Am I being petty? — The Bump
January 2016 Moms

Am I being petty?

I'll start off by saying that I am a tit for tat type of person. 

 I'll try to make this short lol:

So my husbands cousin had a birthday dinner for her daughter back in August. We weren't invited due to the fact that my husband hasn't spoken to his brother in law in almost 2 years and he was going to be there. We weren't even aware of this birthday dinner until the birthday girl texted me the next day innocently telling me alllll about it.  We were fairly close with them until my husband got into an argument with his brother in law. Now that they are  no longer talking we got push to the back burner. But, we are very close with my husbands aunt, the cousins mother (grandmother to the birthday girl). So when I found out I told his aunt that we were hurt and she told us that we weren't invited because they didn't think we would go because the brother in law would be there. Isn't that our decision to make!?!

Now that LOs birthday is coming up and invitations are going out. I don't want to invite them. We went back and forth with this for awhile and I feel strongly about it. Tell me, would you do the same? Or am I blowing it out of proportion? 

Re: Am I being petty?

  • I'd want to do the same but I know that isn't the right thing to do as an adult. Obviously you can do what you want but I think you should invite them and assume they won't come because of the fight. We're personally not having a birthday party because our house is too small, DH's extended family is too big to invite everyone, and someone would get their feelings hurt if they weren't invited. We'll do something small and just for us and the birthday boy. 
  • I agree with PP. I wouldn't want to invite them but would. 
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  • I agree also. If you would have wanted/ expected them to invite you, I think you should invite them. They probably won't come, and if they do hopefully it will help repair the relationship. 
  • mamadcb said:
    I agree also. If you would have wanted/ expected them to invite you, I think you should invite them. They probably won't come, and if they do hopefully it will help repair the relationship. 
    Yup, this. As my mama used to say, "two wrongs don't make a right." Hurting them because they hurt you IS petty, and it's immature. They actually had a pretty solid reason not to invite you guys (sorry, they did), but you don't really have a good reason not to invite them. Making decisions based on your wounded ego won't make things better for anyone in the future. 
  • Thanks for your input ladies. Invitations are going out this week and we will reevaluate the situation to make a decision. I don't believe it's immature not to invite them. Sometimes in order to get your point across you have to do things to others like they've done to you. It's always good to get an outsiders point of view though. 
  • If you don't want to invite them because you're still hurt and you don't want them there, then that's fine. You gotta do you.

    But it sounds like you don't want to invite them because you're looking for some sort of revenge and that attitude is immature and kinda toxic. It's not an effective conflict resolution tactic. If someone hurts me, I call them on it and let them know how I feel, and find a way to eventually work it out with them. 

    So you're right that not inviting them in itself isn't necessarily immature but the motives for doing it sound that way. Hopefully I'm just misinterpreting what you're saying though.
  • Kill them with kindness =)
  • I agree with all above posters and just invite them.
    I did not invite one family member and now there is this ridiculous feud going on that I'd just rather not involved. Its not worth the issues

    Two years, two losses and three IUIs...

    We are having TRIPLETS!

    EDD 1/26/16

     GGB born November 2015!

  • I would say invite them but talk to them first. Clearly there is pettiness coming from multiple directions here since they chose to invite the person you're having a feud with and not you. Clear the air. Express that you are hurt and while there may be feelings between some family members you feel kids birthdays, holidays, whatever should be a time for everyone.
  • Thanks for the helpful advice ladies. It's appreciated. 
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