118 thank you for saying what you said above. I think about this stuff a lot. This baby could not be more loved and wanted, but at the same time I am scared of how things will change for me career wise, because yes, up until the positive test I have been one of those people for whom their work is a major part of their identity... and I know I will want to be the best mom I can be, and I also know it will dramatically change how I approach everything in life including work, and I'm scared of these changes... partly because it is impossible to know how things will go, and I like to know and plan. For now, my strategy is to give 100% at work, as long as I can without compromising my health, and once the baby comes I will re evaluate and scale back as needed. But I'm not going to scale back pre emptively right now. I think that would make me depressed. I am adjusting slowly to accepting that I may need to scale back and that that's ok. @satsumasandlemons I hope that you will be able to find a good balance for yourself. I know it's hard! I'm only starting to realize this.
@mj8215 I have similar thoughts and concerns. I currently work about 120 hours a week, and I get serious side eye and almost weekly comments from my parents and in laws about remembering I have someone else to think about now (as if I've forgotten)... I am so excited about this baby. But, as long as we're both doing well, I don't want to and don't plan on making changes and my OB agrees it's safe. It turns out I have 12 weeks paid leave, and I'll probably take it. But, I will continue to write and do some work from home during the leave.
I don't think this makes us bad moms! I wish you luck as you keep planning and thinking ahead. My family don't understand as all, so thanks @dancegurl1118 and @mrscate88
I'm taking 12 weeks. I am hoping to work until I go into labor assuming I am able to do so. DH does not get paid paternity leave. This was a bit shocking to me since he works for an large energy conglomerate and generally speaking has amazing benefits. Assuming there are no complications with the baby or my recovery, he will take a week to 10 days off so we can bond as a family. My mom is planning to fly down once I go into labor to help as well then DH's parents will come sometime after she leaves.
Since I work at a small firm I am trying to schedule hearings and deadlines around my leave to ease the burden on my coworkers. The only issue with this is I either frontload it before I give birth or put it off until October when I am just coming back to work and will undoubtedly be exhausted and overwhelmed. Neither seem like appealing options.
I felt like it was ripping off a band aid as people are judgy about having a third child. I have a lot of bosses so I had to tell a ton of people. One person said "are you crazy? I mean congratulations". Yeah.....sincere.
I can take up to 6 months fully paid which I would like to do but we will see if my bosses are knocking on my door sooner!
So I told my boss pretty early (11 weeks maybe?). She is great and a working mom of three herself so she gets it. I know she will be flexible. And she loves me and knows how much work I do. She has already made some comments (jokingly) like "I'll be pissed if you quit after your leave". Which I won't, we need my income right now. And she's taking steps to try to keep me happy, which is appreciated.
BUT, there's another manager (higher than me) in another department who had a baby last year and has been stretching her leave out (working part-time). I am not sure on the details of how long she took off and how long she plans to stretch it out, but she messed something up the other day and my boss went on a little rant about how annoying it is that she's stretching her leave and only working part time. She made some comments about 'I don't understand why she can't just take her X weeks then come back full time". Ugh, that is kind of what I had planned to do for my leave, guess it's frowned upon.
I honestly don't know what I'll do. There's no way I can take 12 week fully off. The person that works under me is...not great. And I don't trust him to handle my projects. I feel like it will stress me out more knowing he's messing things up than it will for me to come back earlier.
Re: Maternity leave plans?
I got this job about a year and a half ago. It seemed like a great fit for me as I am attempting to break into event planning. I previously worked as a wedding coordinator. This position was sold as a great opportunity to be creative, propose ideas, move up etc. Well, I don't want to say that I was lied to but more like they don't understand their own business and way oversold my position. My manager is the most disorganized person I have ever met. She is also 10 kinds of terrible at time-management. My life with her has literally become ...
Her, "I'll see you at 1!"
Me, "Okay, see you at 3!"
I'm quite the opposite. Organization and time-management are my 2 biggest assets. I take it to the next level. It takes her forever to answer time-sensitive emails among many, many other things. They've had a lot of events in the time that I've been here. One recently that cost them a lot of money and that was a total flop. I have some experience in this industry (not just the wedding coordinating. I've done a lot of personal events as well as volunteering and small-scale fundraisers) and I feel I could have really helped them make the event a success. But I was never brought in on any of it despite me saying over and over that I want to be more involved. My manager has no events experience neither does any of the rest of the team. Anyways, the jist of it is that I need to move on. There is no upward mobility here for me and no opportunity and I don't want to waste my time anymore in a dead-end job. But obviously if I'm on TB I'm pregnant so that's going to have to wait.
Manager asked me to put spilling the beans on hold until she could secure me more hours and a raise. I'm not one to sit around. I know I've done an amazing job. I know they love me. I'm not waiting for someone to offer me something. I asked for both. Boss was about to leave for 3 weeks and I told manager I won't be able to hide the bump this by the time boss gets back. (Again, she was dragging her ass on all of this so I had to give her a push) She was able to get me the hours but not the raise. Yet. Apparently my boss is moving towards getting me salary. He is opening a new location and his "vision" was for me to do bookings for both locations. (Most of my job is literally booking kids birthday parties. Sure I also book some corporate events, groups, hockey teams etc. but mostly it's parties) I told my manager, again, that I would be open to that but would really like to be more involved in event planning for both locations. (I would continue doing current job as well) She kind of side-stepped the comment. I don't know. Maybe they think I'm so good at this that they don't want to sacrifice me anywhere else?! Ugh.
I don't plan on coming back after mat leave. I'm in Canada so I get a year. Legally, I have until the last month of my leave to let them know. I know I gotta do what's best for me but I'm also not an asshole. I don't think it's right to lead them on my entire leave and have them thinking that I'm coming back. I also don't want to say anything now because I don't want to lose the hours and the raise, if I get one between now and then. Despite all the good I've done, I can definitely see them pulling that from me. I also know that once I do spill the beans to boss, he's going to want to know that I'm coming back. But I'm not. I'm not worried about me finding a job ... I'm really not. If that fails, there is a gov't program that I can easily get into. Contract work, but in the events industry which will give me valuable experience to keep adding and looking. I applied a few years ago and had 4 scheduled interviews and 1 offer before I decided to take a "real" job. I have a good network too.
What do I do? I think I'm pretty certain that I do not want to tell them now. I figured when I spill, if he asks I will just say that I can't know how I'm going to feel about being a SAHM until baby is here. But should I tell them when I go on leave or wait until I'm legally required to?
(I sincerely apologize for the length of that!)
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
So so you may want to consider doing what is necessary to make sure you don't burn any bridges. Also if your industry is kind of small, word gets around fast if people feel like you screwed them.
If it matters, I expect that my manager will understand more than my boss. While she does drive me nuts (haha!) she's not an unreasonable person. She knows he has to do more to keep her management team and me from leaving. And herself if I'm being honest. For me, it's just not going to get me anywhere in my career and at the end of the day I gotta look out for #1. I spent a long time in a miserable job because of the paycheck. I vowed I would never do that again. (Disclaimer: If I fell on hard times I would 100% do whatever I had to to get myself out of a hole but that isn't the case for me at the moment nor will it be in the near future. I can only hope it stays that way!)
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
@satsumasandlemons. I posted earlier in the thread, but I haven't told my chair as yet either. I'm trying to wait until my 20 week scan in February - but who am I kidding this belly is not keeping secrets for that long. At the very least, I would like to submit 2 more proposals before I tell him. I just came back from over a year of teaching relief last fall so am a bit embarrassed to be requesting leave before my program is even ramped up again. I'm afraid it will look like I'm not committed to my profession.
@mj8215 I think now is the time to ask for all the things! They want you and you have excellent leverage now. If your program is associated with a university, then there would be some leave guidelines as well.
*meant to post this yesterday.
@caribbeanmama you're right and I'll try my best. I'm not the best negotiator and not as confident in myself as I'd like to be, plus admin stuff/ paperwork is my cryptonite...
@krybby2017 not sure if I need to clarify this but when we say maternity leave plans we're not talking about which tv shows we'll be watching and which brunch places we'll be trying out while on maternity leave. It's more about how we are going to navigate getting any maternity leave in the first place.
A long time ago, I worked with a girl who went on maternity leave and didn't come back. I was one of two people that knew she had no intention of returning, and we both kept our mouth shut.
She came in the office the day her leave ended to tender her resignation, effective immediately. People were pissed, but nothing much they could do about it.
If they had known she didn't plan on coming back, I'm not sure my former employer would have fired her, but they would have made things unpleasant and definitely cut back on training her. At the same time, when she resigned immediately after her leave without notice, people assumed she never intended to return.
I guess my point is that some people will take it personally if they are blindsided at the last minute. So maybe give a head up a few weeks before you are scheduled to return, as long as that doesn't risk the remainder of your leave. I'm not sure how that works where you are.
Thank you for the advice! I agree. Now is definitely not the right time and I didn't really plan on that anyways. I was talking to my manager yesterday and asked if they were going to hire anyone on contract to replace me for the year (usually what they do here in Canada) and she said she didn't know. That made me nervous but hey, not my problem. I don't have any paid leave. A lot of places do offer it but not my job especially not being part-time. So for a bit of an update ...
I proposed a massive overhaul of our inventory system (inventory has been my job thus far) and was super excited about this new project that was going to keep me from browsing the internet 50% of my day. (I honestly don't enjoy that. I would rather work for my money) Apparently one of the other managers wants to be involved so now I'm "sharing" the project. Main manager thinks it's a way bigger project than it actually is. She doesn't get it because it's not something she takes care of. I'm frustrated that no one had any interest in inventory up until this point. What changed? At this point I'm just angry. I told her I was disappointed about it. I want to be more involved in events, they don't listen. I propose projects/events and they either never come to fruition or I'm stuck sharing the work with someone who has never done this in their life. I did the inventory for the front-end department of a multi-million dollar retailer (corporate chain but for an independently owned store) for 3 years. I know what I'm doing. I've worked with systems more complicated than this. I know that in the end this manager is going to end up taking on the whole project and I'll really have nothing to do with it. She's also not the easiest person to work with so there's that.
Main manager tells me one of the cashiers wants to take on more of the bookings which just so happens to be my job!!! Like what the hell is going on?! It's not some secret way to get rid of me. I know this because she talks about how badly they want to keep me, how much they like my work and how she needs to get big boss/owner to start stepping up so that he doesn't lose me and the rest of the management team. That reduces my workload when I come in on Monday's. It's like I'm getting more hours and yet losing work.
This is all just very foreign to me. At old, old job (which I hated and left on not-so-good terms, but that still had it's up's) my boss just trusted me. I didn't have to go track him down to get approval for this or that. He let me take projects and run with them because he knew whatever it was would be 10 x more efficient than it was before I came along. I overhauled a lot of stuff working there and was successful at it. At old job, my manager came up to me one day and told me how much she enjoyed working with me because I didn't ask a million questions. I just rolled with it and did whatever needed to be done. I wasn't constantly seeking approval. She trusted that whatever I did would be in the best interest of the client and the business. (I coordinated weddings aka the most important day of someone's life. You can't break down, you can't stress out. You have to be the calm in the storm and that's why I'm so great in this industry)
But here, the owner doesn't really trust anyone and that trickle's down the line. Nothing is changing and I don't want to work at a place like that.
Ugh. I'm sorry. I really needed to vent all that. Thanks for listening!
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
--Yes, I shouldn't need to stop working until the baby is here. I travel a lot for work but it comes in lumps and we don't always know the timing. My doc had suggested I not fly starting at 2 months out just because I fly mainly coast to coast and it's like 5 hour flights for work, so she was nervous about me having the baby on the other coast and needing to get home or if baby went to NICU, etc. She said unless it's somewhere you'd be comfortable having the baby--like visiting your parents, don't fly 2 months out. Happy for all advice though! I am planning to run an event this spring and I think planning to have me on my feet running something for 12 hours, 2 months is the right move.....or I mean it seems tougher if something did happen, but I've never been pregnant before so do share! And we do video chat and like I'm not traveling at all this month or next, but I think the imposition I can't is the issue.
I agree with closer towards second round results...which is why I'm thinking 20 weeks for the rest of the team which is Presidents day. I have a question----you've thought about this a lot. I haven't started a registry yet. My husband and I are ready....like I have gotten a lot of expensive things - 1 on sale and the rest used- but I feel like the registry makes it searchable, so if you suspect I'm pregnant, just search the bump and see my babies r us registry. It's public from the second you start. What have you all thought about that just in terms of telling people? I did hear to order the crib by around 20 to 25 weeks and maybe the changing table, but we have most of the other stuff already that's over $100 aside from crib, changing table/dresser, and crib mattress. I know the other stuff adds up, just I am sensitive to someone finding out. I didn't get convertible car seat but there's time and someone could buy us that. Anyway, any advice on the registry timing ---I'd guess kind of aligned with fbook. And all my coworkers are my fbook friends (staff of 3)--not super actively but they're fbook friends--so yes, I can't share until.....well it's time to share with staff. We just moved in August, so we don't know many people in our new city, so I am not sure if I will have a shower, I guess a virtual one or one in our last city is possible, but the registry isn't timed to an event for now. Honestly, my biggest worry with telling a staff is more just our board will hear too and it needs to be far enough along that I feel really confident nothing will happen as I just know I wouldn't do well with them all asking if something did or the stress. Telling my boss is helping me work the timing for our actual work
I started a registry on Babys R Us because of their January sweepstakes. It only has one thing on it. I will probably take it down after the end of the month. I hate that their registries can only be public.
Does it tell you kind of then how much money you have to spend to buy it all? That's my fear and hapy thing.
Is there any benefit to an amazon registry like the completion or did you do a registry vs. a wishlist? Thanks for sharing your amazing insights! I called babys r us seriously to ask....it stinks its not draft vs public.
This is the fine print for the Amazon registry discount:
https://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1000626061
https://www.amazon.com/gp/help/customer/display.html?nodeId=201139230
Also, Amazon is having its own sweepstakes:
https://www.amazon.com/b/ref=amb_link_500986802_2?ie=UTF8&node=10043042011&pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=left-nav-promo-1&pf_rd_r=TBT26W1S74KGJVP0CA6B&pf_rd_t=14601&pf_rd_p=2788863722&pf_rd_i=owner-view
Also, you don't have to put your registry in your real name. I used my husbands last name last time and a version of his first name - I kept my name when we married. The other thing that can take forever to come apart from the crib is the recliner/glider. Ours took 3 months to come from Buybuybaby.
As for work travel, your doctor sounds very conservative - of course you should listen to her am not advocating you don't. I mean, I don't know if you have some sort of risk etc. or she is just giving blanket advice. At this point, you could just leave it up to how you feel later on in the pregnancy. Seems a bit premature to have to say to your boss that you are 'out' as of 7 months.
How many weeks along are you? I'm on mobile - can't see siggys.
Edit: I forgot to add that I did not fly anywhere after 6 months without my husband.
I'm 15 weeks, due July 10th! Well, and I'd be traveling alone for work for 5-6 hour flights. I mean I get it to a degree because getting a baby home should goodness forbid something happen is tough as they're not immunized and that's extra expense on us (no one would pay from work) or like if they go to nicu, but nothing special wrong with me or unique, except I'm 33 so sometimes my doc randomly says stuff about well older mamas. I did get kind of sick--just I lost weight the first 12 weeks from bad morning sickness, not gained and flights didn't help so I don't know the why. I asked that my first doctors visit as I travel up to 20 times a year for work and she told me the timing so at least I knew, so then I saw a diff doc (same practice) last time and she kind of assumed there was a reason or the timing was right. She said for trips to parents she says eight months but not work travel (just because you wouldn't and couldn't stay there longer if needed, except hotels and no family, etc.). She's pretty normal about other stuff.
I do need to start that giant list. I hadn't thought of a fake name.....so good call or even not my whole name...my last name's common! And thanks for the guidance too on it all! I ended up with a dutalier rocker for $25.00 so I feel like that's one good score for my shopping! And 3 months makes me want to by the crib even sooner! I guess if the dresser doesn't come it's not the end of the world (We're house shopping too- so I have been party tempted to see space I have before I do a double drawer). I kinda felt like the registry would be the giant list---but appreciate the giant list guidance too!!
Thank you for sharing all your guidance with those of us newbies!
We bought our house when I was 8 months pregnant - hope you close a lot sooner! The crib delivery time will just depend on where you get it from and if you get a bassinet baby probably won't make it to the crib immediately. So, I wouldn't worry too much about it - you have time. Awesome score on the glider! We got a French provincial dresser from Craigslist and finished it with vintage paint - it's my favorite item in the nursery but it is too big for the room. I don't care though - I love it and I love that my husband and I finished it together as our pre-baby project. It would have been nice to buy everything knowing the room dimensions ahead of time but it turned out okay in the end.
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Can you cash out any saved vacation or sick leave to help with the interim time too from your old job?
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
You're graduating in June right? That's awesome! what kind of job are you planning on taking after residency? Are you doing a fellowship or are you done with training? You're family medicine, right? I know the need to do a fellowship is different for different specialties- do you have to do one?
@mj8215 Thanks! I am graduating in June, and you're right (good memory!) I'm doing Family Medicine. I don't plan to do a fellowship, though some people do. I'm now trying to decide between a couple practices in the area and a possible academic position at the med school where I graduated (it's kind of rare occurrence to get that kind of position right out of residency so it's an interesting opportunity, though in the long run there's probably more money in private practice.)
Are you finishing your fellowship this year as well?
Married: Oct 2015
Baby G born June 2017
TTC#2: July 2018
BFP #2: 2/6/19 MC 3/14/19
BFP#3 from IUI #2: 6/30/20 EDD 3/9/21
Anyways really stressing out because I have some big projects going on with three of them in a crucial place in the timeline during the leave. this is probably flame worthy, but I don't want to stop working - also that first year is hard as hell. I thought I would want to take four months off but I kind of want to come back earlier... but earlier would be right before the holidays and then things shut down anyways... ugh.
ANyone? Am I unfit to be a mom? I actually went back earlier than planned last time, too, because I just wanted to start getting my life into a routine. I couldn't just relax.
@mj8215
Glad I'm not the only one. I am hoping to take 2 months....I have a month vacation saved up and they don't pay any time off. My husband really wants to be there the first two weeks so after that he'll take any time he can after me. Honestly, I really want to be back to work Sept 10 and I am due July 10, but people told me not to make any promises, in case I need more time or something goes wrong. Are you able to leave the door open? I know its hard and crazy to plan when things either happen or don't.
For now, my strategy is to give 100% at work, as long as I can without compromising my health, and once the baby comes I will re evaluate and scale back as needed. But I'm not going to scale back pre emptively right now. I think that would make me depressed. I am adjusting slowly to accepting that I may need to scale back and that that's ok.
@satsumasandlemons I hope that you will be able to find a good balance for yourself. I know it's hard! I'm only starting to realize this.
I don't think this makes us bad moms! I wish you luck as you keep planning and thinking ahead. My family don't understand as all, so thanks @dancegurl1118 and @mrscate88
have you started thinking about how to prepare for the hand-off?
Since I work at a small firm I am trying to schedule hearings and deadlines around my leave to ease the burden on my coworkers. The only issue with this is I either frontload it before I give birth or put it off until October when I am just coming back to work and will undoubtedly be exhausted and overwhelmed. Neither seem like appealing options.
I can take up to 6 months fully paid which I would like to do but we will see if my bosses are knocking on my door sooner!
BUT, there's another manager (higher than me) in another department who had a baby last year and has been stretching her leave out (working part-time). I am not sure on the details of how long she took off and how long she plans to stretch it out, but she messed something up the other day and my boss went on a little rant about how annoying it is that she's stretching her leave and only working part time. She made some comments about 'I don't understand why she can't just take her X weeks then come back full time". Ugh, that is kind of what I had planned to do for my leave, guess it's frowned upon.
I honestly don't know what I'll do. There's no way I can take 12 week fully off. The person that works under me is...not great. And I don't trust him to handle my projects. I feel like it will stress me out more knowing he's messing things up than it will for me to come back earlier.