I remember sobbing at the positive pregnancy test with DS. I still wasn't sure if I even wanted a child, and I had literally stopped taking the pill the month before. I was so mad that it happened so fast. (stupid me) I was terrified of being a mom for the first trimester. I had every fear in the book - mainly that we would lose all of our friends. They say you know who your true friends are once you have kids, and we were the first of ALL of our friends. Then something happened when I started telling people and then when I started feeling him move around that made me start to get a little more excited. Our friends were excited, too, and DS just became part of the group in a way. I remember so many of these fears that you are all sharing. For me, it got better, and I hope it does for you, too. Hopefully this is helpful, as it's meant to be, and not gag-worthy.
Thanks for sharing this. I connected with post In so many ways. I got pregnant the first month off the pill and am the first out of my friends to have a baby. I live far from family so my friends are my support system. Because of this, the thought of a baby changing these relationships is particularly scary for me since these are the people I rely on the most. We are starting to share our news and I have been so grateful for our friends' overwhelming joy and excitement to add the LO to the crew in July. It has made my anxiety about this huge life change much more manageable.
@oheliza44 I was in this situation and then all my friends ended up having a baby, too. Same thing happened with marriage - after one engagement, the rest fell like dominoes. I bet you'll be in good company soon!
ETA: that is awesome that they are so supportive!
Also: people love to act like your life as you know it is over when baby arrives. I think the truth is closer to the fact that it's like any other big change in life. Some things will recalibrate but your priorities can stay the same if you work at it. For example, a regular girls night each week would give you a break and DH time to be a solo dad, which is good for everyone.
I am a FTM, I struggle with MDD and anxiety. And it really stems from my lack of having a mother growing up (I did have a mom, but I'm pretty sure she has bord3rline personality disorder or something). She treats me exceptionally different than my other two sisters and not in an good way. But all of that is a different story. My DH and I decided to have kids after I have the green light. I was holding out because I wasn't sure I SHOULD be a mom, having had such a bad experience, how could I even know HOW to be a mom? I gave the green light as almost a challenge to myself , show I can be a mom and I do have a purpose (granted these are NOT reasons to have a baby, and I also told my DH that).
My point is, each of us are human with our own reasons for having a baby. The fact is we are choosing to be a mom, but we are still just us. There are times I get really excited and other times I'm terrified (what if I am a bad mom? What if they hate me? What if I don't like THEM--omg can that happen?? (In my experience it was yes), what if I don't feel like being a mom that day? I'll n3ver have my independence, omg all the money!! But I think all of these are normal and maybe some women are born to be mother's. I know I can't be aren't SAH mom, but that doesn't make me less of a woman or mom than someone who is. It's genuinely what is best for me AND the baby.
I hope all of you ladies remember you're going to be great, your going to be not sure great, you'll probably make some poor decisions, you might find yourself feeling "WTH am I doing!?" But IT'S OKAY to FEEL. YOU still matter. And no matter what you will be a great mom.
@MamaPigon thank you for that - as a STM/having already become a mother, it's clear how introspective you are and you have sorted out a lot of what it means to become a mom to figure out if that role is something you could take on - I'm confident you're going to make an amazing mom to your child.
@MamaPigon my DH had a similar background with his father and had similar thoughts on becoming a father. He actually didn't want any kids, and our first pregnancy was a surprise. Now we are planning on 4 and he's such s great dad. You sound like you have a great outlook on motherhood already, your LO is so lucky to have you as his/her mama!
Found this today and wanted to leave for you ladies to read. It made me cry! And as my nausea lessens a bit, I'm starting to feel a little more excited. Still scared shitless, but this read helped!
Re: Not Feeling Excited About Baby
Thanks for sharing this. I connected with post In so many ways. I got pregnant the first month off the pill and am the first out of my friends to have a baby. I live far from family so my friends are my support system. Because of this, the thought of a baby changing these relationships is particularly scary for me since these are the people I rely on the most. We are starting to share our news and I have been so grateful for our friends' overwhelming joy and excitement to add the LO to the crew in July. It has made my anxiety about this huge life change much more manageable.
ETA: that is awesome that they are so supportive!
Also: people love to act like your life as you know it is over when baby arrives. I think the truth is closer to the fact that it's like any other big change in life. Some things will recalibrate but your priorities can stay the same if you work at it. For example, a regular girls night each week would give you a break and DH time to be a solo dad, which is good for everyone.
My point is, each of us are human with our own reasons for having a baby. The fact is we are choosing to be a mom, but we are still just us. There are times I get really excited and other times I'm terrified (what if I am a bad mom? What if they hate me? What if I don't like THEM--omg can that happen?? (In my experience it was yes), what if I don't feel like being a mom that day? I'll n3ver have my independence, omg all the money!! But I think all of these are normal and maybe some women are born to be mother's. I know I can't be aren't SAH mom, but that doesn't make me less of a woman or mom than someone who is. It's genuinely what is best for me AND the baby.
I hope all of you ladies remember you're going to be great, your going to be not sure great, you'll probably make some poor decisions, you might find yourself feeling "WTH am I doing!?" But IT'S OKAY to FEEL. YOU still matter. And no matter what you will be a great mom.
https://www.ramshackleglam.com/2015/07/30/the-post-i-wish-id-read-before-having-my-second-child/