Question for STM+ Who Co-Sleep

kat0607

I am a FTM and honestly I haven't done much research on my own about co-sleeping, but I see it referenced on the boards a lot and I am curious to know:

Does YOUR co-sleeping involve sleeping in the same room, or in the same bed? Why? What factors made you decide this was a good choice for you and your LO?

I'm not sure how I feel about co-sleeping just yet, but I am interested in different opinions and experiences! 

flipflopped

This is a bit my field so I have very strong opinions. Bed-sharing with an infant (less than 1 y/o) is VERY risky and it would be irresponsible for any medical or health related professional to encourage or support it. The AAP recently released new guidance https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/A-Parents-Guide-to-Safe-Sleep.aspx but not too different from the old. The newest guidance supports room-sharing for the 6months, ideally the first year of life.

You will always hear stories of I did and it was fine, but the risk is never worth it to me.

plumpous

I didn't plan to but it happened from fatigue. I went about it all wrong and put her in a lot of danger. She's fine but I regret my actions. I think it's a good idea to co sleep and you should arm yourself with appropriate gear to keep the LO safe. 
Here's why I did it. I was too tired. I was breastfeeding at night and just drifting to sleep. I also loved it. At first she was so small and she slept on my chest.  I couldn't resist. Then she would sleep next to me in bed or the sofa when she refused being on top of me. But that is dangerous. There are many special bassinets that connect to your bed and stuff like that. 

morgarita

We co-slept for the first couple months. He ds slept in our bed, the first week or two he slept in a rock n play next to the bed. It was way easier for breastfeeding and not having to get up and down. Dh and I don't really use pillows or blankets. Now that ds is not sleeping with us sometimes we use pillows and I use a blanket. Also when he's sick or we're away from home ds prefers to co sleep.  Not saying we made it safer than not co sleeping but I did what I thought was best for our family. Definitely do your research and find out any hidden dangers you may not have thought of. 

Next one one I will probably get a co-sleeper in case ds crawls in with us at night. I will NOT let ds co sleep with the new baby, huge safety hazard. 

satsumasandlemons

DH and I felt co-sleeping as a family was dangerous - for whatever reason (but pretty typical with dads), DH doesn't wake up as easily as I do with DD. So, we had a bed in the nursery - basically a queen mattress on the floor - so I co-slept in there a lot with DD. It was easier for the family but this time we're getting a co-sleeper, no bedsharing for us. 

OperaSingerMommy

We have never had her in our bed but DD slept in a pack n play at the foot of our bed or a rock n play right next to my side of the bed for the first few months.  It made me feel safer since I could check on her constantly and it saved me walking across the hall for feedings at night (every second counts when you're exhausted at 3am).

Tip if you have your baby in the same room as you: consider laying out clothes the night before so that opening drawers don't wake the baby in the morning, also choose an alarm clock ring tone that isn't insanely loud (I swear to God, DH and his love of the snooze button almost ruined our marriage, lol).

Xath

We "coslept" in that the boys were https:// in the room with us for the first several months.  DS1 was in our bed, but in a separate cosleeper.  It was great, but I only recommend it if you have a King bed.  In our queen, it made things super tight.  It's easy to travel with, and we would have used it for DS2, but it ripped/died on one of our trips.  

DS2 was in the PnP next to our bed for 7 months.  It wasn't quite as convenient as the cosleeper, but it worked out.  

This go around, we'll probably stick with the PnP.  I've been eyeing this thing and would probably go with it if we weren't so sure this is our last baby, coupled with the fact that we'll be making an international move when baby is 8 weeks old, so we wouldn't get enough use out of it to justify the cost.  

*trigger warning*

For DS2 we also had a Snuzza breathing monitor while he was in our room.  This was more for my sanity after we lost our daughter, but it came in handy on those rough nights where I'd fall asleep while nursing and DS2 was still in our bed.  (Also he stopped breathing twice in his bed and the monitor alerted us, thank God.)  We had the AngelCare when he moved into the big crib, but this was handy before that. 

mrscate88

I coslept with my first baby for the entire first year, she slept in bed with me every night, mainly because I was exhausted and this made it easier to nurse her. I literally just latched her on and we went back to sleep, no issues. 

BUT I regret it so much. Now, she's the worlds worst sleeper, she's restless and fussy and impossible to wean. I won't be doing that with this next baby.

I'm buying a cosleeper bassinet and keeping baby at a safe distance. I'll get up and feed baby, put baby back in the bassinet, and go back to sleep. Just as the pros recommend.

ashaw512

I did bc I was bfing on demand. I would get up, put him in the bed, nurse, put him back in his bed. He was over a year old when we moved and I think being in a new house, new room, made him unsecure, and I would fall asleep nursing him when I put him in my bed. After that it became an every night thing. 

Cejiml

I am a "reactive" co-sleeper if you will. I chose to have both my DD &DS in my room. With my DD she slept in a crib in our room for the first year then would sleep in our bed at like 1am when she woke. She slept 8-8. I was lucky. My DS has been a nightmare sleeper and at 11 months still has not once sttn. And out of necessity we have had him in our bed from about 3-5 weeks. First he was in the mamaroo then we just eventually transitioned him in our bed. 
Is it safe in the beginning no. And I was always scared.  But when you need sleep you have to survive and that's where we are. He was colic/high needs from jump and still needs to be touched while sleeping or will only nap 30 min. 
This will be a very hot topic moving forward once you get to the actual baby and you just have to do what's right for you. I will say with our third now my DH says this bang needs to be in their room from jump which I'm just against. I feel safer having my babies close even in the pack in play. 

Mrs.EmmaLouise

We made sure my daughter slept in her crib as soon as we got home. I did occasionally take a nap with her after she was a few months old. I EBF and had no issues. At night when DD woke up DH would get her and bring her to me in my bed, and then return her to her crib for me when she was done nursing. 

Once she got older, like age 2 she started coming into my bed when she's sick or has had a nightmare. But 99% of the time she sleeps in her own bed- which to be honest, I need my own space after a long day. She also sleeps with me when we vacation.

No regrets.

With new baby, I have a larger bedroom so will have space for baby's crib to be in my room this time, and am looking forward to baby being closer. But still no intentions on co-sleeping a NB/infant. But you'll get no judgement from me if you choose to. 

virginiaunicorn11

We've included some type of bedsharing practically since birth. LO is 18 months now. He's always also had his own bassinet, then PnP, then crib. 

There are many studies and articles and different ways to configure sleep arrangements. Research the hell out of it, then choose what works for your family. Regardless of what you choose, sleep is one of the issues (I've found) that people will constantly preach at you and tell you that you're wrong. 

Also FWIW - on the Bump, once a thread establishes a majority opinion, others tend not to speak up. In my June 15 BMB group, bed sharing was widely practiced, with discussions on how to be safe in doing that. This thread is clearly leaning in the other direction, which is also fine.

One of the most dangerous things about bed sharing is that people are so shamed about it, they pretend it never happens - then they don't learn best practices, and it is even more dangerous.

I am not advocating for any practice. You do you, boo.

dancegurl1118

I tried to co-sleep, god damnit. But the child refused to sleep anywhere but her own crib (I'm not complaining I know how lucky that is). We kept her in a PNP for the first 8 weeks since I was BF on demand, and also had an auto RNP to put her in to keep her quiet when she woke up at 5a and wanted to stay up after she ate. I tried her in her own crib and room at 8 weeks and she slept through the night and we never looked back.

She still refuses to sleep anywhere but in a crib. She's a self soother and needs to relax and suck her thumb alone before she drifts off. 

Thats what worked for us because she was (and still is) a trick baby. I'm sure this one will be hell on wheels. I'm not ready. 

abmommy15

I didn't co-sleep because it scares the crap out of me and the risk just wasn't worth it for us.  I also wasn't willing to kick my husband out of bed and sleep with no pillows or blankets.
 That said if you do decide to co-sleep research a ton and make no exceptions to safe practices.  I definitely believe it can be done safely, the issue is that so many  people ignore the simple things that need to be done to keep baby safe.  

mrscate88

Well said @virginiaunicorn11  We coslept and didn't fear it at all, and didn't care what anyone thought of our decision. My doctor and pedi gave us suggestions for safety IF we chose that route, and we followed them. My daughter is safe and healthy, but you're right, many people are against it and you have to just do your research and find what works for your family and your circumstances. I only regret cosleeping because my daughter turned into such a needy terror at night time and she was literally hooked to me ALL NIGHT. And now that we're weaning, nighttime is so much easier! 

splashmountain

We had a bassinet for ds that sat next to our bed for the first few weeks. it was nice having him in our room so dh could hop up and get him when he woke up and hand him over to me for feeding.  He has slept with us on occasion when he refused to sleep ...mama needs her sleep! You'll find what works for your family

caribbeanmama-2

We had a high needs/fussy baby who we later found out had a host of food allergies, had terrible reflux, and sensory processing difficulties - he needed to be held almost all the time.  He also nursed constantly and slowly and now at 17 months we know he has dysphagia (trouble swallowing) - which must have been present all along.  From birth he never slept more than 20 minutes at a time in a bassinet or crib unless lying directly on top of one of us.  In the beginning, I muscled on placing him in the bassinet time after time beside our bed and alternating with him sleeping on top of me.  If we let him cry for a minute it would exacerbate his already bad reflux and he would vomit on himself.  When awake he fussed constantly - noise fatigue is a real thing.  Then at the 4 month mark with no relief in sight, I gave up and placed him in our bed for good - husband was already sleeping in the other room or the couch because of our all night marathon waking (I was on maternity leave then sabbatical).  The sleep wasn't great but I was able to sleep and nurse every 2 hours through the night which continued through to 13 months.  

Once baby was older, husband was allowed in the bed - we researched safe cosleeping practices in terms of positions etc. I wish I hadn't tried to listen to the American doctors and all the scare tactics about cosleeping as it took me a long time to finally do what would work for me and my baby and our family and what entire populations practice in a host of other cultures.  In depth analysis of the research against cosleeping is tied to factors such as persons being grossly overweight, lots of pillows in the bed, baby sleeping next to Dad (infant phase), drinking alcohol etc. and did not stand up to my own scrutiny.  Do your own research and if you come home with one of those high needs/fussy babies - Dr.Sears is your friend.

About 6 weeks ago, we started sleep training (not cry it out - cry it in mummy's arms -) and we are making improvements but he is still not sleeping through the night.  The pregnancy fatigue was getting to be too much and I needed more rest.  He is old enough to know that he prefers sleeping with us - and heck I don't blame him - so the transfer process is taking a long time because he is in the habit of being snuggled up next to me.  That and he is just a terrible sleeper.   So if you do cosleep (bedshare), my advice would be to have a plan for getting baby out before he is 'conscious' and really aware of what is going on.  Unless of course you are getting plenty sleep that way and don't mind the arrangement.

If you get one of those babies that sleeps in their bassinet/crib - count yourself lucky and good for you!  We had to survive.  I am a shameless co-sleeping mama!   My plan is to be responsive to the individual needs of this child and just go with my gut and instinct from day 1.  I'm hoping for one of those babies you can put down next time though!

LoveLee85

We co-slept to keep DS alive. Since he was born, he would silently choke on spitup/fluid couldn't get it out on his own. I would have to turn him on his side and make his head lower, all while cleaning his airway with the suction thingy. I WAS TERRIFIED. We didn't sleep at all the first few months. He would do this at family functions while family would be holding him, I'd start screaming  lunging for him to clear his airway. He would get blue lips. It haunts my dreams. I had to sit next to him in the car even because he would do it while we were driving! I never left the house alone so that I could be back there with him. I never had a sitter because I didn't want something terrible to happen if they didn't notice him. My parents refused to watch them because they panic even watching me clear his mouth out. They didn't want the responsibility, and I don't blame them. 

He slowly grew out of it after about 4 months old. Then he was able to get it out on his own. He's 15 months old and has never spent one night in his own room. We had a co sleeping basket in our bed, a pnp next to our bed, and his crib in our large room. So now we more 'room share'. He might start out in our bed, then get moved. Or start in his crib in our room then get moved to our bed, just depends. I'm just praying this next baby doesn't have the same issue he had as a newborn. It was terrifying and I was so exhausted. 

ETA: idk if it's because I never left his side fearing he would choke when I wasn't there to help him, or he just only liked being held? A little of both maybe? Even when he was in the basket in our bed, my hand had to be on his chest. From day one he would scream and howl if he wasn't physically on me or DH. We did what we had to do to survive. I just reallllly hope this next baby is my 'easy' one. Lol 

Since we already have all our baby stuff besides diapers/formula/wipes, I am going to buy a foot monitor for baby number 2 and try to get some sleep! 

yellow1daisy

I have no strong opinions on this. I think bedsharing can be made safer if the parent does their research and practices safe methods. 

Having said that, this would not work for my family. I'm way too light of a sleeper. I would never get any rest.

My daughter slept in our room for the first 5 months in a Moses basket (with a stand that made it bed level). Then she outgrew the stand and into her crib in the nursery she went. We've had ups and downs with her sleep but generally she's a good sleeper. I don't regret going this route at all and will probably try to do the same for baby #2. 

But, my daughter was easy to transition out of a swaddle (around 3 months), and easy to transition into her crib. I'm not so sure baby #2 will be like this but a girl can dream! 

Dcwtada

I coslept with my daughter for 2 months and my son for 4 - and by cosleep I mean bedsharing. We had a bassinet next to the bed and I would put them down at the beginning of the night in there and once they would wake up I would take them into bed with me to nurse and sleep. Bedsharing worked for us because they refused to sleep by themselves - especially in the beginning mine needed the comfort of another body and were restless until they were held. Believe me I did my research, and with my son I tried even harder in the beginning not to bedshare because my husband was almost jealous about it and wanted to cuddle at night and obviously couldn't with the baby. My first slept through the night at less 1 month and my 2nd in less than a week (although he was 10lbs when he was born so that might have everything to do with it). I had no issues transitioning them to the crib after a couple months, I kept my son for a little longer in our bed just because the babies shared a room at the time and my daughter was a light sleeper and would wake up from his snoring or fussing. I am also I light sleeper and had crappy sleep while we bedshared but it worked for us. 

caribbeanmama-2

@LoveLee85 right there with you on the terror of hearing the liquid coming up into baby's throat and rushing to turn him to get it out.  Your post made me cry since it's been a while since I thought about the excruciating detail of the choking.  I ended up staying home 14 months ("working" from home) always within ear shot though we had part-time and then full-time in home care.  My career is in the dumps because of it, but like you said it was hard to trust someone to be as in tune and responsive.  I'm hoping you get one of those put down babies this time around too!

LoveLee85

caribbeanmama said:

@LoveLee85 right there with you on the terror of hearing the liquid coming up into baby's throat and rushing to turn him to get it out.  Your post made me cry since it's been a while since I thought about the excruciating detail of the choking.  I ended up staying home 14 months ("working" from home) always within ear shot though we had part-time and then full-time in home care.  My career is in the dumps because of it, but like you said it was hard to trust someone to be as in tune and responsive.  I'm hoping you get one of those put down babies this time around too!

Oh girl, sorry to bring you to tears! I had watery eyes typing it out. I haven't thought about it in a while but the terror that creeps in, ugh. I think it kind of gave me some anxiety because I would be scared to even use the restroom without a video monitor on his face, or I would just carry his Moses basket in there with me! He was never out of sight for months! I'm so sorry you know all to well how awful it is. Hugs and hopes we both get the easy put down baby this time around!!! 

I just remember not not trusting anyone to not panic or remember what to do. Hell, or even realize it was happening! I would love to pass this new baby to a family member then actually walk away to enjoy myself for a moment without that blue suction bulb in my hand. I swear everyone thought I was crazy until they witnessed it. 

lamphele

I coslept with both my children.  My oldest daughter bed shared with us until I got pregnant with my second,  which was at 20 months.  With my second,  we bed sharred until she was 18 months when I was trying to wean her. It worked best for our family.  I had a c/s and it was so hard to get out of bed at night and it was easier to just nurse the baby in the bed. We both slept better next to each other. 

mars8k

DD is 19 months, she sleeps in our bed because i often fell asleep breastfeeding (seems like a popular reason lol) and because DH was too lazy to lower her bed (and i was too stubborn to do it) i now love it! we have plans to buy her a big girl bed and put it next to DH so i can have the new baby's crib next to me but this breaks my heart i love her little kicks at night and how she wakes up sometimes from a bad dream and just snuggles up next to me.

mrsdrmatney

I never planned to co sleep my girls. DS or baby 1 was a crib sleeper and only moved over in the 5-6am feed. But health issues had us pretty terrified with the girls (sbs, chd) so we had a co sleeper and that is how my life is. I look forward to a crib in our room but no co sleeping. My 3yo co sleeps on occasion still usually when she is sick so I can keep an eye on her. Otherwise they are like zombies and return in the mornings around 4 to snuggle up until the day starts a couple of hours later.

mrscate88

mars8k said:

DD is 19 months, she sleeps in our bed because i often fell asleep breastfeeding (seems like a popular reason lol) and because DH was too lazy to lower her bed (and i was too stubborn to do it) i now love it! we have plans to buy her a big girl bed and put it next to DH so i can have the new baby's crib next to me but this breaks my heart i love her little kicks at night and how she wakes up sometimes from a bad dream and just snuggles up next to me.

You are the cutest! I could not wait to get my kid out of my bed haha, and now that she's almost 15 months and finally sleeping through the night in her own bed, I'm the happiest mama ever.  I'm sorry that you're sad about the adjustment and hope that everyone adapts well hun. 

ACharnelle

We bedshare. Like others have shared, I was adamantly against bedsharing....BUT my son was an every hour feeder for the first couple of months and he fell asleep during feeding every single time. So I would too! Now he's 18 months and we can't picture him not sleeping with us! The thought breaks my heart! The first thing in the morning snuggles are some of my happiest moments. For the first few months I felt really guilty, but I started to do some research about the anthropology of the family bed (I am a cultural anthropologist) and now I feel that I made a good decision for our family. However, we are lucky in that the times we have placed him in his crib, he will go to sleep without much of a fight. With the new baby, we plan to purchase one of those "side car" cosleepers that goes on the side of the bed. 

mars8k

mrscate88 lol i can completely understand that as well!

abmommy15

@LoveLee85 that sounds terrifying, really hoping this baby is happy and healthy you can relax and sleep without fear.  I was ultra paranoid about safety during sleep and bought all the gadgets.  I can't recommend the Owlet enough if you want a monitor.  It was so reassuring to look at my phone and know his stats (and that he was breathing) without having to hover over him.  

LoveLee85

abmommy15 said:

@LoveLee85 that sounds terrifying, really hoping this baby is happy and healthy you can relax and sleep without fear.  I was ultra paranoid about safety during sleep and bought all the gadgets.  I can't recommend the Owlet enough if you want a monitor.  It was so reassuring to look at my phone and know his stats (and that he was breathing) without having to hover over him.  

I was just researching different devices online. I'll look into the Owlet, thank you!!!!! It was pretty scary but I'm worried it's all I know and I'll still freak even if this new baby doesn't do it?! We made it past that awful phase in one piece. My DH agrees we need a foot monitor or something physically attached to him/her or we'll never sleep.