Worn out — The Bump
September 2015 Moms

Worn out

I know I shouldn't complain. I'm working from home, making meals, doing dishes, cleaning the house and laundry. I'm also looking after LO every day while I try to work. My DH works 3pm to 11:30pm comes home stays up to 1:30am. Which keeps me awake too. Then he sleeps until 10 or 11 every day and then goes to work. He sleeps in on weekend too and I'm always up early with LO. I feel like I'm doing everything and I'm worn out. 

Do I have a right to feel this way? Should I just suck it up and deal? Every time I try to talk about it he gets defensive and says his job is a lot of work so I shouldn't be mad. 

Sorry for the vent.

Re: Worn out

  • You totally have a right to feel that way! Not only are you working, but you're taking care of a toddler at the same time, which I'm sure makes actually working twice as hard!

    You deserve a break and your LO shouldn't get to sleep 8.5-9.5 hours every single night while you're waking up early with LO every day, especially on the weekends! My husband and I switch off days on the weekend, so for instance, I'll let him sleep later on Saturday and I'll wake up at 8 am with LO (we're lucky in that LO will sleep in until 8 on weekends for us vs his usual weekday wake-up time of 6:30 am). Then on Sunday, he'll wake up with LO and I'll get to sleep in a bit.

    We also started doing "Me" days every weekend and switch off. So for instance, last weekend, my husband had his "me time" from the time he woke up until dinnertime on Saturday, and then we had dinner together and hung out as a family on Sunday. This weekend, it's my "me time," so I can spend the day doing what I want to do (shopping, getting a pedicure, hanging with friends, etc.) while he watches LO, then am home for dinner and we all hang out together the next day. This was my idea because I was getting so tired of never having any time to myself on a regular basis, and I have a hard time making time for myself when I feel like there's always something that should be done for LO. Meanwhile, I felt like my husband got way more "me time" than me just cuz he has less responsibilities when it comes to LO and the household chores, so I was getting resentful of him and didn't want to be. This arrangement has totally helped my sanity and it gives my husband some dedicated dad-son time too. Definitely worth a shot!

    Hope you can figure out something that works! :)
  • Totally agree with @jen83mn you need a break too and it sounds like he wants you to think it's ridiculous so his schedule doesn't get disrupted 
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  • You are totally right in being upset about this. His job is a lot of work? Ok, well so is yours. He helped make the baby so he needs to help take care of the baby too. And he should be helping out around the house. And be more considerate of the fact that you need your sleep too. 

    I am a SAHM mom, but DH still helps when he's home. I try not to ask him to get up in the motn with lo if he has to work the next day, but if lo is having a bad night, I will ask for his help. If he has the next day off, we alternate motn wakings and he gets up with her in the morning so I can catch up on sleep. I do more of the housework, but he takes over toddler duty when he gets home and does a lot of the weekend, and we both have the same amount of "me time".
  • Oh sister, I feel you. I could've written your post verbatim. It sucks and I don't have much to offer as far as solutions. I get extremely resentful... and don't really know how to deal with that. It's so frustrating and I'm baffled as to why our DH's don't "get it". I'm run so ragged, I can't even enjoy LO's infanthood. 

    I will say this: DH always knows I am the default parent and that I will always be responsible and take care of LO at all times, but there are times when I literally just look at him and say "I'm leaving to go do XY and Z and I'll be back in two hours bye" and shut the door and walk out and he is forced to take care of her. Then my phone blows up "when will you be home??? Where are you???" Even though he KNOWS I'm at my scheduled hair appointment and I'll be back in 2 hours. it's like I always have to be rushed and always have to explain myself, whereas he can leave at anytime for however long he wants and never has to feel rushed at all, same goes for taking a shower, he will take 40 minute hot showers and I am lucky to get a five-minute shower and have to beg to get that. 

    This is why we are only having one child, I refuse to have another baby because I have literally no help in raising this LO.

    Sorry to vent so bad! 
  • @[email protected].com I'm sorry you're going through it as well. 

    I'm just so tired. I'm depressed. I hate how I look. I dont get time to get my haor done as its only my income that's steady. I manage everything. I'm leaving for the holidays in two weeks so he's on his own. I'm dreading coming home in the new year because I know there will be things that I'll have to deal with. 

    I wish I knew it was going to get better but it won't. 
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