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Nervous - First RE Appointment Today

Ok.... the stress is welling up inside of me and I have to let it out somewhere. It doesn't matter how much research I've done or how much I know how I already know the exact details of this appointment but I am still inside my head and cannot get out for the life of me. The reason I have not posted until now is I know there are so many others with similar stories that I don't feel like I am saying anything new or bringing anything to the table that everyone in this forum hasn't heard already. But I guess today, I just really need a virtual squeeze, a pat on the back, and others to tell me it will all be okay.

Our journey began over two years ago. My husband (36) and I (32) got married in June of 2011. We officially went off birth control in October of 2014. I started to put an effort into timing in January 2015 and then, after some help on this very site, in June of 2015 learned that my timing was all sorts of off because I ovulate later than others. So for 6 months, I OPKed, BBTed and tracked thoroughly in Fertility Friend. After 6 unsuccessful months of well timed BDing, we visited with my OB-GYN and did some general testing (blood work) and did 3 monitored cycles of Clomid. US were perfect during this time, but after the last cycle I was a little over stimulated so my OB wanted to take a break. Next steps in June I had an HSG and sperm analysis for the hubby. Results for those came in great, my tubes are clear, my hubby levels and quality were both perfect. OB decided to try 3 monitored cycles of Letrozole which were also unsuccessful. So went back and got the referral to the RE. I should note that I do not struggle with anything medically (clear of PCOS and endometriosis) so right now, it is clearly just unexplained.

Filling out the paperwork before the appointment was probably the most stress I've had so far. My mother had a hysterectomy in her early 30s from cystic ovaries and endometriosis, my aunts both went through early menopause, and I cannot name a single family member who had a child after 30 on my mother's side. My good friend has reassured me if any of these would have been a factor for me, the OB would have found them by now, but I am nervous that we missed our window. I want to just give up, but every time I spend time with my beautiful nieces, my heart aches for one of my own. I have an A type personality and my husband is very laid back and still 2 years later is still all "It will happen when it happens".

If any one in this forum has any advice they'd like to share I'd love to hear. Otherwise, I guess I am just writing to get this off my chest and putting it out there for T&Ps. The longer our journey to pregnancy goes, the more stories I hear from people and it has been such a curse and a blessing to know I am not alone in this. My boss is 8 weeks pregnant and when she shared her sonogram I couldn't help but be elated and so jealous at the same time. Random pregnant women evoke all the envy and hurt in my heart and I just want to be happy for them.

I know it is just another appointment, but more than anything I just want a solution. Everything else I have achieved in life, I have gotten through hard work, dedication, and doing what needs to be done. If it was weight loss, graduate degrees, promotions. And this has been the first time in my life I have hit a wall that I can do everything the way the book tells me to and still not get the results I want. A year ago I read "An Impatient Woman's Guide to Getting Pregnant". Sadly, I think I may need to revisit.

If you made it this far, thank you. I know you too are struggling through your own journey and making tough decisions along the way. I am thankful for each one of you and a space that I can word vomit my stress.

Me:32, DH:36
Married: 6/25/2011
TTC #1 Since: October 2014
Unexplained Infertility
Feb-Apr 2016: Clomid
July-Sept 2016: Letrozole
Current Treatment: Waiting on RE

Bababatty

Re: Nervous - First RE Appointment Today

  • Hi @KariShoe and welcome.  I'm sorry that you're here but we all get it.  I want to share with you that I felt a lot better once I met with our RE.  Meeting with the doctor made me feel like we were doing something productive to take control of our TTC process.  

    Have you also read Taking Charge of Your Fertility?  It's another great read about TTC.  

    GL today.  I hope you come back to let us know how it goes.  :-)
    BabyFruit Ticker

    TTC history in spoiler: 

    Me: 42
    DH: 41
    Married: 5/7/16
    TTC #1: May 2016
    IUI #1 10/31/16 - BFN
    IVF - ER #1 2/10 (3R, 3F, 1B for PGS - 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #2 3/24 (2R, 1F- 0 viable for transfer)
    IVF - ER #3 5/15 (1R- 0 viable for transfer)
    June 17: Starting the process for DE IVF
    Aug 17: Donor chosen! Anticipating a Nov cycle after testing is complete. 
    Nov 17: DE IVF ER 11/27 (35R, 19 F) Dec 2nd Transfer!
    Dec 12: BFP! EDD 8/20/18


  • Big hugs @KariShoe! Welcome & I'm glad you posted! (Though sorry you have to be here at all.)
    Filling out the paperwork before the appointment was probably the most stress I've had so far. My mother had a hysterectomy in her early 30s from cystic ovaries and endometriosis, my aunts both went through early menopause, and I cannot name a single family member who had a child after 30 on my mother's side. My good friend has reassured me if any of these would have been a factor for me, the OB would have found them by now, but I am nervous that we missed our window.
    I'd be stressed about this too. I agree with your friend - because you have a family history, your OB should have (on some level) assessed for these and determined you were ok - but that kind of stuff, it can bug you until you get to the real problem, or until you conceive. There's so much uncertainty with this, it causes fear. 
    I have an A type personality and my husband is very laid back and still 2 years later is still all "It will happen when it happens".
    Ha - my DH is (in some ways) more "laid back" than me too. But we've had a few serious talks about that "it will happen when it happens" attitude, and that's helped. He was being a bit too laid back before we had our reckoning... 

    I agree, sure, we have to be a bit fatalistic, but I also only believe: "it will happen when it happens" is the right attitude when I'm following doctor's orders, or when I have enough information that I'm making informed choices. For a while, DH was like: "it'll happen when it happens" but we weren't making informed choices - we didn't have all of our test results, for example, and we weren't on the same page about the different treatments.

    I'm all for being laid back... after we've devised a plan of attack, figured out the particulars, and made a real, informed effort to solve our medical problem.
    I know it is just another appointment, but more than anything I just want a solution. Everything else I have achieved in life, I have gotten through hard work, dedication, and doing what needs to be done. If it was weight loss, graduate degrees, promotions. And this has been the first time in my life I have hit a wall that I can do everything the way the book tells me to and still not get the results I want. 

    Exactly! It sucks. Blows. Sometimes I find comfort in thinking about how this is just "life", how I'm not the first person to feel this, or the first person to try really hard at something and fail, repeatedly. It sucks - it still sucks - and I wasn't arrogant or self-righteous before... But maybe I will be extra, extra prepared for any hardship later on in my life? ;) 

    This article was helpful:
    http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/09/ask-polly-why-do-women-obsess-about-babies-and-fertility.html

    Me: 34 DH: 35
    TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
    dx: unexplained
    Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
    July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
    Oct 2017 - D&C
    Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
    Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
    Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

    BababattyKariShoe
  • Hello.  I am sorry you have to be here but glad you joined us.  You mentioned not posting before because you felt it would be things we have all heard before. This may be true, but we still want to hear it! We all understand that there are many with similar journeys but we are always open to listening because we all understand how comforting it can be to share our stories :)

    I hope your first appointment goes well and I wish you all the best of luck from here on out!
    Me:33, DH:38 Married: 8/2/2014
    TTC #1 Since: April 2015
    Unexplained Infertility

    Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
    Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
    Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
    Cycle 5: HSG-normal
                  Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
    Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
    Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
    Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
    Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
    Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
    Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF 
    Cycle 14: IVF-BFN

    Bababatty
  • We are so glad you joined us! sad that you have to be here though. fx for you today! lots of t&p. 


    me: 26 dh: 32
    married since October 2015-started trying immediately
    dx: PCOS, anovulatory
    rx: provera metformin
    BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
    1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
    BFP March 2017  ~  EDD December 13, 2017
    di/di TWINS!!!!!


  • So glad that you are here. The women here are wonderful and so supportive. I have my first appointment with an RE coming up next week as well, so fingers crossed for the both of us. I wish you all the best of luck!

    BabyFruit Ticker

    Me: 28  Him: 30

    Married: 11/15/14

    TTC: 02/2016

    IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS

    June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d

    August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d

    June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!

    Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)


  • Welcome! I'm sorry you have to join us, but this is a great board. I think you'll find lots of support. Definitely join in, spout off, what have you. We like to hear it all, and guaranteed we can sympathize or give advice.

    I know how you feel being type A with the laid back husband. My mom thinks my biggest issue is that this has all been out of my control, which I don't like. She's definitely right. I felt so much better after seeing the RE because I felt like we were taking back some control and science was going to get us KU. It hasn't yet, but I'm still optimistic because we keep moving forward and trying new things.

    As for the husband, during our first IUI, mine kept saying it was a trial run and it was ok if it didn't work out. When it failed, I had a complete emotional breakdown, crying in my office for hours, and I flat out told him that his lackadaisical attitude was not helping--after all, he had to do one thing the entire month, while I spent my time getting bloodwork and ultrasounds in early morning, haha. Now we're both on the same page. It's worth it to have the talk, although perhaps not while sobbing in your office. ;-)
    *TW*
    Me: 35 | DH: 39
    Married: January 2014
    TTC #1 since August 2015 -- Diagnosis: MFI (low count/motility), RPL
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    IF History:
    August 2016-June 2017 - 6 IUIs (clomid x 1, letrozole x 5), 6 BFNs. DH on clomid Oct. 2016-June 2017. July/August 2017 - IVF - 9 retrieved, 5 fertilized (ICSI), 3 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 2 frozen. BFN. :/ October/November 2017 - FET #1 11/2. CP. :'( January 2018 - Second opinion and changed clinics February/March 2018 - IVF #2 - 19 retrieved, 15 mature, 13 fertilized (ICSI), 5 to blast. 1 fresh transfer, 4 frozen. CP. May/June 2018 - FET #2 5/30. Loss at 6 weeks. July 2018 - PGS testing = 2 normal embryos August/September 2018 - FET #3 cancelled (wonky hormones); September/October 2018 - FET #3 10/4 BFP EDD 6/22/19
    funkykey
  • @funkykey and @Bababatty - I am so glad I am not the only one with the laid back DH. Reading everyone else's stories in this community and hearing yours in this thread today has made me feel so much better.


    @laurad75 @mrswifeytoad @GG620 - thank you for the welcome and you positive thoughts.

    UPDATE:

    I have been processing our visit with the RE for the past 6 hours. The visit was a lot of what I suspected, overview of our medical history, discussion of our results. The RE was great, he drew lots of pictures of the anatomy with his calligraphy pen on a legal pad (upside down no less) while he explained what he thought was happening since the HSG and semen analysis came back clear. 

    But the ultrasound brought back results I was not expecting. Apparently I have a lot of fluid surrounding my uterus which is making a hostile environment for conception which he thinks is due to endometriosis. I was shocked. I kept saying to myself that if I had the condition it was something my OB would have diagnosed. I don't know how we have gone 2 years without knowing this. The RE also wants to do a blood work up and genetic testing to make sure I am not the carrier of any conditions which could also make conception difficult. So after all the blood work tests are complete (10 viles today and a CD 2 work up next cycle), we will discuss the next steps which will probably be the laparoscopy, which I imagine will be in January.

    I will take this time to mention the husband is a smoker. It didn't seem to be an issue with his semen analysis so the OB did not mention him quitting. The RE today did however. He recommended reducing his daily intake to help improve our chances at pregnancy. We had a long discussion tonight at dinner. This whole process has been hard on my body (multiple vaginal ultrasounds, 6 rounds of hormones, the HSG and multiple blood works) and he just had to ..... in a cup. I told him that if he really wanted a kid, that I needed him to start to slow down the smoking. Basically I said I wouldn't do the laparoscopy if he wasn't willing to attempt to stop smoking. I promised myself a long time ago I never wanted to make an ultimatum but with everything I am putting myself through to try to have this kid (I didn't even mention OPKs, BBTs, etc. etc. etc) the least he could do was consider the doctor's request. 

    Thank you all for your kind words. I cannot wait to read more about each of your journeys and share in the joyous and be a shoulder for the disappointments. I am feeling better because I have a new checklist of to-dos.



    Me:32, DH:36
    Married: 6/25/2011
    TTC #1 Since: October 2014
    Unexplained Infertility
    Feb-Apr 2016: Clomid
    July-Sept 2016: Letrozole
    Current Treatment: Waiting on RE

    Bababattyfunkykeylaurad75
  • I'm happy to hear the visit with the RE went well.  I'm sorry/happy to hear they found something but the silver lining is they found it before you got too deep with the RE.  I didn't get diagnosed with PCOS until I was 30 and I had all the symptoms for at least 15 years before that but every doctor before that one said everything was fine.  I guess what I'm getting at is second and third opinions can sometimes be beneficial.  

    Good luck to your DH with the smoking situation.  Like you I would be like look buddy you gotta give me a little something here considering how much crap I'm dealing with.  

    Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010
    DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
    TTC since December 2014
    Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy :(  
    FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks :( 
    FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks :(
    FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks :(
    FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days :(
    FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days 
    Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 
    2 snow babies 






    funkykey
  • @KariShoe - UGH re: the endo - I am sad your OB didn't perk up to that, especially given your mom, but like the sounds of this new RE. FX for the laparoscopy & everything going forward. I am actually crossing fingers on both hands. FX FX!

    My DH smokes too, and we have a long history of fighting about it. We even have a pact that he will quit before we have a baby; he quit a while ago, but then he was in a bad car accident and started up again (I didn't have the heart to rag him about it while he was in rehab).

    I pushed to have the SA done really early because I was convinced the smoking was the root of our problem, but his results were strong, and our RE doesn't seem too concerned. I almost wish our RE were more concerned, so DH would feel more pressure - I hate those cigarettes so much. I hate the sh*t he is putting into his lungs, I hate the cost - this habit is my least favourite thing about him. (Even more than his man colds!) I especially hate it because there is lung cancer in his family - I believe that I would be a bad wife, that I would be breaking my marriage vows to him, if I didn't take a hard line on it. I remind him often that when I signed up for death-til-we-part, I did not count on him going to an early grave. (He's usually like: "You are sending me to an early grave! Aiy!") 



    I used to think I never wanted to give DH "ultimatums", early on in our relationship, but now I don't even know what those are (maybe because I've given so many? :P ). Sometimes, I even suspect that's just a word that gets thrown at women to discredit their wants. It's always used like a bad word, right? I never hear it used about men in relationships, it seems only women. Am I wrong on that?

    For real, I wonder about this. I have goals and boundaries; my boundaries are not going to set themselves. What's the difference between my boundary-setting and an ultimatum? What's the difference between a serious conversation about deal-breakers - deal-breakers you will enforce - and an "ultimatum"? I really don't know. 

    If I hadn't set boundaries with DH, if I hadn't outlined my deal-breakers and taken a hard stance on them, there's no way we'd be where we are. I have a couple of friends who are so gentle with their boyfriends, but they've been waiting for like 3 years for these guys to propose, dropping these fraught hints - and they are really unhappy about it. It blows my mind! I want to shake them, like: "What are you afraid of?! Tell him what you want - in really, really clear language, no uncertain terms. It's a new world!"

    I think, given everything you are doing and have done, it is well within reason to ask your DH to cut back on smoking. To me, that doesn't sound like an ultimatum at all, that just sounds like a thoughtful request in a healthy marriage. Good luck!

    Me: 34 DH: 35
    TTC #1 since Nov 2015.
    dx: unexplained
    Dec 2016 - Apr 2017 - IUI + clomid x 4 - all BFN
    July 2017 - IVF#1 - 4 frozen embryos, medical freeze
    Oct 2017 - D&C
    Nov 2017 - Apr 2018 - 3x FET - all BFN
    Sep 2018 - IVF#2 w PGS - 3 frozen normal embryos
    Nov 2018 - FET #4 - BFP

  • @KariShoe sorry to hear about the possible endo.  hope the laparoscopy gives you some clearer answers.  and good luck with helping your hubby quit smoking!

    Married since 2011

    TTC since Oct 2014
    DOR + MFI
    3 failed IUIs; IVF August 2017
    FET January 2018 - BFP
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