Heartbroken and need to vent — The Bump
Trouble TTC

Heartbroken and need to vent

So I miscarried the first day of this semester. my due date would have been the beginning of may. yesterday, a friend announced that she's pregnant again with a girl. she has one tube... she had so much trouble getting ku the with her son. an ep and some other issues... 
I'm truly glad for her, but I'm also angry. she's due in may. same month I would have been. 
Ttc is so frustrating. It's not fair.  
I told my dh how I was feeling and he just sighed and said you'll have a baby eventually. I wanted to scream. 

My local friend who was also having tttc has moved to Thailand for the next 6 months, so I just feel really alone.

 




me: 26 dh: 32
married since October 2015-started trying immediately
dx: PCOS, anovulatory
rx: provera metformin
BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
BFP March 2017  ~  EDD December 13, 2017
di/di TWINS!!!!!


Re: Heartbroken and need to vent

  • I was very sad to hear of your miscarriage @mrswifeytoad It is so unfair. So many things in life are unfair, and we have no control over them.
    Its ok to feel sad, and angry right now, what you are going through is very hard. 
    Your husband is right, you will likely have a baby eventually, but that doesn't make up for the terrible loss you have just had.
    I hope as time passes you are able to find peace and hope again. 
    Thinking of you.

    Me 31 DH 33 Married since July 2010
    TTC #1 since June 2015 ----> MFI (High DNA Fragmentation) & Mild endometriosis
    Aug 2016 - May 2017  6 IUI's with letrozole - BFN
    April 2017 - laparoscopy to remove mild endo
    June 2017 - Mini IVF letrozole 12.5mg, Gonal-F 75IU - Cancelled early ovulation, no eggs retrieved. 
    Aug/Sept 2017 - Mini IVF letrozole 12.5mg, Gonal-F 75IU, cetrotide - 13 eggs retrieved, 11 mature
    5 eggs ICSI'd 6 eggs frozen - 1 day 5 blast transfered, 2 expanded blast frozen - BFP!


    Bababatty
  • Although I haven't had a miscarriage (I've never actually had a BFP), I do know how it feels to have all the female friends in your life announce pregnancies within months of each other while you sit idly by thinking about how you would already have a sweet babe in your arms if you'd gotten pregnant as quickly as they did. Its hard not to think about how your children could have been nearly the same age and grow up together, but now that won't happen. It makes you feel left out, forgotten, cursed, and hopeless. It really isn't fair and it's ok to be upset about that. 
    Me: 38 SO: 35

    TTC#1 since November 2015
    Dx: low progesterone, possible DOR

    9/16/2016 IUI#1 - BFN
    10/12/2016 IUI#2 - BFN
    1/21/2017 Clomid/IUI#3 - BFN
    March 2017 IVF: BFP! (beta#1 191, beta#2 378!) - it's a boy! DS born 12/6/2017

    TTC #2 since July 2018
    Pregnancy Ticker
    BababattyAlohaKumu
  • @ReesaAnne16 exactly, thank you for the encouragement. 

    @PoeMasque yes! my thoughts exactly. thanks so much for the support. 

    I'm so thankful for the ladies here at tb. 


    me: 26 dh: 32
    married since October 2015-started trying immediately
    dx: PCOS, anovulatory
    rx: provera metformin
    BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
    1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
    BFP March 2017  ~  EDD December 13, 2017
    di/di TWINS!!!!!


  • @mrswifeytoad I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  A friend of mine confided in me about a pregnancy she thought was in trouble on the same day I found out I was losing mine.  Fast forward three weeks and she was no longer in trouble and happy and pregnant and I was in the middle of losing my baby.  I understand where you are coming from with the feeling happy for your friend but being completely wrecked over your own loss.  

    It does get slightly easier as time goes by but there's a small part of me that feels like I can never see this girl again.  Give yourself some grace and just know everything you are feeling is completely normal.  TTC especially after a loss can feel incredibly lonely but never forget there are lots of people here to support you and some who have even been in a similar place.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers.  

    Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010
    DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
    TTC since December 2014
    Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy :(  
    FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks :( 
    FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks :(
    FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks :(
    FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days :(
    FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days 
    Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 
    2 snow babies 






    ReesaAnne16funkykeymrswifeytoad
  • @mrswifeytoad I am so, so sorry for your loss.  You just suffered a terrible loss and are entitled to feel sad and angry.  My thoughts are with you :(
    Me:33, DH:38 Married: 8/2/2014
    TTC #1 Since: April 2015
    Unexplained Infertility

    Cycle 1&2 : Clomid 50mg- BFN
    Cycle 3: Letrozole 2.5mg- BFN
    Cycle 4: Letrozole 5mg- BFN
    Cycle 5: HSG-normal
                  Clomid 100mg+ Estrace- BFN
    Cycle 6: Letrozole 5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progestrone- BFN
    Cycle 7: Letrozole 5mg, Cyst found during follicle check
    Cycle 8: Birth control to treat left ovary cyst
    Cycle 9: Letrozole 7.5mg+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 10: Letrozole 7.5mg, 2 Cysts found during follicle check
    Cycle 11: Clomid 100mg+Estradiol+Trigger shot+IUI+Progesterone- BFN
    Cycle 12: Clomid 100mg- BFN
    Cycle 13-16: Natural attempts while awaiting IVF 
    Cycle 14: IVF-BFN

  • @mrswifeytoad - I am sorry. :( 

    I too get really angry about how unfair it is. I work with demographic data and regularly I enter families with 4+ children. And every time, I think: why can't I have even just one?

    I'm not sure if it would be help but I am reading a book my therapist recommended called "Waiting for Daisy". Not sure if it's something that would be healing for you but so far, it's made me feel a little better.

    Hugs to you <3
    Married 4 years, TTC 3 years
    Dx: Unexplained infertility, hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's, MTHFR Mutation
    DH - low motility
    Rx: Levothyroxine, misc supplements



    Bababatty
  • @mrswifeytoad I'm so sorry to hear about your loss.  A friend of mine confided in me about a pregnancy she thought was in trouble on the same day I found out I was losing mine.  Fast forward three weeks and she was no longer in trouble and happy and pregnant and I was in the middle of losing my baby.  I understand where you are coming from with the feeling happy for your friend but being completely wrecked over your own loss.  

    It does get slightly easier as time goes by but there's a small part of me that feels like I can never see this girl again.  Give yourself some grace and just know everything you are feeling is completely normal.  TTC especially after a loss can feel incredibly lonely but never forget there are lots of people here to support you and some who have even been in a similar place.  Sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers.  
    thank you so much. I feel so guilty for feeling this way, I mean she had tttc too... she deserves this happiness and success. 
    But so do we. 

    @hoffmanr7 thank you for your kind reply

    @BenJay yes! I have been a case manager and have seen some parents who honestly do not need to have children, but they are having more than I can dream of and are having them placed in foster care. it doesn't make sense. 
    Thanks for the book referral. I'll look into it! 


    me: 26 dh: 32
    married since October 2015-started trying immediately
    dx: PCOS, anovulatory
    rx: provera metformin
    BFP August 2016- early mc- Enoch Matthis
    1 clomid cycle (March 2017)
    BFP March 2017  ~  EDD December 13, 2017
    di/di TWINS!!!!!


    funkykey
  • @mrswifeytoad - I couldn't be a case manager. I would be judging the crap out of people for their choices. I marvel at the families that have so many kids that you'd have to own a small bus to haul them around. 

    Today, I am just super bitter that my Facebook feed is chock full of other people's baby/pregnancy joy. Because it's not fair. Grr...
    Married 4 years, TTC 3 years
    Dx: Unexplained infertility, hypothyroidism/Hashimoto's, MTHFR Mutation
    DH - low motility
    Rx: Levothyroxine, misc supplements



    funkykey
  • @mrswifeytoad if it makes you feel any better my therapist tells me this is a normal feeling to have being in this space that we are in.  It sort of helped me feel less guilty but I know what you mean.  The only upside I can think is that people like us who had to work so hard to get our BFP will appreciate every little thing about parenthood and not take anything for granted.  Doesn't mean we wouldn't have our bad days but I think this process puts everything in a different light.  


    Me 36 DH 34 - Married May 2010
    DX: PCOS/Unexplained Infertility/MTHFR Mutation
    TTC since December 2014
    Fresh Transfer: Gonal, Menopur, Cetrotide. ~ Chemical Pregnancy :(  
    FET #1: 1st Beta- 3,792~ 2nd Beta- 4,227~ BFP ~ Miscarriage at 8 weeks :( 
    FET #2: 1st Beta 207~2nd Beta 235~ BFP~ Miscarriage at 6 weeks :(
    FET #3: 1st Beta 18~ 2nd Beta 44~BFP~ Miscarriage 5 weeks :(
    FET #4: 1st Beta 50~ 2nd Beta 97.7~ Miscarriage 6 weeks 5 days :(
    FET#5: 1st Beta 29~ 2nd Beta 109~ 3rd Beta 227~ 4th Beta 661~ Miscarriage 5 weeks 3 days 
    Miracle Natural BFP Estimated Due Date June 2019~ God is good 
    2 snow babies 






    funkykeyBenJaymrswifeytoadKariShoe
  • So sorry, you are entitled to feel this way. I had an IVF embryo stop developing and I reacted way worse than I thought, so mc is tough. If it's any silverlining to this, it's that usually mc are due to abnormal embryos that would not have become healthy babies anyway...
    funkykey
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