Visitors after Delivery?!

stokesm21

Have any of you considered requesting that no one visit you in the hospital?  I mean, aside from immediate family?  (parents & siblings)  With her second, I was at my sister's house around 4am and she had her baby by 7:30ish.  I brought her son later that evening to visit her and meet his new little sister (at her request).  I remember her saying how exhausted she was from, well, giving birth obviously (haha!) and having visitors in and out all day. Having a baby is surely a special time and I know lots of people will want to come but I'm considering asking them to all hold off until we are home.  I kind of just want to enjoy my first 2 or 3 days with my DH and my baby, by ourselves.  I also suffer from GAD so I'm expecting this whole time to be pretty anxiety-inducing for me.  I'm trying to eliminate as much of the kerfuffle as possible.  Our hospital is about 40 minutes away (one way) from home where everyone who would want to visit, lives.    

DH's Mom is here as well as my parents and my sister.  His Dad & step-Mom are up north and all of his siblings are out west.  His siblings won't be here for sure but his parents will probably come down.  

Thoughts?!  What did you do?!  

(I know, I post a lot.  I apologize.  You guys are just so great!!!)  

LuLiLaEv

I think that is a total personality/personal preference thing! I had a ton of visitors at the hospital and at home but I loved it! My recovery was really easy and I felt 100% back to normal 2 days after having her so I liked the company. I always make sure to ask people if they want visitors in the hospital or not and if they want them at home or not and I would never be offended if someone said they weren't up for it!

chiquita928

LuLiLaEv said:

I think that is a total personality/personal preference thing! I had a ton of visitors at the hospital and at home but I loved it! My recovery was really easy and I felt 100% back to normal 2 days after having her so I liked the company. I always make sure to ask people if they want visitors in the hospital or not and if they want them at home or not and I would never be offended if someone said they weren't up for it!

Same here.

spk112

Neither of us have family that is local to us, so I doubt that we would even have to worry about having visitors in the hospital. And even if we did have to worry about it, I would prefer to wait for visitors until we got settled back in at home. 

AdaByron

I had no visitors in the hospital, and I'm glad I didn't. I had a difficult delivery and was in a lot of pain and just completely out of it from the pain medication afterward. But we had planned on no visitors even before we knew how bad it would be. This time we'll probably have to let someone visit to bring DS, but we'll decide that later.

In my experience, I'm definitely in the minority with this. 

pink flamingo

Well I don't really have any friends that just pop in so I don't have this problem !! With my last only immediate family really visited and I was ok with that. This year though I have decided to do a a Welcome Baby Brunch about two weeks or so after the baby is born. I'll send out invites and just say show up when you want between 10-1 pm, grab a bite , have a mimosa and meet the new baby !! Like the others say it's just up to how you feel. Most of the time I was ok if someone just stopped by but on other days I would be like F everybody I'm not coming out of my room( I did get a little depression afterwords). Anyways if your getting anxiety now just talking about it just tell everyone not to come to the hospital! 

mslynn2012

I'm cool with our moms visiting (and our other kids), but until I get home I like it to just be baby, hubby and I - tbh, I like to do as much skin to skin as possible and breast feed as often as possible, so I don't want to have to worry about being covered up for guests. It's worked for me the past 2 deliveries (csections), so I'm sticking with it for this one!

LoveLee85

I remember how exhausting it was! It was a revolving door of nurses, different local baby organizations, pro breastfeeding volunteers, family, friends, doctors, baby checks, omg I swear there was a line at my door. Back to back. I didn't mind family. I hated all the other people interrupting me constently, lol. Oh well. Plus, I ripped and tore bad, so I was in loads of pain the entire time. People helping me pee, helping me stand while I shower post birth, nurses pushing on my stomach, squeezing on my boobs(breast feeding didn't really happen well since I didn't produce anything no matter what), constant pain meds and stool softners, ugh. I was in so much pain from stitches, I had to sit sideways or lay flat on my back, but it's hard to lay on your back and hold a baby/try to nurse. It is the part I'm least looking forward to. Coming home was much better!!!! 

GoogleMD

We did no visitors for the first 5 hrs, and no visitor during labor. I let everyone know uo front, and they were pissed, but i stuck to my guns. the grandparents got a quick 30 min visit, and then  came for an hour the  following afternoon.
I loved having no visitors. I has able to nurse, and do skin to skin for 2 hrs. Then my hubby did skin to skin while i got cleaned up a bit and put my own pjs on.

We will do tge same this time but my best friend will bring our son to meet his new sibling. I want to make sure my son gets lots of attention and a chance to get semi comfortable before visitors come. We will likely do just a quick visit from grandparents only at tge hospital  

cssme13

Luckily our hospital is about 45 minutes away from family so with DD I only had a couple of visitors who were all close family members so I didn't mind at all. I'm assuming it'll be the same way this time. 

morgarita

I personally wish I had more visitors. My parents and dh's parents came for the birth. Then we were in the hospital for two more nights and only my dad visited. Dh's parents are great but they live like 15 minutes away and they never came to visit again. My family is over an hour away so I get that. We were just bored and homesick. It would have helped if my immediate family would have came. 

If I didn't want them I would definitely tell them. Especially if you have a bunch of people immediately after you give birth that sucks. If they're gonna be mad screw them you're the one who's pushing a child out. 

oh but definitely space out visitors at home or it can get anxiety inducing. Especially if you're breastfeeding and still trying to get the hang of that. 

Bonbonpaw

I've had it both ways, tons of visitors and no visitors. It's very depressing when no one comes by, hormones are going crazy and I felt like no one cared. On the flip side having tons of people come by can be exhausting and overwhelming.  

momma2char

We had absolutely no visitors for the first 4-5 hours since I had a bad hemorrhage post delivery with my daughter- on top of being exhausted after a 16 hour labor, I lost a ton of blood and I was absolutely exhausted. I live in the same town as all of our family (and some extended), and lots of close friends. We made a Facebook post about baby's arrival about 3 hours after she was born and I truly thought people would message us and ask before they came, or the unit I delivered on (since it was a locked unit) would let me know if I had visitors. That unfortunately wasn't the case as when I was trying to establish breastfeeding with baby our pastors from church walked in with their young daughter. Completely by surprise too, no knocking or anything! My brother in law was out of town for the day and thought it would be okay to stop by at midnight with his girlfriend following the delivery (she was born at 10:30am) to meet her- so glad he messaged my husband to ask what room we were in because we were then able to let him know that we weren't having visitors that late! If you're set on no visitors, ask the hospital what their policy is with visitors (if it's any visitors anytime, maybe put a sign on your door saying "no visitors" when you don't want any, or make yourself a "do not acknowledge" status so if someone asks where your room is, they can't give out any info or even say you're their patient) and make sure you're clear with family and friends what you want

ETA- we were pretty clear with our families to call/text when they were thinking of coming so we could give them a good time, that way with how much family we have in town, it wouldn't be too crowded in the room

gigemags

It may also help to check with your hospital before worrying too much. When I had DD, there was a flu watch. We were allowed visits only from immediate family members. 

KM2J

Just thinking about this topic is exhausting.  My husband's family is super close.  And I love them all.  I really never put a lot of thought into how tolling visitors could be but when DS was born it was non stop.  I was uncomfortable nursing in front of them which made it tough too.  Grandparents, siblings, cousins (lots of cousins) and a few friends and each had multiple, long visits.  My family visited as well but it was easy to be like, "k, you guys have go now!"  I made it clear to DH that things were going to be different this time.  I am going to come up with some visitation rules.  I cannot have a repeat of last time.  

splashmountain

MH and I were very clear I wanted no visitors during labor. After he was born, we got lucky, we didn't have too  many visitors and nobody overstayed their welcome. be clear  about what you want, hopefully everyone will respect your wishes.

MissKrisBliss

We didn't really have a ton of visitors.  I usually am pretty emotional after, and honestly my desire for visitors is all over the place.  Sometimes I want to company and sometimes I feel that I want to be alone or I dont want to talk. Never be afraid to tell people like it is.  This is crucial bonding time - other people's opinions are irrelevant (for me) when it comes to this.  People who love you will gladly accept your direction.

satsumasandlemons

Like @AdaByron, I had a rough emergency cs delivery and my hormones were all over the place - I was not in a good place at all. We had decided no visitors beforehand and I'm glad we did. I'm a pretty anxious person and I am pretty sure I had untreated post partum anxiety and a bit of depression afterwards - this time around I'll do the same - only MH and DD. 

ginger1228

I've thought about doing that but then I thought it would be nicer to get visitors out of the way at the hospital and then we can rest more when we get home and have more time to get into the swing of things. Plus I won't have to worry about cleaning my house before people come over!

born2runrn

I had way too many visitors with my son and won't do that again. My husbands grandmother and his 3 aunts all came in addition to his parents, brothers and my mom and sisters. Next time I want only our siblings and our parents. Not only was I exhausted but My baby spent too much time being held by other people when he should have been skin to skin and establishing our breastfeeding relationship. 

The most annoying part part is that after everyone left, his aunt and uncle on his dads side walked in while I was finally falling asleep. I didn't even know they were coming. I was so annoyed. 

KelAnn310

I have always wanted to do that, but never actually went through with it. The only thing that I request is that they call or text before they come to make sure that it is okay, the only one that doesn't have to do that is my mom. 

justcat78

I said no visitors at all after my first. This will be my6th. I also do not invite or allow anyone to visit until a week after delivery and they must bring or make food. And stay no more than1/2 hour and damn well better not be ill

Krisite

Figure I will think about this closer to July!

abmommy15

This will be a matter of personal preference.  We had quite a few visitors in the hospital and I wouldn't have it any other way.  DH and I believe that a new baby is a special event for our family not just us and wanted to share it.  Honestly I couldn't really sleep in the hospital anyway, nurses were always coming and going, it's not really a restful environment.  I would be more incline to ask for a couple days at home before visitors rather than restricting them in the hospital but that's just me.  

chelseag-2

I thought that exact same way when I had my first. But after he was born I actually wanted everyone to come see him and celebrate with us. It's totally personal and just like every pregnancy and birth experience. 

JmUDuuuukes 07

Our moms were the only two at the hospital for our first because we lived so far away. this time we live a lot closer, but no one will be invited to the hospital- I had a csection, had labored for 30 hours, and wanted even those 25 minutes of sleep every few hours, plus my bobs were everywhere, I was having no pants parties every day, and felt like poo- visitors? No thanks! Once we get home, and settled, we will invite people to come for a few hours but not stay the night. They are more than welcome to take our 3 year old though for a few hours though!

str13

You do you! It's all individual. I had severe PPD/PPA/PPOCD with my first two, my middle especially and could not handle visitors. In labor I hit the hospital doors telling my nurses no visitors! Lol it was best for my sanity though. Just advocate for yourself, or let SO know they can. 

VMonte

With my DS i made clear to everyone that I wanted zero visitors until I gave the all clear. No one but DH in delivery, i didn't want to know if anyone is waiting in the visitation room during labor bc that was their own damn fault and I refused to be guilted, and i knew that i would absolutely want no visitors till at minimum the next day.  My own father tried to tell me that was ridiculous and I should have my mother in delivery room - i made it clear he needed to shut his mouth bc I had zero qualms about his first look of his grandbaby being via facebook. 

This time, the only difference is that I'd want my DS to come visit quickly... and by extension probably my MIL bc she watches him for us. 

The hospital i delivered at before and will again also had specific  rules about  visitors, only DH and children during first hour after being transferred from delivery to maternity and there was a set couple hours every day after that visitors were not allowed to give oarents time to rest and bond. 

stokesm21

Wow!  So many great responses! 

We too, are about 45 minutes away from our hospital.  I can't see too many people visiting in all honesty.  My sis has a lot of friends that are more like family to her so it was a revolving door.  I really don't think anyone will mind and a lot of my family knows I suffer from GAD so I expect that they will be nothing but 100% understanding. It's also a long drive just for a half hour visit.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm really big on family.  It's the reason we live where we live.  I could get a much better job elsewhere but we stay because all of our family is here.  Well, mine is, and I'm a super homebody while DH is not. (Well, not completely true.  His Mom is here and his Dad and SM are up North but they come down often as most of my FIL's family is around here as well.  DH's siblings and Aunt's are all on the west coast)  

As I said, siblings (ours, or I should say mine, because his are 3000km away haha!) and parents but that's about it. My sister might not even come because she has a 5 yr old and a 1 yr old and I'd be okay with that too.  Her life is busy and I know she would come visit as soon as we were home.  Although if I'm being honest, I wouldn't mind having her in the delivery room.  We are close and she's been a great resource for me since I got pregnant.  I would (shamefully) want her in the delivery room as opposed to my Mom haha! (And DH of course)  My best friend as well, she has 2 and a bunch of medical issues so it would be best for her to stay and come visit when we are home as well.  

I know my Aunt and Grandparents might be a bit bummed but, with the exception of my Mom's parents, they would understand completely.  

stokesm21

pink flamingo said:

This year though I have decided to do a a Welcome Baby Brunch about two weeks or so after the baby is born. I'll send out invites and just say show up when you want between 10-1 pm, grab a bite , have a mimosa and meet the new baby !! 

This is an excellent idea!!! 

ashaw512

First one was a very traumatic emergency cs, and I had a lot of visitors. but I had none after I got home which I was okay with. I requested for people to come my house after we got home because I didn't want anyone to come to the hospital with the exception of my mom and husband and grandparents. DH's sisters and all of his family ended up coming and I was not okay with it. MIL did come the week after we were hone to help since DH had to work, I needed help with DD. This time I am so serious about no visitors in the hospital, I want to have that time with this baby, once we get home there will be so much extra going one. But I don't expect anyone to be there anyway since I live 8 hours away from all family except MIL.

thatcma

I think as long as everything goes OK I don't mind visitors 1 hour after delivery because we honestly do not have that many people around us that would visit. As for labor I am okay with my mom/dad and his mom coming by, but no one else. For the actual pushing, or when I get in a tub, no one but my husband will be there.

torichantel2005

I definitely don't want a lot of people at the hospital at all. I don't want anyone other than Hubs there for delivery. Just not an all eyes on me type of gal. And I want to enjoy our little one on our own.

You do you. If people are mad, let them be.

mars8k

i actually prefer hospital visits cause they are quick and you don't need to feed the guests lol we actually put up a small spread there and i'm planning on staying an extra day to get most visitors at the hospital where i'd have a bunch of experienced nurses to help me with the baby rather than asking someone to help when i get visitors at home.