Milk Sharing: yay or nay?

shemel

Figured I'd get the random opinions of random pregnant people? What do you think? Have you done it?

pshaortao

I do not know what you are asking specifically.

ETA: The first thought that came to mind was sharing a glass of a milk from the store ha. But since this seems to be more about breast milk.. I never really thought about it. I just provided only for DD and did not care to pump extra, except for her when I had to work only one afternoon a week away. So I didn't have too much extra in the freezer as a result. If I had built up quite a supply, then I would have without a doubt donated. 

WombThereItIs

Like sharing breastmilk? Unless it is from a regulated and tested hospital bank, noooooope. 

andrea0418

My sister just had a baby so she will be 6mths when my baby come. We joke that we can take turns breastfeeding the babies. 

MamaMiller

I personally wouldn't be comfortable using another women's milk. My supply sucked with both so I never came close to having a stockpile but I probably wouldn't donate. I think it is awesome for women who
do for special circumstances but this gives me major anxiety. 

diann21

If I had a surplus, I would have no problem donating to a bank. (Or if my baby were in need, I would have no problems receiving from a bank.) But like @WombThereItIs said, if it's not through a regulated hospital bank, then no thanks. 

I've had a couple of friends whose babies needed more, and special dairy/soy free breastmilk, for legitimate health issues, and the moms just couldn't keep up with the babies' needs. I know that they really benefited from donated milk and became very big advocates of milk donation. With second/third children, they were able to donate. 

k_leeNC

My baby (now four) for the most part refused a bottle. I pumped exclusively for my own relief doing 12 hour shifts. I donated my milk monthly to a study on nutrient levels in breast milk after 12 months. But otherwise I had an entire freezer full. My best friends daughter was losing weight. She struggled to get her baby to put on any. The doctors encouraged formula and she didn't want to do that. So they took all of mine. She still pumped and gave her baby her milk. When her hubby made bottles he asked her which to get the Salad (her milk) or the cheeseburger (mine) her baby gained a bunch of weight and we all were happy. 

thats my fun donation story.

mcvgal

I signed off for DS1 to get donated milk while to n the NICU. Luckily I was pumping lile a machine and he didn't need any after the first day. I only ever had enough supply to keep up with my boys, but if I had excess it would totally donate to a bank.

bacorrea

Three of my friends gave birth around the same time and one of them had issues with supply. She asked my other two friends for any extra milk and they happily gave her some (we are all VERY close, aware of diet/health/etc). If I had been BF I would have given her some, I wouldn't take milk from someone though, unless hospital regulated like others have said.

some people make money selling milk on Craigslist to weird body builders. There is a random fact of the day.

chickyclg

My twins received donor milk while in NICU.  That being said I would only accept milk in that scenario, I have zero problems with formula and would give it if we need to.  

I am hoping to be able to donate this time, I only know how to pump for twins so hopefully that's something I can do, especially since we benefited from it.

vrj0522

I had supply issues with DS so when I had DD I pumped to keep my supply high. I ended up with a huge freezer stash. My SIL delivered 3.5 months after me and could not bf so I ended up giving her most of my frozen milk. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

I think milk banks or milk from friends are probably fine. But I think there's a lot of lactivism that comes with this topic. I would probably only accept donor milk in a nicu situation. There's nothing wrong with formula. 

Early UO: I'm a little grossed out by breastmilk. This includes my own. I bf'd DD until 2 and I still feel this way. It has nothing to do with the act of nursing. I think nursing is awesome. I think it's just the body fluid aspect of it. It also has nothing to do with my anti-lactivism opinion above. I know. I'm weird. 

mdlorenz

I'm pro-donor milk, both "informal" (between friends and non-milk-bank sharing when there is clear donor screening as we have in my community - ie the same blood tests that a milk bank requires [and often pays for] are required by the informal network but paid for by the donor mama) and formal (HMBANA milk banks, of which there are a growing number but still way too few for the demand). 

My (unpopular) opinion (and to be frank, not just an opinion but based on science) is that formula does pose risks. The strongest evidence is related to infection risk (NEC, gastroenteritis, pneumonia) but there are other health risks as well. I never ever *ever* vindicate mothers (friends, patients, whatever) for using formula, but I can't agree with the statement that there's nothing wrong with formula. 

Alison Stuebe's article in the journal "Reviews in Obstetrics & Gynecology" (she's an OB in NC) is a good recent review of the literature. Not sure how accessible it is to the general public but the link is: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2812877  
She also has several posts on the Academy of Breastfeeding Medicine's blog about this topic:
https://bfmed.wordpress.com/2010/05/03/why-we-still-need-to-watch-our-language
https://bfmed.wordpress.com/2016/04/13/might-there-be-risks-of-risk-based-language

WombThereItIs

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

I think milk banks or milk from friends are probably fine. But I think there's a lot of lactivism that comes with this topic. I would probably only accept donor milk in a nicu situation. There's nothing wrong with formula. 

   I totally agree. If I have supply
issues or whatever then this kid will get formula. Barring something unusually like some kind of rare issue where baby can't tolerate any formula or something like that I wouldn't seek out breastmilk. 

Im actually hoping to alternate breastmilk with formula last time because with work and a million night time wake ups I can't put all that stress on myself again. 

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

@mdlorenz Honestly, if you have to qualify your "I don't vindicate" statement with a "but" then you've cancelled out your first clause. I won't get into a medical discussion here because clearly that is your profession. From a purely human/person to person perspective, I think it is far more dangerous to outline whatever very small risks might come with formula feeding in an anonymous public forum. Moms should discuss this with their actual doctors and should never ever be made to feel guilty for how they feed their child, regardless of reason. If moms/babies have a need for BM and the mom can't/isn't/doesn't want to produce it herself, she has options, which include donor milk or formula. But it's easy for those of us not in the medical field to see statements like yours and feel guilty. You can certainly share those articles. But to say that there is something inherently wrong with formula is ridiculous.

psherman42wwsa

I don't believe @mdlorenz is trying to make anyone feel guilty about how they feed their child. She has an educated opinion and shared that. We all share opinions that are different from each other and it's not to make anyone feel guilty, it's just conversation.

chickyclg

The only thing I really have to add about breast milk/ formula discussion is it really is important to discuss breast milk and formula with your pediatrician that has your child's file in front of them.  DD had a premature epiglottis that caused Failure to Thrive, breast milk is typically lower calorie than formula so to give her BM exclusively wasn't best for her (especially when she needed 24 and 26 calorie milk at times)

BeachMommy2B

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

@mdlorenz Honestly, if you have to qualify your "I don't vindicate" statement with a "but" then you've cancelled out your first clause. I won't get into a medical discussion here because clearly that is your profession. From a purely human/person to person perspective, I think it is far more dangerous to outline whatever very small risks might come with formula feeding in an anonymous public forum. Moms should discuss this with their actual doctors and should never ever be made to feel guilty for how they feed their child, regardless of reason. If moms/babies have a need for BM and the mom can't/isn't/doesn't want to produce it herself, she has options, which include donor milk or formula. But it's easy for those of us not in the medical field to see statements like yours and feel guilty. You can certainly share those articles. But to say that there is something inherently wrong with formula is ridiculous.

I agree with this 100%.... although we all know that breastmilk is the healthier option, parents that have/want/need to formula feed should not have to feel guilty for their decision. There's nothing harder than a mother that truly wants to breastfeed but is having issues push herself to the point of complete breakdown because she feels judged and terrible mom guilt if she has to switch to formula. Comments like what were made in your post @mdlorenz would have pushed me over the edge 3 years ago. A mom taking care of her baby the best way she can/knows how is always best..

*although pushing yourself to complete breakdown seems a bit overexagerated, its actually quite east at that point postpartum. It happened to me.... I still hope so much that breastfeeding will workout for us this time around, but if it doesn't I know better now to not let things like that being said to a forum of other moms get me so down. 

shemel

Thanks for the opinions ladies.  Due to breast surgery early on in life, I was only able to give colostrum and about an ounce of milk per feeding to my DD; she had been on a formula/BM combo since her first meal at the hospital. This time around I am using donated milk (with a near BM formula during the night so I can sleep). The goal is to receive a enough for a year, but whatever I receive is great with me. 

As far as guilting moms into using whatever (or not using whatever), I think the best thing for moms on public forums is to already have your mind made up before asking anything-otherwise reading this would have definitely scared me off my decision .  Have an awesome day ladies!

schnitz9

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

@mdlorenz Honestly, if you have to qualify your "I don't vindicate" statement with a "but" then you've cancelled out your first clause. I won't get into a medical discussion here because clearly that is your profession. From a purely human/person to person perspective, I think it is far more dangerous to outline whatever very small risks might come with formula feeding in an anonymous public forum. Moms should discuss this with their actual doctors and should never ever be made to feel guilty for how they feed their child, regardless of reason. If moms/babies have a need for BM and the mom can't/isn't/doesn't want to produce it herself, she has options, which include donor milk or formula. But it's easy for those of us not in the medical field to see statements like yours and feel guilty. You can certainly share those articles. But to say that there is something inherently wrong with formula is ridiculous.

OMG @notaplaya-justcrushalot thank you so much for what you've said.  While pregnant with my son all I thought about was breastfeeding him. I got all the books, pillows, clothes.  Took all the classes.  Well, life didn't work out the way I planned.  When he was born he had a severe tongue tie and my supply never really came in (this is with pumping 6-8 times a day too.) After a completely mental breakdown and bout with severe PPD and PPA that my docs chalked up to guilt I did supplement formula and gave him all the breastmilk that I could produce.  Eventually I was able to do 4 out of 8 bottles a day breastmilk. He thrived and gained weight like a normal infant.  While yes breastmilk is best for your child, feeding them is really whats best!!!! There are risks on both ends if you ask me. I will prob do the same thing this time around as I don't want to put the pressure on myself and go through that horror again. I missed out on so much quality time with my son and husband the first 4 weeks that I will never get back.  To me that is what haunts me to this day.

onebadmotha

@mdlorenz - I'm guessing "vindicate" was not the word you were intending to use in that context? I sure hope that's the case. I agree with @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot and @BeachMommy2B's responses, having been a new mom whose dreams of exclusively breastfeeding did not work out. When I was told that I had to supplement by my ped (after having seen numerous lactation consultants and having done everything in my power to increase my supply, and being told by the last LC "it looks like this is just the amount you make"), I was sobbing in the doctor's office. I felt like I had failed my son. No one should feel like that.

I was subsequently bullied by "lactivists" and kicked out of the weekly mom group I had been attending after I brought formula to feed him during a meeting. Negative comments about formula are not productive. The benefits of breast milk are widely known and not under debate, but I am now incredibly thankful that there are other options available, such as formula. My son is thriving. 

Anyways, I agree with the majority of the responses re: donor milk. If it's through a hospital or is highly screened, I'm not opposed to the idea. There are very few people whose milk I would trust, friends included. 

kat81

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

@mdlorenz Honestly, if you have to qualify your "I don't vindicate" statement with a "but" then you've cancelled out your first clause. I won't get into a medical discussion here because clearly that is your profession. From a purely human/person to person perspective, I think it is far more dangerous to outline whatever very small risks might come with formula feeding in an anonymous public forum. Moms should discuss this with their actual doctors and should never ever be made to feel guilty for how they feed their child, regardless of reason. If moms/babies have a need for BM and the mom can't/isn't/doesn't want to produce it herself, she has options, which include donor milk or formula. But it's easy for those of us not in the medical field to see statements like yours and feel guilty. You can certainly share those articles. But to say that there is something inherently wrong with formula is ridiculous.

fwiw, the "I don't vindicate" statement is NOT cancelled out by the "but" because I think that @mdlorenz accidentally chose the wrong word here. "Vilify" was probably what she meant -- she would not vilify someone for using formula, but believes breast is best. Vindicate means justify or clear of blame. So with the UO that formula is harmful, then yeah, she would not be vindicating people who use formula, either. <-- by the way, this pedantic comment is NOT meant to mock anyone other than perhaps myself for pointing it out. I just think that it's funny how we sometimes write the wrong word. I do it all of the time!

Anyhow, my take on this is that it sucks that there are mommy wars, judgments about parenting, etc. I just posted a comment about this yesterday in the post about SO rants & raves when my parenting was judged by a stranger and she was sort of right but also it was basically none of her business and her pointing it out did way more harm than good for me and my children (nor was it news to me).

As for breastmilk vs. formula, I think it's great for moms, babies, the environment, etc to encourage and support breastfeeding so that can be the default for as many people as possible. When it works, it saves money and is healthy for everyone involved. However, a lot of the encouragement goes WAY overboard...and it does so quickly because of this undercurrent of judgment of mothers in general so everyone is sensitive about it. SOOOOOO many people have so much trouble breastfeeding. There is a point at which people need to give up because trying does more harm than good -- baby isn't gaining weight, parents aren't sleeping, parents are stressed, mom is getting sick with various breastfeeding-related issues, etc. It's NOT worth it when that happens. Moreover, there is nothing morally wrong with not wanting to try in the first place for whatever reason (I just said it should be the default for as many as possible, but not necessarily for everyone.) I breastfed both of my children for a long time, but my experience with how it went for my first (NOT well for months) was a real eye-opener for how people struggle with this. Without the massive support I had from family, etc, I never could have continued on and it wouldn't have made sense to.

Oh and as for the original question, I would donate to anyone and receive from very close friends/family if needed, as well as a bank. But I would also be fine with using formula. I wouldn't receive from a stranger except through a bank.

nda_roxybabe

I have friends who have through FB groups and what not and I support them. I personally, would not though. I don't know, unless it came from a close friend or a regulated bank it's not something I'd be comfortable doing.
I grew up convinced I'd formula feed like my Mom did. A few years ago I finally decided I'd want to BF and have started looking forward to it. I'll be bummed if it does not work and may look into a regulated donation, but otherwise would formula feed. I have friends who have formula fed, just as I was. While "breast is best" may be true, I think the more important think is making sure you're making the right choice for you and your child and that your child is healthy and growing. 

llenadevida900

I was lucky enough to EBF but I did pump a small stash for emergencies. I looked into donating it when it was clear I wouldn't use it. The closest bank to me (San Jose hospital) required 100 ounces - I was nowhere near that! 

Fwiw- I think as long as you feed your baby you deserve a high five 

mdlorenz

Working nights + tired brain. Thank you (all of you) for your input about this topic. Truly.

@kayemjay2and @kat81 - Indeed! I did not mean vindicate. Shame/vilify were words that would have made waaaay more sense. [And @kayemjay2 - it is absolutely HORRIBLE what you went through (esp the mom group bullies). Yuck. I am pro-BF but not behavior like that.]

@NotAPlaya-JustCrustAlot - I disagree that [not shaming moms] and [discussing risks of formula] are mutually exclusive. The detailed discussion about feeding options (including risks/benefits) is appropriate pre-delivery, while reminding mom of her options (IMO, mom's own milk first, then donor milk, then formula) in a supportive way that helps her meet her goals without contributing to shame/guilt/obsession/unnecessary anxiety + sleep deprivation is the most appropriate post-baby approach. [ETA: I would not (and have not) brought up risks of formula with a new mom -- completely not a right/respectful time to do so.]

I agree that moms should have this conversation with their providers face to face. The most important part about these discussions is knowing where mom is coming from (prior experience from family / friends / her own life), what her goals are, and (perhaps most importantly?) and what her support/resources are or will be (because *this* is where the real problem is - our country is woefully under-prepared and poorly-structured to support mothers of new babies, especially related to breastfeeding). Knowing that context helps guide all future discussions - what level of additional education and support are needed (and when).

I disagree with the implication of danger in bringing up the risk point here. *So many* providers know very little about breastfeeding (though this is improving) and what options (ie donor milk, lactation consultants, support groups, etc) are available in their community. I'm glad the topic was brought up here, for the discussion and for the increased visibility of donor milk as an option that many moms don't even know exists.

I think it's dangerous to perpetuate misinformation in an anonymous forum. The purpose of my comment re: the existence of formula risks was in response to the "nothing wrong with formula" phrase. There is *nothing* wrong / bad / imperfect / lazy / etc etc about a mom / parent who uses formula (but I think this gets projected with the risk-based talk).  I feel I should have taken Alison's blog post (the 2nd link I posted) more to heart re how I framed my post (from the perspective of risk).

I had a rocky BF relationship (particularly in the first 2 weeks, but lasting many months with the numerous challenges that BFing can bring during different stages of infancy) with my first and completely agree how emotional and guilt-ridden the experience can be. I hope you (all) understand that I hear you (@BeachMommy2B, @schnitz9, @kayemjay2) about that.

I'll work on my language (getting words right and thinking more about perspective overall before I post with two thumbs at 3am). I hope some of this was helpful in clarifying where I'm coming from (as a mom / BF advocate / provider who tries to support all moms).

MoshiMoshi7

@mdlorenz I see what you are trying to say about perpeuating misinformation and agree with you that being educated and informed is important. However, I think you are missing @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot's point about the danger of making those statements on an anonymous Internet forum. 
     Yes, formula has risks (most things have some risk) but they are extremely miniscule and many of them would have nothing to do with each individual case. The words of a person on the internet are now going to be lingering in the back of a new mom's mind, even if they may not be applicable to her baby or even if they are detrimental to her baby (failure to thrive). I think it would be more appropriate to advise women to speak to their own pediatrician and keep themselves informed, than link articles that have the potential to do damage when not used correctly.

CarmCeG

I didn't even know there were milk banks, how interesting!!

I don't have too much to add to this seeing as this will be my first go around.

I will say that I think milk banks sound great for moms who aren't necessarily fans of formula. If I did supply more than enough milk for my baby, I'd definitely donate!!

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot

MoshiMoshi7 said:

@mdlorenz I see what you are trying to say about perpeuating misinformation and agree with you that being educated and informed is important. However, I think you are missing @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot's point about the danger of making those statements on an anonymous Internet forum. 
     Yes, formula has risks (most things have some risk) but they are extremely miniscule and many of them would have nothing to do with each individual case. The words of a person on the internet are now going to be lingering in the back of a new mom's mind, even if they may not be applicable to her baby or even if they are detrimental to her baby (failure to thrive). I think it would be more appropriate to advise women to speak to their own pediatrician and keep themselves informed, than link articles that have the potential to do damage when not used correctly.

YASS.

Also, I'd add that while providers might be misinformed, there's most certainly not a lack of information out there. 

schnitz9

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

MoshiMoshi7 said:

@mdlorenz I see what you are trying to say about perpeuating misinformation and agree with you that being educated and informed is important. However, I think you are missing @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot's point about the danger of making those statements on an anonymous Internet forum. 
     Yes, formula has risks (most things have some risk) but they are extremely miniscule and many of them would have nothing to do with each individual case. The words of a person on the internet are now going to be lingering in the back of a new mom's mind, even if they may not be applicable to her baby or even if they are detrimental to her baby (failure to thrive). I think it would be more appropriate to advise women to speak to their own pediatrician and keep themselves informed, than link articles that have the potential to do damage when not used correctly.

YASS.

Also, I'd add that while providers might be misinformed, there's most certainly not a lack of information out there. 

So much this!!!! I go to an OB and Ped office where many of the doc are top in the state in their fields.  After 3 bouts of mastitis in 4 weeks, no milk coming in after 6-8 pumps a day, having his tongue tie clipped, and countless appts with LC's, the LC consultant finally sat me down and told me it was OK.  She informed me that I was just one of those mothers that couldn't BF.  She assured me it wasn't my fault or anything I did wrong.  She also let me know that giving him 4 bottles of BM a day and 4 bottles of formula was perfect fine for him and assured me he was at NO greater risk for health issues than a child is who is EBF. While yes I believe that breast is best and all new moms should "try the best they can to do it." That doesn't mean they have to if they can't.  If I read the articles posted while I was struggling I don't think I would have been comfortable taking the advice I got. 

vrj0522

schnitz9 said:

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot said:

MoshiMoshi7 said:

@mdlorenz I see what you are trying to say about perpeuating misinformation and agree with you that being educated and informed is important. However, I think you are missing @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot's point about the danger of making those statements on an anonymous Internet forum. 
     Yes, formula has risks (most things have some risk) but they are extremely miniscule and many of them would have nothing to do with each individual case. The words of a person on the internet are now going to be lingering in the back of a new mom's mind, even if they may not be applicable to her baby or even if they are detrimental to her baby (failure to thrive). I think it would be more appropriate to advise women to speak to their own pediatrician and keep themselves informed, than link articles that have the potential to do damage when not used correctly.

YASS.

Also, I'd add that while providers might be misinformed, there's most certainly not a lack of information out there. 

So much this!!!! I go to an OB and Ped office where many of the doc are top in the state in their fields.  After 3 bouts of mastitis in 4 weeks, no milk coming in after 6-8 pumps a day, having his tongue tie clipped, and countless appts with LC's, the LC consultant finally sat me down and told me it was OK.  She informed me that I was just one of those mothers that couldn't BF.  She assured me it wasn't my fault or anything I did wrong.  She also let me know that giving him 4 bottles of BM a day and 4 bottles of formula was perfect fine for him and assured me he was at NO greater risk for health issues than a child is who is EBF. While yes I believe that breast is best and all new moms should "try the best they can to do it." That doesn't mean they have to if they can't.  If I read the articles posted while I was struggling I don't think I would have been comfortable taking the advice I got. 

The problem with your experience is that it shouldn't come to that before a mom feels ok switching to formula. I say this because I also had a very difficult experience bf'ing my first. Between supply issues, mastitis, and hand tendinitis I was a mess. I only bf for 3.5 months but the last few weeks I was so afraid of picking him up from or putting him down in his crib in fear of dropping him from the awful hand pain. Still, weaning brought me so many feelings of sadness and guilt but after a couple of weeks I wished I would've done it sooner because I enjoyed motherhood so much more once we were done bf'ing. My experience with DD was very different and I was able to bf long-term.

All this to say that the resources should be out there for women to learn and get help but the judgements should not. Women should be able to make an informed decision without feeling all this pressure that tells them they are a bad mother for choosing formula, when all they are trying to do is take care of their baby in the best way possible. Sometimes that "best way" is through formula.
 

MollyandD

kayemjay2 said:

I was subsequently bullied by "lactivists" and kicked out of the weekly mom group I had been attending after I brought formula to feed him during a meeting. Negative comments about formula are not productive. The benefits of breast milk are widely known and not under debate, but I am now incredibly thankful that there are other options available, such as formula. My son is thriving. 

They actually kicked you out?! How did that conversation happen? I'm so sorry for that experience. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

onebadmotha

MollyandD said:

kayemjay2 said:

I was subsequently bullied by "lactivists" and kicked out of the weekly mom group I had been attending after I brought formula to feed him during a meeting. Negative comments about formula are not productive. The benefits of breast milk are widely known and not under debate, but I am now incredibly thankful that there are other options available, such as formula. My son is thriving. 

They actually kicked you out?! How did that conversation happen? I'm so sorry for that experience. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

Yep. There was a private Facebook group associated with in, in which they're announce meeting locations and special events. They removed me, and one of the girls in the group (who I remained friends with) said that there had been discussion about why I was still in the group if I was not breastfeeding. She tried sticking up for me, but ultimately lost. It wasn't even a breastfeeding group, just a mom group of women who had babies the same month! Also, I WAS still breastfeeding, but was also supplementing. I didn't fight too hard to stay in, since they'd already shown their true sancti-mommy colors. 

wch+rsh03

Thank you, @BeachMommy2B a billion times, for your post. I agree completely! More people who have struggled with this should be telling their stories.
I'm a huge advocate for freedom of speech and not infringing on a person's rights to express themselves and their opinion but I also believe in empathy and thinking about how it could affect someone before you speak. (Especially when it comes to pregnancy and fresh motherhood as you also have to take into consideration the involvement of hormones.) Sometimes things that are said with the very best of intentions can really hurt someone. Which is why I believe that discussions about formula vs BM should be strictly between women and their doctors. 
With my first child I desperately wanted to do everything as naturally as possible; unmedicated delivery, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, etc. However, at 42weeks I had no choice but to induce as my placenta was losing potency and my DD was losing weight. Still I was determined to do things naturally, so, I was induced and after 22 hours of unmedicated labor my DD went into decells and required an emergency c-section. Come to find out, in the OR, my uterus has a rare malformation which is why my body cannot go into labor naturally or deliver a child. I was devastated.
My DD received prolonged treatment in the hospital before we were sent home. We were trying to breasfeed although she was still losing weight and had yet to latch properly. After a few weeks we saw a lactation consultant who recommended that I EP due to my nipples being so small and flat. So we bought a Medela pump and I began trying. I pumped every two hours, took all of the herbs, "power pumped", everything I could to keep my supply up and was failing. It consumed my life and during this time my husband who was working from home had to take over everything for DD, feeding, changing, baths, bedtime. I felt like nothing more than a milk machine, and a poorly functioning one at that. Little did I know I was also suffering from severe PPD. My milk dried up despite my best efforts and we had to put my DD on formula. 
I was crushed. The natural approach was and is still so important to me and I had had to give it up at every bend in the river. I felt like a failure. I felt like my DD and husband would be better off without me. I was at Rock bottom and sinking further when my husband finally convinced me to go to see my doctor. I began treatment and things slowly got better. This time around, per Dr's recommendation and due to the traumatic stress associated with the situation, we will, unfortunately, not be attempting to BF. 
I am not trying to tell anyone that they are not entitled to their opinion or that it is wrong to voice it, but before you do please try to consider what it could be doing to other struggling mothers. Motherhood is unique and wonderful, but it's also extremely difficult at times, especially early on and I think that we all should think before we speak in consideration and respect of that fact.

kat81

kayemjay2 said:

MollyandD said:

kayemjay2 said:

I was subsequently bullied by "lactivists" and kicked out of the weekly mom group I had been attending after I brought formula to feed him during a meeting. Negative comments about formula are not productive. The benefits of breast milk are widely known and not under debate, but I am now incredibly thankful that there are other options available, such as formula. My son is thriving. 

They actually kicked you out?! How did that conversation happen? I'm so sorry for that experience. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

Yep. There was a private Facebook group associated with in, in which they're announce meeting locations and special events. They removed me, and one of the girls in the group (who I remained friends with) said that there had been discussion about why I was still in the group if I was not breastfeeding. She tried sticking up for me, but ultimately lost. It wasn't even a breastfeeding group, just a mom group of women who had babies the same month! Also, I WAS still breastfeeding, but was also supplementing. I didn't fight too hard to stay in, since they'd already shown their true sancti-mommy colors. 

What the actual F?! Even if it had been a breast feeding group primarily, this is ridiculous. BFing moms in a BFing group could use information about what it's like to combo feed and when people need to or choose to go this route, as well as what it's like to go to all FF. And if it's not a BFing group then, um, WHAT THE HELL?!

kat81

wch+rsh03 said:

Thank you, @BeachMommy2B a billion times, for your post. I agree completely! More people who have struggled with this should be telling their stories.
I'm a huge advocate for freedom of speech and not infringing on a person's rights to express themselves and their opinion but I also believe in empathy and thinking about how it could affect someone before you speak. (Especially when it comes to pregnancy and fresh motherhood as you also have to take into consideration the involvement of hormones.) Sometimes things that are said with the very best of intentions can really hurt someone. Which is why I believe that discussions about formula vs BM should be strictly between women and their doctors. 
With my first child I desperately wanted to do everything as naturally as possible; unmedicated delivery, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, etc. However, at 42weeks I had no choice but to induce as my placenta was losing potency and my DD was losing weight. Still I was determined to do things naturally, so, I was induced and after 22 hours of unmedicated labor my DD went into decells and required an emergency c-section. Come to find out, in the OR, my uterus has a rare malformation which is why my body cannot go into labor naturally or deliver a child. I was devastated.
My DD received prolonged treatment in the hospital before we were sent home. We were trying to breasfeed although she was still losing weight and had yet to latch properly. After a few weeks we saw a lactation consultant who recommended that I EP due to my nipples being so small and flat. So we bought a Medela pump and I began trying. I pumped every two hours, took all of the herbs, "power pumped", everything I could to keep my supply up and was failing. It consumed my life and during this time my husband who was working from home had to take over everything for DD, feeding, changing, baths, bedtime. I felt like nothing more than a milk machine, and a poorly functioning one at that. Little did I know I was also suffering from severe PPD. My milk dried up despite my best efforts and we had to put my DD on formula. 
I was crushed. The natural approach was and is still so important to me and I had had to give it up at every bend in the river. I felt like a failure. I felt like my DD and husband would be better off without me. I was at Rock bottom and sinking further when my husband finally convinced me to go to see my doctor. I began treatment and things slowly got better. This time around, per Dr's recommendation and due to the traumatic stress associated with the situation, we will, unfortunately, not be attempting to BF. 
I am not trying to tell anyone that they are not entitled to their opinion or that it is wrong to voice it, but before you do please try to consider what it could be doing to other struggling mothers. Motherhood is unique and wonderful, but it's also extremely difficult at times, especially early on and I think that we all should think before we speak in consideration and respect of that fact.

I'm so sorry about what you went through last time.

When you judge someone or offer someone advice, you never know the back story. Someone giving you info on the benefits of BFing is completely missing the point. Someone who gives you advice on how to BF more effectively also has no idea of the lengths you already went through (and that you already tried EVERYTHING). It wouldn't make any sense whatsoever for you to give it a second shot this time around and could likely cause you harm to your health (and therefore harm to your two children). But some idiot without the knowledge of your story could say, "but don't you just want to TRY it again this time?!" ugggggghhhhhhh

So I would rephrase this sentence "This time around, per Dr.'s recommendation...we will, unfortunately, not be attempting to BF." Instead of "unfortunately," say "fortunately." It is FORTUNATE that you will not put yourself through that hell again.

BTW I say this as someone who BF one kid 17 mo--after very substantial difficulty for 2 mo--and the other 26 mo. I'm super pro-BFing. But not pro-torture.

onebadmotha

kat81 said:

kayemjay2 said:

MollyandD said:

kayemjay2 said:

I was subsequently bullied by "lactivists" and kicked out of the weekly mom group I had been attending after I brought formula to feed him during a meeting. Negative comments about formula are not productive. The benefits of breast milk are widely known and not under debate, but I am now incredibly thankful that there are other options available, such as formula. My son is thriving. 

They actually kicked you out?! How did that conversation happen? I'm so sorry for that experience. No one deserves to be treated like that. 

Yep. There was a private Facebook group associated with in, in which they're announce meeting locations and special events. They removed me, and one of the girls in the group (who I remained friends with) said that there had been discussion about why I was still in the group if I was not breastfeeding. She tried sticking up for me, but ultimately lost. It wasn't even a breastfeeding group, just a mom group of women who had babies the same month! Also, I WAS still breastfeeding, but was also supplementing. I didn't fight too hard to stay in, since they'd already shown their true sancti-mommy colors. 

What the actual F?! Even if it had been a breast feeding group primarily, this is ridiculous. BFing moms in a BFing group could use information about what it's like to combo feed and when people need to or choose to go this route, as well as what it's like to go to all FF. And if it's not a BFing group then, um, WHAT THE HELL?!

Yep. In hindsight, I definitely didn't fit in there (for many reasons), but at the time, I was pretty crushed. I really wanted mom friends! Luckily, I have since found my people. 

schnitz9

@wch+rsh03 I basically went through the exact same thing.  When people comment or post article like the ones before it brings back all the horrible memories all over again.  I've always told people that the pendulum swings both ways.  I know mothers who BF have commented on how when the go out in public they don't like the stares or the judging when the BF in public.  However, I've experienced the opposite on many occasions.  I've been stared at by other mothers for feeding my child a bottle of formula in public.  I will never forget ne visit to BBB and sitting in the mothers room feeding my son.  A women was in there BF her child and stared at me and finally said "oh you're not BFing." I was crushed!

Like you said, people don't know everyones story.  So please everyone before commenting remember that my women formula feed not by choice but by necessity.

LuckyAngie

nope, nope, nope.

I was only able to BF my son until he was 6 weeks old. Won't go into that roller coaster of emotions right now. FF was a tough decision, but the best. He's thriving, happy, healthy. I would much prefer FF my kids over buying someone else's milk.

Nothing wrong with FF, and I'm glad I have that attitude about it this go around. If BF doesn't work out again, I will happily give my DD formula.

RedInLove

Adequately feed your kid in whatever manner best suits your family. 

We share blood and organs. I have no problem with shared breastmilk in an equivalently safe and controlled process. 

caileajayden

I didn't pump extra with my son but this time around I really want to pump a LOT. I know I have zero supply issues as I had an oversupply for the first few weeks of my sons life and still breastfeed now 20 months later. I actually think I may start pumping soon and continue to do so once my next son is here. I'd like to build up a large supply for my babies and then donate the excess or like half of what I manage to pump. 

Ive also nursed a friends baby. I was babysitting, she asked beforehand if I was comfortable with it if he didn't take a bottle and I was. He was miserable tired and refusing the bottle so I nursed him to sleep. 

psherman42wwsa

@caileajayden if you pump now, you shouldn't give that milk to your new baby. His nutritional needs will be different than the milk your currently producing... your milk changes over time.

you may already be aware of this, just a reminder!